Season-01
Episode-01
My name is Mary Alice Young.
When you read this morning's paper,
you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week.
Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life,
but that all changed last thursday.
Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.
I made breakfast for my family.
I completed my projects.
I ran my errands.
In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day,
quietly polishing the routine of my life
until it gleamed with perfection.
That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet
and retrieve a revolver that had never been used.
My body was discovered by my neighbor,
Mrs. Martha Huber,
who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.
Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason
for dropping in on me unannounced.
After some initial hesitation,
she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before.
It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot.
There's blood everywhere.
Yes, you've got to send an ambulance.
You've got to send one right now.
And, for a moment,
Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen,
grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.
But only for a moment.
If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for,
it was her ability to look on the bright side.
I was laid to rest on a Monday.
After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane
came to pay their respects.
And, as people do in these situations, they brought food.
Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.
Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.
Of course, she didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder.
She didn't have the time.
But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant,
her husband Tom had an idea.
"Why not quit your job?"
"Kids do better with stay-at-home moms."
"It would be so much less stressful."
But this was not the case.
In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic
she was now forced to get her chicken from the fast-food restaurant.
Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it.
But she couldn't. She didn't have the time.
Stop it, stop it, stop it. - But, mom.
No. You are going to behave today.
I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood.
And, just so you know how seerious I am...
What's that?
Santa's cell-phone number.
How did you get that?
I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf.
And if any of you acts up,
so help me, I will call Santa and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas.
Are you willing to risk that?
Ok. Let's get this over with.
Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella.
Since her modeling days in New York,
Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food ...and rich men.
Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date.
Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.
But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.
Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot.
However, her relationship with her
husband was considerably cooler.
If you talk to Al Mason at this thing,
I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace.
Why not pin the receipt to my chest?
He let me know how much he paid
for his wife's convertible.
Look, just work it into the conversation.
There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos.
Why not? At the Donahue party, everyone was talking mutual funds.
You found a way to mentioned you slept with half the Yankee outfield.
I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation.
Hey, people are starting to stare.
Can you keep your voice down, please?
Absolutely. We wouldn't want them to think we're not happy.
Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door,
brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch.
Bree was known for her cooking,
and for making her own clothes,
and for doing her own gardening,
and for re-upholstering her own furniture.
Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood.
Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.
Everyone, that is, except her own family.
Paul. Zachary.
Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp.
Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.
It was no trouble at all.
Now, the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests,
but the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary.
It's got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things.
Thank you.
Well, the least I could do is make sure
you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning.
I know you're out of your minds with grief.
Yes, we are.
Of course, I will need the baskets back once you're done.
Of course.
Susan Mayer, who lives across the street,
brought macaroni and cheese.
Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni,
saying it was the only thing she knew how
to cook and she rarely made it well.
It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house.
It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt.
She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.
A year had passed since the divorce.
Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.
Even one who would make fun of her cooking.
Mom, why would someone kill themselves?
Well, sometimes people are so unhappy,
they think that's the only way to solve their problems.
Mrs. Young always seemed happy. - Yeah.
Sometimes people pretend to be one way,
when they're totally different on the inside.
Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend always smiling and says nice things,
but we know she's a bitch.
I don't like that word, Julie.
But, yeah, that's a great example.
So, what did Karl say when you confronted him?
You'll love this. He said...
"It doesn't mean anything. It was just sex."
Ah, yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook.
Yeah, and then he got this zen look on his face,
and he said, "you know, Susan,
most men live lives of quiet desperation."
Please tell me you punched him.
No. I said, "Really? And what do most women
lead lives of noisy fulfillment?"
Hmm. Good for you.
I mean, of all people,
did he have to bang his secretary?
I had that woman over for brunch.
It's like my grandmother always said --
an erect penis doesn't have a conscience.
Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.
This is half the reason I joined the NRA.
Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences,
I wanted it in the back of his mind that
he had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson.
Lynnie, Tom's always away on business.
Do you ever worry he might?
Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant three times in four years.
I wish he was having sex with someone else.
So, Susan, is he gonna stop seeing that woman?
I don't know.
I'm sorry, you guys, I just...
I just don't know how I'm gonna survive this.
Listen to me.
We all have moments of desperation.
If we can face them head-on, that's when we'd find out how strong we really are.
Susan.
Susan.
I was just saying Paul wants us to go over on friday.
He needs us to go to Mary Alice's closet and help pack up her things.
He says he can't face doing it by himself.
Sure. That's fine. - Are you ok?
Yeah. I'm just so angry.
If Mary Alice was having problems,
she should have come to us. She should've let us help her.
What problems could she have had? She was healthy,
had a great home, a nice family. Her life was...
Our life.
No. If Mary Alice was having a crisis,
we'd have known.
She lives 50 feet away, for god sakes.
Gabby, the woman killed herself.
Something must've been going on.
I wouldn't eat that if I were you. - Why?
I made it. Trust me.
Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?
No, I just refused to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese.
Oh, my god.
How did you...? It tastes like it's burnt and undercooked.
Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go.
Thanks. I'm Mike Delfino.
I just started renting the Sims' house next door.
Susan Mayer. I live across the street.
Mrs. Huber told me about you,
said you illustrate children's books.
Yeah, I'm very big with the under-five set.
What do you do?
Plumber. So if you ever have a clog...
...or something.
Now that everybody's seen that I brought something,
I should probably just throw this out.
Ease up, you little vampire.
Lynette, I've been looking all over for you.
Are you aware of what your sons are doing?
Cannonball!
What are you doing? We are at a wake.
Oh my god. You said we could go in the pool.
I said you could go by the pool.
Do you have your swimsuits on?
Yeah, we put 'em on ourselves before we left.
You three planned this? All right. That's it. Get out.
No. - No?
I am your mother. You have to do what I say. Come on.
We want to swim and you can't stop us!
Here.
No! - Get out.
Think I won't get in this pool and just grab you? Get out!
Get over here.
Get over here.
All right, give me your arm.
You...
That's right. Get over here.
Go, go, go, go, go. Move it.
Out. Get out.
Paul, we have to leave now.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.
Go.
Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband.
He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface.
The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives.
While some did their cooking...
...And some did their cleaning...
...And some did their yoga...
...Others...
...did their "homework".
Hi...
I'm Julie. I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.
Oh, ok. Well, let's go round and get it.
Stay
His wife died a year ago. He wanted to stay in LA,
but here were too many memories.
He's renting for tax purposes,
but hopes to buy a place soon.
I can't believe you went over there
Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake.
You are obviously into each other
Now you know he's single, you can ask him out.
Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do.
I just... I don't know if I'm ready to start dating yet.
You need to get back out there.
Come on. How long has it been since you've had sex?
Are you mad that I asked you that?
No, I'm just trying to remember.
I don't want to talk to you about my love life any more.
It warns me out
I wouldn't have said anything. It's just...
What?
I heard dad's girlfriend ask if you'd dated anyone since the divorce.
And dad said he doubted it.
And then they both laughed.
Hey, Susan.
Hi, Mike. I brought you a little house-warming gift.
I should've brought something by earlier, but
Actually, you're the first to stop by. - Really?
Susan knew she was lucky.
An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane - Welcome
and she was the first to find out.
But she also knew that good news...
Hello there. - ...Travels quickly.
Edie Britt was the most predatory divorce in a five-block radius.
Her conquests were numerous.
Varied.
and legendary.
Hi, Susan. I hope I'm not interrupting.
You must be Mike Delfino.
Hi, I'm Edie... Britt.
I live over there.
Welcome to Wisteria Lane.
Susan had met the enemy. And she was a slut.
Thank you. What's this?
Sausage puttanesca.
It's just something I threw together.
Well, thanks, Edie.
That's... great. I'd invite you both in,
but I was sort of in the middle of something.
I'm late for an appointment.
I just wanted to say hi.
And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.
For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.
Oh, Mike, I heard you're a plumber.
But she was reminded that when it came to men...
Do you think you could stop by later and take a look at my pipes?
...Women don't fight fair. - Sure.
Thanks.
Bye, Susan.
You can't order me around like I am a child.
Gabrielle.
No, no. I'm not going.
It's business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives.
Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass.
I made over 200,000 doing business with him last year.
If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.
John.
Mr. Solis, you scared me.
Why is that bush still there? You were supposed to dig it up last week.
I didn't have time. - I don't want to hear your excuses.
Just take care of it.
I really hate the way you talk to me.
And I hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond necklace which you couldn't live without.
But I'm learning to deal with it.
So can I tell Tanaka we'll be there tomorrow?
John, we have bandages top shelf in the kitchen.
Thanks, Mrs. Solis.
Fine, I'll go.
But I'm keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time.
See, now this is what a marriage is all about.
Compromise.
Is your finger ok? - Yeah, it's just a small cut.
Let me see. Mmm.
You know, Mrs. Solis, I really like it when we hook up,
but, um, you know, I got to get my work done and...
...I can't afford to lose this job.
This table was hand-carved.
Carlos had it imported from Italy.
It cost him $23,000.
You want to do it on the table this time?
Absolutely.
Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
Just once, couldn't we have a soup that people have heard of?
Like French onion or navy bean.
First of all, your father can't eat onions.
He's deathly allergic.
And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
So... how's the osso buco?
It's ok. - It's ok?
Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal.
How do you think it makes me feel when you say "it's okay" in that sullen tone?
Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner?
Excuse me?
Tim Harper's mom gets home from work,
pops open a can of pork and beans,
and boom, they're eating. Everyone's happy.
You'd rather I serve pork and beans?
Apologize now. I am begging.
I'm saying,
do you always have to serve cuisine?
Can't we ever just have food?
Are you doing drugs? - What?
Change in behavior is one of the warning signs,
and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months.
That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.
Trust me, that is not what he is doing.
Shut up.
Mom, I'm not the one with the problem here, all right?
You're the one always acting like she's running for mayor of Stepford.
Rex... Seeing that you're the head of this household,
I would really appreciate you saying something.
Pass thee salt?
Three days after my funeral,
Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion.
Indignation.
Tom, this is my fifth message, and you still haven't called me back.
Well, you must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine.
Well, guess what -- The kids and I want to have some fun, too,
so unless you call me back by noon,
we are getting on a plane and joining you.
Mom.
Not now. Mommy's threatening daddy.
Mom. - No, I...
Where are your brothers? - Noodles, my favorite.
Lyneettee Scavo? - Crap.
Natalie Klein. I don't believe it.
Lynette. How long has it been?
Years. Uh, how are you?
How's the firm?
Good. Everyone misses you.
We all say if you hadn't quit,
you'd be running the place by now.
Yeah, well.
So... How's domestic life?
Don't you just love being a mom?
And there it was. The question that Lynette always dreaded.
Well, to be honest...
For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable,
So Lynette responded as she always did. She lied.
It's the best job I've ever had.
You know what I don't get? - What?
Why you married Mr. Solis.
Well... He promised to give me everything I've ever wanted.
And did he? - Yes.
Then why aren't you happy?
Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
So do you love him?
I do.
Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Because I don't want to wake up one morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.
Hey, can I have a drag? - Absolutely not.
You are much too young to smoke.
How would you feel about me using your child-support payments for plastic surgery?
Stop being so nervous.
You're just asking him to dinner. No big deal.
You're right.
So is that your project for school?
You know, when I was in fifth grade,
I made the White House out of sugar cubes.
Stop stalling and go.
Tell me again why I fought for custody of you.
You were using me to hurt dad. - Oh, that's right.
Hi. - Hey, Susan.
Are you busy?
No, not at all. What's up?
Well, I... I just, uh, was wondering if...
...if there was any chance that you, uh...
...I just wanted to ask if...
Edie. - Hey, there, Susan.
What are you...? - I was making ambrosia.
And I made too much so I thoughtI'd bring some over to Mike.
What's going on?
Susan was just going to ask me something.
I have a clog. - Excuse me?
And you're a plumber, right? - Yeah.
The clog's in the pipe. - Yeah,
That's usually where they are.
Well, I've got one.
Now? You want to come over now? You have company.
I don't mind.
Just give me two minutes. I'll be right over.
That's it.
Just stuff the hair down there. - I stuffed it.
It's not enough to clog it. - Here. Okay, look.
Put in this peanut butter and this cooking oil.
Mom - And these olives.
Mom, I'm telling you, it's not working.
Oh, god. That's him.
How am I going to stop up the sink?
Well, here's your problem.
Looks like somebody stuffed a bunch of popsicle sticks down here.
I've told Julie a million times
not to play in the kitchen. Kids, you know.
All right, I'll go put in your orders,
And I'll be right back with your drinks and your plates for the salad bar.
Thank you.
Andrew, Danielle, napkins?
They have video games.
Could we go play until our food gets here?
Andrew, this is family time. I think that we should all
Go ahead and play.
I know that you think I'm angry about coming here,
but I'm not.
You and the kids wanted a change of pace,
something fun I get it.
Probably we'll want something healthier tomorrow night, though.
I'm thinking about chicken Saltimbocca.
I want a divorcee.
I just can't live in this...
...this detergent commercial anymore
The salad bar's right over there. Help yourself.
Thank you.
Um, I think I'll go get your salad for you.
Bree Van De Kamp. - Oh. Hello, Mrs. Huber.
We didn't get a chance to talk at Mary Alice's wake.
How are you doing?
Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal,
but sadly for Bree,
admitting defeat was not an option.
Great. Everything is just great.
Okay, well, I got you the honey mustard dressing.
The ranch looked just a little bit suspect.
Are we going to talk about what I said?
If you think I'm going to discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place
where the restrooms are labeled "chicks" and "dudes,"
you're out of your mind.
What's in this?
What do you mean, what's in this? It's salad.
With... with onions. - What?
You put onions in my salad. - No, I didn't.
Oh, wait.
The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before.
Many years ago when he was quite young.
But he recognized it instantly.
It was the sound of a family secret.
Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal.
Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate.
Mommy, mommy! - Now what?
Daddy's home!
Come on! Hey, is anybody home?
I wasn't expecting you for a week.
I have to go back to 'Frisco in the morning.
But I got your call. You sounded frazzled.
Yeah.
It's been a little rough. - Hi. Yeah. Peaches.
Did you buy us any presents?
Oh, god, presents. Wait up. Let me see.
Ohhh! - Yeah!
But I'm not giving it to you unless you promise to go outside right now
and practise throwing for 20 minutes. You promise?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Punks. Get out!
Who's open? Go out. Deeper. Deeper. Touchdown!
You got to be kidding. I'm exhausted.
I look terrible. I'm covered in peaches.
I'm sorry, baby. I got to have you.
Well, is it ok if I just lie here?
Absolutely.
I love you. - I love you more.
Wait. I gotta tell you I was having trouble with swelling.
The doctor took me off the pill.
You just gotta put on a condom.
A condom? - Yeah.
What's the big deal? Let's risk it.
Let's risk it? - Yeah.
I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Yes, well, I feel badly about that.
I told you Mrs. Huber came over and I got distracted.
It was a mistake.
Since when do you make mistakes?
What does that mean?
It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time.
I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move.
I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've used the bathroom.
You're this plastic suburban housewife, with her pearls and spatula,
who says things like "we owe the Hendersons a dinner."
Where's the woman I fell in love with...
...Who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton? and laugh.
I need her.
Not this cold, perfect thing you've become.
These need water.
Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes,
but her husband never knew.
Because when Bree finally emerged...
...she was perfect.
I found my earrings. We can go now.
Was John here today?
Well, yeah.
The lawn hasn't been mowed. I've had it.
We're getting a real gardener.
Why? - Are you deaf?
I just said he's not doing his job.
It's dark. You just can't see the lawn has been mowed.
It hasn't been. Feel this grass.
I'm not feeling the grass.
Let's just get going. Come on, we're late.
Take care of it. - Yes, sir.
There's Tanaka. Time for me to go and do my dance.
Good luck, sweetheart.
Excuse me. - Ma'am.
You see that man just walked away?
Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand all night long?
Yes, ma'am.
Susan? Susan! - Mrs. Huber, how are you doing?
Not too well, I'm afraid.
I'm trying to find something to soothe my stomach.
It's upset? - Yeah.
I had the worst macaroni and cheese at the wake.
It's been running through me ever since.
And I need to be at my best.
Edie Britt's son is spending the night tonight.
He's spending the night?
Apparently Edie is having a gentleman friend over for dinner,
and I think she plans on entertaining into the wee hours,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, here's some antacid. Have you ever tried this?
I can't believe it. This can't be happening.
Mike can't like Edie better than me. He just can't.
You don't know what's going on.
Maybe they're just having dinner.
You're right. They're doing it.
I need to borrow sugar.
And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to,
the maybe of Mike Delfino, was gone forever.
And despite the precariousness of her situation,
Susan took a moment to mourn her loss.
It didn't take Susan long to realize,
this was just not her night.
Is somebody out there?
Oh, my god! That's smoke!
Oh, my god.
She left candles unattended in the den.
Paramedic said she was lucky.
She could've been killed.
She ran out with nothing on.
She was having sex with some guy when the fire started.
What happened to him?
He got smoke inhalation. He's at the hospital.
Susan, are you all right? You look awful.
I'm fine. I'm fine. I just, uh, feel really bad for Edie.
Oh, honey, don't worry about Edie. She's a strong lady.
Absolutely. She'll get through this.
She'll find a way to survive.
We all do.
Wow! What happened? - Mike!
And suddenly there he was.
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
I... I thought you were... Uh... Where were you?
I just got back from the movies. Edie had a fire, huh?
Yeah. Yeah, but she's fine now.
Everything's fine now.
And just like that, Susan was happy.
Life was suddenly full of... possibilities.
Not to mention a few unexpected surprises.
Hello. - It's me.
Have anything yet? - No, nothing yet.
But don't worry. I'm definitely getting closer.
I brought some champagne.
I thought we should have a toast.
The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes,
my personal belongings and what was left of my life.
All right, ladies, lift 'em up.
To Mary Alice, a good friend and neighbor.
Wherever you are, we hope you've found peace.
To Mary Alice. - To Mary Alice.
Let's get this show on the road.
You guys, check out Mary Alice's clothes.
Size eight? Ha! She always told me she was a size six.
We found the skeleton in her closet.
Not quite, Gabrielle, not quite.
What's that? - It's a letter addressed to Mary Alice.
How ironic.
To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret,
treated so casually.
What are you doing? That's private.
It's open. What's the big deal?
What does this mean?
I don't know. But check out the postmark.
Oh, my god. She got it the day she died.
Do you think this is why she...?
I'm so sorry, girls.
I never wanted you to be burdened with this.
Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?
Episode-02
If Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis,
we'd have known.
She lives 50 feet away, for god's sakes.
Gabby, the woman killed herlf.
Something must have been going on.
Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass.
I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year.
If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.
Why aren't you happy?
Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
What's that?
It's a letter addressed to Mary Alice.
Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?
An odd thing happens when we die.
Our senses vanish.
Taste, touch, smell, and sound become a distant memory,
but our sight -- ah, our sight expands,
and we can suddenly see the world we've left behind so clearly.
Of course,
most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living,
if they'd only take the time to look.
Like my friend Gabrielle.
I should have seen how unhappy she was,
but I didn't.
I only saw her clothes from Paris...
and her platinum jewelry...
and her brand-new diamond watch.
Had I looked closer,
I'd have seen that Gabrielle was a drowning woman
desperately in search of a life raft.
Luckily for her, she found one.
Of course, Gabrielle only saw her young gardener
as a way to infuse her life with a little excitement.
But now she was about to discover just how exciting her life could get.
Come on, come on, come on! Hurry up! Let's go!
Where are the rest of my clothes?
I'll find them. Just get out.
Where?
Out the window. - What?
Hi, honey. You're home early.
My meeting got canceled.
Didn't you take a shower this morning?
I, uh, I just finished a workout.
Where's John?
John?
Yeah. That's his truck out front.
Gabrielle was panicked.
She knew if her husband discovered her secret,
she would feel the full force of his wrath.
Hey, Mr. Solis.
Hey, John, take care of that ficus yet?
I'll get to it as soon as I'm done here. - All right.
But she was quickly reminded that...
What Carlos couldn't see...
Yeah, sure. No problem.
couldn't hurt her.
The peaceful facade of Wisteria Lane had recently been shattered,
first by my suicide...
and then by the discovery of a note among my belongings
that suggested a suspicious reason for my desperate act.
My friends gathered to discuss its implications.
I think we should give it to Paul.
He's still mourning, Susan.
He'll probably freak out.
It doesn't matter. She was his wife.
He deserves to have all the facts.
Well, we could do it gently.
We could tell him about it over coffee and pastry.
That would be fun.
"Paul, we have proof your wife killed herself over some deep, dark secret.
Another bear claw?"
We could always call the police.
Maybe it's just some sort of sick joke.
Well, if it was a joke, it was in very poor taste.
No, this was serious. I know it was.
We got to find out what was going on.
Let's say we do.
There's a chance we're not going to like what we find.
Well, isn't it worse to be in the dark?
I mean, imagining she did all these horrible things.
It's the age-old question, isn't it?
How much do we really want to know about our neighbors?
My friends were right to be concerned.
They knew that every family has its secrets,
and as my son and husband could have told them,
you need to think carefully before digging them up.
After talking for hours,
my friends still hadn't agreed on what to do with the note.
So they decided to talk about it in the morning after a good night's rest.
But no one could fall sleep that night.
They each kept thinking of my suicide and how terribly alone I must have felt.
You see, loneliness was something my friends understood all too well.
It's okay. I'm up.
Good.
I have a question for you.
OK.
Do you remember when you proposed?
For god's sake --
We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine,
and when we finished it, you turned to me, and you said,
"if you marry me, Bree Mason,
I promise to love you for the rest of my life."
And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant,
and even though my father didn't like you,
I said yes.
That was a long time ago.
You're going to cancel the meeting with that divorce lawyer,
and we're going to find ourselves a marriage counselor.
Bree... - You promised.
All right.
Good. I'm going to go, uh, make myself some warm milk.
Would you like something to drink?
Anything but apple wine.
Susan awoke that night alone and parched,
but as she gazed out her window,
she saw the tall drink of water she needed to quench her thirst.
"Dear diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive."
Shut up.
If you want to date him, you're going to have to ask him out.
I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
How's that going?
Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy friends?
I can't find the measuring cup. Have you seen it?
The measuring cup?
I -- well, it's -- it's got to be here somewhere.
Just keep looking.
I know you're awake.
I know you're a jerk.
Dinner with Tanaka ran long. I'm sorry.
You know, Carlos, I didn't marry you
so I could have dinner by myself six times a week.
You know how bored I was today?
I came this close to actually cleaning the house.
Don't be that way. I got you a gift.
Nope. No, no, no, no.
You're not going to buy your way out of this one.
It's a good gift.
Is that white gold?
Yeah. Put it on...
and then make love to me.
I'm not in the mood.
But we could stay up and talk.
When a man buys a woman expensive jewelry,
there are many things he may want in return, for future reference,
conversation ain't one of them.
Hey, that was a joke. - Yeah, right.
What the hell is wrong with you? - Let go of me.
Hey, you've been acting like a nightmare for a month. What's wrong?
I can't fix it unless you tell me.
It's not exciting anymore, Carlos.
So what am I supposed to do?
I don't know.
Be the way you used to be.
Surprise me. Take my breath away.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, Susan. - Mike.
What's wrong?
I didn't realize anybody was going to be out here.
I just sort of rolled out of bed.
I'm sure you look fine.
Sorry, uh... he scares easy.
No, it-- it's fine. I-I get it.
I didn't mean to disturb you.
I'll see you later.
Do you want to have dinner with me?
Just the two of us?
Well... and Julie.
It's a thing we do when somebody new moves into the neighborhood,
we invite them over for a home-cooked meal.
Sort of a tradition.
I thought you were a lousy cook.
Well, I order take-out.
You invite 'em for home-cooking and give 'em take-out?
Yeah, ah, it's sort of a new tradition.
I'm working out the kinks.
I'll tell you what. How about I cook?
You guys come over to my place.
Oh, great.
Friday night at six? - I'll be there.
Right. Come on.
Julie! Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
He did? Cool.
But only I'm going because you're gonna come down with something serious
that requires bed rest and fluids.
Julie was glad Susan was rekindling her love life.
Of course, she was unaware of her
mother's recent track record with fire.
It's all gone. Everything my ex-husband worked for all those years, gone.
Don't worry about clothing.
I already started a collection from the neighborhood.
What? I don't want to wear other people's old crap.
Edie, you can be homeless or ungracious.
You really can't afford to be both.
That reminds me. My insurance check still hasn't come yet.
Could I stay with you a few more weeks?
Of course. What kind of christian would I be if I denied shelter to a friend in need?
Oh, look. Here's something we can salvage.
Your measuring cup.
We can scrape of the burnt part and it'll look good as new.
That's not my cup. Mine was plastic.
Well, how did it get in here?
I don't know. Who cares?
Now, would you put that down and start looking for jewelry?
Dr. Albert Goldfine was the most accomplished marriage counselor in the city.
He had dealt with problems ranging from substance abuse...
...to infidelity...
...to domestic violence.
Yes, Dr. Goldfine thought he had seen it all.
And then he met the Van de Kamps.
Hi. I'm Bree. And this is my husband Rex.
And I brought you some homemade potpourri.
The answer is yes.
You're about to make a fortune off us.
Ah, get off! - Boys!
Guys, I'm begging you.
Sit in your seats.
I'm not gonna tell you again. Buckle up.
I mean it, so help me...
License and registration, please.
Ma'am, you know why I pulled you over?
I have a theory.
The kids should be sitting wearing seat belts.
I yelled at them. They never listen. It's very frustrating.
You have to find a way to control them.
After all, that's your job.
Though he'd been a policeman for six years,
officer Hayes had never found himself in a truly dangerous situation.
Then again, he had never before told a woman how to raise her children.
Are you saying I'm a bad mother?
Get back in your car, please.
I have no help. My husband's always away on business.
I'm gonna have to ask you to step back now.
My babysitter joined the witness relocation program.
I haven't slept through the night...
...in six years - Ma'am.
And for you to stand there and judge me...
Ok. I'm not gonna give you a ticket.
I'm just gonna let you off with a warning.
I accept your apology.
Mom! He's kicking me again!
Buckle up.
Mrs. Solis. - Hello, Jonathan.
Well, this is my room. Sorry about the mess.
Oh, uh, don't worry about it.
You just missed my mom.
On friday, she coaches my sister's soccer team.
Yes, I heard that.
John, we need to talk about what happened the other day.
Mr. Solis isn't catching on, is he?
No, no, he doesn't have a clue, god love him.
It's just I was thinking that when you come over to garden,
you might actually have to garden.
Great, you're breaking up with me.
In my own bedroom.
No, no. I'm not dumping you.
Lately, you've been the only thing keeping me going.
But we can't do it at my house anymore.
Oh, so then, where do you want to do it?
Well, what time does your mom get back from soccer practise?
Mrs. Solis!
Better hurry. We don't have much time.
And so there's just the four of us.
My older son, Andrew, is 16, Danielle is 15 and...
I don't need to see pictures. Bree,
you've spent most of the hour engaging in small talk.
Oh, have I ? - Yes.
Rex has been very vocal about his issues.
Don't you want to discuss your feelings about your marriage?
Um, doc...
This is the thing you got to know about Bree.
She doesn't like to talk about her feelings.
To be honest, it's hard to know if she has any.
Does she feel anger, rage, ecstasy?
Who knows?
She's always pleasant, and I can't tell you how annoying that is.
Whatever she feels, it's so far below the surface,
no one can see it.
I feel like she's using all these...
Bree?
Bree? - What? I'm sorry.
Would you like to respond to what Rex just said?
Oh, um... - Is there some truth there?
Do you use housework as a way to disengage emotionally?
Of course not!
This is great. I got tons of homework tonight.
It's easy to concentrate after sex.
I'm glad I could help.
Education's very important.
Oh, I got something for you.
I was gonna give it to you next time I mowed your lawn,
but since you're here.
Oh, it's a rose. - It's not just any rose.
Look at all the petals. There's no flaws.
It's perfect. - Oh, John.
Just like you.
The truth hit her like a thunderbolt.
I spent days looking for just the right one.
I finally found it.
For John, this was no longer a meaningless little affair.
Gabrielle could now clearly see he was falling in love with her.
It's just beautiful.
I... I got to go.
Goodbye.
Hey, you. What are we having?
I talked to Julie and she suggested rib-eye steaks.
She said that's your favorite. - I love my steak.
Hi, Mike.
Susan.
Edie.
I'm sorry about your house. How you holding up?
All right, I guess. Oh, is somebody having a party?
No, Susan's just throwing me a traditional welcome dinner.
Only I'm cooking. And having it at my house.
Traditional? Hm! I didn't get one.
Oh, it's a new tradition.
It won't be anything fancy. Just a little home cooking.
Mm. That sounds so good.
Susan suddenly had an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach.
I've been having nothing but fast food lately.
As if she was watching an accident in slow motion.
She knew it would happen, but was powerless to stop it.
Edie, would you like to join us for dinner?
Oh, that's so sweet. No, I don't want to intrude. Three's a crowd.
No, it's not like that. I mean, Susan's bringing Julie.
It's not like that. The more the merrier.
Well, this'll be fun. - All right. Tomorrow night.
We'll eat at six. - Great.
Oh, and Susan... - Yeah?
This'll make up for the dinner that you never threw me.
Right.
Ta-ta.
Should I have told her we were having steak.
She's not a vegetarian or something?
Oh, no.
No, Edie's definitely a carnivore.
Here's, um...
Here's what I pulled for Edie.
Most of the clothes aren't that stylish.
Don't worry about it. Edie's a beggar now,
which means she can't be a chooser.
Of course, we don't have to add salt to the wound.
Listen, I was just getting dinner ready...
Say no more. I'll get out of your hair.
No, no.
By the way, was that you I saw getting pulled over by a policeman?
Yeah, the boys were acting up in the car,
I couldn't get them to sit down.
Young boys can be so willful.
I try everything.
I scream. I threaten. I reason. I beg. Nothing works.
I don't know if it's because they're too young and they don't understand,
or if they're just getting some perverse joy out of testing me.
My mother used to have the worst time with me in the car,
so one time when I was acting up,
she stopped and left me on the side of the road, and she drove off.
You're kidding?
but I never misbehaved in the car again.
You should try that.
Mrs. Huber, I could never leave my kids by the side of the road.
When it comes to discipline, sometimes you must be creative.
My mother knew that. Smart lady.
Of course, she's in a home now.
And her mind has just turned to mush.
Well, like I said, I should go back and get dinner ready.
Oh, right, well... Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Susan, have you been able to find old clothes for Edie?
She has nothing to wear.
I thought that was the look she was going for.
Oh, Susan, Edie may be trash,
but she's still a human being.
Zach, is your dad home? I need to talk to him.
Hey, Paul, I hope I'm not interrupting.
Actually, I was getting ready to go somewhere.
I just wanted to come by and say hello,
you know, see how you guys are doing.
We're trying to move on. It's been pretty tough.
I can only imagine.
Not knowing why Mary Alice...
Why what? - Why she did it.
Oh. Here, let me help you. - I've got it. I've got it.
I'm sorry if I upset you.
Can I be frank?
Of course.
I don't care what her reasons were.
Maybe she was depressed, maybe she was bored.
It doesn't matter.
She abandoned her husband and her son and I'll never forgive her.
As I watched Susan, I couldn't help feeling sorry for her.
She wanted so much to know why I did it.
Why I killed myself.
It's not enough to want the truth.
You must know where to look for it.
And the truth is elusive because it knows where to hide.
Hello, Julie, I talked to your mom about donating some clothes for Edie.
She's at Mrs. Van De Kamp's,
but I'll see if she left some stuff upstairs.
Oh, Julie, I-I was, um, just admiring your new measuring cup.
Yeah, we've lost ours. - Really?
So I couldn't find the clothes. Sorry.
That's ok.
If you want me to keep looking.
No. You've done more than enough.
Truly.
Bree. Rex just called. He won't be able to meet you here today.
Apparently, there was an emergency at the hospital.
Oh, well, I wish he'd called me.
He suggested perhaps you'd like to meet with me by yourself.
You've been very quiet in our joint sessions.
What?
Oh, oh, oh, no, thank you.
I have some things I need to do today.
Are you sure? - Uh, yeah, I'm sure.
Ok.
Dr. Goldfine, there is something you can do for me.
What's that? - Take off your coat.
So you're taking Julie on your dinner date with Mike?
Well, if Edie's gonna be there,
I'll need emotional support.
I can't believe she wormed her way in.
How did you let her do that?
I don't know. I was going to take her out at the knees,
but it all happened so fast.
Well, you know what you need to do.
You need to get there early,
spend a little time with Mike before the little barracuda gets there.
That's a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45,
which means her breasts will arrive at 5:30,
so I should shoot for 5:00.
That a girl.
I'm just going to take these upstairs.
I'm going to keep my one little bag and go home.
That is a beautiful rose. Where did you get it?
Oh, John gave it to me.
John... your gardener, he gave you a rose?
Yes... I am having some new bushes planted outside,
and he gave me that as a color palette.
Ok.
Sure is beautiful, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
I'm sure Freud would not approve of this.
Oh, who cares what he thinks?
I took psychology in college.
We learned all about Freud.
A miserable human being.
What makes you say that?
Think about it.
He grew up in the late 1800s.
There were no appliances back then.
His mother had to do everything by hand,
just backbreaking work from sun up to sundown.
Not to mention the countlessother sacrifices she had to make
to take care of her family, and what does he do?
He becomes famous peddling a theory that the problems of most adults
can be traced back to something awful their mother has done.
She must've felt so betrayed.
He saw how hard she worked.
He saw what she did for him.
Did he even ever think to say thank you?
I doubt it.
There you go.
Just so you know, many of Freud's theories have been discredited.
Good.
Boys, I am not gonna tell you again. Sit.
I mean it. I am serious.
You guys are gonna be in so much trouble if you don't sit back in those seats.
For the first time,
Lynette could see this was not the innocent play of children.
She was being challenged.
So she decided it was time to get creative.
Out! Can't behave,
you heard me, you cannot ride.
You, out, move it.
Where is she going?
Ok. Mommy's a genius.
Porter! Preston! Parker!
If you're hiding, you've got to stop now,
cause mommy doesn't think it's funny!
Oh! excuse me.
I'm sorry. I'm looking for my boys.
Three boys with red hair. Have you seen them?
Yeah. I also saw you drive away and leave them.
I know. I was just trying to scare them into behaving.
Did you see where they went?
Yeah, they're in my kitchen.
Listen, it seems to me that you have some anger management issues.
I have four kids under six.
I absolutely have anger management issues.
I think you need to talk to somebody because abandoning your children...
I didn't abandon them. I came back.
I'm just saying it's not normal.
My kids aren't normal and now I don't have time for this, lady, so --
Boys, get out here.
I don't think they should go anywhere until you calm down.
Get in the car. - She's got cookies.
Bring them, we're leaving. - Stay put.
I don't think so. Oh! - Listen, lady...
Leave my mommy alone. - Let go of me.
What's the matter with you? - Son of bi... Ah!
Run, boys, run! - Come on!
Oh, crap. - Get back here.
Boys, you're gonna need to put on your...
Get back or I'm gonna call social services.
Oh, my god! Carlos, what have you done?
I saw it when I drove by the dealership.
I thought Gabrielle will look so beautiful in this.
Carlos!
It cost me an arm and a leg.
It's got GPS navigation, 200 watt stereo system...
It is beautiful.
So did I take your breath away?
Absolutely.
Is it the best gift you've ever gotten?
Gabrielle could see what this gesture had cost Carlos,
so she responded the only way she knew how.
She had a feeling the truth would've been lost on her husband anyway.
After all, it's the rare man who understands the value of a single perfect rose.
Susan. - I hope you don't mind.
I came by early to help you set up.
Oh, um... - Hey, Susan.
Don't worry, we have everything under control.
Bongo! I don't know why he barks at you.
I wouldn't take it personally.
Dogs are very sensitive.
What's up, Bongo?
You never know what freaks them out, huh?
In the distance, Susan thought she heard a bell ring.
Is it a strange noise?
What is it? A weird smell?
Round one...had started.
All I'm saying is this whole it takes two to mess up a marriage theory is bull.
The problems that we have are because of her.
That is not true, Rex.
What have I been doing for the past 20 years that's been so awful?
You're not saying anything because I've been a great husband.
And it kills you to admit that.
Rex, I'm curious.
Do you ever acknowledge the benefits of living with Bree?
Huh? - By your own admission,
your home's always clean,
your clothes always freshly pressed,
sounds like a wonderful cook,
despite her flaws,
do you ever remember to say thank you?
Thank you? - Yes.
Bongo! Get down! Down!
Go away. - Down. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
So who's the guy that lives across from Mrs. Huber again?
That's Mr. Mullen. If he invites you in, you have to meet all of his pets.
That's ok. I love animals.
He's a taxidermist.
Oh, ok, thanks for the warning.
Isn't Mr. Mullen's brother your divorce attorney?
Uh, yes, yes, he was.
Can I say something?
In my heart, I still believe that you and Karl are gonna get back together.
Really? - Oh, yeah.
I've never seen two people more in love.
She's never gonna find that kind of chemistry with another man. Never.
It was everything Susan could do to keep a smile on her face.
Round two was underway, and she was already taking a beating.
You know, Mrs. Britt...
What Edie hadn't counted on...
I always liked...
Susan had someone in her corner.
Mr. Rothwell, your fourth husband.
He was my second husband. I've only been married twice.
Twice? You weren't married to the tattooed guy they took away in handcuffs?
No, Julie, she wasn't married to Javier.
That was just one of her special friends.
I think we should change the subject.
Unless you want to keep talking about it.
Bongo, get down. - Wait.
Let me show you something. - He loves that gravy.
Come. While you were in there tossing a salad,
I taught him something.
Up. Oh...
Susan was furious with Edie for using a dog to ingratiate herself with its owner.
She was also furious with Mike for not seeing through this blatant maneuver.
But mostly...
...I'm gonna get the desserts.
...She was furious with herself for not having thought of it first.
I can barely get him to sit.
Best dog ever. Yes, you are.
I've never seen him walk on two legs.
He knows who to come to.
Here's your dessert.
Thank you. Mike, this looks yummy.
Oh, look at that. Looks like bongo's finally warming up to Susan.
We're best buddies now.
Oh, what a good boy!
Bango, are you ok? - What's wrong with him?
I don't know.
I've never heard him make that sound.
You ok, fella? - Mom?
You all right?
Where is your earring?
You ok?
Call the vet, the number's on the fridge.
Tell him I'll be right there.
Don't worry.
I'll stay here and get everything cleaned up.
Thanks, Edie.
Is there anything I can do?
No.
How's Bongo doing?
I'm waiting to see if they'll have to operate.
Oh, god!
I stopped and I got this for...
I am just so sorry for this.
I'm really sorry I snapped at you. I just...
Oh, no, it's ok. - Good news.
We won't have to do surgery. - Oh, that's great.
We've given him something to help pass the earring.
When he does, would you like us to retrieve it for you?
I'm gonna say no.
Ok. You should be able to take him home in about an hour.
Wow. You must be so relieved.
I'm sorry, I was just really worried.
It was your dog. I get it.
Actually, he was my wife's dog,
one of the last thing's she said to me in the hospital before she died
was to be sure I looked after him and I promised her I would.
And just like that,
Susan could suddenly see something she'd never seen before.
He, uh, meant so much to her.
Mike Delfino was still in love with his late wife.
And if something had happened,
I would've felt like I'd failed her.
I know that sounds stupid, but...
And she knew right then,
neither she nor Edie would be laying claim to his heart any time soon.
No, it doesn't. Not at all.
So she decided, for now, she could settle for just being his friend.
This is for you.
Well, for Bongo. You give it to him.
Yes, as I look back at the world I left behind,
it's all so clear to me.
The beauty that waits to be unveiled.
The mysteries that long to be uncovered
But people so rarely stop to take a look.
They just keep moving.
It's a shame, really.
There's so much to see
Episode-03
She was his wife.
He deserves to have all the facts.
She abandoned her husband and her son and I'll never forgive her.
It's the age-old question,
how much do we want to know about our neighbors?
You gonna cancel the meeting with the divorce lawyer.
We'll find a marriage councilor.
I'm Mike Deifino.
Susan Mayer. I live across the street.
If you wanna dating him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
I really hate the way you talk to me.
I really hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond necklace,
but I'm learning to deal with it.
Do you love him? - I do.
So then why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Because I don't want to wake up one morning,
With a sudden urge to blow my brains out.
After I died,
I began to surrender the parts of myself that were no longer necessary.
My desires, beliefs, ambitions, doubts --
every trace of my humanity was discarded.
I discovered when moving through eternity, it helps to travel lightly.
In fact, I held on to only one thing my memory.
It's astonishing to look back on the world I left behind
I remember it all -- every single detail.
Like my friend Bree Van de Kamp.
I remember the easy confidence of her smile,
the gentle elegance of her hands,
the refined warmth of her voice.
But what I remember most about Bree
Rex, wasn't that lovely --
Was the look of fear in her eyes.
Bree had started to realize her world was unraveling,
and for a woman who despised loose ends,
that was unacceptable.
Rex. Rex. You need to get up.
It's not even light out.
Please hurry.
If the kids see you sleeping down here,
they're going to start asking questions.
Let 'em ask. I don't care anymore.
Well, I care.
They don't need to be burden with our marital problems
While we're working things out,
the least we can do is try to keep up appearances.
Oh, yeah. Appearances.
I keep forgetting about appearances.
Oh, Rex, you look so tired.
I didn't sleep.
This damn thing is so uncomfortable.
Well, why don't you move back upstairs and sleep in our bed?
We're in marriage counseling, Bree.
I think that would confuse things.
It's just--
I miss you.
I know you do.
Of course, if I don't find out start getting some sleep, pretty soon
I'll be forced to move back upstairs out of sure exhaustion.
Yes, Bree was afraid of many things,
but if there was one thing she wasn't afraid of...
it was a challenge.
The day on Wisteria Lane began like any other.
With a cup of coffee and the moring paper.
Just give me a second....
And while Lynette read the business section.
And Gabrielle studied the fall collections
And Bree searched for decorating ideas
Susan scanned the front page and saw something
that caught her eye
What's about time.
Be nice. I come bearing snacks.
Lynette, these cards are sticky
I know. Preston used the three of diamonds to took scoop jam out of the jar.
Gorgeous, thankful we have 49 cards to play with.
Hello. Sorry I'm late.
So, Susan and I was just telling the girls,
I want to throw a dinner party
Really? - Yes.
Well how long have we all lived on this street
we've never done a big group thing
I think it's a great idea
Paul never likes to have people over
but the heck with him I'm doing it.
So when is this shindig?
How about a month from tonight?
That would be the 16th. Good for everyone?
Works for me. Should we all make something?
Oh, no. This is my party.
I've been wanting to have everyone over for years.
I'm so happy we're finally doing this.
It's gonna be so much fun.
I know. Her dinner.
How could we have all forgotten about this?
We didn't exactly forget,
it's just usually when the hostess dies the party's off.
Lynette
I'm not being flip. I'm just pointing out a reality.
Mary Alice was so excited about it.
It's so sad.
I think we should go through with it.
Really? Wouldn't that be in poor taste?
No. It's sort of a way to honor Mary Alice.
It was so important to her
We could all use a fun night.
Well, good, because I have some new flour
that I have been just dying to show off.
Lynette?
I'm in. - I'll make braised lamb shanks.
I'm still in.
So how many I will be cooking for?
Seven. Three couples and Susan. Does that sound right?
No, it sounds very, very wrong.
Is there somebody you'd like to invite?
I have an idea.
A dinner party.
Honey, I may be working late.
The Dillman proposal's a complete mess.
No, no, you promised to be home every night this week.
I'll try but I can't guarantee anything.
This is business.
Says the prince as he rides off into the sunset.
Boy the movies ever get that wrong.
You know what your problem is?
You're very tense.
Find a way to relax.
Hello?
Where are you?
Algebra.
You free at 4:00?
I'm not sure. I got track after school.
Well, get here as fast as you can.
My husband says I need to relax.
You, uh, want me to keep my gym clothes on like last time?
If you would, please.
A dinner party?
Yeah, it'll be fun.
Bree's cooking, everyone's coming.
You know what? I haven't even had a chance to unpack yet, honey.
I just, uh, I just need to chill out for the next few days.
Oh, Tom.
There'll be liquor and hors d'oeuvres and grownups without children and -- and silverware.
Remember silverware?
Honey, can you take this in for me?
Have you heard anything I just said?
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just -- I'm wiped out.
Three cities in six days -- my head is just pounding.
I'm not ready for a dinner party.
I already got a sitter.
Can you cancel her?
Please? Look, let's just stay in tomorrow night.
We can get a bottle of wine and rent a video,
and-I just want to hang out with my best gal.
That's all.
I was looking so forward to a night out.
I know, sweetie, I'm sorry, but...
I'm beat.
I mean, do you remember what it was like to work a 60-hour week?
A dinner party?
Do I have to go?
Well, given that we're hosting it, I'd say so.
By the way, you won't be drinking at this party.
Why is that?
Because when you drink, you get chatty.
No one needs to know that we're seeing Dr. Goldfine.
You know, if you spent half as much time working
on our problems as you do covering them --
Not a drop.
You know, this -- this is ridiculous.
And this whole thing about us taking tennis lessons?
Well, the nurses at your office may start wondering
why you're disappearing three times a week.
Tennis lessons are a plausible alibi.
All right so, these tennis lessons we're taking --
how are we doing?
My backhand's improving immensely,
but you're still having problems with your serve.
Of course.
A dinner party?
It's tomorrow night, so if you could
Fine, but that's all.
Brandi and I leave sunday for a week up at the cabin.
What cabin?
Brandi wanted some place where we could get away.
Escrow just closed yesterday.
You can afford a cabin,
but you can't scrape up child support?
The check is in the mail.
Oh. No, it's not.
I found my dental guard. I'm ready.
Stop fighting.
We are being as nice as we possibly can to one another.
Like I said, stop fighting.
Excuse me, Brandi.
Do you mind?
Oh, okay.
Wait. Susan, you're right there. You can pick it up.
I could, but she's the one who threw it.
Come on. Don't be petulant.
Just pick up the stupid can.
No.
I can pick it up.
Honey, stay out of this.
Fine.
This is so typical.
Oh, I'm sorry. Was that petulant, too?
You know what? You can pick up the damn can yourself.
Yeah, well, you just go to hell.
You want me to pick it up?
Mrs. Warmington said she looked for mom's obituary and couldn't find it.
Did you put one in?
I've had other things on my mind, Zack.
But how could you not do that?
People are going to think we didn't care about her.
I doubt people will give it much thought.
Don't worry about it.
You never talk about her.
She hasn't even been dead a month,
and it's like you've totally forgotten she ever existed.
It's a little early for this kind of talk.
Maybe when you die,
I won't put in an obituary.
That will be your choice to make.
Assuming you outlive me.
Mom, it's no big deal.
Carlos and I are driving in for the baptism.
Problem solved.
Okay, fine.
You go with aunt Maria,
and I will take Nana to church.
Take your clothes off.
Okay. I got to go, mom.
Yes, right now.
Okay, you can give me directions later. Bye.
Hi. How was school?
Got an a-minus on my biology exam.
You did?
Well, let's see what you've learned.
Who's that?
I don't know.
So did Mike say anything?
No, but, god, you should have seen the look on his face.
I'm sure it's not that bad.
I mean, he's coming to the party, right?
I left three messages.
Oh, he's not going to come. Big surprise.
I did everything but foam at the mouth.
God, I hate when I get that way.
It's like every time I get within 10 feet of Carl,
I just become this monster.
You know what? It's not going to change until
you resolve your issues with that man.
What, you mean forgive him?
You know, I've lived with this bitterness so long,
I think I'd be lonely without it.
Honey, get a pet.
See ya.
Son of a - It's a business meeting.
It's a frat party.
Regional manager, corporate manager, head of sales.
Margarita, cigar, sombrero.
Honey, what do you want me to do,
sit around the hotel the whole time watching cable?
No. But when I say,
"we've been invited to a party,"
Don't whine about your exhausting 60-hour week.
Put on your dancin' shoes and take the
mother of your children out for a good time.
Fine. You know what? You're right.
Let's go to that party.
I can't. I already canceled the sitter.
Okay, well, we'll throw the next one.
Throw a dinner party?
I don't even have time to wash my face.
No, you know what?
I'm going to go to this one.
You can stay home and babysit the kids.
Fine.
I can handle that.
Thank you.
Gabrielle spent her morning searching for the mysterious little girl.
Sadly for her,
the mystery was solved a bit too quickly.
What's going on?
Have you met Ashley?
Found it!
Babe, this is Sheila Bukowski, our new neighbor.
They just moved into the miller's old house.
My daughter left her ball in your yard. I'm so sorry.
Oh, oh, no -- no problem.
Nice to meet you, Ashley.
She's shy. She doesn't say much.
Yeah, but I can see her little mind working away.
Nice meeting you.
Private sessions?
I don't understand. Why do we need private sessions?
Private sessions allow us to work on the personal issues of both partners.
Oh, well, I don't have any personal issues.
My only issue is that my husband wants to leave me,
and how can I work on that if he's not in the room?
There are things I need to discuss with Dr. Goldfine,
and I can't have you there.
Why?
I'm your wife. You can say anything in front of me.
All we need is a few more sessions, and I'm sure we can --
Damn it, Bree,
a few more sessions isn't going to fix us.
This is bigger than that.
Why don't we do it this way?
Rex, you can take the first half-hour.
Bree, you can take the second.
Fine.
Oh, and, doctor,
if what he's about to discuss has anything to do with
adultery, prostitution, or internet pornography,
I would really appreciate you taking a moral hard line.
Hi, Ashley.
Remember me? We -- we met earlier.
Aren't you the little artist?
What are those -- flamingos?
No.
Well, they're very pretty.
It almost looks like they're kissing.
Funny thing about kissing --
It's not just for husbands and wives.
Sometimes we kiss our mom or our grandpa.
Sometimes we even kiss our dog. Ha ha.
Sometimes we even kiss people who are just our friends,
kind of like a high-five on the lips. Right?
Hey, Ash,
I was at the mall, and I saw this.
I thought you might like it.
She's Hawaiian.
Her name is princess Kahalua,
and I think it means "little waterfall,"
or "big pond" or something.
So we're good, right?
Well, you enjoy your new little friend,
and if there's anything else you need, you just let me know.
What I'd really like
is a bike.
Where did you find that?
She used this to kill herself.
Why would you keep it?
Why?
Because I thought we might need it someday.
For what?
Protection.
I want to talk about mom.
You need to take your medication.
We are going to talk about mom.
Hello, Zack.
I hope this isn't a bad time.
What can I do for you, Mrs. Van de Kamp?
Well, I wanted to invite you and your father to a dinner party tomorrow night.
I'm not sure where he is right now.
Oh. Well, I'm sorry it's such late notice, but, well,
we weren't sure that you and your father were
ready for any kind of social engagement yet,
but, we're sort of throwing it in your mother's honor.
Really?
Yes, it's just going to be a casual night with the gang.
We're going to eat and tell fun stories about your mom.
Zack... Are you okay?
Hello, Bree.
Oh, hi, Paul. I was just --
I heard.
Thank you, but we already have plans for tomorrow.
Oh. That's too bad.
Well, I should go.
Thank you, Mrs. Van de Kamp.
For what, Zack?
Remembering my mom.
That night, Paul gave his son something to calm his nerves,
And the next day, Gabrielle calmed her own nerves
by giving something to her new best friend.
Here you go.
Top of the line, 3-speed, aluminum frame,
handlebar ribbons, and a bell,
and you'll notice it's royal blue to match your pretty little eyes.
My eyes are green.
Yeah, well, you'll be cruising so fast on this,
no one will even notice.
It's all yours, hon.
Have fun.
What? What's wrong?
I don't know how to ride a bike.
What?
Well, then, why did you ask for one?
Why can't you show me?
Sure, one of these days.
What's wrong with now?
After her talk with Lynette,
Susan decided to take a look at her old photo album,
and she began to see herself in a whole new light,
and the picture wasn't flattering.
Yeah, you got Karl. Leave a message.
Hey, Karl, it's me.
I was hoping you'd be there.
Um, listen, we need to talk,
so maybe when you drop Julie off tomorrow,
we could have a moment.
It's important.
Give my best to...
Brandi.
Call me.
Susan was proud of herself.
She was finally ready to let go of her anger.
Almost.
The boys will be hungry at 5:30,
so put the fish sticks in the toaster oven at 5:00.
For half an hour. Honey, I know.
This is the third time you've told me.
Well, if the food's late, god help you.
Beautiful, I don't need a pamphlet.
It's not brain surgery.
They're just kids, for god sake.
Preston, would you come here?
Sweetie,
you know our rule about eating cookies, right?
Yeah, we can't have them after 5:00,
cause sugar makes us hyper.
Yeah, but tonight, anything goes.
Make sure you share with your brothers.
Thanks, mom.
Don't look at your feet. Don't look at your feet.
Look at the road. Look at the road. Good.
Find your balance. Find your balance.
Okay, it's all you. It's all you! you're doing great!
Okay, stay to the right. Watch the car.
Watch the car! Watch the car!
Oh! Are you okay?
Yeah. Let's go again.
Oh, honey, these heels don't have another block in them.
What about tomorrow?
Well, you won't be around tomorrow, 'cause you have school.
I'm homeschooled.
I'm always around.
It was in that moment that Gabrielle realized this ride was far from over.
I'm coming!
Karl, what are you doing here? I asked you to come tomorrow.
You said you wanted to talk. It sounded important.
Tomorrow. I'm in a towel.
We were married 14 years.
I know what's under there. Come on.
I'm not really ready for this.
I was going to have a whole speech prepared.
Brandi and I have plans tomorrow.
I suggest you wing it.
Um, okay.
Here's the thing, Karl --
I was thinking about what happened in the driveway yesterday,
and I-I just don't want to --
I don't want to live like that.
I don't want to be that kind of person,
and I just thought if the two of us,
you know, if we had a nice, calm --
I need an apology, Karl.
A what?
An apology for the way you ended our marriage.
You never took any responsibility for your behavior.
I don't know what to say, Susan.
The heart wants what it wants.
What does that mean?
I fell in love.
While you were married to someone else.
The heart wants what it wants.
Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you,
But I can control myself.
I-I don't want to go back to that ugly place, really,
and if you do, I suggest that you get some help.
You know what?
I don't need an apology.
I don't need anything from you.
You're humiliating yourself.
No, you're the one who's been humiliated, Karl.
Why don't you see that?
You walked out on your family.
People think you're scum, not me,
so worry about yourself. I'm okay with me.
I can walk down the street and hold my head high.
As the sun slowly settled on Wisteria Lane,
an unsettled Susan racked her brain to find a way into her own house.
Lying naked in her shrubs,
it occurred to Susan this could be the most humiliating moment of her life.
Susan?
She was wrong.
Uh, whatcha doing?
Locked myself out...
naked.
And then I fell.
So how are you?
I just got back.
I've been gone all day,
and I got your messages about dinner,
and, um, I would love to come if that invite still stands.
It's a date.
All right. I, um...
assume the dress is casual.
Yeah. It's -- it's casual.
Thanks for helping me break in.
Do you think it'll be hard to replace that screen?
It depends.
If you nail it in yourself, you might want to wear gloves...
Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
Okay, I know what just happened is funny in theory,
but I'm nowhere near ready to laugh about it,
so please, no jokes.
Hey, where have you two been?
Uh, Susan had a problem finding something to wear.
Oh, is that the kind of thing you meant?
Pretty much.
The kids are bouncing off the walls? Huh.
I mean, for god sakes, Tom, they're just kids.
Hey. Are you okay?
Yes, I-I went jogging today,
and I think I just pushed myself too hard.
Oh, you're probably not wearing the right shoes.
Yea, that thought did cross my mind.
So Gabrielle says that you and Bree are taking lessons three times a week.
I'm actually thinking about playing again.
I mean, it's such great exercise.
Mm. That it is.
And my drop shot could use a serious tune-up.
Think you can give me the number of your pro?
Yeah. I'll, uh, I'll give it to you later.
Well, what club does he work out of?
W-We're not really taking tennis lessons, Carlos.
You're not?
That's a story
Bree concocted to cover the fact that we're seeing a marriage counselor.
Bree -- Bree...
He wouldn't stop asking about the tennis pro.
Bree and I are in marriage counseling.
Everyone knows our secret now.
Did the sky fall?
Has your life come crashing down?
If everybody would please take your seats,
dinner is served.
With the winds from the northwest at 4 miles per hour,
it's currently 55 degrees.
Now we go to rich... live on the scene in Westbrook.
A grisly discovery was made today in Westbrook
when a chest was found in Rockwater Lake,
discovered by a local area businessman and his grandson while they were fishing.
Investigators recovered a wooden chest
containing what appears to be human remains.
Now, a police spokesman says the body was --
Okay, I got to break the ice here.
So you're in counseling. Big deal.
You want humiliation?
I'll give you humiliation.
I locked myself out of my house stark naked and got caught by Mike.
Oh, my god. When did this happen?
Today, right before the party.
What can I say? Right place, right time.
I think I can top that.
Try getting thrown out of Disneyland for lewd behavior.
What? When was this?
When Tom and I were first married,
things got a little out of hand on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
You're kidding.
No. We got perp walked down main street, USA.
Well, since we're doing true confessions,
Carlos and I once broke a waterbed in Cancoon.
How'd you manage that?
Well, he used to have a thing for spiked heels.
I'd just like to make it clear -- she was wearing them.
Rex cries after he ejaculates.
You think we left too early?
I was thinking we left too late.
So is, uh, Rex gone for good?
I don't know.
God, I hope not.
I mean, they've always been wound a little tight,
but I've never seen them like that.
Then again, who am I to judge?
You mean people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw soda cans?
Okay, you have got to know that I only get that angry around Karl.
He just treated me so badly at the end.
I haven't been able to get past it.
Well, maybe he did you a big favor.
What do you mean?
Let's look at Karl as a starter marriage you know, boot camp.
Preparing you for something better next time.
Listen, Mike...
About the whole seeing me naked thing, I...
I don't -- I just want to thank you for
being such a... perfect gentleman.
Oh, I wasn't a perfect gentleman.
I might have snuck a peek.
Good night.
And, um, for what it's worth...
Wow.
How was your night?
We are raising little terrorists.
You know that, don't you?
Oh. You didn't have a good time?
Okay, you know what? Drop the act.
I know you gave them cookies.
Oh. Who cracked, anyway?
Porter.
So how was your, uh, dinner party?
Well, there was dinner, but it wasn't much of a party.
Uh-oh. What happened?
I don't know.
Rex announced that he and Bree are in counseling.
She retaliated with this whole revelation which I won't even go into now,
and the bottom line is he stormed out.
Clearly, there's trouble in paradise.
Honestly, I'm not that surprised.
Why not?
I don't know. I just never got the idea that they were really happy.
Are we happy?
Man, oh, man.
I keep seeing that look on Rex's face,
and then him taking off like that.
Some night.
Then again, I would probably cry, too,
if I had to have sex with that woman.
I mean, you watch a man get torn down like that,
it makes you wonder why he let her get away with it.
Believe me, if a woman ever humiliated me like that in public,
Hm-- it would only happen once.
So, uh, where are you going?
I'll be staying at the motor lodge.
The hotel by the Interstate has better rates,
and it's closer to your work.
Fine.
I'm packing your swimsuit.
There's a pool there,
and I know how swimming relaxes you.
When our kids ask where I am, what are you going to say?
I could tell them that you went to tennis camp.
That was a joke.
Yeah. I got it.
Obviously, if you've forgotten anything,
you can, um, come right back and get it.
Well, I'll call you.
Rex.
In college, when we first started dating,
people were so jealous of us.
We were the golden couple.
Everybody knew we were going to have this wonderful life.
Why is this happening?
Because you can't even let me pack my own suitcase.
All right, see ya. Have fun.
Where are you going?
Just a sec.
Mom?
Don't worry. I'm not packing heat.
Hey, Brandy, would you scoot a little?
Just scoot. Thank you.
What are you doing?
I'll be quick.
Brandy, I'm sorry for the way I treated you.
It was uncalled for and childish,
and it won't happen again.
I have built up a lot of anger towards you, both of you,
and I realize now that I just can't carry that around anymore,
so apology or no apology,
I'm moving on.
Mrs. Mayer?
Brandy.
Brandy, get in the car.
Mrs. Mayer.
Please, call me Susan.
I just wanted you to know
what happened between me and Karl,
things got out of hand.
Because I thought your marriage was over.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know I'm sorry. I really am.
Thank you.
And though it came from an unexpected source,
Susan finally got the apology she'd always wanted.
Let me take those.
You're wearing a really big hat.
Yes, I am.
Listen, the kids are watching a video,
which means that we've got only about 45 minutes until they actually find Nemo,
so I suggest that we make the most of it.
By reliving your night out with the guys?
Lynette...
I'm trying.
You look... ridiculous in that thing.
Sexy ridiculous?
Maybe.
I can live... with maybe.
You know, it's going to take more than just this one night.
I know.
Looks like we have an audience.
Let 'em look.
As long as they don't try and cut in.
Dr. Goldfine.
Bree. We're not scheduled now, are we?
I didn't have time to make an appointment.
Rex moved out today.
Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that,
but unfortunately, I'm completely booked right now.
I don't need much time.
It just seems that you have more insight into my situation than I do,
and I just think --
Bree, we can't talk now.
If you could just tell me what he told you,
then I could fix the problem.
I can't do that. It's completely unethical.
Well, why can't you --
That's my next appointment.
You really need to go.
Dr. Goldfine, please.
Hold on. I'll go and talk to my client.
Bree searched for Rex's audiotape hoping to find answers.
She found answers, all right,
but to entirely different questions.
Bree, I'm -- I'm sorry. He can't wait,
but I can see you first thing in the morning -- 8:00.
8:00.
Sorry to interupt.
Bye.
Yes, I remember the world --every detail.
And what I remember most is how afraid I was.
What a waste.
You see, to live in fear is not to live at all.
I wish I could tell this to those I left behind,
but would it do any good?
Probably not.
I understand now --
there will always be those who face their fears...
And there will always be those who run away.
Episode-04
Anybody home?
Susan played with fire... - That's not my cup.
And could get burned.
Gabrielle... - Get here as fast as you can.
found herself a playmate.
Lynette couldn't get her kids to stop playing.
Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?
I have a theory.
If I don't get some sleep,
I'll be forced back upstairs out of exhaustion.
And Bree played hard ball.
Everyone has a little dirty laundry.
When I was alive, I maintained many different identities.
Lover, wife and, ultimately, victim.
Yes, labels are important to the living.
They dictate how people see themselves.
Like my friend Lynette.
She used to see herself as a career woman,
and a hugely successful one.
She was known for her power lunches,
her eye-catching presentations,
and her ruthlessness in wiping out the competition.
But Lynette gave up her career to assume a new label.
The incredibly satisfying role of full-time mother.
Scavo residence. Yes, this is me.
But, unfortunately for Lynette,
this new label frequently fell short of what was advertised.
How in the world did they...?
I left the door to the art supply cupboard open for five minutes.
That's all. - Five minutes.
The little girl, why didn't she say anything?
Your boys work quickly.
Well, obviously they will be punished for this severely.
I hesitate bringing this up,
since you got so ugly about it last time...
They don't have attention deficit disorder,
and I won't drug my boys just to make your job easier.
I'd rather change teachers.
The boys are in my class because I'm the only teacher who can handle them.
What if we separate the twins, put them in different classes?
They're much calmer when they're not bouncing off one another.
We can try that, but if it doesn't work,
we may no longer be able to accommodate them.
It suddenly occurred to Lynette,
her label was about to change yet again.
And for the next few years, she would be known as
the mother of the boys who painted Tiffany Axelrod blue.
It looked to be an interesting afternoon on Wisteria Lane.
A mysterious cassette tape had been discovered by my friend Bree.
She had stolen it from her marriage counselor.
A counselor I'd once spoken to in strictest confidence.
So how have you been?
I had the nightmare again.
It's weird to hear Mary Alice.
Still the same one? - Yes.
But this time I was standing in a river
and I saw the girl under the water.
She kept screaming "Angela" over and over again.
What do you think the significance of the name "Angela" is?
Actually, that's my real name.
Her real name?
That doesn't make any sense.
I've seen her driver's license. I did not say Angela.
Bree, what does it say in the rest of the tape?
Just more about her nightmares, and this girl she was afraid of.
So what the hell do we do now?
I think we should show Paul the note.
Are you sure? He's gonna freak.
It's now or never.
I saw what he's asking for the place.
It's gonna sell quickly.
Can I say something?
I'm glad Paul's moving. - Gaby.
I'm sorry. He's just always given me the creeps.
Haven't you guys noticed, he has this dark thing going on?
Something about him just feels...
Malignant? - Yes.
We've all sort of felt it.
That being said, I do love what he's done with that lawn.
Mom, the dish is clean.
I still don't understand why you don't just
ask him out on an official date date.
I'm trying a new strategy. I'm playing hard to get.
How long do you think you can keep that up?
Maybe until noon.
Then I'm going to have to run over there
and beg him to love me.
Uh, mom, I don't think you're gonna be able to wait that long.
You got to be kidding. She washed her car yesterday.
Oh, no, she's not.
Yep, she's bringing out the big guns.
You better get over there. She's wearing cotton.
What am I supposed to say?
"I saw you half-naked and I thought I'd drop by"?
What's that?
A piece of Mike's junk mail we got by mistake.
I held onto it in case of an emergency.
God bless you.
Hey, Susan.
We got this by mistake.
Oh, thanks.
I hope it's not important.
Well, I guess I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll just head back home.
Bye.
Hey, you like old movies? - I love old movies.
I hate Susan Mayer.
Every time I see those big doe eyes of hers,
I swear to god I just want to go out and shoot a deer.
What has she done this time?
She is out there throwing herself at Mike Delfino,
again.
Susan likes Mike?
Where the hell have you been, Martha?
She's been lusting after him ever since he moved in.
I got your message. What's going on?
The boys refuse to be separated.
They refuse? They're six years old. Make them.
The school regulations are pretty strict about me wrestling with the boys.
But if you want to give it a shot, be my guest.
Fine.
Oh, which one goes and which one stays?
You pick.
I love taking baths. Especially with you.
It's like taking a vacation from the world.
I hated taking baths when I was a kid.
Of course, back then,
the only thing I had to play with was my rubber ducky.
Who's that?
It's Mr. Solis.
Relax. Carlos is at work and he doesn't ring the doorbell.
It's the cable guy. He's three hours late.
Use the side entrance.
Gabrielle knew her vacation from the world had ended.
What she didn't know was John had left behind a souvenir.
I'm telling dad didn't come home last night.
They had a fight. A bad one. - How bad?
Like divorce court bad.
Listen to her.
She always overcompensates when she's worried.
If dad moves out and leaves us with her,
I'll lose my mind.
Dinner is on the table.
Mom, where did dad go last night?
He got a last minute call to speak at a medical conference in Philadelphia.
Take your seats.
This marriage is so over.
Andrew?
Again sorry I was late.
The scheduler overbooked me.
How long are you going to be? - Almost done.
What is that scent? Is that sage and citrus?
That's amazing.
Try to hurry. I have stuff to do.
What's happening?
The cable guy fell.
He hit his head on the tub. He may have a concussion.
It's almost eight. - He was late.
Mrs. Huber.
Hello, Susan. I made you a pie.
Oh, wow! Why?
Do I need a motive to do something nice?
I can't wait for you to try this.
It's mincemeat.
Actually, I just had dinner.
That's ok. You can save it for later.
What's so funny?
I was just thinking of that expression,
"I'll make mincemeat out of you".
Mincemeat used to be an entrap of mostly chopped meat,
so it was like saying,
"I'll chop you up into little bits."
but that was centuries ago.
Today, mincemeat is mostly made of fruit, spices and rum.
There's no meat in it and still people say,
"I'll make mincemeat out of you."
I don't know that people really say that anymore.
I do.
So, Susan, how are you?
I'm fine.
Good. You know, I have a confession to make.
I've always wish I'd been more supportive when Karl left you.
Oh, you don't have to apologize about Karl.
Really, Karl and I are over.
I've moved on. - Yes, I know.
You've moved on to that nice Mike Delfino.
He's quite a catch, isn't he?
You like him, don't you?
Ah, sure, as a friend.
Oh, Susan.
Being coy is a strategy best employed by virgins at their first dance.
For women of our age,
it's just annoying.
You sure you don't want pie?
No, thank you.
I hope it works out with you and Mike.
You've been so desperate to land him.
What? I am not desperate.
Good lord, Susan,
you burned your rival's house down.
If that isn't desperate,
I don't know what is.
Mrs. Huber, with all due respect, you're crazy.
What's that? - I think you recognize it.
I found it in the ruins of Eddie's home.
Well, that's not... - Shh. My point is this.
I wasn't there for you when Karl left,
but I am here for you now.
As far as I'm concerned, this is our secret.
And no one ever need know.
Oh, Susan.
You don't know how good it feels to finally be able to help you.
You look so pale.
Now, I insist you try some of my pie.
Go on.
Did I mention it's mincemeat?
Open the door, please. - Hang on.
What? - May I come in?
No. - I want to talk to you.
Then talk. - Where were you last night?
Brian's. - I just spoke to Brian's mother.
Tell me again where you were last night, and this time don't lie to me.
Where did you say dad was again? In Philadelphia?
Andrew, don't change the subject.
Sorry, I thought the subject was telling lies.
I called dad's cell phone.
I know he moved out.
Well, it's just temporary and...
...I thought it would upset you so I was protecting you.
Whatever. You lied.
So stop pretending like you have some sort of moral authority.
Andrew, just because I chose not to share my marital problems with you
doesn't give you the right to be rude.
How about driving my father away.
Do I get to be rude then?
What's this?
It's a sock. - It's a man's sock.
I found it under our bed.
It's not mine.
Oh, for god sakes, Carlos, it's Yao Lin's.
Our maid wears size 13 gym socks?
No, she dusts with them.
See? Socks instead of rags.
Susan, hello. - Mrs. Huber.
Did you and Mike come together?
I saw him over in the fresh produce aisle.
No. Like I told you. We're just friends.
By the way, if I didn't make it clear yesterday,
I absolutely did not do that thing you accuse me of.
Hey, Susan. Hey, Mrs. Huber.
Nice to see you, Mike.
Hey. You like Alfred Hitchcock?
They're doing a retrospective at the rialto.
Uh... ...I'm not really a fan.
Come on, how can you not like Hitchcock?
I just, uh, don't.
Oh. Ok.
Well, uh, nice to see you.
You too, Mrs. Huber.
You're so silly.
Pretending not to like him on my account.
I mean, really.
Will you just drop it?
You shouldn't be rude to me.
Your secret is not an easy burden to bear.
That insurance company is putting Eddie through hell.
But still I've said nothing. - Well...
The longer it takes for her payment,
the longer she'll be staying with me.
Eating me out of house and home. Using up my hot water.
What exactly is it you want from me, Mrs. Huber?
Are these together?
Ring it up.
If the school and the pediatrician think the twins could be medicated,
then what's the problem?
I used to run a company with 85 people,
and now I can't wrangle three small boys without doping them?
Talk about feeling like a failure.
Lynette, you are a great mother.
But, let's face it,
your kids are a challenge.
Thank you. That's the nicest way you could've said that.
You know, the truth is when they're not making me want to tear my hair out,
they're actually really sweet.
I'm afraid if I change the bad stuff,
I'm going to change the good stuff.
It's a tough call.
Like this mug.
I love this mug. If I medicate them,
will they still make me a mug like this?
You know, it's leaking.
Yeah, I know.
We talked to Paul. We told him we need to show him something.
He's on his way over.
So, Paul, we notice that you're selling the house.
Yes, too many painful memories. I'm sure you understand.
Before you move, we thought there's something you should know.
It seems there may be more to Mary Alice's death than you are aware of.
Remember when you asked us to pack her things?
Well, when we did, we found a note.
And we think that you should have it.
You can see from the postmark,
Mary Alice probably got it the day she died.
Paul, are you going to be okay? - No.
Have you always cleaned with socks? - Yes.
What is that, a Japanese thing?
I am Chinese.
I don't like lying.
I don't like your ironing, so there.
Mrs. Solis, what are you doing here?
Carlos found this under the bed.
Oh, crap.
It's ok. It was close call,
but I managed to cover.
I got you these, so from now on,
we can't let Carlos see you wearing anything resembling a gym sock.
You want me to mow your lawn in sandals.
I could lose a toe.
Imagine what you'd lose if he finds out you're trimming more than the hedge.
Why are your friends staring at me?
Did you tell them about us? - No.
They're staring 'cause they think you're hot.
Oh... Ok.
It's 9:30. What is your brother thinking?
Want my advice? Call dad.
Tell him to go kick Andrew's ass.
I am perfectly capable of handling this without your father.
I'm sorry. - Where's your cell phone?
Call Andrew. Find out where he is.
He'll know you're behind this.
He won't. Just act normal.
Hey, it's me. Ah, what's going on?
He knows.
Andrew, this is your mother.
I am rapidly reaching the end of my patience with you.
Where are you? Are you at a bar?
Andrew? Andrew?
Mom? - He hung up on me.
What are you gonna do?
Heath. Lan. Andrew.
Mom, how did you even know I was here?
You went in my room? - You think that's bad?
Tomorrow morning, I'm cleaning it.
Oh, by the way, Heath.
I didn't get a chance to tell you,
that was a lovely solo last week at church.
Thank you. We're out of here.
I hope it wasn't something I said.
Well, Andrew, shall we?
You just humiliated me in front of my friends.
I'm not going anywhere with you. - Fine.
What are you doing? - I'm staying for the show.
I'm dying to see what all the fuss is about.
Excuse me, waitress. I'll have a glass of your house Chardonnay.
Of course, ma'am.
I'm curious. Andrew, as you fantasize about this woman,
do you ever stop and think how she came to be on this runway?
That's someone's little girl.
And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her.
Dreams that did not include a thong and a pole.
It's not going to work, ok? I'm not budging.
God knows what she's had to deal with in life.
Abject poverty, drugs, domestic violence, maybe even molestation.
Mom!
Now she treats herself the way other men treat her.
Like an object. A piece of meat.
That does it. Kid, get her out of here.
She's killing it for the rest of us.
We're not here, leave a message.
It's Mrs. Huber, Susan, are you there?
I can see your lights are on.
I hope you're not screening. That's so tacky.
Listen. I need to talk to you.
My water heater just burst and it's gonna cost me $600 to get a new one.
And I can't afford that.
I'm just beside myself. Call me as soon as you get in.
Julie, honey, wake up.
We need to talk.
Can't this wait until morning?
I think I'm being blackmailed.
And when I realized I couldn't put out the fire, I ran.
I must've dropped the measuring cup in the process.
Why do I even let you out of the house?
Obviously, I can't let her get away with this.
The only thing to do is go to the police and tell them what happened.
You can't do that.
Julie, I don't think they'll throw me in jail.
I mean, it was an accident.
Dad won't care if it was an accident.
You know he'll just use this as an excuse to reopen custody.
Mom, I don't want to live with dad. - I know.
I need to talk to you. - Cool. Sure.
You were working tuesday, right? - Yeah.
You remember the cable guy showing up?
And you usually work till what time, five?
Yeah.
Damn it. That means he was in the house for four hours.
Wait. Now that I think about it,
I might not have seen him.
Either you saw him or you didn't. Which is it?
I didn't.
John...
...did my wife ask you to lie for her?
Mr. Solis, uh... I really don't want to get in the middle of anything.
Thank you. That's all I needed to know.
Let's run through it one more time.
Mom, it's not brain surgery.
You'll stand guard while I crawl through Mrs. Huber's doggie door.
Once inside, I find the measuring cup.
Simple.
Mm, god. I hate that I'm turning you into a little thief.
It's our measuring cup. We're just taking back what's ours.
That's right. Ethically, we have nothing to be ashamed about.
Oh. Wear these. I don't want you to leave finger prints.
There she goes. Ok. Move.
Oh, so glad to be playing frisbee again.
Here you go. Coming at you
All right. Back up a little more. There you go.
Whoo! All right. Here we go.
Oh, my, whoops! You better go get that. Yeah. Hah!
Hey, Susan.
I thought that was you.
Uh... Yeah. Julie and I are out tossing a frisbee around,
and it flew off into Mrs. Huber's back yard.
Oh, you need some help?
No, no, no. Julie's got it.
Ok. I'm glad I ran into you.
I wanted to make sure things were ok between us.
The other day, you seemed kind of distant.
Distant? What do you mean?
I mean, you're not mad at me for some reason, are you?
No. No, not at all.
Good. 'cause I'm gonna take one more shot.
I got tickets for a Billy Wilder retrospective,
Wednesday night.
I'd love to take you with me.
You are so sweet. I'd love to go.
All right.
Eddie, I thought you'd be at work.
I'm not feeling well.
I got a sunburn the other day washing my car.
Well, don't just run off. Come and hang out with us.
Boy, you are one sick ticket. - What?
It's not bad enough I have to watch you throw yourself at him every day.
Now you want to make sure I see it up close and personal?
No, it's not like that. - I've got to take off.
I'll call about Wednesday night, ok?
Edie, wait.
Mike and I were gonna go see the movies on Wednesday
and I thought it would be fun if you joined us.
You want me to come with you? - Yeah.
Yeah, that's ok, isn't it, Mike?
Well, it's a limited engagement.
And it's sold out. I've only got two tickets.
Edie, wait. You should take my ticket.
Really? Is that ok with you, Mike?
Uh, yeah, sure.
So, uh, what time do you want to pick me up?
Hang on.
You think you can have sex with anyone you want, huh?
Carlos couldn't help but feel proud of himself.
After all, he'd just defended his honor.
Or had he?
Are you gay? - Yes. Is that why you're doing this?
"Will you buy some chocolates?"
Ladies.
Hey, Paul, what's up?
I wanted to apologize for my outburst yesterday.
Don't worry about it. We unloaded a lot on you.
I suppose you're wondering why I reacted so violently to that note.
It did... cross our minds.
Well, the truth is, Mary Alice was not a well person.
She was very troubled.
Troubled? - At first it was harmless.
She'd leave herself notes, reminders like,
"pick up the milk" or "Zach has a dentist appointment."
But over time the notes became ugly.
Hateful messages started showing up.
Mary Alice was writing them to me, to Zach, to herself.
Really? - That's why I lost it.
I was reminded of what Zach and I had been through.
Paul, I'm so sorry. - We had no idea.
No.
Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourselves.
For Zach's sake. - Of course. Of course.
Bye.
I think he's lying. - Huh. So do I.
Boys, could you get in here, please?
He broke my plane. - I did not.
We'll talk about that later. I need you to take medicine.
Are we sick?
Not exactly. There is a special medicine.
It's like a vitamin and you'll take it every day, ok?
Stay right there.
In that moment, Lynette made a decision.
When it came to dealing with her children,
medication was no longer an option.
Of course, given her continuing level of frustration,
Lynette also felt a littleself-medication couldn't hurt.
So what's your strategy?
Are you just never gonna speak to me again?
Something like that.
I suppose I do owe you an apology.
Careful. I wouldn't want you to strain yourself.
I shouldn't have lied to you about your father.
You two are old enough to handle the truth and I'm sorry.
Keep going.
I'm mad at you for about 7,000 other things.
If you think I'll apologize for taking you out of a strip club, you're wrong.
I consider it one of my finest moments.
Oh, Andrew.
I know you blame me for what's happening with your father,
but it's not entirely my fault and I need you to understand that.
I do.
I just... don't want him to leave.
Neither do I.
Mom. - Yeah?
When can I have my door back?
Three months.
Royal Oaks was the scene of a hate crime today.
Jonathan Lisco, local gay activist and part-time female impersonator,
was brutally attacked in his home.
Lisco speculated the attack was in response to his efforts
to secure same-sex partner insurance coverage from his employer,
Cliffside cable.
Police are circulating this sketch of the assailant.
The circumstances speak for themselves.
I've taken a strong stance with my company.
Is there something you want to ask me?
No.
You took it, didn't you?
Good evening, Mrs. Huber.
It's my own fault for not hiding the cup.
If you're capable of arson, obviously you're capable of breaking and entering.
I don't know what you're talking about. Mrs. Huber.
I suppose you destroyed it.
Again, I don't know what you're talking about,
but... yeah, I did.
I was going to keep your secret.
It's a shame you couldn't trust me.
You're a piece of work. Do you know that?
Oh, Susan, let's not be unpleasant.
We can go back to the same friendly relationship we've always had.
I will keep my lawn looking nice.
And I would make sure my music isn't played too loud.
And if I get some of your mail, heck, I'll run it right over,
'cause that's what good neighbors do.
But from now on, when I run into you on the street,
and I say, "good morning, Mrs. Huber"
or "how are you, Mrs. Huber?"
Just know that inside I am quietly but decidedly hating your guts.
Careful, dear,
let's not say things we'll live to regret.
Good evening, Mrs. Huber.
He actually said Mary Alice was crazy?
Not in so many words,
but everything Paul said made it seem like she was schizophrenic.
I think he's hiding something. I know it.
But wait, what about the tape?
She did say her name was Angela.
Mary.Alice was not crazy.
My father was a prosecutor and he always
said that the simplest explanation was usually the right one.
But remember the note said
"I know what you did. It makes me sick.
And I'm going to tell."
That's not something someone writes to themselves.
That's a message sent by an enemy.
So exactly what is it you hired me to do?
It's very simple really.
Someone sent that note to my wife
and I need to know who.
What type of person would send such a note?
Was it an enemy? Of course.
But what kind? An acquaintance?
A stranger?
Or how about a neighbor that lives a few feet away?
Episode-05
The boys are in my class because I'm the only teacher who can handle them.
We may no longer be able to accommodate them.
Ultimatums were made.
She used this to kill herself. Why would you keep it?
Questions were asked.
Are you ok? - I think he's hiding something.
And lots of evidence was uncovered.
What is it you hired me to do?
Someone sent that note to my wife.
I need to know who.
You like Alfred Hitchcock?
I found it in the ruins of Edie's home.
I found it under our bed. It's not mine.
Talk about dirty laundry.
Every neighborhood has a woman like Alberta Frome.
And every woman like Mrs. Frome has a cat.
When she traveled,
Mrs. Frome would arrange for friends to look after her beloved pet.
This time, however, she was forced to ask her neighbor, Susan Mayer.
Mrs. Frome liked Susan.
But it was common knowledge on Wisteria Lane,
where Susan Mayer went, bad luck was sure to follow.
Her misfortunes ranged from the commonplace...
...to the unusual...
...to the truly bizarre.
As she waved goodbye, she worried
that Susan's bad luck would continue.
For that matter, so did her cat.
Mr. Whiskers. Dinner time.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
That's weird. Cats can't open drawers, can they?
Are you sure you didn't leave them open? - No way.
Wow. Do you think somebody broke in?
Mr. Whiskers?
Mr. Whiskers?
Though she didn't know it at the time,
Susan's luck... had finally started to change.
News that an intruder had breached the security of Wisteria Lane spread like wildfire.
At a neighborhood watch meeting the next night,
Mrs. Ida Grenberg said
someone was looking through her bathroom window whenever she took a shower.
Bob Fisk warned those present that a government agency
was listening in on their phone conversations.
Helen Vale spoke of a ruthless local tenage gang that had egged her minivan.
Three factors contribute to...
The evening concluded with
Officer Thompson offering safety tips and a plan of action.
...The oppoutunity you have some control over.
You can sign up for daily or nightly patrols,
which might seem like overkill,
but I guarantee regular surveillance will deter
even the most determined criminal.
Are there any other questions?
All right. Let's be careful out there.
Actually, I do have a question. Do you have a second?
Sure. How can I help?
Um... I'm the one who discovered the break-in.
I think I found some evidence. - Evidence?
This is a screwdriver left behind by the burglar.
I didn't touch it.
Why didn't you give this to the investigators?
I tried and they sort of laughed at me.
Because apparently nothing was taken from Mrs. Frome's house.
I apologize for that. That was totally unprofessional.
Thank you.
So you think it should be dusted for prints?
Yes. And I'll make sure it gets done. - Great.
Bye.
Boys, stop it! Go to bed!
We're not tired! - Well, at least go upstairs.
We want to play! - Look!
Gimme!
Go! Go!
So why weren't you sitting with Mike?
I thought you two were an item.
I sort of thought so too.
Getting a lot of mixed signals.
I'll tell you who wasn't giving mixed signals.
Sexy officer Thompson.
He stared at you all night.
You noticed that?
Honey, trust me,
when they're not staring at me, I notice.
I appreciate you guys staying and helping.
Oh, please. I would have hosted it myself but there's camping equipment everywhere.
It's nice of you.
And there's something else nice that I'd like you to do.
Your kids both went to Barcliff Academy, didn't they?
We need you to recommend Porter and Preston.
We can't get an interview.
You want me to recommend the twins?
Yes. You can tell them how beautifully behaved the boys are.
So you want me to lie? - Yeah.
I thought that was understood.
I'm very well respected at Barcliff,
and my word won't be good there any more.
Yes, but by the time they realize their mistake, we'll be in.
You're not having any more kids. What do you care?
I had hoped some day to get my grandchildren into Barcliff.
But I suppose that doesn't matter to you, does it?
It really doesn't.
Paul and Zach are fighting again.
The second time this week.
They never fought when Mary Alice was alive.
It's a shame. They used to be such a happy family.
Just because you didn't hear them fighting, doesn't mean they were happy.
The next day,
as residents began to patrol Wisteria Lane in the hopes of foiling potential burglars,
Gabrielle was about to experience a home invasion of her own.
Mama Solis! What are you doing here?
I came to visit my son and daughter-in-law.
What does it look like?
Does Carlos know you're coming?
No. He likes to be surprised.
Now come.
Gabrielle. Come.
Family should always hug...
... regardless of how they feel about each other.
32.
Sweet. I sail. I've got a flying Scott.
We have several yachting enthusiasts here in Barcliff Academy.
I could introduce them to you...
That sounds great.
...if we decide to enroll your children.
To be honest, Mr. And Mrs. Scavo,
your children's educational background is a bit more common than we would prefer.
But Mrs. Van de Kamp said they were identical twins?
Yes. Completely identically. You can't tell them apart.
They're like book ends.
We do strive for diversity at Barcliff.
Identical twins could be interesting.
The boys are fascinating.
They even have their own twin secret language.
Yeah, it's pretty scary.
Not so much scary as highly developed.
Yeah, they bark and growl at each other.
Tom, Mr. Lentz was trying to say something.
Sorry. Go ahead, Mr. Lentz.
I'd love to meet these twins of yours.
I tell you what.
I'm going to put them on our "must-meet list".
Terrific! - Thank you so much.
What is a "must-meet list"?
We bring them in for observation.
Observation?
Mm. To see how they play with the other children,
how they respond to authority,
that sort of thing.
Great. - That sounds wonderful.
Kids ready?
Almost. Thanks for driving them.
Happy to do it. I miss them.
Did you hear there was a break-in at Mrs. Frome's the other night?
Yeah. I heard they didn't take anything.
It's still frightening.
He could have been a sexual predator.
And he ended up at Mrs. Frome's?
That would have been a lose-lose situation.
Rex, that's not the point.
I don't feel safe. I was wondering if you could spend the night.
You're in the NRA. You own four guns.
If somebody broke in I'd expect you to protect me.
Rex, the truth is, with the kids gone,
I'll be all by myself in this house for the first time in 17 years.
I know it's hard to hear,
but the marriage counseling might not work out.
You need to get used to being alone.
You're right. That was hard to hear.
What are you doing? - That is for the kids' trip.
Oh, come on. I'm staying at a motel.
I haven't had a decent meal in weeks.
Honey, the marriage counseling might not work out.
You need to get used to bad cooking.
Screwdriver girl.
I took your evidence into the lab for fingerprints.
Really? That's great.
I'll call you if I hear something. - Ok.
Sorry! - Thanks.
Actually, I'd like to call you anyway if that's ok.
Oh. You seem like a really sweet guy in an interesting line of work
but I'm not really available.
Oh. You have a boyfriend? - Yeah, sort of.
Sort of. - It's hard to explain. Even to myself.
Unit 23, we have a 907A in progress.
Please respond.
Ten-four. I'm on my way. I gotta go.
Apparently there's a hostage situation.
So you're really turning me down?
Boy. My self-esteem can't take this. - I'm sorry.
No, it's just, now my ability to help those hostages has been compromised.
Still, don't blame yourself for what might happen. - Blame myself?
Yeah. It's just hard to rescue folks when you don't feel good about yourself.
Ah, they'll probably all die anyway.
Ok, fine. I'll go out with you.
Great. I'll call you.
Now that you've got your date,
you can tell me what 907A really means.
Someone's TV was playing too loud.
Thank god for The Thin Blue Line.
I'll be outside doing my yoga.
I'll be right back.
Do you have to do that now? My mother's here.
I'm not gonna stop my life just
just because she decides to shows up unannounced on my add.
She's family. She doesn't need an invitation.
Whatever. It's rude.
It's real pretty, mama.
You were always good with your hands.
So, I assume you didn't insist that I travel 2,000 miles for small talk.
So why am I here?
She...
...is unhappy.
I've given her everything she ever wanted,
but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
I feel her drifting further and further away.
And lately I've started thinking that maybe...
So you think she's cheating on you?
I think so.
We can talk about your problems,
but I'm not gonna have any of that.
Do you have any proof?
No. It's just a feeling.
I had that feeling with your father and that whore waitress.
And I was right. Always trust your feelings.
So what do I do?
You don't do anything.
I'll take care of it.
Thank you, mama.
I'm sorry I had to hit you, but we're strong people.
We don't cry about our problems.
We find ways to fix them.
While the residents of Wisteria Lane kept up their patrols
in an effort to prevent future break-ins,
Lynette hatched a plan to break her
children into Barcliff Academy.
Boys, wake up.
Come on! I bet you can beat me! Come on!
Go, go, go! Yes, yes, yes! Mush!
Mush! Mush! Mush!
Mom, I'm tired.
If I can still see your head,
the pool's not deep enough.
Are your boys usually so docile?
They're always a little shy at first.
Look at that concentration.
Porter loves his puzzles.
Mama, I'll be right back. I'm going to the store.
Gabrielle! I'm coming with you.
I want to make some tamales for Carlos.
No, I'm not going to the supermarket.
I'm going to the lingerie store.
Good. I need some bras. - I'm gonna be a while.
I might get a facial.
I have a face.
Hey, Mike. - How's it going?
Good. Just came by to say hello. - Hello.
So you remember the cop from the neighborhood watch meeting?
He agreed to run a fingerprint check on the screwdriver I found at Mrs. Frome's house.
He did? Nothing was taken.
Still, somebody broke in. It is a crime.
So the weird thing is the cop asked me out, on a date.
And I sort of said yes.
I was just curious what you thought about that.
You're asking my permission to go out with him?
No. No, I just uh...
was wondering your opinion.
I don't really have one.
Ok. Great.
Fine.
Thank you. - Susan, wait. Wait, I...
I'm sorry.
My life is just really complicated right now.
You don't have to explain.
Susan. - It's complicated. I get it.
Paul? Paul?
Oh. Hi, Zachary. Sorry, the door was open and...
It's ok. You can come in.
Is your father here? We're scheduled to do a patrol today.
He had to go out of town. Again.
Oh. Well, I guess I can do it by myself.
Wow. This place is just immaculate.
My mom liked things clean.
She would be very proud of you.
What happened to your varnish?
That's where my mother died.
I messed up the floor trying to get out the blood.
I'll tell my dad that you stopped by. - Ok.
Zach, do you have plans for dinner?
So you shop a lot, huh? - Yeah. So?
Most women that shop a lot, it's because they don't have anything better to do.
What's your point? - Well, if you had children...
Here we go.
I'm just saying that children give your life a purpose.
You're so busy taking care of them you don't have time to wonder if you're happy.
You know, Juanita, this is so like you.
You didn't invite me. I invited myself.
You keep looking at your watch.
Is there some place you have to be?
No! And I am not one of those women who has a hole in her heart
that can only be filled by a baby.
I like my life a lot. It's very fulfilling.
Excuse my daughter-in-law. She's very fulfilled.
So he just blew you off?
I told him another man asked me out.
It was a perfect opportunity for Mike to be jealous, and nothing.
Did you bat your eyes? It doesn't work if you don't bat your eyes.
I batted everything that wasn't nailed down. Nothing.
Thanks. - So what's going on there?
Gophers.
I'm sorry about Mike. I know you like him.
Maybe it's my fault.
Maybe I just imagined an entire relationship with this man that didn't exist.
There has been flirting. I have seen it.
And the flirting made me think he was kind,
trustworthy, honest and hygienic.
A guy just smiles at me three times and I'm picking out wedding china.
I'm a mess.
But to be fair, that's part of your charm.
That's what happened with Karl.
I only dated him a couple of months.
I filled in the blankets, I married him.
It was a disaster.
You think Mike is a Karl in disguise?
I don't know. What does that mean anyway?
"My life is complicated."
If I wanted to sit around and wait for nothing,
I could do it on the can.
You're late. What's with the face?
I screwed up. I broke into the Frome house and almost got caught.
What's "almost"?
I accidentally left something behind with my prints on it.
Did you ever hear of gloves? - It's the suburbs.
I didn't think it'd matter.
Anyway, the police are running a check and I'm in the system.
I gotta pull up stakes before they come looking for me.
That's a sweet sound. Laughter like that, huh?
Pisses me off.
If and when your cover is blown, you disappear.
Until then, you keep fixing the neighbors' pipes.
The more time I spend at this town,
the more I think we're making a mistake.
These are nice people.
My money says one of them isn't.
No more screw-ups.
I'm getting something to drink. Do you want something?
Don't be mad. - I waited for three hours for you.
I had to use a month's worth of lunch money to pay for that room.
It's not my fault.
Juanita hasn't let me out of her sight since she got here.
Really? Well, I don't see her now.
She's watching her Mexican soap opera.
The rebel's virgin daughter is about to be seduced by the escaped desperado.
So until she puts out,
Juanita won't even know that I'm gone.
Come on. I said I was sorry.
Just so you know,
I've turned down half the pep-squad for you.
You can't be serious.
I'm starting to think that...
maybe I should be with someone my own age.
I thought teenage girls bored you, John.
I thought what we had was beyond that.
so did I.
Why go back to something you don't want?
I don't know. - Maybe you're tired of me.
No. I want to be with you.
Then why are we arguing?
Gabrielle! - Damn it!
The virgin gave it up already?
I want you so bad.
When can I see you again? - Tomorrow.
Meet me at the mall after school.
What about your mother-in-law? - I'll think of something.
Gabrielle! Gabrielle! - Coming!
A donation? Now Barcliff wants a donation?
Apparently we're in competition with one other family.
A generous donation will ensure our kids beat 'em out.
How generous? - 15 thousand.
We don't have that. - That's what I told them.
So what will we do?
Public school is out unless we move to a new district.
We're not moving.
Maybe it's time that we look into home schooling.
I know you did not just say that.
Honey, it's got its advantages.
Kids at home school do better in their later years.
They won't make it to their later years
if I have to spend all day with them.
Honey, sometimes you've just got to make the sacrifice.
It's probably the best thing for the kids.
Why don't we just put them back in me and cook them until they're civilized.
You'd be cool with that?
I've never had plum pudding before.
I'm serving it for christmas.
I like to try out new recipes before the actual holiday.
That way, if the cookbook's gotten it wrong, I can fix it.
You must really like Christmas.
You and Mr. Van de Kamp always have the best decorations.
I adore the holidays.
I never get depressed if there's a decorated tree.
My mom and I would always decorate our tree together.
This Christmas is gonna be weird. - Oh, Zach.
You know, my mother died when I
was young. She was hit by a car.
It was right before Christmas, as a matter of fact.
We were all singing carols and the dog was howling
because everybody in my family sings off-key except for me.
Anyway, it was a terrible ruckus.
So no one noticed when my mother went
out to give the neighbors a gift.
The next thing we heard were brakes screeching.
Most of my family went to the hospital but I stayed home because I was so young.
When I looked out the window
I saw my mother's blood on the street
and nobody was doing anything about it.
So I got a hose and I washed it off.
And once it was clean, I felt so much better.
I've never told anyone that story before.
Those are the most interesting ones.
The stories that we never tell anyone.
Yeah. You're probably right.
I have one.
It's more of a secret really.
I know why my mom killed herself.
You do? - It was something I did.
Something bad.
What did you do, Zach?
Zach. Sweetheart.
No. I shouldn't have said anything.
If my dad found out...
I won't tell your father!
I can't get you involved.
Zachary, it's all right!
I can't believe Zach said that.
What else did Zach tell you?
Just that Mary Alice killed herself because of something he'd done.
You couldn't get any more out of him?
Oh, I tried, but he was so nervous.
He actually started shaking then he just left.
Ok, this is getting really weird.
I think we should go to the police.
And tell them what?
We don't even have the note any more. We gave it to Paul.
You have to get Zach to tell you something so we have more to go on.
Girls, You don't understand.
This poor kid is scared out of his mind.
Bree, for god's sakes, you're a woman.
Manipulate him. That's what we do.
But how?
I don't know. How did you usually manipulate Rex?
Hello, Zachary.
Are you free for dinner tonight?
Sure.
Oh, good. Because last night you put me in such a holiday mood.
I'm gonna make roast turkey and candy yams and eggnog.
Have you ever had real, old-fashioned eggnog?
I don't think so. - You are gonna love it.
It has quite a kick.
Mine!
Preston! - Boys, could you stop...
Lynette was desperate to avoid home schooling.
But she saw no options on the horizon.
Until a solution sailed into view.
Gabrielle, please. You bought me enough things.
Mama, you're in a rut.
We need to spice up your wardrobe. Ooh. Here.
Try this one on. Go on. Try it on.
Mama Solis, how are you doing in there?
Is it supposed to be so tight?
Gabrielle, I don't think this dress is right for me.
I can't breathe.
Well, maybe I made a mistake.
While you change,
I'm gonna make a quick run to the book store.
Wait! I'm coming with you!
No! I'll just be a minute!
I'm coming with you!
Gabrielle! Wait! - Ma'am!
Ma'am. Sorry, I'm gonna need to look in your bags, please.
Fine. Just hurry up.
I don't know where that blouse came from.
Security. - Keep your stupid blouse.
I have to find my daughter-in-law.
Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me!
Ma'am, you have to come with us. Get your hands off me! Gabrielle!
Hello.
Hey, it's me. - Oh, hi, Rex. How are you?
Is something wrong?
I was just about to grab dinner from that motel vending machine and it occurred to me,
"what the heck? I'll go out."
Would you like to have dinner with me?
Mrs. Van de Kamp. Guess what.
I found all my mom's old Christmas stuff.
Oh. Sweetie, I was just coming over to talk to you.
I am so sorry but something really important came up and I have to cancel.
Really? - We'll do it again.
We'll have our impromptu holiday dinner. I promise.
Mm. I got one. Kelly Halstatter.
In eighth grade, she used to spit in my gym shoes.
Kelly Halstatter.
Kelly Halstatter. Here, look.
Two DUIs, one check-kiting and an open bench warrant.
How tragic. By which I mean, "yay".
You've been a good sport coming on my shift with me.
Well, time flies when you're on a stakeout in cracktown.
So when does our official date begin?
Taxpayers say 20 minutes. But I say now.
They're down. - Thank you.
Honey, you read up on home schooling?
Yeah. It gave me some good ideas.
Well, one, anyway.
Great. What have you got?
You know how we both agree that one of us
needs to stay home and parent the kids
and one of us needs to make a living?
And then I suddenly remembered that when I was working
I made a little more than you.
What are you doing?
It occurred to me,
I've made sacrifices over the past six years.
I gave up my career.
If another sacrifice has to be made,
I think it's your turn on the man go round.
Lynette? - So if I went back to work,
you could stay home and take care of the kids.
I can't be with the kids all day. I'd lose my mind.
Hey. Ok, I get it. Home schooling is out.
How are we gonna scrape together 15 grand for this endowment?
Mm. How, how, how...
Think. Think real hard.
Oh, no. - Aye-aye.
The restaurant's run by this little old guy named Arinello.
He will propose to you.
Don't say yes because he's dead serious.
But what if I like him?
Hey. I thought this went to the lab.
All right. You got me.
And that means what? - Look, Susan.
No one would authorize lab time
or a computer search for a case like this.
It's just not a priority.
So why couldn't you just tell me that?
Well, I thought we were clicking.
Does this need to be a big deal?
Well, if you'd only lied to me about it once it wouldn't be.
All right. I get it. You want me to beg. Ok.
Look at me. I'm begging.
Come on. Don't be such a girl about this.
I know who you are. You're a Karl in disguise.
I'm done with you. All of you.
Oh, come on, drama queen. What are you doing?
Where are you going? It's not safe.
I'd rather take my chances on the street,
thank you very much.
Why do I always pick the psychos?
Excuse me. I'm a little lost.
You best be lost. This here's my corner.
Oh, yes. And a lovely corner it is.
And I hate to bother you while you're working.
I was just wondering if you point me in the direction of a payphone?
Oh, if you have some change for this five.
Preferably quarters.
Honey, if I got paid in quarters,
I'd be doing something very wrong.
Right. Ok.
Thank you.
Hey. You want to use my cell? I have weekend minutes.
Thank you so much. You're saving my life.
Excuse me, honey. - Oh, yes. You do what you've got to do.
Oh, please answer. Come on. Pick up, Julie.
Oh, thank god. Don't ask any questions.
Just get somebody down here to pick me up at the corner of Ninth and Foster.
Hey, babe.
Thank you. No. I'm on a break.
Hurry, please.
Excuse me. We got a call. Something about a break-in.
One of your neighbors was reporting seeing someone
forcing his way into your home.
We sent some guys out to investigate and uh...
What is it? - I gotta tell you, ma'am.
I thought I'd seen a lot on the job,
but this is something else.
So let me get this straight.
He chopped down one of our pine trees?
I'm afraid so.
Zach, why did you do this?
I don't know. - Take off those handcuffs, please.
Ma'am, he confessed to breaking in.
This is not up for discussion.
Go ahead.
Sir, you can't...
Zach.
Are you ok? - Yeah.
Then how much for a trip around the world?
I can't believe Julie sent you. She is soon gonna be dead.
Come on. Get in.
Wasn't that sent in for prints?
No. The cop lied to me.
I don't wanna talk about it. - Just asking.
Yes. Apparently they found a blouse in her bag.
I don't know, Carlos.
At some point older people start to get confused.
She probably thought she paid for it.
No, no charges. Everything's fine.
Ok. I'll tell her. Bye.
Carlos is gonna be late for dinner. It's just the two of us.
What would you like to eat? - I'm not hungry.
Ok. Suit yourself.
Don't go yet. I need to talk to you.
It's important. Please.
I married Diego Solis when I was 16 years old.
A few months into our marriage, he started to beat me.
I was so young as to but I didn't know what to do.
Juanita, I had no idea.
It got so bad that I started praying to god to let me die.
But god, in his infinite wisdom, gave me a reason to live.
Carlos.
Ah, he was a beautiful baby.
But my husband wasn't much of a father.
He never held him. He would yell and scream at him for no reason at all.
One night, when Carlos was four,
Diego Solis came home drunk.
And he beat my Carlos.
Something inside me snapped.
At that moment, I found a way to be strong.
So I made sure that Diego Solis never hurt my son or me ever again.
What did you do?
Well, if you pray hard enough,
Carlos said that his father left for a waitress in El Paso.
Mm-hm. That's what he was told.
All mothers know they have to protect their children.
But some of us take our job more seriously than others.
I don't know why you're telling me this.
I think you do.
Ok. I know you're mad at me.
I'm sorry I didn't stop you from going out with that guy.
I'm not mad at you. I mean I'm not just mad at you.
I'm mostly mad at myself.
Ok. - I'm mad that I like you so much without knowing anything about you.
Oh. What do you want to know?
What's your favorite food? - Mexican.
Favorite band? - Elvis Costello.
That's a guy, not a band.
It's a guy with a band.
What do you think of me?
I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
Mrs. Van de Kamp. - Hi, Zach.
I wanted to see if everything was all right.
Everything's fine. - Are you sure?
Yes.
Well, ok. I'll see you tomorrow then.
I'm sure that you will.
People by their very nature are always on the lookout for intruders...
Trying to prevent those on the outside from getting in.
But there will always be those who force their way into our lives,
just as there will be those we invite in.
But the most troubling of all
will be the ones who stand on the outside looking in.
The ones we never truly get to know.
Episode-06
I know why my mom killed herself.
Secrets were revealed.
This is being really weird. I think we should go to the police.
Relationships got complicated.
Mama Solis. What are you doing here?
You think she's cheating on you? - I think so.
I will take care of it
We got a call, something about a break-in.
I thought I've seen a lot on the job
but this is something else.
And the mystery... - Zach, why did you do this?
I don't know. - Depened.
Zach.
Suburbia is a battle ground,
Husbands clash with wives,
parents cross swords with children.
But the bloodiest battles often involve women and their mothers-in-law.
The war for control of Carlos began the night he proposed,
and Gabrielle had been losing ground to Juanita ever since.
From the prenuptial agrement which she reluctantly signed...
to the selection of wedding music she despised...
to the color of the house paint she hadn't wanted,
Gabrielle had suffered one defeat after another.
And now that Juanita suspected her daughter-in-law of having an affair,
it had become increasingly apparent, in this war
Mrs. Solis, I'll be at the market.
No prisoners would be taken.
Thank you, Yao Lin.
I don't see why you have her.
It's a big house. I need help.
It's only called help when you do some of the work yourself.
I supervise.
You pay her $300 a week.
That's $15,000 a year.
Carlos, you always say you're not putting away enough for retirement.
Baby, it would be a good idea to cut back on expenses.
You expect me to take care of this place all by myself?
Other women manage.
You like that? - Oh, yeah.
God, I'm gonna miss this, Carlos.
What do you mean?
Well, since I'm gonna have to be doing the cooking
I'm gonna be exhausted at night,
just like all the other wives.
Till I build up my stamina, of course.
And that might take a couple of years.
Sadly for Juanita,
she had ignored the first rule of war...
Good morning, Carlos. - The maid stays.
Never underestimate your enemy.
Of the many suburban rituals,
none is quite so cherished as the neighborhood yard sale.
The shoppers come to sift through the discarded belongings of someone they don't really know,
in hopes of finding bargains they don't really need,
each so determined to save a few pennies
They often miss hidden treasures.
Hey, Paul. - Hi, Susan.
I was a little surprised to see Mary Alice's award for sale.
She got it for doing charity work from the Chamber of Commerce.
Zach and I are moving.
We don't need to carry any more than is necessary.
That makes sense.
I just wanted to make sure you didn't want it for Zach.
Something to remember his mother by.
Zach doesn't need a piece of glass to remember his mother.
I'm out of newspaper. Here.
Let's call it ten bucks for everything.
Great. Speaking of Zach... I haven't seen him around lately.
He's been a bit depressed.
I thought he could use a change of scenery,
so I sent him to stay with relatives.
Oh. Which ones? - You don't know them.
How did you get the fat lip?
The usual way asking too many questions.
Did you find out where Zach is? - No.
But I can tell this much you he's not staying with relatives.
She's driven me crazy, mama.
It could be any one of these guys she's having an affair with.
Don't worry about it. I'm not letting her out of my sight.
Who the hell is that?
Look the way she is touching him.
Do you think that's the guy she's having an affair with?
Carlos, don't be stupid with that.
A guy she talks to in public isn't someone you're gonna worry about.
So it's someone that she doesn't talk to.
What I have to do, beat up every guy in town?
Marriage takes work.
I'm not surprise that he's playing it close to the vest.
Paul knows we're onto him.
Zach said Mary Alice killed herself because of something he'd done. Something bad.
Is there anyone else who'd know what he was talking about?
No. That's why we have to find him.
It's the only way we'll know the truth.
It just doesn't make any sense. Zach is such a sweet kid.
I can't imagine him doing anything that terrible.
He did break into your house.
I mean the kid's obviously troubled in some way.
Severe depression, borderline personality disorder.
Zach is a deeply troubled young man. - I'm aware of that.
What are you giving him?
Antidepressants and a mood stabilizer.
Good.
I'm also recommending extensive psychotherapy to help unearth any repressed memory.
I don't think so.
Mr. Young, I can't just medicate him indefinitely.
Forget the Freud and stick with the drugs.
No new treatments without my permission.
I think this is going to be a Great version of little red riding hood.
It is your involvement that makes the plays here at Barcliff Academy so special.
Thank you.
I would like to turn over the next part of our meeting
to our parent coordinator, the amazing Maisy Gibbons.
Thank you, Miss Truesdale. Now before everyone leaves,
we have new copies of the script up here.
Tilda and Frances and I went to the rehearsal yesterday,
and we were a little troubled by the ending.
Killing the wolf. It sends the wrong message to our kids.
We believe that animals should only be euthanized as a last resort.
Do you find something amusing?
I'm sorry. I thought you were kidding.
No. - Oh. Ok.
In our version, the wolf is aggressive because he has a thorn in his paw,
and the woodsman will take out the thorn and send Mr. Wolf on his way.
I'm sorry. Aren't we doing little red riding hood?
Yes. - So then you are aware that the wolf is a bad guy.
He eats little red's grandma.
If you let him go, he's gonna chow down on other defenseless old ladies.
I'm sorry. And you are?
I'm Lynette Scavo.
My twins just joined. They're playing oak trees.
Oh, of course. Lynette.
Let's see. You are signed up to take tickets the night of the show, is that right?
Yeah. - Well, with all due respect,
let's leave the creative suggestions to the mothers who have assumed the heavy lifting.
Shall we?
Sure. Whatever.
I must say I'm jealous of how
much time you two spend together.
My mother-in-law would never want to hang out with me all day.
She sounds nice.
Hey there, you two.
Hi, John.
Mrs. Solis.
I wasn't aware you two were friends.
We go to the same school. - Of course you do.
Mama, if you need anything.
We'll be upstairs in my room studying.
Have fun.
Doesn't it make you nervous?
A boy alone upstairs with Danielle?
Oh, no. I don't worry about John.
Both he and Danielle are in the abstinence club.
Coffee's a little hot.
Susan was infuriated by Paul's evasive answers.
She was convinced he was deliberately hiding Zach and hiding the truth.
She hoped that finding one would lead to the other.
To succeed, Susan would have to be evasive herself.
Susan. Long time no see. - Mrs. Greenberg.
Do you remember those two eggs I let you borrow last Christmas?
I need those back. - Gosh, honey, I'm fresh out.
But if you want, I could run to the store.
Oh, forget about it. It's not that important.
But since I'm here,
do you still have that old hatchback sitting in your garage?
Can I borrow it tomorrow? - You want to borrow my car?
Just for a couple of hours.
I'm not sure. Do you know how to drive a stick?
Yes, I think so. I learned in college.
It's like riding a bike, right?
I'm not sure, dear.
It's no big deal. It's just for a couple of hours.
I let you borrow my eggs for a whole year.
Fist off,
I'm very pleased with the work we've done in our sessions thus far.
We're making excellent progress.
Thank you. I feel really good about it.
But there are a few areas of your marriage we haven't covered yet.
Oh, really? Like what?
I've told Dr. Goldfine in our private sessions
that I'm not happy with our sex life.
And Rex feels that when the two of you have intercourse,
you're not as connected as you could be.
Connected? - Yeah.
Like you're thinking about other things.
Is your hair getting messed up?
Did you buy the toothpaste? You're just not there.
This kind of disconnect is often a symptom of a deeper problem.
So we were talking and the idea of a sexual surrogate came up.
This is a licensed professional who'd work with you as a couple
on solving whatever sexual problems you may be having.
I have an excellent referral.
And what would this sexual surrogate person do?
She would coach us. - She?
She's very discreet. You'll hardly notice she's there.
Oh. So she would be in the room with us
while we make love?
Yes. Helping us to achieve maximum sexual potential.
Do you have any questions? - Just one.
How much longer is your mid-life crisis going to last?
Because it is really starting to tick me off.
Everyone's down for a nap.
We've got no more than an hour. Let's get cracking.
Five-card draw. Nothing wild.
How is it going with mike, Susan?
It's going, finally.
We have a first official date next week.
I think he's taking me to see a play or something.
Might I suggest the Barcliff Academy production of little red riding hood?
Oh, that's right. The twins' stage debut.
Are they having fun?
Sure. They play oak trees.
I have to deal with the drama behind the scenes.
Oh, I take it you've met Maisy Gibbons?
She's a total nightmare.
I guess I shouldn't have challenged her. - Oh, dear.
Because now no one on the play committee wants to talk to me.
Maisy does love to rule her little kingdom.
Hasn't changed since girl scouts.
Girls smile at you to your face and then behind your back,
make fun of you 'cause you're the only one not shaving your legs yet.
That wouldn never happen in boy scouts.
When I worked with men,
I preferred the way they fought.
A guy takes his opponent on face-to-face,
and once he's won, he's top dog.
It's primitive but it's fair.
And a lot less sneaky.
Isn't it sexist of us to generalize like this?
It's science, Gabrielle.
Sociologists have documented this stuff.
Well, who am I to argue with sociologists?
Wow, this guacamole has got a kick.
I'm gonna run to the little girl's room.
You go ahead. I might be a while.
I hate playing three-handed poker. Let's take a break.
I'll play. - You play poker?
I used to play with my grandfather. - Pull up a chair.
You're just playing for chips?
My grandfather used to say it's always more fun to play for money.
Why not? 50 cents a bet? - Make it a buck.
Three raise limit, $20 buy-in.
Mrs. Solis! What are you doing?
Why haven't you returned my calls?
I've been busy. - I've seen who you've been busy with.
Danielle? Come on. She's just a friend.
Before you get any friendlier, let me remind you,
I can do things to you she can't even pronounce.
A lot of good it does me with your mother-in-law following you around all the time.
Maybe we should just cool it for a while.
No, John, please don't say that.
I have everything under control.
Now give me a boost.
Hey. So what did I miss?
Not much. Just a few friendly hands of poker with the girls.
I'm sorry I'm late.
As I'm sure you've all heard,
Celia Bond broke her wrist playing tennis.
Which means we are now in desperate need of someone to do the costumes.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Are there any volunteers?
I'll do it.
Really? That's a --Do you know how to sew?
Absolutely.
Well, great. Thank you, Lynette.
Ok. So now that I'm going to do some "heavy lifting",
I believe I have the right to talk about the changes made to the script?
Ladies.
We grew up with little red riding hood,
and we survived it, scary stuff and all.
So I say to hell with political correctness.
Let our kids experience this classic like it was meant to be enjoyed.
Let's kill the damn wolf and just put on the best show we can.
Thank you, Lynette, for that impassioned speech.
But I believe that ship has sailed. - No! It hasn't.
We still have time to change the ending back.
And you know, Maisy, it is just a fairy tale.
I don't think it will upset the children.
I think you're wrong.
That's what's so great about democracy.
Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
Also, everyone has a right to vote.
So all in favor of the woodsman going medieval on the big bad wolf's ass.
Dr. Goldfine.
Bree. - You're dining alone?
Actually, I am. - What a coincidence. So am I.
Seems a shame for us to eat by ourselves.
Shall I pull up a chair?
Bree, it's nothing personal,
but I never socialize with clients.
Oh, I get it. I'm so sorry. Of course. It's inappropriate.
It's just that after what happened yesterday
there's so much I need to say because...
I suppose it can wait.
No, Lynette, I'm sorry. Juanita's taking a bath.
How much did she win from you?
Jeez!
Yeah, I guess she'll take a check.
Ok. All right. Bye.
What was that about?
Turns out your mother is quite the card shark.
You let her play cards? How long did she play?
Not that long. Why?
Carlos, what is it?
I never told you this, but my mother
had a serious gambling problem.
Was this before we were married?
Yeah. It was bad.
She went into debt. Dipped into her savings, started hocking jewelry.
Honey, it was only a small neighborhood game.
It doesn't take much for her to fall off the wagon.
I know she seems like a very strong woman but...
She has a major weakness.
Honey... Oh... It's ok.
You were right to tell me this.
And you understand I have to treat this as a session.
Of course. That's fine.
Shall I include the meal?
Oh, no. We'll split that.
So let's talk about yesterday.
Do you think there might have been some truth in what Rex said?
No, I don't.
Bree, you know. It's not uncommon for people experiencing
sexual repression to distance themselves during the act.
Is that how you see me?
As some sort of prude who just lays there like a cold fish?
I love sex. - All right.
I love everything about it. The sensations. The smells.
I especially love the feel of a man.
All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body.
And then when you add friction!
The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently.
And then there's the act itself. Two bodies becoming one,
and that final eruption of pleasure.
To be honest. The only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum.
Obviously it has its practical applications,
but I'm just not a fan.
Can I get you something?
Uh... Just the check, please.
Sir, you haven't ordered yet.
Oh, I thought we stop you for lunch first.
This place has the best buffet in town.
All-you-can-eat crab legs.
Oh, no! - What's wrong? Let's go.
Oh, I didn't realize how late it was.
They are only holding the suit minute for me until two.
If we stay I'll never make it.
We'll just have lunch at the mall.
Wait. Uh... I'm really in the mood for crab legs.
Why don't you just drop me off and you can come back.
Well, if the mall is crowded it might take over an hour.
It's a buffet. There's no rush.
Hi, John. Motel. Ten minutes. Be there.
All right. Off you go. Thanks.
Lynette,
I couldn't help notice you forgot the coonskin on that hunter's coonskin cap.
Yeah. That was a creative call.
Look, I'm in the middle of a costumes crisis.
If I don't take shortcuts I'll never finish.
Jordana Geist manages to get her work done.
She runs the concessions, paints the sets,
and still has time to take care of her three kids and a husband.
Now, we can't have the students suffer just because you don't understand
the concept of time management.
I hardly think the kids are gonna suffer without a clump of fur on their heads.
Ok. I'll make a creative call. We'll cut the oak trees.
That forest is looking a little dense anyway.
My boys are the oak trees. - Are they?
Well, I wouldn't worry.
We'll find something for them to do backstage.
That's where the real action is.
I'll finish the costumes. - Well. Crisis averted.
You have lost your mind. - I checked up on Silvercrest place.
It's a treatment center for troubled kids.
Who is gonna notice. One more,
I create the distraction, you blend in and find Zach.
How could I blend in with messed-up teenagers?
I don't know, Julie.
You pretend to be bulimic. Gag a little.
Come on. Work with me here.
Mama, when this is over,
we need to talk about your parenting skills.
Ok, fine. You don't want to help me,
I'm not gonna force you.
It's not that I don't want to. It's just...
Why does this mean so much to you?
Because Mary Alice was a wonderful person.
And now all anybody thinks about her is that
she went off the deep end and did this terrible, selfish thing.
And I think there's more to it than that.
she was my friend, Julie,
and I owe it to her to find out the truth.
Juanita, what's wrong?
I didn't go to the buffet. I went gambling instead and I lost.
How much did you have on you? It couldn't have been much.
I used Carlos' credit card.
Ok. How much did you charge?
I don't know. It stopped working.
What do you mean it stopped working?
This thing has like a $15,000 credit limit.
The man at the desk said there were no vacant rooms.
Mind if I bunk with you?
Bree, what are you doing here?
It's a little chilly out here.
Do you mind if we discuss this inside?
Come on in.
Sure is nice and toasty in here.
You look amazing. - Thanks.
I was hoping you'd notice.
Well, it certainly isn't the Ritz,
but it has all the essentials.
I don't know what to say.
The perhaps you should say nothing.
Rex? Baby...
I just need a minute. - What?
Sweetie, just leave it, will you? Just leave it.
Ok, baby. Where were we?
I told you to leave it.
I'm sorry. I just...
Oh, come on. Are you gonna make a big deal about this?
You know? To tell you the truth.
Now is not really a good time for me.
It's obvious you've never had to remove a cheese stain.
Bree, I totally understand. Yeah, I already tried Susan.
And Gaby can't sew. Seriously, I'm gonna be fine.
Yeah. Ow! Thanks anyway. Bye-bye.
Well, I'm a little ahead with my painting.
If you need some help.
Oh, Jordana, you are a life-saver. Thank you.
Here. These pieces need trim.
I'll help for as long as I can,
but I have a lot on my plate tonight.
I have to make 25 mini Quiches for my book club.
You're not a human, are you?
You were sent by aliens to make humans race feel inadequate.
Seriously, how do you cram it all in?
Can you keep a secret? - Um... Sure.
That's ADD medication.
Oh, my kids take this or they almost did.
I thought it was supposed to calmed you down.
Has the opposite effect if you don't have ADD.
Ever chug a pot of Turkish coffee?
Seriously? You're taking your kids' medication?
Once in a while. Do you want a couple?
Oh, that's very kind of you but I just smoked some crack a little while ago. So.
I'd better not mix.
This is what we will do. I'll sell some old jewelry.
Pay off the credit card, and Carlos will never find out.
You would do that for me?
Of course I would. Why wouldn't I?
For starters, you hate me.
Oh, that is overstating it... a little.
The bottom line is, no matter how much I dislike you,
I love Carlos more.
If Carlos finds out the money, he'll be devastated.
I don't wanna see him hurt.
You don't have to believe I'm a good person,
but at least believe I care about my husband.
Fine. To heck with it.
I'm not gonna risk my neck to protect you.
I'm calling Carlos.
Juanita might have been the gambler of the family...
Wait. I believe you.
...but Gabrielle was the one who knew how to bluff.
Hi. I'm Susan Mayer.
I have an appointment to see Dr. Sicher.
Yes, he's expecting you. Let me get him for you.
Hi. I'm Dr. Sicher. - Susan Mayer.
So you're doing research for a children's book?
I sure am.
Zach?
Oh. Hi, Julie.
What's wrong with you?
Just all the pills they make me take.
They kinda make me sleepy.
What are you doing here?
I came to see how you were.
And to ask you something.
Look, I don't have much time.
What is it?
Last week you told Mrs. Van de Kamp
your mom killed herself because of something you did, something bad.
What were you talking about?
After my mom died, I started remembering things that happened when I was little.
What happened to Dana. - Dana? Who's Dana?
What are you doing here?
I was just visiting my friend.
This patient is not allowed visitors.
I guess I have to go.
I am so sorry, Zach.
I don't want to disturb you.
I just left some important papers here.
What are you doing?
I'm repairing a chipped mug.
Why don't you just buy a new one?
Because I think it's better to fix what you already have.
Listen. Um...
About what happened today.
You humiliated me, Rex.
For no good reason.
I'm sorry. - I was there. I was willing.
Normal men don't say no to that.
You... You upset me.
See, I don't think that's the reason.
After I left the motel,
I did some thinking about us and our sex life.
I realized there has been a disconnect.
But it's coming from you. - That's ridiculous.
how many years we've been making love and you've started to ask me something
but then you stopped.
I... I don't know what you are talking about?
You are unhappy with our sex life
because you're not getting something from me
but you're simplely too afraid to ask.
My problem with our sex life is that you can't stop thinking about the housework.
Well, if that's the case,
then take me right here, right now.
The house is spotless.
There are no burritos around to pull my focus.
I'm not in the mood. - Why not?
We haven't had sex for months, Rex.
Most normal, red-blooded men would be climbing the walls by now.
Please don't do this.
Rex, whatever you want.
I will go there with you. You just have to say it out loud.
Tell me. What do you want? What do you need?
I need for you to stop talking like this.
Why? - Because you sound like a whore.
No, I sound like a woman whose husband won't touch her.
Rex, after Mary Alice killed herself,
it all hit me.
We all have our secrets.
I think it's time for you to tell me yours.
I'm going.
That night, while most of Wisteria Lane dreamt the night away,
Lynette was in the middle of her own personal nightmare.
Determined her boys would not miss their fairy-tale debut,
Lynette had stayed up 18 hours straight, sewing.
But she began to fear her story would not have a happy ending.
Luckily for Lynette, she had a magic potion handy.
And once she had taken it...
The magic kept working...
And working...
And working.
It wasn't until noon that Lynette finally took a break,
and the reality of what she had done began to sink in.
My. What big eyes you have.
I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?
I'm fine, thank you.
So what's been going on with her?
Have you found anything out yet?
Actually, Carlos, the more I watch her,
the more I think she's probably not stepping out on you.
Really?
Yeah. She's not perfect, Lord knows.
But she loves you. I can tell.
Mama. You don't know what a relief it is to hear that.
You know, it's funny. I really think she loves you, too.
Oh?
I got concerned when I heard youplayed poker with her friends.
So I told her about your little problem.
You told her about my gambling problem?
Don't be mad, Mama. I just didn't want you slipping into old habits.
And Gabrielle was very concerned about you. - She knew?
I don't get it. You and Zach never went
to school with anybody named Dana.
He didn't say it was somebody we went to school with.
Did it sound like a relative?
He said Dana. It sounded like "Dana".
Unless he was using a code,
that's all I got.
Ok, give me a break here. I'm just grasping at straws.
I'm sorry. I'm worried about Zach.
It's really creepy in there.
Can't we get him out?
Honey, that's up to his father.
Then I want to visit again.
That's not a good idea either.
Why?
I just have a feeling.
Juanita was now more convinced than ever
that her treacherous daughter-in-law was having an affair.
But the question remained, with whom?
And suddenly...
Juanita remembered it wasn't the men Gabrielle talked to
that she had to worry about.
Hey, Jordana, Maisy.
Here are the costumes. Right on time.
Thank you, Lynette.
This is a bit awkward.
There has been an oversight with the programs.
Celia Bond is still credited with costumes.
They forgot to tell the printer.
Incidentally, who is "they", as in, "they forgot to tell the printer"?
That would be me. I'm sorry.
But I was so overworked this week with all the script changes you demanded.
Uh-huh. Well, these things happen.
Be right back.
Would you do something with this?
It looks like road kill.
Ok, lady, that's it.
I beg your pardon?
We have kids the same age.
Which means there're years ahead of us
having to deal with each other.
So instead of playing petty games,
why don't we put an end to this right now?
What are you saying? - Let's take it outside.
Let's take what outside?
Your sorry ass. We're throwin' down.
You are crazy. - Just being practical.
Isn't it better to settle this once in fraw
rather than endure all this Alpha-Mom crap
until our kids grad uate?
Come on. I'll even let you take the first shot.
I don't have time for this.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
And just so you know, next spring,
when we do Bambi,
his mother's gonna take a slug to the heart
and you're gonna like it.
The search for power begins when we're quite young.
As children, we're taught that the power
of good triumphs over the power of evil.
But as we get older,
we realize that nothing is ever that simple.
Traces of evil always remain.
Episode-07
Exactly what is it that you hired me to do?
Someone sent that note to my wife.
I need to know who.
Some secrets were discovered.
After mom died,
I started remembering what happened to Dana.
Who's Dana?
What are you doing here?
Some secrets were uncovered.
It could be anyone of these guys she's having an affair with.
Don't worry. I'm not letting her out of my sight.
And some secrets...
Jordana Geist managed to get her work done.
How do you cram it all in?
...were shared.
That's ADD medication.
Competition. It means different things to different people.
In suburbia, it means keeping up with the Joneses.
On Wisteria Lane, that means keeping up with Bree Van de Kamp.
Everyone knew Bree had the nicest lawn in the neighborhood.
And no one begrudged her this.
No one, that is, except Martha Huber,
whose own lawn paled in comparison.
No matter how carefully she trimmed,
or how lovingly she watered...
or how generously she fertilized,
the grass was always greener on the other side of the fence.
Hello, Victor. How are you today?
Out jogging again? - I can't... catch my breath.
Would you like a slurp from my hose?
Victor?
Don't worry. I'm gonna get an ambulance.
Then one day,
Mrs. Huber finally got the chance to mow down the competition.
Help! Somebody help!
What happened?
He collapsed on your hydrangeas. Call 911!
Yes, Mrs. Huber understood the first rule of competition
In order to win, you have to want it more.
Desperate Housewives S01E07
When I was alive,
my friends and I came together once a month
for a meeting of the Wisteria Lane book club.
We found the problems of literary characters so absorbing.
The way they dealt with adversity,
conducted illicit affairs,
endured domestic dramas,
and planned romantic conquests.
But since my death,
my friends had lost their interest in fiction.
So, what did everybody think?
Their own problems had become absorbing enough.
I thought the character of Madame Bovary was very inspirational.
Inspirational? She poisons herself with arsenic.
Really? - You didn't read until the end?
I stopped after page 50.
Am I the only one who read the book?
I saw the movie. It was really good.
Ladies, I'm sorry,
but what is the point of having a book club if we don't read the book?
More wine?
Sue, Reba, Emma and Lori,
would you girls come and help me with the snacks?
Sure.
I will be right in.
God, I couldn't wait to get rid of them!
Ok, so Lynette said that you found Zach.
He's at a rehabilitation center.
Julie snuck in and actually talked to him.
Did he say anything about his mother's suicide?
There wasn't enough time.
But he did say one thing that was kind of mysterious.
He said something happened to someone named Dana
And that he could never ever talk about it.
Who the hell is Dana? - That's the mystery part.
So somebody found out Mary Alice's secret...
And sent the note. - So who the hell is that?
Stationery is Parcher no.17. 100% cotton.
It's made by Cyprus Office products.
They have stores in 12 cities,
including yours.
We traced that postmark back to your local post office.
Meaning?
Meaning is that the blackmailer's probably someone you know.
A neighbor, milkman, pool boy, soccer mom.
Soccer mom?
Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a minivan.
I had this gig once,
checking on this PTA mom
who was hell-bent on landing her daughter a spot on the parade float.
She fed antifreeze to half the homecoming committee.
Did you catch her? - Mr. Young...
The people who hired me didn't hire me to catch her.
Wow, honey! This place is spotless.
Thanks.
So Listen, I have come up with this
killer idea for the spotless scrub campaign.
Great. Want to run it by me?
No. I'm good.
But thanks. - Oh. Ok.
Well that's the thing... you know how whenever I pitch
Hennessey always tears my ideas down in front of the partners?
Yeah?
I invited the partners and their wives over so I could pitch to them here.
We can sit, we can...
Ah, the day after tomorrow. - Tom!
I know it's short notice. - You think?
I don't know.
Bree Van de Kamp does this kind of thing all the time.
What did you say?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
You know what. Forget it. I'll call and cancel.
Just don't worry about it.
No. No, let's do it.
Really?
Yeah. It's good for your career.
I'll pull it off.
Yes! Honey, thank you so much.
You know what. I promise,
I land this account and I am gonna buy you something awful pretty.
Luckily for Tom, Lynette had a recipe for success.
Unfortunately for her, she was missing the secret ingredient.
Yeah. - It's me.
Don't turn around! My mother-in-law can see you.
I hate that she's watching us.
So meet me at the motel in an hour.
John? - Uh... I've got plans.
So cancel.
They're with Danielle. We're going to the movies.
That sounds like a date. - Yeah.
Well, I have a problem with you seeing other girls.
I have a problem with you having a husband.
I guess we both have to learn to deal.
Don't even try to make it up to me by talking dirty.
Hello?
Mr. and Mrs. Van de Kamp.
So, your son decided to entertain some of his friends yesterday
by shoving a freshman's head into a locker.
This was the Johnson boy?
Yes. He broke the boy's nose.
Because of our no tolerance policy,
your son may face expulsion.
You're gonna ruin his future over roughhousing?
Rex, this was practically assault.
Mrs. Stark, what Andrew did was clearly wrong.
But in his defence, his mother and I are going through severe marital problems.
Is that relevant?
Our marriage is disintegrating.
Of course Andrew is acting out. He has every right to be angry.
If he's angry about you moving out the house,
perhaps he should shove your head into a locker.
All I'm saying is we need to take some of the responsibility here.
So does Andrew. Blaming his actions on our problems,
which are not serious, does not help him.
Our problems are serious.
Mrs. Stark, you handle this however you see fit.
Bree, I've gone to an attorney.
You're gonna be served with divorce papers later today.
You went to an attorney? - Yeah.
And a good one, too.
He'd better be, 'cause when I'm finished with you,
you won't have a cent to your name.
Bring it on.
Perhaps detention is the way to go.
Mom, you're getting too dressed up.
I know, but I wanna look really sexy.
I told my guys perheps you have to go home by 11
Hm. How about midnight?
All right, but no later.
You know how I worry. So, you got protection?
Oh, my god! We are so not having this conversation.
We are, because I enjoy being an only child.
Are you finished? - Almost.
You know I always assumed I'd have sex for the first time
before you had it again.
Ok, you can leave now.
What do you think? Trying too hard?
What do you know?
It's 80 degrees outside and you're wearing fur.
Hi, Mike.
Hey, Edie.
Wow! Get a load of you! You look so pretty!
I hardly recognize you. - Oh, this?
Well, I have a date. Right now. With Mike.
We kissed, F.Y.I.
Oh, love that jacket. Good choice.
Um, Susan, I am really sorry, but I've got to cancel.
I have an unexpected house guest.
Coming through. Ooh, sorry. Hi. I'm Kendra.
Susan.
I'm going to run to the car and get my stuff.
I know how this looks,
but there's nothing between us.
Kendra's just an old friend. - Old friend.
Yeah, you know...
Yeah, yeah... No, actually, no, I don't know.
By old friend you mean college pal?
Bowling buddy?
Saved you from drowning?
It's hard to explain. - Could you give it a shot?
Mike, I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower.
Look, I promise I'll make this up to you.
And... You look amazing. - Mike! where are the towels?
Hey. How was your big date?
Mike had to reschedule.
Oh. Because of the hot girl?
With the suitcase? Over there?
Gosh, how devastating for you... F.Y.I.
I just want to move this place fast.
I'll do whatever we have to do.
That's good to know.
You do realize that you'll have to disclose the fact that
your wife killed herself in the house.
I am? - Oh, yeah. Legal crap.
People get really freaked out by suicides.
You can't blame them.
Hell. I get the willies just standing here.
Is there any way to get around it? - Off the record?
You could say that she shot herself in the living room
and then crawled out back to die.
I'm just saying.
Oh, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow.
Edie, wait!
Paul had always known
Edie britt was capable of doing anything to close a deal.
But now he realized she was capable of so much more.
Hey, Danielle. - Hey, Mrs. Solis.
Oh, Danielle,
remember when you said you wanted to be a model?
You remember? That was last summer.
Well, as it turns out,
Perchik Modeling Academy has an opening for their summer program.
Oh my god. That's one of the best schools in the country.
You would do that for me? - I sure would.
I would so love to go to New York.
Oh, and I would so love to help you get there.
Hey, Jordana. - Hey, Lynette. How are you?
You look a little tired. Is everything ok?
I'm getting ready for a dinner party tomorrow. Six people.
Sounds fun. - Big fun.
You wouldn't have any of your kids' ADD medication you could spare,
just to get me over the hump?
Tina! Don't push your sister.
Gosh, Lynette... I'm really running low.
I need all my energy I can get.
My sister Elaine and her kids are flying into town for a week.
That's exciting. I wish my sister would visit more often.
Yeah, sisters are great.
Three or four pills. I'm hitting the wall.
Yeah, the calm down can be a real bitch. I wish I could help.
I'm not gonna forget about this, Jordana.
What's that supposed to mean?
Come girl scout cookie time, don't bring around little Tina
Because we won't be home.
What's all this about?
You know your mother and I have been unhappy for a while.
After a lot of soul-searching,
we've decided that it would be better if we got divorced.
But whatever problems your father and I may have,
it doesn't change the fact that we love you very, very much.
I've got a question. - Go ahead. Ask whatever you want.
Can I live with dad?
Come on, mom, let's face it.
We drive each other crazy.
Is that what you'd prefer?
Danielle? To live with your father?
I don't really care, as long as I have my own bathroom.
Um... All this, um... wine is,
uh... giving me a... headache.
Six weeks in the suburban jungle, and this is all you got?
There are over 300 families in this subdivision.
It'll take time to check them all out.
Dad said last time he saw you, you were ready to quit.
Now I changed my mind.
This is a gigantic waste of your time and my father's money.
Are you afraid he'll spend your inheritance?
That's not funny.
Mike, here's the thing. - What?
Dad can't chase ghosts alone.
If you stop, he'll have to accept it's over.
Let me have my father back.
If I quit he'll just hire somebody else.
Not if you tell him there's nothing here to find.
I can't do that.
What happens when your girlfriend finds out you're not just the sweet, neighborly plumber?
You're lying to her, Mike.
Oh, here it is.
Great. This'll keep the crab dip warm.
It took forever to shell the little buggers,
But it'll be worth it.
You shelled your own crabs?
Okay, I don't want to butt in.
Are you doing too much? Cause you look exhausted.
I'm fine. I just need some coffee. Thank you.
Oh, my god! Look at this embroidery!
"Dana." Where did this come from?
Paul Young's garage sale.
Dana.
Dana was a baby.
Surprise.
No way! - It's all yours. Here are the keys.
Rex, what's this about?
I went and splurged a little.
Oh, Danielle, here's your present.
Luggage? - Yeah.
It's to take with you to the Perchik Modeling Academy.
You mean I can go to New York? - Wait a minute.
What's this about a modeling academy?
When were you planning on telling me?
She told me, I think it's a great idea.
Don't you two see what he's doing?
He's trying to buy your love.
For god's sake. Don't be paranoid.
A car? A modeling academy?
You should have discussed these gifts with me first.
I'm sorry, kids. But we cannot accept them.
You can't let her do this.
Bree, we just told the kids we're getting divorced.
Isn't it time to spoil them a little? - I said no.
You know what? They're my kids too,
and I can give them anything I want.
There you go.
Thank you, daddy. - Yes.
Did you offer to help Danielle get into modeling school?
What? Uh... Yes... No.
Um... is that how she heard it?
I just wanted to help out.
It's in New York! For god sakes
Why would you suggest that?
It's her dream. Don't you want her to be happy?
No. And in the future I would appreciate you keeping your ridiculous ideas to yourself.
Bree!
John!
You're so jealous of Danielle.
You tried to ship her off to New York?
I'm not jealous. I just don't like to share.
Well, you know what? I quit.
The yard. Us. Everything.
Oh, don't be that way.
What's the point, if we can never be together?
You know, an hour here, an hour there.
I don't want us to end on a bad note.
Carlos has this black tie thing tonight and I could slip out...
Mrs. Solis! - John, please.
What we had was so special.
I think it deserves a proper goodbye.
We'd, um... we'd still be over, though.
Of course.
I knew this play day was a good idea.
Oh, yeah. Thank you for suggesting it.
Your boys are the only ones I know who could tire out Timmy.
Yep, he's a feisty one.
Word on the street is, um, you've been medicating Timmy?
Oh, yeah. For his ADD.
The pills have been a godsend. - I bet.
Can I use your bathroom?
As Lynette swallowed the stolen medication of an eight-year-old child.
She vowed she'd never again sink to such depths
any time soon.
Looks like you've got your blackmailer.
Is it time to bring in the police?
That's not really an option for me.
Before my wife shot herself,
we lived a life that I was proud of.
We loved each other. We had values.
We went to church. We gave to charity.
We were good people, Mr. Shaw.
Oh, I believe you.
That's why it's so incomprehensible to me that
Edie Britt would try to destroy us.
Well, you've suffered a great loss.
For your pain to heal, that's gonna take some time.
I can't wait.
I need help now.
For five grand she's hurt, ten grand she's gone.
Mom, what's going on?
Oh, I'm throwing you out.
I've separated all your things into two sides.
This side is yours, Danielle,
and the other one is Andrew's.
Ok, you've lost it. - Where are we supposed to live?
Darling, if I know.
Danielle, everything in the north quadrant
of your side is clothes and books and such.
The south side are miscellaneous items.
Mom, this isn't gonna work. I'm not giving up my car.
That's smart idea.
Because you'll probably gonna have to sleep in it for a while.
Mom, you can't stop us from going back inside the house.
No? That's Mr. Conlin, the locksmith.
He's been very helpful today.
Of couse I could give you the new keys
if you'd adhere to my rules,
Which include giving back your father's gifts.
Ok, fine. You win. I won't go to New York.
I'm outta here.
Oh, hello. Welcome. I'm Edie. How do you do?
An open house in the suburbs? This is beyond kitsch.
Just behavior yourself.
This is one of the houses in the street
I've had a hard time getting into.
God, I wish you would let this go.
I'm taking you out for drinks tonight.
There's this cowboy bar called Saddle Ranch, you need to see.
Why?
It's the last place anybody ever saw your sister.
Susan. What brings you here?
I just wanted to say goodbye to Mary Alice's house
before somebody else moved in.
That sounds almost plausible.
I beg your pardon? - Oh, come on.
We both know why you're here.
And the answer is yes, they are having sex. No question.
You know what you are talking about, they're just friends.
Hm. Think so?
I over heared they say they're going to the Saddle Ranch tonight,
for drinks and dancing.
Still, friends can do that.
Oh, my god, I just want to slap and shake you.
Where did you say they were going tonight?
I don't know why I let you talk me into coming here?
There is obviously nothing going on between them.
Where are you going?
I'm going to the bathroom and then I'm going home.
I don't want Mike to catch me here.
It's only been ten minutes.
She could be waiting to make her move.
Oh, come on. You're not gonna beat a girl like that by knocking off early.
It's not a competition. - The hell it isn't.
Good night, Edie.
Suit yourself. But for the record...
I was rooting for you to land him.
And why would you root for me?
She seems like fun.
Just take some antacid. - It's not those kind of cramps.
This is a business dinner. It's important.
Relax.
You and I can go alone.
Gabrielle can stay here and get better.
Fine. See you in a couple of hours. - Ok.
Take good care of Carlos. - Oh, I always do.
Mike!
What a small, small world.
Yeah, it sure is. I caught Edie hiding in the back.
No kidding. Is she here?
Yeah. Yeah, she said, "the jig is up,"
and then she went to ride the bull.
And she said you two came together. - Oh, well, yeah.
We did. I just thought she left.
Were you following me? - What?
No! No, I just came here, you know, with Edie.
We just love to ride that bull.
You? Ride the bull? - Yeah. Yeah, it's a real rush.
Come on, Susan. Give me a break.
You give me a break. I did not follow you here.
Even if I had followed you here,
it's just because you've been secretive about Kendra.
Kendra and I are friends.
And I came here to ride the bull.
Whoo! We got another one to ride the bull!
Ok, little doggie, you're up.
Oh, fine. I'm a doggie.
Andrew, you promised you'd stay with your mother
that's why I gave you the car.
Dad, she wants me out.
She put all my stuff on the front lawn.
This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna call her and smooth all this out.
You're going home. - No, dad.
Why?
Now I can live with you without feeling guilty.
We'll be perfect. It'll be like our own little bachelor pad.
What? - Son, that's not gonna happen.
Why not? - Andrew...
These last few months have been incredibly difficult for me.
There are a lot of things I've got to work out for myself
and I can't do it if you're living with me. I'm sorry.
I don't care. I'm not going back there.
I don't think you have a choice. - But, Dad...
Oh, Come on now. Don't...
Heath? Yeah, it's me.
Do you still have your fake ID?
Yeah. I've got to go home and kiss my mother's ass
and I'm not going to do it sober.
... More than I needed to know.
He was in shock. He was totally shocked.
He said, "Congressman,
this was the campaign This was not the vote. You voted already."
That's what it was. - I love that one!
Oh, the desserts look wonderful.
Lynette, Do you need any help?
I got it covered. No problem.
Ok, Scavo. You're up. Let's hear this genius idea of yours.
The single greatest obstacle facing Spotless Scrub is a lack of visibility
We need to concentrate ad spending in places
where women spend the majority of their time.
For example, large chain grocery stores.
Interesting. - Oh, You know what'd be even better?
Dry-cleaning bags. - What?
No, Really. Hear me out.
Put a big Spotless Scrub ad between a woman and her cashmere sweater.
I gurantee you'll get her attention.
Honey. That's great. I'm I'm in the middle of a thing here.
She's got a point. I would notice that.
And those dry-cleaning bags hang in our closets forever.
So it is like constant advertising. - Exactly!
You know, maybe that's the way we can work that in, but...
No, this is kind of a fantastic idea.
We go nationwide with this?
Why not? Start by targeting the top chain.
Then branch out from there.
Boom, boom, boom. Mass saturation.
And you know what else would be a great idea?
While Lynette was commanding everyone's attention...
Susan was trying to remain inconspicuous.
Everybody's looking at me, aren't they?
Just the slapstick fans.
Oh, god, why couldn't I have just been knocked unconscious?
Beer? - Absolutely.
Susan, this is Kendra. - We've been introduced.
No.This is Kendra. We've been friends for years.
She's only visit. She's leaving tomorrow
That's it. - It's true.
I have no designs on this man whatsoever.
I'll be right back.
Sorry about the misunderstanding. - Me, too.
So how long have you two been seeing each other?
Well, you sort of interrupted our first date.
But up until then, smoking-hot tension.
Sounds pathetic, I know.
No, I think it's good to take it slow.
You'd be smart to be careful.
Any particular reason? - Look...
Mike's a wonderful guy. Really.
But you should ask him why he moved to Wisteria Lane.
It's one hell of a story.
Here. Got some ice.
There you go. - Thanks.
Well, it's been fun. Thanks, guys. See you later.
Good evening. - Good evening.
Have a seat.
I could get used to this whole closure thing.
I love long goodbyes.
Wait around the corner. I'll be right back.
Smile, Gabrielle.
Well, that's it, then.
What are you doing? She had a camera.
We've got to catch her.
Mrs. Solis, your husband's going to kill us.
Come on!
Leave me alone. - Give me that camera!
I'm not kidding, old woman!
Stay away from me! Don't touch me!
No.
No, you go home. I'll take care of this.
And you were never here. Go.
Go!
Did you see that?
A guy came barreling around the corner and just hit her.
Do you have a cell phone? - Yeah.
Call 911.
As Juanita Tetered dangerously close to the white light,
Lynette and Tom were headed into a black hole.
I was just participating.
Your participation was supposed to be limited to making dinner,
not making my ideas look bad.
You konw. Maybe you need better ideas.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
No, we both know that your career
was going so much better than mine before we had kids.
You never let me forget that. - That is not fair.
You were always competing with me,
and judging by tonight, you konw what, still are.
Tom, I am sorry about tonight. Truly.
But these days if I'm competing with anyone
it's the Bree Van de Kamps of the world,
with their spotless kitchens and their perfect kids,
who throw fabulous parties where nothing ever goes wrong.
I try so hard to keep up but I can't.
Lynette. That's not my expectation.
And when you work on a pitch, you bring the parteners over.
I am reminded of a world I left behind,
where I was the winner and people tried to keep up with me.
I can't go back, I can't win where I am.
I am stuck in the middle
and it's really something that gets me...
I thought you threw an amazing dinner party tonight.
I was thrilled.
I don't know how you pulled it all together.
Yeah, well... - And whether you believe it or not,
everyone who knows you thinks that you are a great wife and mother.
No, they don't. - Yes, they do.
Especially me.
Thanks.
What's wrong with your eyes?
Nothing. I'm tired.
Turn around. I want to look at you. - I'm fine. Really
What's going on outside?
Right there.
Oh my god. Thank god you're here.
Will you go take care of Gabrielle?
I have to come home for a minute.
All right.
Oh, Andrew. Thank god you're back.
I need your help, honey.
There's been an accident.
Andrew?
Mama?
Andrew!
Rex, you need to come home.
Something's happened and we need you.
Competition. It means different things to different people.
But whether it's a friendly rivalry or a fight to the death...
Cheers.
...The end result is the same.
There will be winners...
and there will be losers.
Of course, the trick is...
to know which battles to fight.
You see, no victory comes without a price.
Episode-08
I just want to move this place fast. - I'll call you tomorrow.
Edie, wait!
...Incomprehensible that Edie Britt would try to destroy us.
For five grand she's hurt, ten grand she's gone.
Some neighbors hired help.
with no warning? - I don't know.
And some helped themselves.
I hate that she watches us.
Some just couldn't stop.
Smile, Gabrielle.
And one... didn't stop in time.
Andrew, I need your help, honey. - Mama?
There is a widely read book that
tells us everyone is a sinner.
Of course, not everyone who reads this book
feels guilt over the bad things they do.
But Bree Van de Kamp did.
In fact, Bree had spent most of her life feeling guilty.
As a child, she felt guilty about not getting straight As.
As a tenager, she felt guilty about
letting her boyfriend go to second base.
As a newlywed, she felt guilty about
taking three weeks to get out her thank-you cards.
But she knew the transgressions of her past
were nothing compared with the sin she was about to commit.
Can't we just go to the police and tell them it was an accident?
This wasn't some simple D.U.I.
Not only was your brother drinking,
Andrew left the scene of the crime.
That makes it a hit-and-run.
Maybe I could go to Canada.
You know, till the statute of limitations is up.
while you go moose hunting for seven years?
If Carlos' mother dies,
there is no statute of limitations.
Because then it's murder. - Shut up!
You shut up.
How could it be murder? It was an accident!
We have to get rid of the car.
But we can't sell it.
The police might find it and there could be D.N.A.
We'll take it to a bad part of town,
we'll leave the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked.
If the police don't find it
we'll get the insurance money.
And if they do, it wasn't in our possession.
Anyone could have hit Mrs. Solis.
That sounds good.
Bree, are you sure?
Our son could spend the rest of his life in jail.
I won't allow that.
Bree knew what she was about to do was wrong.
But like most sinners,
she would worry about her guilt tomorrow.
Everybody should go wash up.
We're having pancakes for breakfast.
Desperate Housewives S01E08
Not since my own suicide
had violence intruded upon
the serenity of life on Wisteria Lane
in such a conspicuous fashion.
Needless to say,
my friends attacked the problem head-on.
Lynette brought the broom, Susan brought the trash bags,
and Bree brought the industrial strength solvent.
Whoo. That stuff is strong.
It has to be. I don't want Gabrielle and Carlos
coming home to this ugly reminder in front of their house.
Has anyone been over there?
Julie and I went over this morning.
How's Juanita doing?
She's in a coma ever since she came out of the E.R..
Nobody knows when or even if she'll wake up.
This is awful. Carlos must be just devastated.
I hope she wakes up
so maybe she can tell us who was driving that car.
We can only hope.
Slow down, you jerk! This is a residential neighborhood!
That's quite a pitching arm you've got there.
It pisses me off. I've got four kids.
I was up all night reading statistics online.
One out of every four traffic accidents
happens on residential streets.
I hope whoever hit Juanita gets put away for life.
Don't you think that's a little bit extreme?
An innocent woman gets hit by a car and
the driver just takes off? I don't think it's extreme.
You should go home and get some rest. Eat something.
You have ton of messages from work.
Tanaka called. Said it was urgent.
Carlos, I can stay here with your mother.
I need to be here if she wakes up.
You can't go on like this.You have to take care of yourself.
And what if she dies?
People slip into comas all the time and never come out.
Don't say that. We need to stay positive.
Mr. and Mrs. Solis. - John.
Is it ok if I come in? - Of course.
Mr. Solis, I'm so sorry this happened.
It means a lot that you came.
I think I'm gonna go down to the chapel and pray.
You wanna come?
No. I think I will stay here with mama.
Is it all right if I come? - Of course.
We need all the prayers we can get.
Mrs. Solis, it's time for her sponge bath.
Come again?
Sometimes family members prefer to
administer sponge baths themselves.
I think I'll pass.
Martha.
Where's your purse? - Over there. Why?
What are you doing?
I am taking back the $40 you stole out of my purse.
Edie! - We both know you did it. Now hand it over!
I have taken nothing from your purse.
If you're missing money, I'd ask one
of those strange men you parade through here at all hours.
I am not going to apologize for having a healthy sex life.
Healthy? I'm going to have to burn every sheet you've touched.
I want my money. - And I want those non-fat peach yogurts.
They didn't just walk out of that fridge by themselves.
You can deduct it from the $40
that you're going to give me now.
You're my best friend. Why would I steal from you?
It's no secret that you've been having financial problems.
I hear you bitching on the phone to your bank.
that's it.
I can put up with your debauchery and your food theft,
but I will not tolerate spying.
I want you out. - You don't mean that.
Oh, yes, I do. I'm leaving tomorrow
to visit my sister for a few days.
I want you gone by the time I get back.
I'll do you one better.
I will leave today.
I hope this works.
My sleep cycle's totally out of whack.
I'm up all night, then dozing off during the day.
Trust me. This will do the trick.
In fact, you should be feeling more relaxed already.
You know, you're right.
Boys, I can hear you out there!
Now be quiet! Just sit there and color.
Now is not a good time to be moving. - I'm sorry.
Just block everything out
and let it go.
Imagine that you're in a forest.
There's a babbling brook nearby.
And the wind is just coming through the trees...
Mommy? - Parker!
I don't know... ow! ...what you think you're doing,
but put that back where it belongs.
Sorry. You were saying something about wind.
I was just creating a soothing image.
Oh, for the love of god.
Knock it off, you little monsters.
Mrs. Scavo, please lie down. We need to finish this.
I'm on my last nerves, so I'm gonna level with you here.
I've screwed up my entire system by
taking my kids' A.D.D. Medication.
Yeah, that's right, you heard me. I plan to stop.
But right now I need to sleep
and I need more than a few crappy needles, so what do you got?
I'm not licensed to write prescriptions.
I know you're not.
This will put you right to sleep.
It's a very powerful herbal remedy.
Promise me you're gonna use it judiciously.
Sure. Whatever.
Knock, knock!
Hey, come on in. - You're a mess.
I'm tearing out the leaky pipes in the upstairs bathroom.
Wall-to-wall rotten wood.
Sounds like a job.
So Julie said that you came by before.
Um... Yeah.
I was thinking about driving up to
the Germani Vineyard tomorrow for this wine tasting and...
What time do you want me to be ready?
About 6:00. - Six is good.
All right.
I thought maybe afterwards we could have a little dinner,
maybe some dancing.
Sounds great.
You do know that it's like a two-hour drive up there.
And isn't that kind of late to be coming back?
I thought if worse came to worse we could... grab a room.
Oh? Like a hotel room?
Yeah. As a last resort. - Of course. Of course. Yes.
So maybe we should make a reservation.
You know, just in case.
Yeah, I found some hotels online.
Let me get the print-out.
Hey, Bongo. Come here. Do you want a treat?
Where do you keep the dog biscuits? - Sorry, what?
Oh, never mind.
We'll just find them ourselves, huh?
I'm sorry, Susan. I couldn't hear you. What did you say?
Nothing. It's not important.
It's my tiler guy. Here. See what looks good.
Hey, Phil.
No, tomorrow morning I'm making a lumber run.
That's no good.
No, I'm gone tomorrow night, too.
I could let him in. - No, it's ok. Thanks.
It's fine.
Just give me the key. I'll be around all day.
All right. Thanks.
Phil, I'll give a key to my neighbor.
She'll be here to let you in.
Like every city, fairview had a neighborhood
that was less than desirable.
It was an accepted fact
anyone who lingered there after midnight
was usually up to no good.
Rex and Bree Van de Kamp were no exception.
You really think this is gonna work?
This is an impoverished neighborhood in the city.
Trust me. Somebody will steal the car.
How can you be so sure?
Because I have faith in the poor.
She's so beautiful.
I shot this last year on her birthday.
How are you going to do it?
She thinks I'm a real-estate developer.
Is she going to suffer? - No.
Edie Britt will disappear and
you'll go back to your life.
Before you do it, do you think you could ask her
why she sent this note to my wife?
You can't think like that, Mr. Young.
You can't give in to your curiosity.
Curiosity leads to guilt.
Guilt leads to talking.
Do you still have questions?
I want to be clear about something.
If I walk away with this cash, it's done.
No refunds. No buyer's remorse.
I get it.
We won't talk again, so I'll ask one more time.
Are you sure you want this?
My wife is dead because of Edie Britt.
I absolutely want this.
You've been awfully quiet.
I've just been thinking about the kids.
They sure grew up quickly, didn't they?
They sure did.
I remember telling them when they were babies
that they weren't allowed to get any bigger
because they were so adorable.
And we were so happy. - Yeah, well...
They sure didn't turn out like we expected them to.
No. They didn't.
Oh, we could have been better parents.
We weren't that bad.
We still have so much to teach them.
We need to show Andrew the enormity of what he's done.
I suppose we could punish him.
What's the appropriate punishment for
a child who drives over a woman?
I don't know.
You know no matter how the kids turn out, I still love them.
Course you do.
But I'll never forgive them for growing up so quickly.
Hey, look.
And then I opened the cabinet and there was all this money in it.
I mean there was wads of it.
That's why you're freaking out?
A few stacks of cash? Come on.
Realistically, I've known this guy a few weeks.
He could be a hit man for the mob.
If you really think that why are you going on a trip with him?
I never get out of the house.
Mom. If you really need something to freak out about,
just remember that you're going to spend the night with Mike in a hotel.
No man has seen you naked in years.
Except your doctor.
And he retired.
I try not to take that personally.
You look old in that.
Maybe I am being silly.
But going to a hotel with a man is a big deal to me.
What if Mike is hiding something?
Like what? - I don't know.
That's dad. I gotta go.
Now, listen to me. No more freaking out.
I need this weekend to go well.
Why do you care so much?
Because I'm gonna have a husband some day.
I really don't want you living with us.
Are the Lady Fingers ok? - They're terrific.
We just appreciate you all stopping by.
We just wanted you to know how much we care.
So have the police come up with any leads?
Not really. They'll be able to determine
the make and model of the car,
but without any eyewitnesses, no one seems very optimistic.
More importantly is there any good news about Juanita?
No change.
All we can do is wait and hope for the best.
We put her on our prayer list at church.
That's very sweet, Danielle. Thank you.
It must really help during times like these, having kids.
Yeah. They're a blessing.
Children make everything worthwhile.
You guys are the future. Legacy.
Thanks.
After we're all dead,
you'll be the only ones left to carry on.
Gabrielle and I are about to start a family.
Oh! Hey, that's great!
When did you decide this?
It's a fairly recent development.
I see.
We'll talk about this later.
Face it. We're shallow people.
Can our lives have any meaning if all we do is buy stuff?
That depends on what we buy. - I want a child.
In case you've forgotten,
before we got married we made a deal. No kids.
Deals were meant to be renegotiated.
We're not negotiating my uterus.
We should probably be going.
Thank you so much.
That was weird. - I feel awful for Carlos.
That talk about children is obviously coming from his grief.
Whatever. I'm off the hook.
A weary Lynette drank her potent tea
in hopes of finally finding the sleep that had eluded her.
Unfortunately for Lynette,
there would be no rest for the weary.
Go to hell.
Go to hell, go to hell.
Sorry we're late.
Kenny Lipman couldn't find his neckerchief.
Come on guys
Lori Jean, the scout meeting is today?
Mommy! - What? Oh. Right.
Ok. Boys. This knot is called the bowline.
Ok, first we cross this end over here
and then we make a loop and then another loop
And then you sort of pull it through, I'm guessing,
and then you just... ready? ...Yank it taut.
Mommy, that doesn't look like the picture.
You're never gonna be a sailor. What do you care?
Ok, everybody. Let's just take a break.
Thanks.
Ok. It's all up there. Can I get a signature?
Oh, of course. - Thank you very much.
There you go. Have a nice weekend. - You too, lady.
Hey, ma'am!
Are you still here? I forgot to give you a receipt.
Ma'am?
Hello!
I need help! I'm up here!
I'm trapped in the floor! hello!
If you came in here to judge me, you can just leave.
Wait! Wait, no! Wait. Don't go.
Wait. I have an idea. Here, here, here.
Here. Grab the towel, Bongo.
Come on. Grab the other end. Good boy.
That's it. Get the other end.
Come on, Bongo. Pull the other end.
Come on, Bongo. What are you doing? Bongo, over here.
Bongo? Oh! Oh! Don't do that! Oh, Bongo!
While Susan remained hopelessly stuck,
Gabrielle was moving to confront the issue
of her young lover's restless conscience.
Nobody's home.
I know. I've been watching. I came to talk to you.
Although she would need to be discreet. - Keep working.
What were you thinking showing up at the hospital?
I had to see if she was ok.
You need to keep a low profile right now.
Look, you and I are finished.
From now on, I'm sticking with Danielle.
Why would you say that?
I hate myself for what we did.
Ok, I can't sleep at night. We've got to make a clean break.
We weren't driving the car.
We didn't chase Juanita into the street.
She wouldn't have been there if we weren't having an affair.
Oh, for god sake. Between you and Carlos!
Listen to me carefully. You didn't do anything wrong.
That's not what father Crowley thinks. - What?
I went to confession.
Have you lost your mind? What did you tell him?
Everything? - Including...
in the alley? Behind the truck stop?
Everything. - Damn you!
What is wrong with you?
Lassie would have had a fire truck here by now.
You stupid dog.
Good boy, Bongo! Run, Bongo, Run! Go get help!
Andrew, um...
I know the last few days have been stressful.
And you know, if you ever need to talk to anybody...
I know. You and Dad are here for me.
Actually, I was thinking we could arrange for you
to talk to a professional.
A shrink?
You think I'm crazy? - Of course not.
It's just that the accident probably
stirred up a lot of emotions.
And it would be normal for you to be feeling
confused or depressed or shamed.
I'm cool. Really.
Honey. You put a woman into a coma.
Surely that arouses some kind of emotion.
Yeah, well, it doesn't.
If you'll excuse me.
No! I won't. Not until you tell me.
Why do you care?
I need to know you're not a monster.
You want to know how I feel? - Yeah.
Here goes. I feel bad that she got hurt.
But I also feel bad that my car got dinged
Because somebody didn't have the sense to look both ways
before she cross the street.
And I also feel bad that now I'm gonna have to ride my bike to school.
Andrew, you almost killed another human being.
She's an old lady, ok? She's lived her life.
I have my whole life ahead of me
and now it might be screwed up.
That's what you should be worried about.
What I'm worried about is that
Andrew you don't seem to have a soul.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police.
Because I'm your son. That would make you the monster.
Hey, buddy.
Susan, is that you?
Mike? I'm upstairs. Sort of.
Hang on. I'll be right up.
What happened?
Well, you see. This bird flew in your bathroom window
and I tried to save it but uh... it died.
I don't think that's what happened.
I don't think so either.
Help me get out of here please. - Come on.
Oh! God.
Thank you.
Oh. You have no idea what that was like. Oh.
You went through my cabinets? - What?
Oh, I can explain that. - Get out of my house.
Mike... - Get out.
Hello there! - Good afternoon.
Oh! Well, isn't this just as pretty as a picture book?
The plan is to put in a small condo.
What do you suggest?
I'm thinking? Strip mall.
I've run some numbers
Nice stationery. - Oh, it's stolen.
What do you mean?
After my house burned down,
I was staying with this neighbour Martha Huber.
That is until the old troll threw me out.
Anyway. I'd steal her stuff, she'd steal mine
It's the circle of life.
So this paper is hers?
Oh, god, Yes.
No, Tom, you can't do this to me.
Because I need you home!
Boys, stop it! I am on the phone!
Well. Yeah, I realize it's not your fault
that the meeting got postponed
But you promised you'd be back tonight.
Mom! - I gotta go.
The kids are... Yeah.
I know you're sorry.
Just will you try and get back as soon as you can?
Ok. Bye.
Boys, would you please, please stop it?
Really. Mommy's got a headache, ok? Just...
Turn that damn thing off!
What's the matter with you? Why won't you listen to me?
- All is groovy
- Slow down, you move too fast
- You've got to make the morning last
- Just kicking down the cobbled stones
- Looking for fun and feeling groovy
What?
I just came over to say I'm sorry.
And I'll pay for all the damage.
Don't worry about it.
Well... So...
In your mind, is the date off?
Well. You snooped around my house and went through my stuff.
Yeah. In my book, that's pretty much a deal breaker.
Hold on a minute. I started snooping around because
I found all that money by accident.
And then I found a gun.
Are you a drug dealer? - Is that what you think?
I wouldn't know because you never let me in.
You know this whole part of your life
that you kept completely walled off.
I have a gun for protection. I keep cash for emergencies.
I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that.
I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life...
Every little detail is one thing,
weird creepy secrets, that's another.
You know what,
I don't wanna be with somebody who doesn't trust me.
Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating.
Maybe we shouldn't.
Do you mean that? - Yeah.
Well, I hope that your, you know,
blow secret keeps you warm at night.
Because you're throwing something
really great away to protect it.
Oh, Susan! You gotta take my kids for a while.
Lynette, this just really isn't a good time.
No, no I'm sorry but I can't do this.
It's just, it's too much.
Boys, you stay with your aunt Susan.
Lynette, when are you coming back?
Lynette!
Lynette!
There's Lynette's car. She's gotta be close.
I hope the kids aren't too much for Danielle to handle.
She'll be fine.
What do you think is happening with Lynette?
I don't know. But I'm scared.
Something's very, very wrong.
Lynette? Honey?
Are you ok?
Father. I'm so glad you could come and pray for mama.
Please, sit. - Thank you, Gabrielle.
Listen, since you're here.
There's something I've always wondered about.
That whole thing about priests not being allowed
to repeat what they hear in confessions.
Is that a hard rule or just a general guideline?
Rest assured, everyone's secrets are safe.
That's good to hear.
I'll keep yours too if you want to talk.
Me? No, no. Confession's not really my thing.
That's a shame.
Ok, you can stop condemning me with your eyes.
Right now.
I know you know about the affair.
But you know nothing about my life.
Look, it's not even an issue any more.
John and I are finished.
Gabrielle, the church is pretty clear on this.
If you commit a mortal sin and you die without repenting,
You go to hell.
Well, aren't you just a ball of fun?
So if I confess, it'll clean the slate, right?
Not only that.
If you want god's forgiveness you have to be truly sorry
and promise not to commit the sin again.
So what happens if I repent later?
Like, say, when I'm 75?
I wouldn't recommend waiting,
what if you die before then?
Well, let's say I don't die?
I do yoga. I eat well.
If I wait, does my repenting still count?
If you mean it, yes.
Thank you, Father Crowley.
You have been a tremendous comfort.
Um... I will let you do your thing.
Gabrielle.
We're all responsible for the choices we make.
Don't you want to be a good person?
What I want is to be happy.
That's the answer of a selfish child.
I know.
Then I started taking the pills because they gave me energy
but then I couldn't sleep at night
and I was so tired in the daytime and...
It totally messed me up.
I love my kids so much.
I'm so sorry they have me as a mother.
Lynette, you're a great mother.
No, I'm not.
I can't do it.
I'm so tired of feeling like a failure. It's so humiliating.
No, it's not!
So you got addicted to your kids' ADD Medication.
It happens.
You've got four kids. That's a lot of stress
and you just need some help.
That's what's so humiliating.
Other moms don't need help.
Other moms make it look so easy.
All I do is complain.
That's just not true!
When Julie was a baby,
I was out of my mind almost every day.
I got so upset when Andrew and Danielle were little,
I used their nap times to cry.
Why didn't you ever tell me this?
Oh, baby. Nobody likes to admit that
they can't handle the pressure.
I think it's just like we think,
you know, it's easier to keep it all in.
Oh, we shouldn't! We should tell each other this stuff!
It helps, huh? - Yeah.
It really does.
So it was Martha Huber all along.
Seems so. Edie didn't move in with Huber
until after your wife received the note.
My god, we almost killed an innocent woman.
Like I said, I don't do refunds,
but if you like, I'm willing to pay Mrs. Huber a visit.
No. Just keep the money.
This whole thing's been tearing me up
the nightmares, the guilt.
This isn't what Mary Alice would have wanted.
What would she have wanted?
Answers.
Hello, Mrs. Huber. - Paul.
Let me give you a hand. - That's not necessary.
I insist.
Ants, huh? - Yes.
I've had a little infestation problem.
I wanted to take care of it before my trip.
Never had a problem with ants.
Mary Alice and I had these little black flies once.
Oh? - She was so funny about it.
She ran out and bought herself a can of poison something
to spray them down.
So she's taking aim at one on the counter and
she just stops.
Puts the can down. Couldn't do it.
She told me later it felt too personal.
Literally couldn't kill a fly. That's how gentle she was.
Then you must have lived with quite a few flies.
I'm going to have to say good night to you now, Paul.
What are you doing here? - I want to know why.
I know you've got a lot of questions
and I also know I don't want to lose you.
So ask me anything you want.
You just told me everything I need to know.
All right. My idiot husband died
and left me with a worthless pension.
I was desperate for money
And it's better to take it from a bad person than a good one.
How was I suppose to know she'd shoot herself.
She was a good person.
A good person who leaves her child motherless?
Read the Bible, Paul.
Suicide's a big no-no.
Don't you feel any remorse or whatsoever? - Why should I?
Your wife didn't kill herself because I wrote a note.
She killed herself because of
what she did to that poor baby.
But rest assured I'm praying for Mary Alice.
After what she did, she'll need all of our prayers.
There is a widely-read book that
tells us everyone is a sinner.
Of course, not everyone feels guilt
over the bad things they do.
In contrast, there are those who assume
more than their share of the blame.
There are others who soothe their consciences
with small acts of kindness.
Or by telling themselves their sins were justified.
Finally, there are the ones who
simply vow to do better next time,
and pray for forgiveness.
Sometimes, their prayers are answered.
Episode-09
One was careless...
You put a woman into a coma.
Surely, that arouses some emotion. - Well, it doesn't.
You and I are finished.
One said goodbye.
I'm tired of feeling like a failure.
One almost lost it.
Your wife didn't kill herself because of my note,
she killed herself because of what she did to that poor baby.
And one got exactly what she deserved.
Gabrielle was waiting for her next great idea.
Her first great idea came when she was 15,
after her stepfather paid her a late-night visit.
She bought a bus ticket to New York
the very next day.
Her next occurred five years later,
when she decided to seduce
a famous fashion photographer.
One week later she began her career
as a runway model,
which soon led to her next great idea,
her decision to marry Carlos Solis.
Before she knew it,
she had jumped off the runway and moved to the suburbs.
Her most recent great idea was born
out of her boredom with her new life.
That's how she came to
start an affair with her teenage gardener,
which was cut short by a tragic accident.
So, once again, Gabrielle was
in need of a great idea.
Mrs. Solis, I know you're worried,
but it's gonna take time.
Hm? What is?
You look sad.
I assumed you were thinking about your mother-in-law.
Oh, no. - So, uh, what were you thinking about?
My life.
It hasn't turned out like I thought it would.
Oh, honey. - Oh, no. I know I shouldn't complain.
It's just there's something missing
and I don't know what it is.
Do you ever feel that way? - No.
When I go home at night, I sleep like a baby.
'Cause I know I did something
that day that helped people.
That must be a nice feeling. - Hm. It is.
Of course, there's times I wish I didn't have to work so hard.
We got a nursing shortage and they cut our budget.
Damned! Get a doctor in here. I don't have an airway.
No time. I have to intubate.
Mr. Getz. Mr. Getz, listen.
You're not dying on me, ok?
This tube is to help you breathe.
I need you to be brave now.
It was then that Gabrielle got her next great idea.
She decided to throw the first annual
Sacred Heart charity fashion show
to raise money for more nursing staff.
Gaby, I can't do it.
I cannot walk down a runway in one of these dresses.
They all make me look so fat.
Please get someone to take my place.
Listen, Betty! Ok? You're not quitting on me now.
We'll find you a gown that's black
and slimming and you'll look great.
I need you to be brave now. - Ok.
And that night when she went to bed,
Gabrielle slept like a baby.
News of the fashion show
spread quickly on Wisteria Lane.
Though the event was for charity,
Gabrielle soon discovered
when it came to the latest fashions,
women are seldom charitable.
No one knew this better than Edie Britt.
She understood that
treachery never goes out of style.
Susan. - Give me the dress.
I gave it a shot.
Hi, Helen. How's the dress fitting?
Great. Maybe it could be taken out
in the shoulder a little.
Sure. No problem.
There you go.
You know, Gabrielle, I never thanked you properly.
For what? - For what you did for my son.
It was so nice of you to hire John as your gardener.
Believe me, it's been my pleasure.
How's he doing? - Good, good.
I hear he's dating Danielle Van de Kamp.
For now.
It's just a matter of time before they break up for good.
What's wrong?
She just seems to want much more
of a relationship than he does.
You remember what it was like dating teenage boys.
Vaguely. - Thank you.
No, you tell Tanaka that if he doesn't call me
I'm gonna go down to his office,
find him and kick his ass!
Ladies.
Trouble at work? - I don't know what's the problem.
He's making money left and right.
I just wish he'd relax.
Crap, crap, crap!
I'm telling you, all of the good dresses are taken.
Now, what the hell am I supposed to wear?
Well, Mrs. Huber never showed up.
Why don't you wear this one?
This is an old-lady dress.
You won't even be able to see my body.
That is so like you, Edie.
You're always thinking of others.
So why isn't Mrs. Huber here?
Last I heard, she went to visit her sister.
I just can't believe that
Martha would agree to wear this.
She always says she'd never be caught dead in black.
Sadly for Mrs. Huber, this was no longer the case.
Hey, mom.
Julie, you got a letter from Zach.
Isn't that weird, him writing you? - Yeah.
Well, open. Open, open.
He could have said something about Dana.
I'll read it later.
Later? What's wrong with now?
I've got tons of homework, mom.
Julie, what's going on?
This isn't the first letter from Zach.
We've been writing each other the last couple of weeks.
Are you mad?
No. Just when I was your age,
my pen pal lived on a farm in Ohio,
not in a mental institution.
You know, that letter is one notch above prison mail.
Zach's not crazy.
He's just upset over his mom,
and his dad doesn't even seem to care.
He just... needs a friend.
I've packed the diapers,
I'm getting the juice boxes and the carrot sticks...
Sunscreen? - Got it.
I go pick up the boys, we hit the park,
and that should give you a good couple of hours.
Enjoy the vacation.
What?
While you're gone, I'll being here paying bills
and sorting laundry and cooking dinner.
So what part of that sounds like a vacation?
Ok, right. We'll pick up dinner.
You just take a hot bath, relax, recharge.
Ok, I get it.
It's gonna take more than a hot bath to recharge.
But don't forget, I'm here all week.
Then what?
And then we go back to normal?
Tom, our last version of normal
had me popping pills.
Normal is a bad, bad plan.
We'll put our heads together
and come up with a solution.
I think we need to hire a nanny full time.
God, it's just such a big commitment. - I know.
And I know we can't afford it.
And I know everything that's happened is my fault,
but if I don't get some help,
there's an excellent chance I will lose my mind.
Ok. Well, then, we have to make it work.
It's just not right. - What?
A woman is in a coma because of Andrew,
and there he is, happy as a clam.
We grounded him, took away the TV in his room.
How many more ways you wanna punish him?
I think we should make him quit the swim team.
Bree, this is the one thing
in his life that he's passionate about.
Maybe if we take it away from him,
and he'll start to understand what he did.
He has not shown an ounce of remorse since the accident.
Of course he feels bad. He's just keeping up a facade.
Well, he's doing a fabulous job.
If we take him off the team,
He'll lose his shot at a scholarship
and then he's never gonna forgive us.
Well, if it ensures he grows up with some trace of humanity,
that's a risk I am willing to take.
Well, I'm not.
That because you just don't love him as much as I do.
Isn't that nice?
It's a fact. I'm his mother.
He lived inside of me.
He hung out in your womb for a few months back in the '80s.
Since than I have grown to love him as much as you.
What just happened?
That kid you both love so much, just won the race.
John.
My mom said you needed volunteers, so I volunteered.
Finally got the charity bug?
You sound surprised.
No, not really. You were always a giver.
Would you knock it off? My mom's right over there.
Have a seat.
You can start by helping us alphabetize the donation cards.
So, word on the street is you and Danielle might break up.
Maybe. I don't know.
Is that because of me?
Not everything is about you.
Would you stop that? - Have you been thinking about me?
No. - Really?
Could have fooled me.
Hey. Do you need any help? - Please. Just pull up a chair.
Oh, gosh. - That's ok. I got it.
Susan, hi. Do you want to help with the seating cards?
Sure, do you want to tell me why you
Oh, that. He was helping me adjust the seam in my stocking,
and from your angle it must have looked a little weird.
You're sleeping with him, aren't you?
Ok, yes, but you have to promise not to tell anybody.
Gabrielle, he's in high school,
and... it's illegal and you're married.
If Carlos found out, this would kill him.
It's just sex. It's totally harmless.
How can you call something like this harmless
after everything you know about what I went through with Karl?
This isn't about you. - Yes, it is.
It's about me and about every other person who was
screwed over by somebody they loved.
When Karl ran off with Brandi
you saw what a basket case I was.
I was crying,
I was tearing up his clothes.
I couldn't get out of bed all day.
You were right there.
How could you do the same?
How can you compare me to Karl? That's not fair.
You have no idea about my life is like.
Why don't you enlighten me.
You're beautiful, you have more money than you can spend
and you have a husband who adores you.
No, he doesn't adore me. He adores having me.
That's a rationalization and you know it.
I'll see you at the show.
Ok, honey, in you go. Hey, there.
How many nannies did you interview? - Ten. Ten!
Each one more incompetent than the last.
One actually asked me... There you go...
If she was expected to change diapers.
Good nannies are so hard to find.
That's why I hoped to take advantage of your expertise.
Oh, lord. What do you want me to do?
All your rich friends have nannies, a-list nannies.
I need to catch one without their bosses.
Why? - So I can poach me one.
Lynette!
At my old job we didn't wait for good people to come to us.
We went out and raided other companies.
It's no different with hiring a nanny.
I understand that good help is hard to find,
but stealing a family's nanny is so unseemly.
I'm not twisting anyone's arm. If I make a better offer,
why shouldn't a qualified person reap the benefits?
So, come on, where can I score some high-grade nanny?
Hey, Mrs. Solis. I have some awesome news.
I have some not-so-awesome news. You go first.
I broke it off with Danielle.
I passed her a note during French class.
So we can be together.
John, your timing is impeccable. - What do you mean?
Susan Mayer saw us last night,
and she knows everything.
Since the accident, Bree had started to worry
her son's sense of morality was going up in smoke.
She was right to be concerned.
Andrew? Can I come in?
Uh, yeah. Just a sec.
Hey, what's up?
Why are you smiling?
It's just a... joke that I heard.
Oh. What was it about? - Well, it's kind of dirty, mom.
Charming. What I was wondering is
if you've bothered to spend any time reflecting on
the reasons that you've been grounded
and the pain you've caused the Solis family.
Yeah. I totally get how my actions
have affected, like, everything else.
Really?
I mean, you know, like, when I do something like I did,
then you gotta do something like you did,
which is, you know, it's cool,
Because... Then everything just kind of balances itself out
and... and goes all smooth again.
You know? - No, I don't.
What's that smell?
Have you been smoking marijuana?
No, of course not. - You are strung out!
No! no, no, no, mom.
What's that? - The container you'll urinate into.
Come on. - Ow! ow! ow, that hurts!
Dr. Sicher, what are you doing here?
Mr. Young, I didn't want to upset you
by telling you over the phone.
What is it? - Zach is missing from Silvercrest.
It happened yesterday evening,
we think during the shift change.
I know this is difficult to hear. I'm sorry.
Yeah, well, uh, it's just been one of those days.
I still don't get why you're not with Danielle any more.
She looked so slutty at Ray's party.
She's not my type, I guess.
You still hung up on your mysterious married lady?
What is it with her? Besides the obvious, of course.
We talk about real stuff.
She doesn't treat me like some lame yard boy.
But you are a lame yard boy.
It's all messed up now anyway.
Her friend found out about us.
If it gets out, her husband's gonna kill me.
On the upside,
your social status at school is going to explode
when people find out you're doing a hot housewife.
Shut up, dude.
Please explain to me how he could just walk out.
With the money that I pay people, I think you could afford a padlock.
With all due respect, we are not a high-security facility,
and you have restrict our ability to treat Zach.
What the hell does that mean?
You insist we medicate him without psychotherapy,
that is a recipe for disaster.
Zach is a troubled young man,
and he's getting progressively worse.
Hungry?
I'm starving.
Bree had given Lynette the low-down on Valley View Park.
It was a gathering place for upscale nannies
and their young charges.
It was Lynette's first time there,
and she was determined not to go home alone.
Of course, Lynette had high standards,
so making a connection...
...wasn't easy.
Still, she was desperate to find that special someone.
And that's exactly who she found.
Ok. All right.
Here's one for you, and one for Amy.
All right, have fun,
and I'll be right here if you need me, ok?
From the moment she saw her...
Is this seat taken? - No, go ahead.
...Lynette knew she had to have her.
You know, I couldn't help but notice how wonderful you are with those children.
Thanks.
I'm Lynette. - Claire.
Claire? I always loved that name.
So, Claire...
Do you come here often?
What's this? - Your son's urine.
I'm gonna need a moment.
I think Andrew has been smoking marijuana.
So I want you to take this and get it tested right away.
Why?
Because I want you to pull him from the swim team.
And I don't think they will allow it without proof.
Proof or no proof. You're not gonna taking him off the team.
Yes, I am.
If you try, I'm gonna go to the coach
and tell him to ignore you.
We're not gonna screw up Andrew's future,
because he sparked a doobie.
I mean, come on, we've all done it. - Not all of us.
Rex, I thought you moved back home
to try straighten Andrew out,
To teach him the consequences of his actions.
I don't understand why are you fighting me on this?
Because I disagree.
Because we're still getting divorced.
And I don't have to let you push me around any more.
I never pushed you around.
We always made our decisions together.
No, you always make decisions then tell me I agree.
18 years of smiling and taking it.
What a liar I was.
Thank god you're out of my life. - Rex...
What are you doing?
Same thing you just did to every memory I have of our marriage.
You know what? If you were my mom, I'd smoke pot too!
So your boss made you return her underwear?
Yeah. After she had already worn them once.
Couldn't you have just said no?
You don't say no to Alexis... If you want to keep your job.
She sounds awful.
What can I do? I love the kids.
If we had a nanny like you in my house,
we would treat her like gold.
Did I mention I have four very lovable kids?
Really? - Oh, yes.
Claire! - Oh, no.
What? - It's Alexis.
I don't want her to get the wrong idea. So you should go.
Are you gonna be here tomorrow?
I wanna see you again. - No, I'm busy.
I just want to talk.
Lynette, this isn't right.
Claire, please.
All right. I will be at this address until noon tomorrow.
Now go.
What are you doing here? - I know you know.
And you're probably freaking out,
so I just wanted to explain.
What me and Mrs. Solis have, it's deep, you know?
We've got a future. It's not just sex.
Listen to me. There is no future for you and Gabrielle.
She's not gonna divorce Carlos and run away with you.
Why not? - Because he has money, a lot of it.
I'm not gonna be mowing lawns for ever. I have big plans.
Just stop talking. John, how old are you?
Almost 18. - Exactly.
You are not mature enough
to have a realistic perspective on this relationship.
You would be much happier with a girl your own age.
She's the one I want.
You know, I really love her.
Please let's welcome Mrs. Arlene Nord.
We have Arlene and her husband Norris to thank
for all our folding chairs, this evening.
So, please remember, for all your folding chair needs
...Rent Nords.
Next up, we have Mrs. Betty Nolan!
Thank god Tom could fill in in the last minute.
Why did Carlos have to back out?
Some work emergency. He wouldn't talk about it.
Sometimes I could just kill him.
Oh, look on the bright side. Tom's having the time of his life.
Hands off, fellas. She's all mine.
I guess he does sort of have a dorky charm.
Ok, Bree, you're up first, followed by Lynette,
and then Edie. Edie?
Where's Edie Britt? - Over here.
Edie, what did you do to that dress?
Well, I made it audience friendly.
Can you tell I'm not wearing underwear?
Yes. - Good.
Sorry I'm late.
You should never take this dress off for your entire life.
Really? I look ok?
Oh, Susan, you look so gorgeous.
Doesn't she, Edie? - Ah... It's a bit much.
Gabrielle. You have to change the line-up.
Susan has to go last.
Nothing is gonna top this.
Oh, no. Isn't Helen Rowland going last?
She never showed up. Somebody gonna take this place.
I think that's a great idea. Ok, let's go.
You really do look fantastic.
Next up, we have Mrs. Bree Van de Kamp
in a pink party dress
with laser cut, full skirt and silk belt.
Here is another exquisite ball gown by Halston,
modeled by the devastatingly sexy Lynette Scavo.
Notice the fine detail, the clean lines.
The dresser is nice, too.
Next up, please welcome Edie...
...Britt.
Edie Britt!
Please tell Gabrielle I'm sorry I backed out of the show.
I'm just not in a very festive mood right now.
Helen! Helen, you're here.
Did they tell you about the change in line-up?
I'm gonna go last. If that's ok.
There's a special place in hell for people like you.
I'm sorry. It wasn't my decision.
You're an adult. Take some responsibility!
What is wrong with you?
She is wearing a dignified classic,
perfect for a Sunday tea or christening.
For god's sake, Helen, this is for charity!
Edie Britt, everyone!
Keep your hands off my son! - What?
And finally, to cap off our evening...
Come on, you're up.
...Please welcome the radiant Susan Mayer.
Tom, say something!
A vision in white silk...
chiffon with gold, hand-beaded French lace
and lavender marabou.
Susan Mayer!
She's never looked better.
Susan, I feel awful about what happened.
Susan, talk to me.
Ok, you want me to talk? You're gonna find Helen Rowland
and you gonna tell her the truth
before everyone in the neighbour thinks
I'm the one sleeping with an underage boy.
I can't do that. - Why not?
Because she will tell Carlos and he will divorce me?
So what?
You obviously don't love him.
I do love him. I do. It's just... complicated.
You know, there's gotta be another way to fix this.
God, you are so weak.
Susan, don't be like this.
What did you expect? A hug?
Hey... - Shh! Alexis is still here.
She was supposed to go to Pilates,
but she got her period. You gonna go.
Just give me a second.
No. She saw you at the park.
She knows what you're trying to do.
You're not the first who approach me.
Claire!
How can you stay here after the way she treats you?
She can be tough, but it comes with the territory, right?
I would never treat you that way.
Claire what did you do with the aspirin?
I will give you a 20 per cent bump
on what she's paying you, plus overtime.
Dammit, Claire! Where the hell are you?
I don't take orders from your friends
I'm not a telephone answering service
and I don't do laundry.
Dishes? - Only the kids'.
How fast can you pack?
I got a nanny!
Where are you gonna go? - I don't know.
But I can't go home.
Are you afraid of your dad? - No. It's not him.
It's... It's me.
My life is really messed up. It's bad.
What's bad? You can tell me. - No, I can't!
It's better that you don't know.
I already know a little.
Hi, Danielle. How was school? - It was ok.
Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?
Bree had resorted to extreme measures to save her son's soul.
As she rummaged through Andrew's private possessions,
it occurred to her that sometimes a little betrayal...
is good for the soul.
I was really young, like four.
I heard my mom and my dad yelling.
I heard 'em yell my name... and hers.
Dana? - Mm-hm.
So... I went down to the room and I saw them cleaning it up.
Cleaning what up?
Blood.
Was it Dana's?
I think so.
I couldn't remember this for the longest time,
and then my mom killed herself
and I started having these dreams.
I don't even see Dana. I just... I see the blood
and my mom picking me up and putting me on my bed
whispering that it's not my fault.
And after that, every time I'd say her name,
they'd get upset.
So I wasn't even allowed to say it any more.
I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.
I killed my baby sister.
Zach, oh, my god.
And they buried her to protect me.
Helen, do you have a minute? - Oh, Gabrielle.
I didn't get a chance to tell you how sorry I was about
what happened to the fundraise.
I didn't intend to cause a scene.
No, it's okay. People didn't even notice.
This is a little awkward.
I know you're friends with Susan Mayer.
But let's just say I had my reasons.
It wasn't Susan.
It was me.
What?
I'm the one who was sleeping with your son.
I'm so sorry.
For how long?
Almost a year. But it's over now.
So when it started,
he was... 16?
I think.
But, Helen, you have to believe me, it's over now.
No, you're wrong. It's not even close to being over.
Dude, coach wants to see you. - Really?
Hey, I bet it's about my scholarship.
Hello?
Yes, this is she.
Marijuana in his locker? Oh, I'm just horrified.
There must be some sort of terrible mistake.
Um, yeah, ok. Well, I will be right down.
Elsewhere, another darker secret was
the object of an investigation.
Mr. Linder? Mr. Linder?
Detective Beckerman.
This is detective Burnett.
We were hoping for a minute of your time.
If you know anything about Zach's whereabouts,
you need to tell me now.
Honey, what's going on?
Zach's gone from Silvercrest.
They found letters in his room, letters from Julie.
They were writing to each other.
I need to see those letters.
Mom... They're private.
My son is missing.
Julie, in the letters, did zach say
anything about running away?
No.
There's your answer. - Susan...
If we hear anything, I will let you know right away.
I understand how worried you must be.
Obviously you don't.
Paul, my daughter doesn't lie.
This was a very popular design.
I must have sold
several hundred of these just like it, ten years back.
Do you keep any documentation?
I have a list of customers' names on the file.
Somewhere. It's been a while.
We'll need a copy of that list.
Oh, sure. Wow, this chest looks like it's been through hell.
We pulled it out of Rockwater lake,
you could say by way of hell, considering.
Was there anything in the chest?
It had a body inside. Adult female.
Yeah, but how do you fit a body into a chest that size?
It was chopped up.
Of all the stupid, boneheaded decisions.
What were you thinking?
I was set up. The coach got an anonymous phone call.
Andrew, what does it matter? The pot was there.
I was holding it for a friend. - You know...
I can't decide which is more humiliating,
the fact that my son got caught with pot in his locker
or that he can't even come up with
a decent enough lie to explain it.
Gabrielle believed there was an excellent chance
Gabrielle knew she had to come clean.
Carlos? - Yeah?
But coming clean...
I, uh...
...Was not one of Gabrielle's specialties.
I'm going to bed. - Thanks for the newsflash.
She turned me in!
Carlos. Carlos, I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry. - Sorry for what?
Just know that whatever happens, I love you very, very much.
F.B.I. Open the door. - Oh, my god.
F.B.I. If you do not open the door,
I am authorized to enter the premises by use of force.
Carlos Solis, I have a warrant for your arrest.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Call our lawyer.
Carlos, what's happening?
If you cannot afford a lawyer,
one will be appointed for you, the government expense
Carlos, wait!
Gabrielle, this will all be taken care of, I promise.
I'm innocent, I swear to god. It was Tanaka. He set me up.
People are complicated creatures,
on the other,
It's a constant battle that rages within all of us,
betwen the better angels of our nature
and the temptation of our inner demons.
And sometimes the only way to ward off the darkness...
...is to shine the light of compassion.
They took him away in... handcuffs.
Episode-10
Zach's gone from Silvercrest. - Hungry?
Sometimes...
If I don't get help, I will lose my mind.
Where can I score some high grade nanny?
...No matter how hard you try...
FBI! Open the door!
Carlos Solis, I have a warrant for your arrest.
...Some problems...
I'm Sorry, and you are...?
I take you've met Maisy Gibbons.
She's a total nightmare.
Maisy does love to rule her little kingdom.
You are unhappy with our sex life.
You're not getting something from me
but you're simply to afraid to ask.
...Can't be easily solved.
To understand Maisy Gibbons,
you first need to know how she spent her afternoons.
Her mornings were spent running errands for her husband.
Her evenings were spent
washing dishes and helping with homework.
Ok, so, nine plus one is...
But her afternoons,
well, they were spent in the company of men.
Frustrated,
misunderstood,
lonely men, willing to pay money
to feel a little less lonely.
And Maisy Gibbons was willing to help them.
Maisy, I've always wondered.
Nobody knows about your little hobby, do they?
Is it hard keeping a secret like this?
Well, maybe if it was just my secret
but the way I see it,
I keep the secrets of every man who comes to me.
And I find that absolutely exhilarating.
A few years back, Harold lost his job
and we had to give up our membership at the country club.
And then one day one of my club friends
asked why she hadn't seen me around lately.
I told her that we couldn't afford it any more.
She waved it off like it was nothing,
but I saw her get that look in her eye,
that look of... pity.
Maybe she was just trying to be nice.
Anyway, is that so bad, feeling sorry for someone?
When they say something, they are being supportive,
but when they say nothing,
it's because they think
you're so far gone, you're never coming back.
Gotcha you.
Anyway, a couple months later, I started my little hobby,
and the most wonderful thing happened.
This woman's husband became one of my regulars.
Oh, would you be a lamb and go out the back?
That's my next appointment. - Sure.
It's the husband of the woman I was telling you about.
Hello, there. - Hey, Maisy.
Every morality play has its cast of characters.
There is always an innocent victim,
a deceitful villain,
a prosecutor who seeks the truth,
a magistrate who dispenses justice
and a lawyer who charges too much.
This morality play was being produced
at the fairview county courthouse.
Its themes were trust and betrayal.
So what's your issue with bail in this case, Ms. Mccready?
We want bail denied, your honor.
The defendant's company imported goods
manufactured by slave labor.
His business partner, Mr. Tanaka,
has already fled the country,
and Mr. Solis himself has refused to surrender his passport.
Dog ate your client's passport, Mr. Hartley?
It's been temporarily misplaced, your honor
but we maintain that Kisho Tanaka set up
and executed the entire operation.
Mr. Solis is no business partner
but merely a hired contractor.
I'd also like to point out that
my client is the sole provider for his wife and his mother,
who is hospitalized in a coma as we speak.
Bring me the passport
and Mr. Solis can visit his mother.
Until then, your client is denied bail
and remanded. What's next?
You'd better finish those Brussels sprouts.
Don't think I can't see them hidden under your macaroni.
I hate Brussels sprouts.
Yeah. Well, brussels sprouts help you grow.
You don't want to be short your whole life, do you?
Look. You know what we'll do?
We're gonna dip'em in a little cheese. Here you go.
Good. Yummy. - Disgusting!
Fine. Be 3'8" the rest of your life.
See if I care. Good luck finding girlfriends.
Didn't you have a lunch? - I'm gonna cancel it.
and you're still finding your way.
Lynette, it's been two days.
I... don't want to shock them by suddenly disappearing.
Deep down they're very sensitive.
That's a paper airplane.
They'll be fine. Now go. Get out of here.
You have my cell phone number. You call me if you need anything.
I will. - Ok.
Boys! Come here and give momma a three-bear hug.
Come on. Whoo! One, two, three...
Get in! Get in!
Bye, mom. - Bye.
Bye! - Ok.
Watch your hands!
I'm gonna eat upstairs. I've got a ton of homework.
What, are you storing up for winter?
I'm just really hungry.
Oh, I talked to dad.
And apparently he and Brandi might break up.
Oh, how awful.
Mom, you're smiling. - Am I?
Anyway, because of all the drama, he can't take me this weekend.
So I'll be home after all. Goodnight.
Oh, great. Our romantic weekend's off.
We can move it to my house. - No.
Why not?
I just want it to be special.
And it can't be special at my house?
Ok, I know this sounds weird,
but I just need to have my things around me.
What things? - Perfumes and oils.
I wanna pick out the outfit you're gonna tear off me.
And plus I need to be in complete control of the lighting.
Ok. We'll wait till next weekend.
You are just the sweetest guy.
I can't wait till next weekend. - No, me neither.
What about tomorrow?
While Julie is at school. I've got an early job and that's it.
Oh, no good. My publisher's got me under the gun for something.
What about Friday?
I'm re-piping a house.
Damn Karl!
Not even married any more
and he's still keeping me from having sex.
I can't hide you in my room for ever,
and I think we need to tell my mom.
You can trust her, I promise.
You didn't tell her what I told you, did you?
No! I would never tell anyone that.
What are you doing? - I don't wanna cause problems for you.
I'm just gonna go.
Zach, stop. Don't go.
I won't tell her.
I swear I'll be out of here soon.
I'll think of something, ok?
Hello. - Why are you up?
I could ask you the same question.
I'm going to bed.
I didn't ask you to wait up for me.
Remember, I'm here as our children's father,
not your husband.
What are you doing?
Were you with a woman?
Did you tell her that you have a wife
or does that hinder your pick-up style?
All right, even if I was seeing someone,
I have every right to.
Exploring options is the whole point of being separated.
Options! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex.
Oh, that's not...
Bree, you should get out there,
try and meet someone.
Meet someone? I'm raising your children.
I am just trying to move on with my life.
It is nothing to be ashamed of. - Oh, ok.
Let me tell you what then, why don't you just call up
your mystery woman and invite her over?
I'll pull out the sofa bed
and you can take her right there.
Andrew! Danielle!
Daddy's gonna fornicate for us!
Just keep your voice down.
Why? Are you feeling ashamed?
The next morning started with a banging.
No one knew where Martha Huber was,
and Edie Britt was starting to worry.
Edie didn't like worrying.
She felt it gave her wrinkles.
So, out of concern for her face, and Mrs. Huber,
Edie decided to find out what was going on.
Yao Lin, listen to me.
It's very important that we find Carlos's passport.
I already looked through his office.
I need you to search the bedroom.
What?
With Mr. Solis in jail, how you gonna pay me?
I have children.
Yao Lin, your kids are in their twenties.
But if it'll make you shut up...
Here. Three weeks in advance.
If you don't mind,
can I call your bank?
Yao Lin, don't be stupid.
People don't become poor overnight.
That's my car. Oh, my god.
What are you doing?
Where are you taking my car?
The government's impounding it. Here's your receipt
Call that number if you have any questions.
You call this a paint job?
I don't want to see it again till it's perfect!
I wonder what's going on over there.
Claire did ok with kids yesterday.
But that could have been beginner's luck.
Do you think I should call? I should call
Lynette, for the first time in years you finally have some free time,
and you're wasting it obsessing about the kids.
It's just.. I don't know this woman. I mean not really.
So she has a degree in sociology,
big deal. Who doesn't?
My boys are a lot to handle. What if she's not up to it?
If you really have that many doubts,
you should go buy a hidden camera.
What, a nanny-cam?
Yeah. People do terrible things
when they think no one's watching them.
Yeah.
I don't really think that I could videotape Claire.
It would be a breach of trust.
Trust is overrated.
So... How are things with you and Rex?
Fine. Why do you ask?
I'm just curious. He moves out, moves back in.
Is he back for good?
The situation is...fluid.
I’m not certain what his plans are yet.
So if you're not sure he's back for good,
why are you ironing his shirts?
Because I have faith that he'll come back
and that he'll do the right thing.
That's good. It's good to have faith in people.
Yeah.
But I'd still buy that camera.
Hello? - Mike? My oven's out.
Come over and help me find my pilot light.
lay all my trouble down
here I am, baby come and take me
here I am, baby won't you come and take me?
take me by the hand
show me here I am, baby...
Mike, is that you?
I'm up here!
Oh, my god! oh, god. - What the hell?
I'm so sorry. I thought someone was in the house.
So you took your clothes off?
No, my clothes already off, I was going to seduce you.
Didn't really work.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you ok?
Well...
Please don't be mad.
Hey, there.
Zach? What are you doing here?
Later that day, while Claire was out
getting the boys wired on ice cream,
Lynette did some wiring of her own.
You can't do this.
You can't send Zach back.
Julie, what else can I do? He can't stay here.
His father sent him to a psycho ward.
Actually, they call it a rehabilitation center.
What do you think?
Paul is his father.
He has a right to know his son's ok.
If he finds out you're hiding him,
you could get in a lot of trouble.
He's right. Sorry, guys.
Mom, please don't do this.
If you knew what Zach had been through...
Julie. Julie, it's ok. I'll be fine.
I'll take him back over so you two can...
Listen, if Paul sees Zach and freaks out...
I'll bring him right back.
Young lady, we need to talk about what you did.
I really don't feel like talking to you right now.
Listen, Zach...
If things ever get really bad...
it's got my cell number on it.
Give me a call... any time.
Thanks.
How did you...? - We'll talk later.
Remember, any time.
I heard you moved back home. - Yeah, I had to.
We had some problems with Andrew.
I'll move out eventually.
Spikes or pearls? - Your choice.
You know what I think?
You don't really want to leave her.
Please don't psychoanalyze me.
You're still in love with her.
I never said I wasn't. - Then why divorce?
So now you're rooting for us two crazy kids to work it out?
You know me. I'm just a romantic at heart.
Scarves or cuffs?
Up to you. Even if I could find a way to deal with
Bree's obsessive-compulsive thing,
it's not the only problem in our marriage.
As you know, I have certain needs.
Boots or stilettos?
Stilettos, please.
Why don't you just tell Bree what you need?
Tell her what you want.
Because she'd say no. - So?
I've said no to some things you've asked me to do.
Yeah, that's different. I don't care if you reject me.
Rex, would you trust me on this?
Sometimes when you love somebody,
you just gotta make sacrifices for them.
Love or passion. That's an awful choice to make.
Yes, it is.
I have to warn you, this might hurt a little bit.
How am I supposed to live without a car?
Tanaka's still at large
and they want Carlos to flip on him.
So this is their way of playing hardball.
I'm guessing that they're not done yet.
Why? What else could they take from us?
Pretty much anything.
It's all fair game if they even think
they can trace it to ill-gotten gains.
No, some of this stuff is mine,
when I modeled, before I even met Carlos.
See this? Kosta Boda.
I bought it when I landed my first cover.
This... I spent eight hours on a rock in a bikini for that painting.
I understand how you feel. - No, you don't understand.
I have dug myself up from dirt to afford these things
and no one is gonna take them away from me.
Then I suggest you find yourself a good hiding place.
They can't take what they can't find.
And if you can scare up that passport too, that would be good.
Hi, Gabrielle. - Hi.
What have you got there? - My china.
I know how you've always loved it.
And I thought you might wanna borrow it for a while.
Oh. Well, that's... very thoughtful of you.
Say, can I store some
odds and ends in your garage?
Sure. Why don't you come by tomorrow?
Sooner's better than later.
I need an ambulance... Right away.
Hello?
Yes, this is she. Yes, he's my husband.
Excuse me. I'm here to see Rex Van de Kamp.
Apparently he had a heart attack. I'm not sure...
He's being prepped for surgery right now.
If you'd like to wait?
Could I at least poke my head in? I'm his wife.
You're his wife? - Yes. Why?
I was thinking of a different patient.
Let me get the doctor.
As Claire prepared for bed,
she was unaware that somewhere else in the Scavo house
the day she had just finished was starting all over again.
Lynette was relieved to see that
Claire was doing a good job.
But after further viewing...
Give me a three-bear hug.
...It dawned on lynette...
...Claire might be doing her job a little too well.
Here's the candles I borrowed.
Thanks.
I'm trying to read, so if you don't mind.
I cannot believe, after everything you did,
you're mad at me.
I told Zach that he could trust you
and you turned him in.
Well, someone had to be responsible.
Like it or not, I've got a birth certificate
that says I'm your mother.
Since when? - What is that supposed to mean?
Since dad left, if there's been
a mother around here, it's been me.
Julie!
Do you remember after the divorce you stayed in bed for a week
and I had to beg you to eat something.
Yeah, but...
For weeks I had to clean the house,
I had to make sure that the bills were paid,
I even had to schedule my own doctor's appointment once.
I was in bad shape back then.
It's still going on.
And now that I need some support,
you decide to play the mom card?
I had to send Zach back.
We could have gotten in a lot of trouble.
Yeah, well now Zach's the one who's in trouble.
You sent him back to a man who hates him.
As Gabrielle considered
the vast emptiness of her new surroundings,
she was surprised to find
there was only one thing she truly missed...
... her husband.
Mrs. Solis. We have a warrant to enter your house
and repossess any goods we suspect
may have been obtained... illegally.
We're not into clutter.
All right. Harvey the flying turtle.
Doesn't this look fun?
Where's Claire? - I gave her the afternoon off.
Who wants to turn pages? - Is she sick?
No. She's fine. I just wanted us all to spend
the day together, you know, like we used to.
Here we go. "Once upon a time
there was a young turtle named Harvey."
"Everyday Harvey would tell the other turtles 'One day
I'm going to fly off and cause I'm gonna go see the world."'
"The other turtles said
'turtles can't fly!'"
It's getting good now, huh?
What's wrong?
When Claire reads. She does funny voices.
Does she, now?
"Harvey didn't like the turtles laughing
so he told them 'I'll show you!
One day I will fly higher than the birds.'"
That's not funny. - Yeah, well, I'm just warming up.
"Then Bruno, the big bad turtle, took Harvey
up on the cliff and threw him over."
"He proclaimed ' we'll see
if you can fly! Fly or die! Fly or die!"'
When's Claire coming back?
What happened to your nails?
Oh, I... I moved all our stuff
to keep it from the feds.
It kills me that I'm putting you through this.
Hands on the table.
It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.
I'll take care of everything
until you're back to do it yourself.
And you will be soon.
I gotta be honest. I didn't know how you would hold up.
I knew you were a strong woman,
but I had no idea.
You're a good wife, Gaby. A real partner.
Oh, Carlos, I love you so much.
I would give up a houseful of expensive junk
just to put this behind us and have you home with me.
That sounds pretty good right now.
I'm gonna kiss my husband now. - Hands on the table.
There's a false panel on the back wall of my closet.
My passport is there, along with some papers.
Take the passport to the lawyer and burn the papers.
Carlos, did you know what Tanaka was doing?
Just burn the papers.
Hey, Lynette.
Did Martha Huber happen to leave a spare key to her house with you?
No. Where is she, by the way? I haven't seen her in days.
You got me. She kicked me out so fast
that I forgot my laptop,
And there's just some stuff on there
that I don't want anyone else to see.
Oh. Well, good luck with that.
You know, you're not looking half bad.
What have you done with our little posse of yours?
They're with the new nanny.
Wow. Your own personal nanny?
Smell you.
Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Our mothers are smart.
They didn't get us nannies or put us in daycare,
because they knew if they did
we'd find out there are other women out there who
were better mothers than they were.
You know, I had a nanny for a while growing up.
Mrs. Muntz. - You had a nanny?
Well, actually, she was more like
a court-appointed social worker.
My mom did a little time.
She had a thing for bourbon and...
shoplifting.
Oh. Sorry.
Muntz was a hard-ass. No mercy.
In fact, she was such a disciplinarian
that when my mom made parole,
I was actually happy to see her.
Really?
Yeah. Lesser of two evils.
Anyway, I gotta find a key.
See you later. - Bye.
Thanks for your help with Zach before.
It's my pleasure. I hope he comes out of this ok.
He's a little squirrelly, but he seems like a good kid.
Yeah.
So, how's Julie taking all this?
Not well. She accused me of not being a good mother.
No, you're a great mom.
Well, she was sort of right.
After my divorce, I really leaned on her a lot.
Seems natural.
And I still kinda do it.
I just want somebody to talk to about all my adult stuff,
and she's right there, and she just acts so mature,
I forget she's thirteen.
Well, the good news is that from now on,
if you ever want to talk to somebody about grown-up stuff,
you got me.
I can't talk to you about everything.
What if I want to talk about the big crush I have
on the plumber that lives across the street?
Big crush, huh? - Oh, yeah.
Well, you'd have to tell me more.
Well... He's got a smile that's to die for.
And don't get me started on his tattoo.
Thanks.
Oh, Bree.
What a nice surprise.
Would you like to come in?
Well, that depends.
Are you having an affair with my husband?
Would you like some more potatoes?
You already asked me that.
Sorry. I'm so relieved you're safe,
I'm not thinking straight.
Does that mean you're not gonna send me back to Silvercrest?
You've gotta understand, your behavior, the violence,
breaking into the Van de Kamps...
I just didn't know what you were going through.
You could have asked me.
I've been remembering things...
things from when I was little.
What kind of things? - Awful things.
Zach, listen to me.
Sometimes it's not good to look back on the past.
But I can't help it.
These images just keep popping into my head.
You've got to find a way to push them back out again.
Ok.
More potatoes?
Yes, please.
Sure is nice to be back to normal.
You should know that Rex still loves you... very much.
He said that? - Yes.
Then why is he so unhappy?
He has certain needs,
and he's afraid to discuss them with you.
Needs? Like... sexual needs?
Yes.
And have you fulfilled those needs?
I see.
You know you are pretty brazen for a woman who just admitted,
however tacitly, that she just slept with my husband.
If I told anyone in this neighbor,
they would never speak to you again.
You're not gonna tell a soul.
Yeah, you may hate me,
but you'd hate the humiliation a lot more.
Oh, I don't hate you, Maisy. I pity you.
Hey, Lynette.
You heading out now? - Yep.
I'll be home late, so just the usual routine.
A nap for penny and...
I know, no sugar after five. I got it.
You're the best.
Oh, one more thing.
Since the boys are having corndogs for dinner,
I'd like you to make sure they get a vegetable to go with it.
Brussels sprouts? - They're full of iron.
Make sure they clean their plates.
Not a problem. I have this trick i do.
I cover the veggies with some cheese.
Ooh. You sly dog.
That night Lynette settled in to watch her personal pick
for fell-good movie of the year.
I guess they operated, huh?
They sure did.
How'd it go?
It went well.
The surgeon says you're gonna be as good as new.
You look like you've been crying. - I have.
I was so afraid you were gonna die.
There's so many things I haven't had a chance to tell you.
I'm sorry you were so worried. - That's ok.
How are you now, Rex?
Are you strong enough
to listen to the things I need to tell you?
Sure, honey.
I know you still love me.
Maisy told me.
She did?
As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife.
I am gonna go out and find
the most vindictive lawyer I can find,
and together we are going to eviscerate you.
I am gonna take away your money,
your family and your dignity.
Do you hear me? - Bree...
And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me.
Because I want what's about to happen to you...
...to hurt as much as is humanly possible.
I'm so glad you didn't die before
I got a chance to tell you that.
Trust is a fragile thing.
Bye, guys! - Bye, mom!
Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom.
But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover.
Of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust.
Those we're closest to can betray us.
Police, open up!
And total strangers can come to our rescue.
In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves.
It really is the simplest way
to keep from getting burned.
Episode-11
I am just trying to move on with my life.
Are you having an affair with my husband?
Suspicion ended in tragedy.
I'm here to see Rex Van de Kamp.
Apparently, he had a heart attack.
Trust...
It kills me that I'm putting you through this.
...was put on trial.
Bring me the passport
and Mr. Solis can visit his mother.
An ex-husband...
You walked out on your family.
...was replaced.
She is out there throwing herself at Mike Delfino.
And everyone...
Your own personal nanny? Smell you.
...was getting in over their heads.
Edie Britt could never understand why she didn't have any female friends.
Of course, she always tried to tell people she didn't need any.
But the truth was it bothered Edie that other women didn't seem to like her.
Even after moving to Wisteria Lane...
Be careful. There are breakables in there.
...Edie couldn't understand why her neighbors kept their distance.
And then she met Martha Huber.
Hola!
Within five minutes
Mrs. Huber managed to disparage what Edie was wearing.
No.
In fact, whenever they got together,
Mrs. Huber insulted her.
She made fun of everything from Edie's make-up...
...to her taste in men.
Yes, Martha Huber could be cruel, offensive and downright mean.
But Edie didn't care,
because she was the first real friend Edie Britt had ever had.
But now Martha Huber was missing.
She had vanished without a trace.
And Edie was not embarrassed to admit she needed her back.
Edie? - Yes.
I'm Felicia Tillman.
Martha's sister. - Really?
What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.
It's just Martha always said how alike you two were.
I just don't see the family resemblance.
It's there. It just takes a while to become apparent.
Do you have the key to her house? - I do.
After the police kicked the door in,
they put on this temporary lock.
Oh, and by the way, the neighbors are coming over at noon.
We're going to organize and hand out flyers.
The key? - Oh, right.
I can only imagine how worried you must be.
I'm not worried, Edie.
Martha and I have a very intense bond.
We were connected at the most primal level.
A few days ago I felt this sensation in my soul.
That's when it first dawned on me that something had happened to my sister.
Then when she didn't arrive at my home as scheduled,
well, that's when I knew she was dead.
Oh, honey, no. You mustn't think like that.
Martha's only missing.
No, Edie. She's dead.
But she's my sister
and I'm going to find out exactly what happened to her.
Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out
when a loved one's missing.
Loved one?
Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this.
I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman.
The day she died, this world became a better place.
It was in that moment
that Edie finally saw the family resemblance.
Mrs. Huber was missing.
The words echoed down Wisteria Lane
until every last resident was aware of her disappearance.
By noon, dozens of neighbors had gathered.
Some came to volunteer. Some came in sympathy.
And some came to learn exactly what the police knew...
and what they didn't.
I'll need you to pass out flyers.
Put 'em in the mall, the park.
Anywhere you think Mrs. Huber might have been seen.
We need to jump on this. Time is of the essence.
Edie, would you like to say something?
On behalf of Martha and her sister, Felicia...
I'd like to thank you all for coming here today.
You know, my last conversation with Martha was one of anger,
And I'll never forgive myself for the things that I said.
I lay awake at night thinking about it.
I don't know how she did it,
but Edie managed to make this all about her.
She's a talented girl, our Edie.
Has anybody talked to Bree?
How's Rex doing? - She's bringing him home today.
I don't know how he had a heart attack. He was so young.
How creepy is Mrs. Huber's sister? - I know.
She was talking about Mrs. Huber like she was already dead.
You don't think she's...?
No, I'm sure she's fine.
We are talking about Mrs. Huber. She's like a roach.
I just want you to know, everyone on Wisteria Lane
is praying for your sister's safe return.
I seriously doubt that.
What do you mean you're not taking care of him?
Dad's being released today.
He's gotta have a place to recuperate.
He can go to a motel. Because he's not allowed back in my house.
I thought you two were getting along. What happened?
That's... between your father and me.
You're so selfish.
I am so looking forward to
the day that I get to put you in a nursing home.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, Andew
but my plan is to have an embolism and to die young.
We're all rooting for you, but you might not be so lucky.
Andrew...
You wanna say how long I can hold a grudge?
Go ahead and abandon my father,
because I promise you, you'll be sorry.
You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what...
Knew what? Come on, tell me.
because I'd love to know what my father did that was so awful.
Fine. I will see him through this,
but after that, your father can rot in hell for all I care.
We're not like other families, are we?
No, we're not.
Gabrielle, it's not my fault that your bank accounts are frozen.
I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just saying fix it.
Well, I wish I could,
but the folks at the justice department aren't very sympathetic.
I'm running out of money.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to be screwed.
Why don't you hock some jewelry?
There's a lot of stuff you never wear and most of it's ugly.
Don't you have a toilet to scrub?
God, I'm just so angry with Carlos.
What was he thinking, exporting goods made from slave labor?
Why couldn't he have embezzled like other white-collar criminals?
All the justice department wants is
to make sure that Carlos doesn't skip the country.
If he's released on bail,
I can argue that he needs money to live on,
and they'll probably unfreeze one of the smaller accounts.
They won't release him without the passport.
Exactly. You haven't found that yet, have you?
Gabrielle wanted her old lifestyle back, no question.
But she wanted Carlos to suffer for his betrayal even more.
I'm still searching.
In that case, you might wanna think about looking for a job.
I had a really good time.
Hey. Is this a bad time?
For you? Of course it is.
Cute. Tax stuff. I need your signature.
We've been divorced over a year. - 2003.
Well, please, just come on in.
Mike, I don't think you've officially met my ex,
Karl Mayer.
Hey. Mike Delfino.
Right. The plumber.
I don't have the right washer for this faucet.
So I'm just gonna go on across the street and get it.
So he seems ok. - Yeah, he is.
So, what do you want me to sign? Oh, I see.
By the way, Julie told me about her birthday plans.
We're going to a restaurant downtown.
A guy who plays piano and open mic.
Julie got a bunch of her girlfriends together
and so we're just going to make a night of it.
Julie loves to sing. It sounds nice. - Here you go.
All righty. - Give my best to Brandi.
Actually, um... we're not together any more.
You're not? What happened?
I... caught her in bed with another guy.
Go ahead. Do your happy dance.
No, no, really. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I am.
It's just really hard for me right now.
Thanks.
Um, try ripping up old photos. It helps.
Well, have fun this weekend.
Let me know how the party goes.
Karl, do you want to join us?
Susan...
You're the best.
Oh, well... Yeah. I'm the best, aren't I?
You know, if we gonna buy a water heater,
we should talk about it.
We could go to the mall tomorrow and they have a sale
Can we talk about this tomorrow?
Well, I'm just trying to plan my day.
Please, honey. I'm so tired.
Ok.
Hon, did you set up the coffee maker?
Oh, no. I'll do it in the morning.
I promise I'll get up early and do it.
Tom
Tom
Come on.
Thanks.
Claire?!
I'm, uh... Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were up.
Yeah, I thought you were sleeping.
I was just going upstairs.
Do you want me to make the coffee?
Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.
I'm just going to, you know, go back up to my room.
Ok. - All right.
Night. - Good night.
Also you know,if we go to the mall,
we can go to the shoe store.
You said you wanted new running shoes.
What?
The next morning,
while the search for Martha Huber continued,
Lynette discovered a little family secret,
one she wasn't even looking for.
Good morning. - Morning.
Want some coffee? - Yeah, thanks.
I didn't want to come down till Tom left for work.
I'm still a little embarrassed. - About what?
He didn't tell you?
Well, actually it's kinda funny.
I was doing some laundry,
and I noticed the robe I was wearing had some baby food on it,
so I threw it in,
figuring I could dash upstairs while everyone was asleep,
and then I ran into Tom... while I was totally naked.
And so, Claire, when did this... incident occur?
I don't know. It was pretty late.
I think he might have come down to make coffee or something.
You don't say.
This is certainly impressive.
I can definitely get you work as a model.
But you do realize it's different from
the runnway work you did in New york and Milan?
Of course. I made $10,000 a day.
I don't expect to make that here.
That's good, because you won't.
Yeah. So, what have you got?
Well, there is something.
They need a model to demonstrate the new Buick Lacrosse
at the Fairview mall.
300 bucks for the day.
Uh, what else do you have? - Sure.
Um... Ooh. Can you swing a sword?
Sci-fi convention needs someone to dress up as a warrior princess.
A warrior princess?
Mr. Gibb, I am a professional model.
Look at this bone structure. This face is a cash cow.
And if you don't have the vision to take advantage of that,
then maybe I'm at the wrong agency.
Look, honey, I'm the only modeling agent
in a hundred-mile radius.
If you don't like it, move back to the city.
This, um, Buick thing,
does it include lunch?
Just so you know, I really am grateful for everything you're doing for me.
I don't need your gratitude.
You're only here because your children are master extortionists.
So you didn't tell 'em about... - Your adultery?
No, I decided to keep that little gem all to myself.
Listen, I know this is a real imposition...
Yes, it is. The doctor said you could be here for weeks.
Would it make you feel any better if I told you I'm sorry for what I did?
Yes, it would... if I still felt anything for you.
But as it stands, the place you used to occupy in my heart
is very much empty now.
You must still feel something for me.
And why do you think that?
Come on, Bree. Look at this.
You are using the good china, freshly pressed napkins,
flowers from the garden.
This tray was prepared with loving care.
Do me a favor, Rex.
Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.
Hold on a sec.
Ok. Now I'm good.
What? - You're just... God, I love you.
That's great.
Wait, look. That just kinda popped out.
No, no, it's fine. It just kinda caught me off guard.
I mean, I wanna say it back...
Yeah, but you're not ready. It's ok.
You're not mad, are you? - No. God.
We haven't been dating that long
and you've got other issues.
I get it. - Good.
Issues, what kind of issues do you think I have?
You know, I retract my earlier statement. I no longer love you.
In fact, I just think of you as a good buddy. - No.
You obviously think you have some insight into my soul,
so please go ahead, dazzle me.
Your divorce left you vulnerable.
Big insight. The postman knows that.
And there's a chance you still have feelings for your ex.
What?
I loathe Karl.
And the postman will back me up on that, too.
I'm sure part of you does hate him,
but maybe part of you is still hung up on him.
Where are you getting this?
He broke up with the woman he left you for.
And what was the first thing you did
you hugged him and invited him to a party.
The analysis part of this evening is now over.
Hey... You asked. - Well, you know what?
You're gonna come to Julie's party tomorrow night,
and you're gonna see Karl and I together,
and you're gonna understand once for all
that I have no feelings for him whatsoever.
Actually I have tickets to a basketball game.
Actually you're coming to the party tomorrow.
This is what I get for saying "I love you".
What? - Nothing.
Thanks. - Hello, George.
Mrs. Van de Kamp. You're looking lovely today.
You always say the nicest things.
Well, it's, uh... it's true.
Oh. Listen, I have a prescription here for Rex.
I don't know if you heard but he had a heart attack.
I had no idea. Is he ok? - Yes, he'll live.
But the doctor says he's at risk
for something called pericarditis.
Do you know anything about that?
It's an inflammation of the membrane that surrounds the heart.
Take few months to make sure that it doesn't develop
and he'll need constant care. - So I hear.
As the words "constant care" echoed in her head,
Bree caught a sickening glimpse into her future...
Ok, here we go.
...Which prompted her to seek an old-fashioned remedy.
George, would you go out to dinner with me?
Um, you mean like a date?
Yes. I think it would be fun.
What about your husband?
Oh, him.
Well, we're... separated.
In spite of Mrs. Huber's disappearance,
life on Wisteria Lane started to return to normal,
until an intriguing discovery was made
on a dirt road next to the interstate.
This is Officer Burdon. I have an abandoned vehicle
registered to a missing person, one Martha Huber.
Please advise.
As news spread of this mysterious development,
everyone in the neighborhood decided to band together
to show their support,
and to look for clues, or worse.
I'm keeping my eyes on the horizon.
Please tell me if I am about to step on a body part.
It's a search and rescue, not recover.
We don't know if she's dead.
People fake their own abductions all the time.
Can we talk about something else, something less depressing?
Well, here's something. Mike told me he loved me.
Oh, my god! - Over here! They found the body!
NO! I'm sorry, false alarm. We didn't find a body.
Ah, Susan just had some really good news.
Sorry. - False alarm.
Susan always finds a way to make it about her.
Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the fabulous Buick Lacrosse.
It has an expertly crafted interior,
peaceful quiet tuning
and ultrasonic rear parking assist.
Observe the remote activation feature.
And it also has a lot of other exciting,
good, cool car things.
Tom! Lynette! What are you doing here?
Buying a new water heater. How about you?
Gaby, you need help? It looks like you're stuck here.
I guess I am. - No worry, I got it.
Guess I got too close to the turntable.
I'm a sucker for these Buicks. - Come on, you bastard!
With their perfectly crafted interior and peaceful quiet tuning.
Oh! You know, I... I wanted to match the shoes to the dress.
We like to hit the boutiques together.
Ok. Well, you gals, um,
shop your little hearts out. See you later.
Bye!
Wow. Look at you. You going out?
Not that it's any of your business, but, um, I have a date.
A date? What kind of date?
Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you.
The doctor says any undue stress
could cause another heart attack.
It's a romantic date with a single attractive man.
I intend to French the hell out of him.
Oh. Right on time.
In my spare time I garden. I thought you might like these.
Oh, they're exquisite. Compost and eggs shells?
Yes. - Oh. Come on in.
Thanks.
George, you remember Rex.
I thought you said you were separated. - We are, emotionally.
Physically he just lives here because
his mistress refuses to care for him.
Would you like a drink? - No, I'm fine. Thanks.
Rex, say hello to George.
Hello, George.
Hello, Dr. Van de Kamp.
I'm gonna put these in water. George,
why don't you have a seat and I'll be right back.
So, how's your heart, Dr. Van de Kamp?
Better. How's the pharmacy? - Busy.
Is something funny? - It's... It's nothing.
and now Bree's doing anything she can to make me suffer.
All you can do is laugh. - Yeah, I... I guess.
These flowers are stunning.
They're the best ones I've ever gotten.
Shall we?
Nice talking to you, Dr. Van de Kamp.
Please, you're dating my wife.
Call me rex.
I guess. I didn't notice.
How can you say. She was so your type.
Big breasts. Really curvy. - What are you doing?
I'm saying you prefer women who are really curvy,
like that salesgirl...
or Claire.
There was only one type did I prefer. You.
You kissed me as though that would end this conversation,
and it so won't.
Why am I in trouble? Haven't I done anything wrong.
You made love to me the other night
because you had just seen Claire naked.
Wha...?
Aw, crap.
Claire is a great nanny.
It would be stupid to lose her over something like this.
You and I have had crushes before.
We always tell each other, we laugh about it.
It's no big deal.
What worries me about this
is you're denying you're obviously attracted. Why?
I'm not denying anything. - So you are attracted to her?
I didn't say that. What are you doing?
We are not going anywhere until you confess
you have the hots for our nanny.
Tom, it's ok. She's attractive.
Men by nature are drawn to fertile, young women
with whom they can plant their seed.
It's the basic flaw of your gender.
I get it. Just do me the honor...
We'd all like to get out of here. Is there a problem?
My husband won't admit that he has lust in his heart.
Can you give us a minute?
Lynette, Claire is attractive, yes.
But I am not attracted to her.
If I thought for even a second that there was any danger
in having Claire around,
I'd be the first to get rid of her.
It's you. You're the one.
You always have been and you always will be.
All right! Hold your water!
we drink ice cream soda here
down at the old five and dime!
Yay. You guys were fantastic. - Thank you.
They've got a dance floor upstairs,
we're gonna go and check it out.
Ok. Have fun.
Edie, over here! - What the hell is she doing here?
I don't get to bring a date? I heard you were bringing him.
Of all people, you pick that tired piece of... Edie!
Hi, Susan. Thank you so much for the invite.
God knows I needed something to get my mind off poor Martha.
A kiss for the birthday boy.
Um, Edie, it's not his birthday.
Thank you, George. That was a lovely evening.
The pleasure was mine.
There's nothing better than great conversation
with a beautiful woman over a delicious meal.
Well, I guess I should go inside.
I'm glad we did this. - Me too.
Andrew. Where did you come from?
I was just on my way back from Brian's house.
What's going on here?
You remember Mr. Williams, our pharmacist?
Hey there. - How's it going?
What are you doing in his car?
We're just, um... talking.
Mr. Williams took me out to dinner.
You mean like on a date?
Yes.
You are aware that she's married, right?
Your father and I are separated, you know it.
I don't care. Couldn't you at least wait until he was out of the house?
The only reason he's still in the house
is because you insisted I care for him.
So what are you guys gonna do now?
Are you two gonna have sex?
No, we are not going to have sex! - Why not?
Because I don't commit adultery like your father!
That's right, your father had an affair. I found out about it.
I'm just trying to move on with my life.
You should watch out for her. She's a liar.
Andrew...
In spite of her mounting debt,
Gabrielle was determined to prove
she could get along just fine without Carlos's money.
It wasn't until the electricity went out
that she finally began to see the light.
Mr. Hartley, it's Gabrielle Solis.
I need you to start working on
releasing Carlos on bail.
I just remembered where I put his passport.
but I, I took the sweet life
and never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free
hey, lady
I've ben to paradise
but I've never been
to me
Oh, thank you!
Damn, woman. You are good.
Yes! All right, you're next, Susie-q.
What you gonna sing?
You sing? - Only when I'm alone.
Come on, we're among friends. - I don't think so.
I for one would love to hear your voice.
Give it up, plumber. She's not budging.
You wanna hear me sing? - Yeah.
Ok.
What's it gonna be? I'll tell the piano player.
New York, New York. - I am so excited to hear you.
You have to get up in front of a room
full of people dressed like that.
I hope they don't turn on you.
I think I'll take my chances.
Sort of like you did on those high notes.
I'm gonna get us two more. - That's a great idea.
So that Mike, seems pretty even-keeled.
Yeah. He's a great guy.
But, you know, I mean, he's a little Buster Brown.
Don't you ever worry you'll get bored?
Thanks for your concern. Karl. I'm fine.
was crazy at times, it never got dull.
Yeah. That part when you slept with your secretary
was really exciting.
I know. How many times do I have to hear it? I, I...
It was a mistake.
But don't I ever get credit for
the 13 loyal years beforehand?
Let's not be counting the Hendersons' Christmas party.
Edie, not now.
What's the big deal, Karl?
Your marriage is history, anyway. - Edie...
It was nothing, really.
Basically, we both got plastered on eggnog
and we found ourselves standing under the mistletoe,
and we were like, "Ok, so what do we do now?"
So I smiled and he smiled
and then Karl reached over and started feeling me up.
Susie, that's not how it happened. - Come on. You're up.
This is... it's so silly. Susie...
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Susan Mayer.
start spreading the news
I'm leaving today
I wanna be a part of it
New York, New York
These vagabond shoes...
You're an ass, you know that? No, keep playing.
Are longing to stray
There's a word you know, right?
And get around the heart of it
New York, New York
I wanna...
...Just tell you that the affair was one thing.
I forgave you because on some small level I thought
that you were in love with her,
And now I find out
you were just groping people at parties!
Top of the heap...
Karl, don't you turn away from me. Look at me!
You know what are we doing during our marriage.
How many other women were you sticking it to?
As god is my witness, it will snow on the hills of hell
before I ever feel sorry for you again!
New York!
As the police interviewed the residents of Wisteria Lane
about the mysterious disappearance of Martha Huber,
my husband Paul reasoned it would only be a matter of time
before their digging would begin to yield answers.
Since he knew the police had no suspects...
...He decided to point them towards
the most logical candidate.
You see, if there's one thing Paul understood about the suburbs.
It was this.
No one's ever more suspicious
than a new neighbor who's just moved in.
Parker's getting sniffly.
Yeah, I noticed that too.
I hope he's not coming down with a cold.
He doesn't have a cough yet,
but he has this post nasal drip thing happening.
I'll make an appointment for him.
I always say it is better to be safe than sorry.
Little kids get sick, and it's,
sorry, out of control.
Um, Claire?
We have to make some changes.
What are you doing?
I'm packing up your father's things for when he eventually moves out.
Here, let me help you.
Look, I talked to dad,
and it turns out you were telling the truth.
Andrew, I'm so sorry that I said anything.
No, I'm glad you did. Now I know.
There comes this point in every boy's life.
What? Find out his dad's screwing around?
No. That his father's only human.
So why are you taking care of him?
Because of what Danielle and I said?
Because you can forget that.
I'll help take his stuff out on the street if you want.
That's sweet.
But I'm taking care of him
because it's the right thing to do.
Why are you being such a pushover?
I mean, he cheated on you. He's a jerk.
Andrew, you will not speak that way
about your father in front of me.
Why the hell not?
I mean, for once I'm actually on your side.
Yes, I'm angry with him. I am gonna divorce him.
I may even marry somebody else, but make no mistake about it.
Your father is and always will be the love of my life.
He gave me the best 18-year marriage that...
...I could have ever hoped for.
And for that you will respect him.
Ok.
What is it? I'm really, really busy.
I came by to apologize.
In that case, come on in. I'm not doing anything.
I can't believe Edie brought the whole thing up.
Susan, I am so sorry. I...
I thought I was done hurting you.
Yeah, me too.
And just so you know, I'm... Sorry for flipping out.
I shouldn't let you get to me like that.
What? - I do still get to you, don't I?
That's the difference between the plumber and me.
Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy.
I like him.
But I'm betting you two don't have what we had together.
There was always a spark between us.
A spark?
Look, what I'm trying to say is
he must seem really safe after me.
A moray eel would seem safe after you.
That's what I'm talking about.
The great back and forth, joking around.
News flash. I hated all of that.
Come on. You have to admit,
when it was good, it was the best.
What are you saying?
Let's give this another shot.
You want me back? - Yeah.
Yeah. I realize now
you were the woman...
...that was meant for me.
Just so we're clear, so you want to move back in here.
And be faithful to me
and love me with all your heart and soul?
Absolutely. - Oh, my god, this is so wonderful.
Yeah. I know, I know.
I wanna kiss you. - Oh, god. No, Karl.
No. What I meant by wonderful is
that I wondered inside if I still had feelings for you,
if deep down I still loved you.
And? - And... there's nothing there.
Come on, you've gotta feel something.
Well, actually, I do. Yeah.
Excuse me.
Susan. - Mike, guess what? I love you.
Are you sure? - Yes!
Did I come at a bad time?
They're just asking some questions about Mrs. Huber.
I love him. You can write that in your little book.
We are all searching for someone,
that special person who will provide us
what's missing in our lives.
Someone who can offer companionship.
George? Hi, it's me, Bree.
I was wondering, are you free next Saturday?
You are? Oh, that's wonderful.
Or assistance.
Hi, I understand your agency handles nannies.
I need someone experienced and preferably unattractive.
Or security.
Hi, honey. Did the lawyer tell you the good news?
You're gonna make bail. I found your passport.
And sometimes, if we search very hard,
we can find someone who provides us...
I just called to say hi, and I love you.
...with all three.
All right, all right. Enough already.
Yes, we're all searching for someone.
And if we can't find them,
we can only pray they find us.
What you got, boy?
Episode-12
I think we're making a mistake.
These are nice people. - My money says one of 'em isn't.
How creepy is Mrs. Huber's sister?
Promises were made.
I'm going to find out exactly what happened to her.
Marriages came undone. - Gabrielle and I are about to start a family.
We're not negotiating my uterus.
George, would you go out to dinner with me? - You mean like a date?
A date? - And the truth...
You burned your rival's house down. - ...was denied.
I absolutely did not do that thing you accused me of.
Martha Huber waited her whole life for something to happen to her,
something exciting.
As a child she hoped to be kidnapped by a band of pirates.
As a teenager she dreamt of
being discovered by a Hollywood talent scout.
As a young woman she fantasized
a handsome millionaire would sweep her off her feet.
But the years had flown by and still nothing exciting
had ever happened to Martha Huber.
Until the night she was murdered.
Hello, Mrs. Huber. Let me give you a hand.
That's really not necessary. - I insist.
In those last moments it occurred to her,
in addition to being boring,
life could also be very cruel.
Luckily for Mrs. Huber, death was far more merciful.
What do you think?
That's our missing woman all right.
Make sure no one contaminates my crime scene.
Hey, little lady.
A lot of people are looking for you. You know that?
Your face is gonna be on the front page
of every paper in this state.
How's that for exciting?
Officer Jackson couldn't be sure, but for a brief moment,
he thought he saw the corpse of Martha Huber smile.
Death had come once again to Wisteria Lane.
I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.
We found your sister's body.
Word of the tragedy would soon
spread throughout the neighborhood.
But for now people went about
their lives as they always did,
blissfully unaware.
Hello? Anybody home? - In the kitchen.
Good news. I finished my book.
So I thought to celebrate you could take me out to lunch.
Susan. - Can we do a rain check?
We're looking at the plans for her house.
My insurance company's finally cutting my check.
There's only one plumber I want.
Don't expect to see this guy for a few months.
I'm gonna be riding him hard.
Well, if anybody can go the distance, he can. I should know.
Mike.
Mike, we're on the clock.
Hey, Felicia. What's up?
Edie?
They found Martha.
Here, blow. Good. All right, come on.
This is gonna be fun. Follow me.
Excuse me? You can't do that.
I'm here for the 10.00am yoga meditation class.
Unfortunately, the daycare center's full.
Yeah, I noticed that, but every time I come here it's full.
It's a popular class, and the other moms come early.
Look, all I can tell you is plan ahead next time.
Lauren, I'm a mother of four.
Today I had to get up at five,
make lunches, make breakfast, drop the twins at school
and get across town lugging a baby and a sick child.
Telling me to plan ahead is like telling me to sprout wings.
And things like being told to plan ahead make me so crazy
that yoga is the only thing to relax me.
Except I show up here and I can't get in,
and you tell me to plan ahead.
It's a vicious cycle. See how that works?
I get it, but if I broke the rules for you,
I'd have to break 'em for the other moms, too.
And then the moms who actually followed the rules would get all pissed at me.
I'd have to get pissy right back I'm afraid you know it
I don't have time to read my magazine.
See how that works?
I hope some day you have lots of children.
Hello? Hey, susan. I can't talk.
I'm in the middle of something here...
What?
I had a wonderful time today. - Thank you. I did too.
I'm sorry I can't invite you in for coffee. - I get it.
Rex still lives in the house. It would be awkward.
And I would rather cut off my hand than hurt his feelings.
It'll be a lot easier once he gets well enough to move out.
So do you want to have lunch tomorrow?
I'd love to.
Pick me up at one and we'll do something fun.
I'll see you then.
Packages!
Thank you.
Hi, Lynette.
What?
Hi, honey. Welcome home.
Thanks, guys.
Take it easy.
Come on, honey. Let's celebrate.
Sorry it's the cheap stuff. I had to economize.
Now you're back we can restock the wine cellar.
Let's toast. - It's very good to be back.
What's that?
It transmits to this, my electronic monitoring device.
Didn't the lawyer tell you? - Tell me what?
I'm on house arrest. It's a condition of my bail.
No, he neglected to tell me that. - Yeah.
If I move more than 100 feet from that telephone,
an alarm sounds.
If I keep going, it transmits a signal to the F.B.I.
And I'm back in jail.
But how are you gonna work?
I can't. I can't do anything.
No, no, that's unreasonable.
What do they expect us to do for money?
The lawyer's working on unfreezing the accounts,
and in the meantime,
I mean haven't you been booking modeling jobs?
Carlos, this is not like New York
where I made thousands of dollars a day modeling haute couture.
I'm doing boat shows.
I spend eight hours a day doing this.
Well, I'd buy two boats from you.
Come on.
Where's my toast?
Welcome home.
Hello? Hi, Bree.
What?
If you find anything in your sister's belongs
that might shed light on her death,
letters or a date book,
I believe she did keep a diary or something.
I'll look around for it.
Look at them all. Vultures.
Pretending to care,
when all they really want are the sordid details.
I don't know. I think they just wanna show their support.
Please. Human beings feed on misery.
Well, we might as well give the people what they want.
Hello. I want to thank you all for coming out here
and expressing your genuine sorrow and disbelief.
My sister martha would've been so touched.
I know that many of you have questions.
I've just spoken with the police who is still putting together
the details of what happened.
What they do know is... Martha died a violent death.
Yes, I know, it's hard to hear.
Apparently there was a struggle.
They found scratching and bruising on her body,
several broken bones
and traces of dirt in her lungs,
which leads us to believe that
she was still alive at the time of her burial
and probably in great pain.
But the good news is there are no signs that
she had been molested.
I think it's time that you return to your homes,
to your loved ones.
Oh, in lieu of a memorial service,
I'll be holding an estate sale day after tomorrow.
Please, no personal checks.
By the next morning, everyone on Wisteria Lane
was aware of Martha Huber's demise, with no exceptions.
Ok, boys. You see this gum?
If you promise to be quiet
while I am downstairs playing cards, it's all yours.
Deal? - Yeah!
That's what I like to hear.
What are the odds? First Mary Alice
and then Mrs. Huber? It's shocking.
This is different. Someone was murdered on our street.
I remember talking to her right before she disappeared.
You did? What'd you talk about?
Oh, actually, she yelled at me
for not bringing my garbage cans in.
I'm gonna miss her.
Edie.
Hi. Come on in. - Oh. You're all here.
Yeah. Tuesday is poker day.
Really? You know, I love poker.
Ok, then.
Well, here's the deal.
Since the ice queen isn't doing
anything to memorialize her sister,
I have decided to carry Martha's ashes
up to Torch Lake and scatter them myself.
It's where her husband proposed. - That's so sweet.
I know. So I thought that
some of the neighbors could caravan up there
and we'd have a little ceremony.
I've printed out maps if anyone needs one,
You know, Edie, I'd love to go,
but I just got back into modeling, you know, just for fun.
And I have a gig tomorrow. I can't leave 'em hanging.
I wish I would have known earlier.
I would have arranged a sitter.
Darn, I have to take Rex to his angiogram.
Well, Mayer, what's your excuse?
I'm just, you know, busy. Stuff.
Well, your friends are much better liars.
Ok. Mommy's friends are gone now and you can...
Well, yeah, I know it hurts.
but that's what you get when you let your brothers
put bubble gum in your hair -- pain and misery.
Are you mad at me?
Yes! Yes, I am mad at you.
And I'm also cranky,
you know how you get when you haven't taken a nap.
Mommies are the same way. We need our downtime.
If we don't get it... Sorry.
...We end up saying and doing
things which we don't normally do.
And that's frustrating for me to
'cause I do want to be the best mommy I can be.
I think you're the best mommy in the world.
Well, that's sweet of you, but it's not exactly true.
I was so afraid when I suggested a picnic
that you'd make fun of me,
but I just think it's such a lovely,
old-fashioned way to spend an afternoon.
Well, as it happens, I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.
And we got so lucky with the weather.
It's just absolutely...
Your lunch hour's almost up.
We probably should be getting you back to the pharmacy.
Wait. I've had such a good time these last few days.
I just wanna show my appreciation.
Another gift?
I hope it's not another orchid. They're so expensive.
Relax. This didn't cost me a dime.
George, you shouldn't have.
This is a nine-millimeter Luger P08.
From the moment you said you were in the N.R.A.,
I knew I wanted to give it to you.
I can't accept this. This is an antique. It's too valuable.
It's ok. My grandpa left it to me.
It was surrendered to him by a soldier during World War II.
Since I don't know how to shoot...
It's so lovely. I mean, look at that handle.
Is that Mother-of-pearl?
I think so. Only the officers' models had that.
Do you really like it? - Absolutely.
George, this is just so much better than an orchid.
Hi. I'm Susan Mayer.
I saw you from across the street.
I thought you might need a hand.
No, thanks.
I'm sorry for what happened.
It must be really hard not knowing who did it or why.
You must feel helpless. - A bit.
I'm hoping her journals will provide some insight.
Journals? - Yes. Martha kept them for years.
Oh. So she must have written a lot of things in them?
Every mundane detail of her life.
And everyone else's, for that matter.
The police want to see them,
but I'm stalling them
till I have a chance to read through them myself.
Wouldn't want any embarrassing family secrets getting out.
That's smart. That's good. That's good to hear.
I am so screwed. - Mom, calm down.
Everything about the fire and measuring cup
is gonna be in that journal.
Everyone is going to think I'm an arsonist.
It may not be as bad as it looks.
You think there's a chance she didn't write about it?
Please. It's great dirt.
I even put it in my journal.
You're going to have to get to Mrs. Britt and come clean,
convince her it was an accident.
If she doesn't press charges, the police'll probably just let it go.
Are you high? Edie hates me.
That's why you're going to grovel at her feet
and beg forgiveness.
That's right. You're gonna have to suck up to Edie Britt.
Hey, Mike. As you can probably see by now,
you managed to dig up on your neighbors.
Your replacement's gonna need it.
Pack up and move on with your life.
Sorry for the mess.
We're here! Ten minutes early.
Sign me up.
You just missed the rush. Sorry.
No. No, I planned ahead. We're ten minutes early.
Oh, my god. - What?
When you said you had a sick child, I had no idea.
How long's it been?
Just kinda snuck up on us.
And he's so young, too. God, it just breaks my heart.
No, see, here's the thing... - You go ahead into class.
I'll find room for your kids.
Hey, Edie.
Susan.
I gotta say, I envy you.
In the name of god, why?
Well, you get to build your dream house, for free.
In a weird way your house burning down
was really a good thing.
There is nothing good about it.
I can't replace the memories, the photographs, the...
Is there something you want?
Ok, here's the deal, Edie.
I...
I... - I, I... What?!
Spit it out already. I'm busy.
I just wanted to see how you were holding up.
You know, with Mrs. Huber and everything.
My best friend was murdered and stuffed into a garbage bag,
and nobody cares enough to...
...go with me to spread her ashes.
I'll go with you, Edie.
Thank god. I'm starving.
Well, dig in. I am way too tired to eat.
Hey. I'm sorry.
So did you get to go by the hospital, visit mama?
I worked ten hours today.
I'll go by tomorrow. She doesn't know when I'm there.
She's gonna wake up soon. I know it.
And you know what'd make her happy?
If you say a grandchild, so help me out.
Gabrielle, please.
No. You promised. No babies.
Things change. - Yeah, I know.
The feds towed away my Maserati,
my husband is a felon,
and I spend my days getting groped
by fat tractor salesmen at trade shows.
I am well aware things change!
A baby is solid, a constant.
And who's gonna be change diapers
when you're pumping iron in a federal prison? Huh?
I like my lifestyle and I don't want you to kill it.
Well, look around. Gabriell. It's already dead.
Now there's nothing you can control.
Maybe. But having a baby?
That I can control. You, I can control.
You can't talk to me like that. I'm still the man of this house.
Oh, really? The man of the house?
Don't walk away from me.
Hey, hey. My food. Gabrielle, come back here right now!
I wouldn't go too much farther,
you're gonna end up back in prison.
Damm it, Gabrielle. Get inside now.
Hey, I waited all day for that!
It's perfect. Oh!
Crispy and burnt on the outside,
but nice and steamy on the inside.
You're the man of the house? You can't even leave it.
I love this. It's like a little adventure.
I've never fired a gun before.
The memory of this night will stay with you for ever.
Really? - Oh, yeah.
You always remember your first time.
God, I hope I brought enough bullets.
You know, Bree, I can't tell you
what these last few days have meant to me.
Finally getting out of the house and trying new things.
Well, we sure have had some fun.
No, no. It's more than that.
I'm sort of forget what it's like to be lonely.
Oh, George, that's so sweet.
Now, come on. Let's go shoot something.
Now. Before I fire a handgun,
I like to go over the basics to make sure I'm ready.
Ok? So, number one. Strong stance.
Two. High hand grasp.
Three. Hard grip.
Four. Front sight.
Five. Release the safety,
and then squeeze the trigger slowly.
What's a high hand grasp? - Here, take the gun.
When you're firing a semiautomatic,
you want the web of your hand
all the way up against the edge of the backstrap.
What is that perfume are you wearing? - I'm not wearing perfume.
Are you sure? Because you smell amazing.
Oh! I was making Macaroons before I left the house.
Ok. Now, I want you to hold the gun
like you're holding a beautiful white dove,
hold it firmly enough that it can't fly away,
but not so firmly that you can kill it.
Got it? - I think so.
Ok, now all you have to do is take a deep breath
and squeeze the trigger...
George!
My god! Oh, George! Are you ok? Oh, George!
Sorry!
George.
I'm so sorry you lost your toe.
The doctor said it's the middle one,
so your balance shouldn't be affected.
I mean, this really won't change your life one little bit.
Please say something.
I've always dreamed that before I died
I would get to kiss a truly beautiful woman.
I finally get the chance
and I end up blowing off a toe.
I'm not surprised. This type of thing always happens to me.
And I... I know I will get over it.
But the thing that I don't think I'll ever get over
is that when I did kiss you, you pulled away from me.
Why did you do that, Bree?
I was just caught off-guard.
But we're dating.
Why would it be so surprising I would try to kiss you?
I'm still married to Rex.
We're not even legally separated yet.
He cheated on you.
You said you were gonna hate him for ever.
You shouldn't listen to a woman who's just had her heart broken.
We tend to lie.
Hi. Sorry.
Lynette knew serious illness
was not a matter to be treated lightly.
What are you doing? - Picking up my sick little baby boy.
All right, here. There. Ok.
But making her yoga class was a matter of life and death.
Sorry, sorry. Excuse me, excuse me.
Hey, Lauren. Hi. We had a really rough morning.
Don't give it another thought.
I bet you were a cheerleader in high school, weren't you?
My junior year. How'd you know?
Girls like you were always cheerleaders.
Clear skin, honor roll, popular.
In high school I was the girl that hung out with the freaks
on the loading dock and smoked.
Everyone hated us. - Well, you know high school.
Thank god we leave that behind.
See, I don't think we do.
I'm still the outsider
that doesn't get invited to the cool parties,
and you're still the perky cheerleader
who thinks that she can pull the wool over everyone's eyes.
What?
You came on this trip, paid for the gas,
and, look at you. You're changing this flat
when you know I have auto club.
You want something from me.
I just know Mrs. Huber's death's been hard on you.
So I want to help.
That's a lie. - Why would you think I was lying?
Because we're still in high school. The old rules apply.
The cool kids only talk to the freaks when they need something.
You're not getting back in my car
until you tell me what it is that you want.
Ok.
Look, I...
I just haven't always treated you well and I wanna make amends.
I still think you're full of crap,
but we don't have time to debate this.
You know. For what's worse.
I would have talked to you in high school.
Of all the lies you've told,
that's the worst.
Single Malt?
Have a seat. Take a load off. - I want it all back.
My maps, pictures, my gun.
And the money. - Oh, my money.
You'll never get somebody
who cares about finding Deidre's like I do.
Why? Because you loved her so much?
You abandoned her, remember?
You saved yourself, found yourself a nice,
safe wife and you left my daughter to rot.
So forgive me if I question your level of commitment.
I need to do this. Why are you fighting me?
Because you haven't been moving fast enough,
and I'm running out of time.
What do you mean? - It seems I have a tumor.
Apparently it's pressing on my brain.
I'm gonna die,
and I'd like to know what happened to my daughter before I do.
That was the best class ever.
I just feel terrific. Thank you.
Lynette, this is my friend Callie.
She wanted to meet Parker. - Oh, really? Why?
I'm a survivor. Breast cancer. About six years ago.
Can I hug your son?
Sure.
I know exactly what you're going through.
But you're gonna be brave, ok?
And you are gonna survive this
because you are a tough little soldier.
Mommy, am I dying?
No. You're not dying.
People just think that because I shaved your head.
You shaved his head?
My brothers put gum in my hair.
Sorry. Excuse me.
And just like that,
Lynette realized the road to enlightenment
and spiritual well-being was now closed to her.
Oh, George!
Well, what a surprise.
See, I've been doing a lot of thinking
since we talked at the hospital, and...
And?
Bree, I don't care what we call it.
We can call it dating. We can call it hanging out.
Whatever it is. I just want to be with you.
See, I really need our friendship back.
I don't think that would be wise. - Why not?
Wouldn't you keep hoping that in time
I would feel the same way about you as you feel about me?
Maybe.
Oh, George.
I wish you wouldn't say "oh, George" like that,
like I'm pathetic for even thinking you could love me some day.
I don't think you're pathetic.
It's just that... I can't.
Aw, jeez. Aw, jeez.
Oh, George, please don't go.
Why can't we talk this over?
Don't!
Oh, my god! Oh, George, here... - Get away from me!
Lean on me. - I don't need you!
I don't need anybody!
You know, honey,
tonight's the last night of the boat show.
We can spend some time together
before the home and garden thing next week.
Carlos?
I'm going to jail,
and you're not gonna be here when I get back.
What? - It's true, and I won't blame you.
Don't talk like that. Everything's gonna be fine.
We're gonna sort this mess out
and you're gonna be back on top again.
Gaby, they could find me guilty on every charge.
I could go to prison for five years.
We'd have to sell the house. You'd have to keep working.
If that happens, can you promise you won't ever leave?
I promise.
I gotta go.
This is far enough.
Do you need help with the container?
No, I got it open. I'm good.
So what are you waiting for?
I just need a moment, ok?
Of course. Take your time.
Are you ok?
No, I'm just so grateful.
I know. I know. Mrs. Huber was a good friend to you.
I'm not talking about Martha.
I'm grateful to you. - Me?
Yeah, I've been such a bitch to you over the years,
and here you are rowing me out to dump her ashes.
Well, it's really no big deal.
Yes, it is.
You stepped up when nobody else would,
and here I am thinking you have an ulterior motive.
Susan, you're such a good person.
And I'm such a bitch.
Edie, you're not that bad, and,
believe me, I'm not that good.
Yes, you are. - Please don't do this.
And Martha may be gone,
but the good lord above has shown me that I'm not alone.
I am so grateful that I still have a true friend.
Thank you, Susan.
Edie, I burned your house down.
Huh?
I was scared that you were sleeping with Mike
and so I let myself in. I sneek around.
I accidentally knocked a candle over
and the whole... just...
I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
Row me back... Now.
I'm sorry about before, shoving you. I didn't mean...
I'm not gonna break.
I'm sorry, too.
Questioning your commitment, your guts.
I know better than that. - Yeah, you should.
I keep this with me all the time to remind me why I'm there.
If it turns out someone hurt her, I want them dead.
We need to be sure before we do anything.
When you're sure,
I know I can trust you to take care of it.
After all, you already killed for her once.
Yeah, is this the pharmacy?
My wife asked me to call. She lost her prescription.
Gabrielle Solis. Yeah, the birth-control pills.
Great, great. She'll be very relieved.
Can she get enough for a couple months?
That's right. Better safe than sorry.
Thanks a lot. Oh, do you guys deliver?
Edie, please talk to me.
I've been thinking about this for the last 90 miles and...
You don't have to forgive me.
You can go to the police, kick me,
you can burn my house down.
You just have to know that I am so racked with guilt,
I don't think it's possible for me to
suffer any more than I am already suffering.
I'd like to put that theory to the test.
Well, whatever you want to do, Edie.
Just know that I'm sorry.
I'm not going to the police.
You're not? - No.
The insurance company will investigate
and it'll delay my check.
Thank you. - But...
...There is something I want you to do for me.
Of course. Anything. You name it. What?
I want to be invited to your poker game.
Our poker games? - I'm not saying I'll go.
And I'm not saying you and your little friends
have to be nice to me,
but every once in a while, yeah,
it would be nice to be asked.
We meet on Tuesdays. And it's pot-luck lunch.
Everybody has to brings something.
I'm not bringing anything. - You don't have to.
Well, this is good.
Thank you.
I guess I should go take a shower
and wash Mrs. Huber off me.
Hold it.
I can't stand the thought of Martha's ashes
going down some sewer drain.
Well, Edie, I have to clean up.
Well, this is such a beautiful lawn.
We could put her to rest right here.
On my front lawn? - Why not?
She can spend all of eternity looking at her house
and keep an eye on the neighborhood.
She'd like that.
Stand over here. I'll hose you off.
I don't think so.
You owe me.
Martha, I'm gonna miss you.
Death is inevitable.
It's a promise made to each of us at birth.
But before that promise is kept,
we all hope something will happen to us.
Whether it's the thrill of romance...
...the joy of raising a family...
...or the anguish of great loss...
...We all hope to experience something
that makes our lives meaningful.
But the sad fact is not all lives have meaning.
Some people spend their time on this planet
just sitting on the sidelines...
...waiting for something to happen to them...
...before it's too late.
Episode-13
Were you with a woman?
He cheated on you.
You said you were gonna hate him forever.
You shouldn't listen to
a woman who's just had her heart broken.
Sometimes ending a relationship...
I don't care what we call it...
...I just want to be with you.
I don't think that would be wise.
...can be very hard.
I was the one who was sleeping with your son.
But Helen, it's over now.
But keeping secrets...
It's not even close to be over.
...is even harder.
I am not sure I understand what you're saying.
I killed my baby sister.
I want the toys picked up.
How many times do I have to tell you?
Pick up your toys. You want a spanking?
There is a look the parents of well-behaved children
give to the parents of the not so well-behaved.
Don't you dare look at me like that.
I will wipe that smirk off your face.
It's a look that says
"You should learn to control your kids".
We're just gonna clean the yard...
"After all, they're your responsibility".
Of course, it was easy for Susan to feel
smug with a daughter like Julie.
She always brought home straight As.
Oh! You did it again!
She was helpful around the house.
She was bright, affectionate and considerate of others.
To her mother's way of thinking,
Julie was the perfect child.
Unfortunately, Susan was about to
discover that no such creature existed.
Mom! - What's going on here?
Were you just kissing my daughter?
Uh... uh, a little. - What are you thinking?
Mom, calm down. - She's only 14!
I should... I should probably be going.
You think?
Oh, just...
See you Friday.
What's he talking about? What's happening on Friday?
He's taking me to school dance.
Oh, no, he's not.
Mom, I know you saw us kissing,
but you've got to chill now.
Don't tell me to chill. I have no intentions of chilling.
Whatever. I'm taking out the trash.
You are not going anywhere.
You are gonna stay here and talk about this.
I would not talk to you while you're freaking out.
One thing is clear. You are not allowed to see him anymore.
There is also a look
the parents of not-so-well behaved children give to parents like Susan.
It says, "Welcome to the club".
Suburbia is a place filled with responsible people
trying to live responsible lives.
Of course, even the most responsible among us
has mistakes in their past.
Mistakes they'd like to forget.
Mistakes that sometimes come back to haunt them.
I'm gonna go get the mail.
Helen. What are you doing here?
Gabrielle. I don't believe you've met my husband. Bob.
Hi. So nice to meet you...
Uh, we, um, came to talk to you about our son.
I haven't seen John in weeks.
He's called and left messages, but I haven't returned any.
It's over. I swear.
We're not here about that.
We need you to do something for us.
Oh. Ok...
John surprised us last night when he announced
he was turning down his college scholarship.
Instead, he's decided to expand his gardening business.
Mow lawns full time.
Why, uh... Why would he do that?
We don't know why.
Do you think we'd be talking to you if we did?
You have to forgive my wife. She's still upset over the, um...
Statutory rape thing. - Helen!
What do you want me to do?
He's refusing to talk to us.
If you could just convince him
that he's making a big mistake...
John and I made a clean break.
I think it's best we just keep our distance.
Please. Last week he turned eighteen
and moved out of the house. We're stuck.
I'm sorry. I... I... I'm so sorry,
I just can't handle this right now.
I have my own personal things going on.
My life is falling apart.
I don't care. - Helen...
We haven't gone to the police about what you did,
but that can easily change.
I'll see what I can do.
Good.
So nice to meet you.
You can do this. All right.
Just scooch down a few inches and I'll grab you.
No. You'll drop me.
I'm not gonna drop you.
I might strangle you
for climbing up here in the first place.
But drop you, no. Come on.
Come here, you little monsters!
Just wait, okay?
Look at me. Don't come down.
Look who I found wandering around the airport.
Hey, Rodney!
Is Parker back up on the roof? - Yep.
See if he can find that frisbee while he's up there.
Yeah, I'm gonna get right on that.
How's my favorite girl? - So happy to see you.
It's a shame that Allison couldn't make it.
Just another business trip for the wandering salesman.
She'd be bored to tears. Hey, Parker!
Aren't you gonna give me a hug? It's grandpa!
Don't take it personnally. He's too scared to climb down.
Can I give it a shot? - Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.
Yeah. - Be careful.
Parker, I got a question for you.
It's only one of this kind of important question.
A character-defining question actually. You wanna hear it?
Only a girl would be afraid to come down the ladder.
Now, you're not a little girl, are you?
I'm not looking at a little girlie-girl, am I?
Are you ok? - Come on.
You got him down.
How'd he do that? - Sexism.
Let's start off with addressing the division of assets.
We're not prepared to discuss the
primary residence at this time.
Are you prepared to discuss cars? Antiques?
I'd like to discuss country club membership.
Access to the facilities is integral to Dr Van de Camp...
What are we doing here?
I'm sorry, Rex?
I'm talking to my wife.
Surrounded by lawyers dividing up our stuff.
I don't want this. I thought I did, but I don't.
Maybe we should talk this over before it's too late.
What do you say, Bree?
Should we send the vultures home?
I wanna keep the club membership.
Rex is terrible at tennis.
And he hates buffets.
Ok. If you turn to page two of the proposed settlement,
you'll find our prioritized list.
Right.
They were kissing, huh? - Right at my kitchen table.
You must have shocked the hell out of 'em.
I'm glad you can laugh about this. - They're being kids.
This is easy for you.
You're the father of the boy. I'm the mother of the girl.
What is it you want from me?
Well, I want to know that I am not the only one
who's worried about this.
And I want to know that if the two of them are over here,
they are gonna be supervised.
And I really want you to stop looking at me like I'm crazy.
The only reason I'm smiling is because
it's practically irrelevant.
I've sold the house.
Really?
We'll be moving at the end of the month.
You sold the house?
Zach... - Why didn't you tell me about this?
I wanted to wait till it was official.
You told me when I got back from Silvercrest
that you'd reconsider. You lied to me.
I think you need to take your medicine.
You think pumping me full of drugs is gonna keep me quiet?
Upstairs! Now! - You don't care about me!
You didn't care about mom!
You know what? I wish she'd shot you instead.
So you're moving.
We're all gonna miss you.
In the future, checklist means "is it in the car?"
not like, "do you remember it".
The next morning, before Parker Scavo's little league game
had even begun...
Hurry! - I'm not the one that forgot my mitt.
...A major player was about to be tagged out.
I...I thought you guys were at... at practice.
Oh, Parker, um, forgot his catcher's mitt.
Ah... Lynette, this is Lois Mcdaniel.
She's one of my major suppliers in the area.
She's in paper products manufacturing.
It's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. You have a lovely home.
Thank you.
Just working out, uh, some of these new contracts.
Hammering out some of the little things, the minor details.
Overhead, shipping costs...
Mommy, look what I found.
I'm sorry. These are mine.
Thank you. They must have fallen out of my purse.
Well, we don't want to be late for the game.
Nice to meet you.
I'm not speaking to you.
Didn't like the settlement talks?
You only demanded the good china
because you know I love it.
You take our timeshare in Aspen
and I'm vindictive?
You'll hardly ever use that place.
Hardly? How about never?
Fine. When I move out,
I'm gonna use your good china
for takeout food. Yeah pizza, spare ribs.
You know what, at our next settlement talks,
I plan on asking for your golf clubs.
Isn't divorce fun?
It's time for your heart medication.
You know I meant what I said at that meeting.
I will fire my lawyer tomorrow.
Just give me the word. - Sweetie, I think it's too late.
Why? - Because you were unfaithful.
But if you could find a way to forgive me,
If we could find the way to be happy,
wouldn't you want that?
You know what I really, truly want? Revenge.
I mean, if somehow we could level the playing field,
then, um, maybe I could find a way to come back.
So what does that mean? You want to have an affair?
Ok. Uh, so who are we talking about here?
Your dopey pharmacist?
Would that hurt you, Rex?
If I slept with another man?
It would devastate me.
Here you go. - Bree, you... you can't possibly...
Rex. Time to take your medicine.
She doesn't hate you. My mom just worries.
She thinks I'm crazy. - No, she doesn't.
Well, maybe a little.
You didn't tell her what I told you, did you?
About what happened to Dana?
Zach, I can keep a secret.
I promise I will never tell her.
What's that noise?
Hi. What... what are you doing here?
I was walking outside and I saw you in the window.
I was surprised. I never thought of you as a diner person.
I'm not. The coffee's just dreadful.
Well, it's late and I needed to get out of the house,
and it was the only place still open.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
George?
Would you like to join me for a dreadful cup of coffee?
It was my first week in college and I went to a...
a meeting of the young republicans
where Rex gave a speech.
And I went up to him afterward and introduced myself,
told him I agreed with his stance on the death penalty.
He took me out to a diner and, uh...
We stayed up 'til two in the morning,
talking about big government,
gun control, and illegal immigration.
Uh, it was just... It was just such a magical night.
And I knew by the time he got me back to my dorm,
that one day I was gonna be Mrs. Rex van de kamp.
And even now, after the betrayal,
I know that we're supposed to be together.
But I don't know how I can be with
someone I don't trust.
So, what are you gonna do?
That I don't know.
What do you think I should do?
You're asking me? - I should not have done that. I am...
No, it's ok.
No, George it's not ok.
It was insensitive.
I know how you feel about me, and I...
Bree, I want to help.
Thank you.
So, does he love you? - Yes.
Is he a good person?
Aside from the adultery, yes.
Well, then it's easy.
If I could get a good person to love me,
I would find a way to forgive them.
You are such a special man, George Williams.
And you deserve such a special woman.
I think so.
Where are you going?
I thought I'd eat this in my room.
The house isn't that big, Rodney.
You're gonna have to stop avoiding me.
Ok, ok. Lois isn't a supplier.
Really?
Yeah, and I want to apologize.
I... I thought you and the kids were gonna be gone all afternoon.
Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Well, for start is that you can wipe
that disgusting smirk off your face.
Lynette...
How could you do something like this to Allison?
I don't know. It happens a little bit at a time.
Years go by, the kids burn you out,
I'm on the road so much,
we just drifted apart. It's complicated.
It's not complicated. It's completely irresponsible.
For years, I have stayed married to a woman I don't love,
because I made a vow to god.
So don't talk to me about responsibilities.
So you take on this that you're the victim?
I can see that we're just going to have to agree to disagree.
We're not done here.
Yeah, we are. 'cause my sex life
is my own business, not yours.
And there's nothing you can do about it, anyway.
Dad? What are you doing? - I don't want to talk about it.
Talk about what, does Lynette know you're out here?
Oh, yeah. She knows.
Will you drive me to the airport? - Wait here.
Lynette? - yeah?
Why is my dad sitting out on the curb?
Because I kicked him out of the house.
I... I see. You wanna tell me why?
Hold on. I made you a drink.
Oh, god, what did he do?
Yesterday I came home and I walked
in on your dad with a woman.
He's having an affair. I am so, so sorry.
God... - I know. I know. Are you ok?
Yeah. Um, I should go talk to him.
That's it? - What?
I just...I expected a bigger reaction.
I've been sitting with knots in my stomach.
Ok, I never mentioned this before
because I knew how you'd react. But, um...
I'm not that surprised by this.
My father's been having affairs for years.
You knew about this? - Yeah. Kinda. Yeah.
I mean it was mostly in the past.
I didn't know that he was still at it.
In some strange way, I'm impressed.
Impressed? Impressed? I...
Tom, Please, please don't tell me you're all right with this.
I'm not. No, no. He should never have brought that women over here.
No. He should never have been with her in the first place!
I know. I know. But, you know, that's who he is.
I mean. It's been going on for years. My mom's made peace with it.
I seriously doubt that.
Look, you know, there's no point talking about this.
I'm gonna go get my father.
I'm gonna bring him back and I'm gonna put him in his room.
And we can all cool off.
That man is not coming back in this house.
Yes, he is. - No, he's not.
Lynette. He is my father, this is my house.
You can't tell me what to do.
I say we go up there and kick the door down.
Yeah, Dad, you do that.
Let me know how that works out for you.
I don't know if I have the right address.
Does John Rowland live here?
I'm really glad you came by.
I was gonna call you again tomorrow.
Uh, yeah. I'm sorry I haven't returned any of your calls.
It's ok. I'm just happy to see you.
I heard about Mr. Solis.
It sucks you had to take a job.
Yeah. Well, you know me. I'll survive.
Come here.
Oh, no... John... I didn't come here for that.
What's wrong?
Well. I heard that you're going full-time with your gardening business.
What happened to college?
I decided not to go. - Why?
Well, an opportunity has presented itself,
and for me to take advantage of it,
I need to start making money.
John, what opportunity is more important than college?
For the longest time, the only thing I had to offer you was my heart.
Mr. Solis gave you security and I couldn't compete.
But now he can't even offer you that.
And I can.
My business is taking off.
I can take care of you. We can finally be together.
Mrs. Solis,
will you marry me?
Please. Why also do you want to chaperone the dance?
Mrs. Van de kamp needed volunteers. She begged me.
You're so transparent.
Anyway, you won't even know I'm there.
Well, not too much.
Julie. You know you can tell me anything. right?
Yeah, Mom.
So if you had a problem,
or some sort of secret was weighing on you...?
Of course. I tell you everything.
I can't believe you're just uprooting us like this.
We need a fresh start.
Here. You wanna get it about like this.
So many bad things have happened around here.
And finally I have someone I can talk to
and you want to take that away.
You mean Julie? - Yeah.
What bad things do you talk to her about?
Do you talk about your mother? - Yeah... And other stuff.
Like what?
Zach. Like what?
Dad, this is what I've been trying to talk to you about.
Ever since mom died, I've, I've started to remember things.
Just quick flashes from when I was little.
Nice and taut, like this.
What kind of things?
Lots of blood. Mom screaming.
And Dana.
I remember killing Dana.
You... Told this to Julie?
I trust her.
Did she tell her mother?
I don't know.
Start from the beginning.
I want you to tell me everything that you told Julie.
What's that?
Oh, well, I was going to give it to you,
but I saw the other girls weren't wearing flowers.
I guess it's not that kind of dance.
If you don't want to stand out, I'd understand.
I like standing out.
What's Paul doing here?
Oh, he's chaperoning. He called a couple of hours ago and volunteered.
Really? - Why? What's wrong?
The other day, he couldn't have cared less about Julie and Zach dating.
And now all of a sudden he shows up at the dance?
Maybe he's jsut trying to be supportive.
Maybe.
Dr. Van de kamp.
Hello. Geogre. My cardiologist just phoned in a prescription.
Oh, right, right. I've got it here somewhere.
So, have you seen Bree lately?
Yeah. I ran into her last night on Maple Avenue.
We had a nice talk.
That's all you did? Just talked?
We're just friends. Dr. Van de kamp. Nothing more.
That's good to hear.
You know if you ever do get a vibe from Bree,
that she's interested in more than just friendship.
I'd be careful if I were you.
Excuse me?
I just want you to know that she'd only
be using you to even the score with me.
Don't fall for it.
Bree would never do anything like that. She's a lady.
Exactly. A very beautiful, classy lady.
Remember, they tend to end up with doctors.
Not pharmacists.
Bree is very beautiful. And very classy.
But she's not very perceptive.
For instance, she thinks you're a good person.
And it's now very clear to me, you aren't.
I'd like my prescription now, George.
I can't seem to find it.
I guess I'll have to have it delivered.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
Paul.
Did you notice they're playing a classic?
Yeah.
Care to dance?
I'd love to.
I have a little confession to make.
I've been so concerned about Julie lately,
that I sort of eavesdropped on her the other day,
while she was having a phone conversation with Zach.
Really?
They were having an interesting conversation.
About?
Zach was telling Julie about what happened to Dana.
Was he now? - Yes.
How much did you hear? - Everything.
You realize it was an accident.
Oh, of course. I assumed as much.
He didn't mean to kill Dana.
He was practically a baby himself.
He didn't understand what he was doing.
No, of course he didn't.
So... What happened exactly?
Mary Alice and I never really knew.
We heard the baby screaming.
When we got up to the crib, it was too late.
Paul, I am so sorry.
Thank you.
So you and Mary Alice just kept
this to yourselves all these years?
It was a very dark chapter in our lives.
We preferred not to relive it.
It was also a private family matter.
I'd appreciate your discretion.
Sure.
Did you have a good time? - Yeah, I did.
It was great.
Look, I want you to know that I'm really sorry I talked to Julie.
But she did promise me that she wasn't going to say anything to her mom.
It's ok. I handled Susan.
Good.
But we need to talk about these things that you think you remember.
They're not true.
How can they not be true?
Memories lie, Zach.
You didn't kill anyone.
Dana is very much alive.
Hi. What are you doing here? - Where is it?
What? - The ring. My grandmother's ring.
John caught me off guard.
Obviously I'm going to give back the ring.
Well, you'd better.
Because make no mistake, if you try to ruin my son's life,
I will ruin yours.
Helen! Ok, go to the car. Come on, please. Just... Please.
Obviously, I'm not leaving my husband and marrying John.
I think that's wise.
I'll talk to John tomorrow and give back the ring.
Good, good. Um... We appreciate everything you've done.
Hey, Bob, I get why she's so angry with me.
But what I don't get is why you're so nice.
Well, John's a big boy.
Whatever happened between the two of you
was his mistake as much as yours.
I guess. I understand if, uh,
if you hate me just a little.
When I was a kid, I always played by the rules.
I never cheated on a test.
Never even missed a curfew.
But I can't help but think how wonderful it would have been
to have made at least one mistake like you.
That's... sweet. You... You're very sweet.
Well, I'm a little sweet.
Mostly I'm just middle-aged.
Are you ok?
I know this is a lot to digest all at once.
I'm fine. I'm just happy you finally told me the truth.
One thing, though. Why are you telling me all this now?
I couldn't let you keep thinking that you killed someone.
No one should carry that kind of burden.
You didn't want me running my mouth.
That's not what it's about.
Yes, it is.
I won't tell anyone. I'll keep your secret.
Dad? - Thank you.
But we're not moving.
That's out of the question.
I'm not leaving Julie.
And if you want my support, that's the deal.
And if I refuse? - You won't.
So here's the thing. I feel really awful about how I acted before.
You threw me out of my own house.
I overreacted. I know. I'm sorry.
Look, I know you love my mom.
But how she decides to live her life is just...
It's entirely up to her.
You're right. You're right.
I guess i just got so upset because...
Oh, whatever. Let's not beat a dead horse.
It's over. I'm sorry. Good night.
Ok. Get it off your chest.
You knew he was having an affair and it didn't seem to bother you that much.
And that worries me because if you can find it in you to condone something like that,
then what's going to happen when you've been on the road for 40 years?
Lynette, I'm not my father.
I know. Of course. You're not your father.
And just so we're absolutely clear,
I am definitely not your mother.
Because if you ever betray me, I will leave you.
I will take the kids, and i will walk out that door,
and you will never see any of us again.
Glad to get that off my chest. Thank you. I love you.
Couldn't sleep, huh? - No.
Me either.
I'm sorry about the ruckus I caused.
It's ok. I'm not... I'm not upset about that.
No? - No.
What's wrong?
There's something Lynette doesn't know.
Something that I did.
And I don't know what's gonna happen if she ever finds out.
The next morning, Gabrielle returned
A gesture that was met with
measured enthusiasm.
Please, calm down. - This doesn't make any sense.
You love me.
I know you love me. - Love isn't enough.
Where would we live? Here? With you roomates?
The only decoration in the bathroom is a bong.
We could get our own place.
You're barely making minimum wage.
We'd be poor at first. But we'd be happy.
I've tried "poor but happy".
Guess what? I wasn't that happy.
But Mr. Solis is going to jail.
You want to stick around for that?
I don't know.
You know, every once in a while even I want to do the right thing.
Mrs. Solis, I love you so much.
I mean, doesn't that mean anything to you?
Honestly? No.
John, you're a toy.
A sweet dumb toy.
So you might as well go to college,
because you and me, no future.
Mrs. Mayer. Hey, is Julie home?
She's in the shower.
Well, I just came by to give her some good news.
What's that?
It turns out that my dad and I aren't moving after all.
What? - He reconsidered.
So I guess we're gonna keep living across the street.
You know, uh, can you sit down? I... I need to talk to you.
Did you know that Julie is the first girl I ever gave a flower to?
Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, I... I really like her, Mrs. Mayer.
Zach, um...
Julie is only 14 years old.
And sometimes girls, when they're that age,
they just don't always make the right decisions.
As her mother, it is my responsibility to protect her.
You want to protect her from me?
No, I... I just...
I think that you should slow things down.
I... I... I want you to not see her for a while.
No.
No? - You're not taking her away from me.
I know being dramatic is the birthright of every teenager,
but come on.
Why are you laughing? Do you think this is funny?
Thank you, Zach, you have just made this really easy for me.
You are now forbidden from seeing or talking to my daughter ever again.
And if you come within ten feet of her,
I will call the police, and I will have you arrested. Now get out.
Sooner or later the time comes
when we all must become responsible adults...
...and learn to give up what we want,
so we can choose to do what is right.
Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy.
And as the years go on,
it's a burden that can
become too heavy for some to bear.
But still we try to do what is best,
what is good, not only for ourselves.
but for those we love.
I'm glad you came.
Zach, I can't stay long.
If my mom catches me, she'll freak.
She said I can't see you anymore.
What are we gonna do?
I'm not sure.
Yes, sooner of later,
we must all become responsible adults.
No one knows this better than the young.
Episode-14
Previously on Desperate Housewives
Turns out someone hurt her, I want them dead.
Sometimes...
I'm running out of money.
In a couple of weeks I'm gonna be screwed.
In that case, you might wanna think about looking for a job.
The answers...
If you could just tell me what he told you
and then I can fix the problem.
I can't do that.
...to life's biggest questions...
I had the nightmare again.
What do you think the significance of the name Angela is?
Actually, that's my real name.
...are buried...
She's not been dead a month
and it's like you've totally forgotten she never existed.
...under even bigger lies.
Zach was telling Julie about what happened to Dana.
He didn't mean to kill Dana.
Most mothers will tell you
their children are a gift from god.
Most mothers will also tell you
that the gifts their children give them
are less than heavenly.
Lynette had suffered through
artwork made in kindergarten...
...spice racks made in summer camp...
...and jewelry made at the scout jamboree.
But this day...
...Lynette Scavo received a gift
every mother dreams of.
One she wasn't embarrassed to display.
Where did you guys get this pot? - We made it.
Really? I love it.
Well, this is the nicest present
you boys have ever given me.
And you know what? I'm going to put it out on the front porch
the whole neighborhood can enjoy it.
Lynette knew she'd cherish the memory of that moment
for the rest of her life.
The memory of that moment was ruined the very next day.
Mrs. Mccluskey, why are you taking my flower pot?
Because it's mine.
Your boys stole it off my porch.
No, no, no. My sons made that for me for Valentine's Day!
I bought this in Costa Rica on my last cruise. You see?
It's still got the price tag on it. Look.
What? Nothing more to say? Cat got your tongue?
You listen to me, keep your brats off my property.
Yes, most mothers will tell you
their children are a gift from god.
Most mothers will also tell you
there are some days when you wish you could return them.
It was the day before Valentine's Day
and every man on Wisteria Lane
was preparing for this most dangerous of holidays.
While some purchased romantic cards...
...and some brought home candy and flowers...
and some made dinner reservations at fancy restaurants...
...others managed to forget about the day entirely... again.
This flurry of activity was lost
on the women of Wisteria Lane.
They were busy learning a secret about their neighbors.
A secret that was positively heartbreaking.
So Paul said that Zachary killed Dana?
Yeah.
Well, it must have been some sort of accident.
I mean, little boys don't just kill their baby sisters
Well, whatever it was, that boy is seriously disturbed,
and I've forbidden Julie from hanging out with him.
Could you hold her?
So this is it.
This is the secret that Mary Alice was trying to protect.
Think of the guilt that she must have lived with.
You know, I never thought I'd say this,
but I kind of feel sorry for Paul.
I wish I could. I still feel like something's not right.
What do you mean? - Well, we've all been in their house.
Have you ever seen a picture of another kid there?
I mean, why keep Dana's baby blanket
and throw out all the photos?
That's a good point.
We never answered why did Mary Alice
refer to herself as "Angela" in that therapy session?
All I know is this -- Mary Alice loved Zach
more than anything in the world.
When you love a child that much...
you're capable of doing all sorts of things.
Hello? These were delivered to my house by mistake. May I?
They're for Mary Alice Young.
Oh, my god.
I, uh... had a standing order with the florist.
I... forgot to cancel it.
Mary Alice was my wife.
She passed away a few months ago.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
And I'm sorry for yours.
Pardon? - Your sister? Martha?
Oh... Yes... Her.
Good lord, that's Angela.
What?
Angela Forrest. We worked together in Utah.
It must be 15 years ago.
I'm afraid you're mistaken. My wife's name was Mary Alice.
She's... never been to Utah.
Well, I could be mistaken.
As I said, it's... it's been years.
No, Mickey, you're wrong. I wasn't acting like a diva.
I left the boat show because
that coordinator was making passes at me.
I mean, it's not my fault. Yao Lin, you missed a spot.
No, spare me the lecture
and just book me another job, quick.
Carlos and I are up to our asses in bills
and we can't pay them.
Fine. Bye.
What did you say? - Nothing.
Are you going to clean that spot?
Which one? - The one I told you to clean.
I'll get to it.
Clean it now.
Why? - Because I said so.
Ok. But you got to say please.
Fine. Please.
Anything to get you back on your knees
scrubbing where you belong.
You're not better than me. - Excuse me?
The only reason you have anything
in your life is because you're pretty.
One day you'll be old
and when that happens, you'll be nothing.
You are so fired.
No kidding.
Ooh, Valentine's Day card. It's pretty.
And meticulously hand-painted.
Whoever sent you that must really love you.
And be loaded with talent. - It's beautiful. Thanks.
So are we still on for tomorrow night?
Oh, not only are we on,
I got reservations at Le Petit Fleur.
Ooh, that place is so pretentious.
I've been dying to go there.
Boys? Get your little fannies inside.
Guys?
Oh, poor, Lynette. If she doesn't get a new nanny soon,
she's gonna implode. - Shh.
Hey, guys. Who you hiding from?
Our mom. - She wants to spank us.
Why, did you do something bad?
Well, if you hide out too long, she'll get worried.
Then she'll get madder.
You know what I say? Go on home. Take your lumps.
There's a decent chance you'll have the rest of day to play.
Come on, climb aboard.
Pretty impressive. - Well, I love kids.
Can't wait to have my own some day.
We don't want to get spanked.
Yeah, we promise we'll be good.
Too late. You stole. And then you lied.
Even worse,
you made me look bad in front of Mrs. Mccluskey,
who you know is mommy's sworn enemy.
Time to pick your poison.
How about a belt? It's a classic.
Well, we could go with the old hickory stick.
It's a cliche
but it's pretty effective.
I know. We'll go with the spatula.
The holes give it less wind resistance.
Moves faster.
No! No, no, no, no.
Guys! Hey, my hands are tied.
Thieves get spanked.
Just the way it works.
Unless... - Unless what?
For a first time offence, if you swear,
cross your heart, that you will never, never steal again,
and you write Mrs. Mccluskey a letter of apology,
I will let it slide.
Ok! - Yeah! We swear.
All right,
start with "Dear Mrs. Mccluskey..."
Mommy? Why are you smiling?
Do you know what "psychological warfare" means?
No. - Well, too bad for you.
Ok, start with a big "m", "c"...
Good.
Rex and I are hosting a dinner party for ten next week.
We're using our best china
and serving duck.
So, you and Rex are a couple again?
Yes. You know, that's one of things
I hated most about our separation,
not being able to throw dinner parties.
There's just something so civilized and elegant about them,
don't you think?
I take it you've resolved your feelings about his infidelity?
Let's just say
I've put them in an imaginary box
and don't plan on looking at them for a while.
Do you think that it is the healthiest way
to achieve a reconciliation?
Well, it won't be easy at first.
There'll be a lot of forced smiles
and perfunctory love-making,
but after a few decades whiz by,
I'm sure I'll find a way to forgive him.
Well, as long as you have a plan.
I do want to forgive him, Dr. Goldfine.
but... there's something he's still not telling me.
Really?
I think it has something to do with why he had the affair.
Have you confronted him? - Once.
You should have seen the look in his eyes.
You know what it is, don't you?
Bree, I can't discuss other patients.
I realize that.
This thing that he's hiding... Is it bad?
Maybe it's better that I don't know.
Bree, how does this reconciliation have a chance
if the two of you can't be honest
about the innermost parts of your lives?
We're, um... W.A.S.P.s, Dr. Goldfine.
Not acknowledging the elephant in the room
is what we do best.
You'd settle for that?
A life filled with repression and denial?
And the dinner parties. Don't forget the dinner parties.
And, uh, over there you got your Queens and, uh...
your Quad spring series,
and your Deluxe 1000s,
all the way to the imperial paradise. Sweet racket, huh?
I swear sometimes I wake up in the morning
and I can't believe I'm the Siesta king.
Except for how I am.
Very impressive.
So, where does the photographer want me for the shoot?
Uh, didn't your agent tell you? There's no shoot.
Well, then what did you hire me for?
You've heard the expression "sex sells"?
That's why you are coming.
You're here to remind people
there's a lot of fun things they can do on a Siesta King mattress
that don't involve sleep. Get it?
It is often said that good fences make good neighbors.
But as Lynette was about to discover,
the fence might just need a little barbed wire
if the neighbor is Mrs. Mccluskey.
What do you think you are doing? Get out of here.
Your little criminals snuck into my house
and stole my wall clock.
What?
It was a hand-painted, purple and white wall clock.
My son made it.
Are you sure you didn't misplace it? You are getting up there in years.
No offence,
but you probably forget where you put things.
No offence, but you should be sterilized.
Look! My boys do not break into people's houses.
Sure, they may have stolen your flowerpot.
But you know they apologized for that.
They wrote a note.
That's the coward's way out.
They should have come over and apologized in person.
You know what? This has been fun. But now...
You let those boys run wild.
Toys all over the yard, there's bikes out in the street.
It's a disgrace.
Get out of my house!
Those boys would've been better off raised by wolves.
God knows they would have been cleaner.
Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
I know. I already bought your gifts.
Roses and English toffee?
Mm-hm. Just like always.
Yes. And I suppose we'll make love tomorrow night, too.
That is our little tradition.
Good. I'm looking forward to it.
Are you looking forward to it?
What?
Well, just that I know that I don't...
Please you sexually, so I was wondering
if you really were looking forward to being with me.
Oh, for god's sake.
I'm sorry. Rex.
I thought I could pretend that this doesn't upset me anymore.
But I can't. - Please, don't do this.
You had an affair, you went to another woman for sex
to give you something I couldn't.
At least have the decency to tell me what that something is.
Bree, I can't. - Why not?
Rex, please tell me.
Let me prove to you how much I love you.
I like to be dominated.
Sexually.
Never mind.
Rex, please, I want to understand.
Mistress, no.
Quiet, slave. - Yes, mistress.
Turn your head. Don't look at me. - Mistress...
On your knees, now. Right now. Tighten your cuff.
Yes, mistress. - Do it now. Head down.
Ow, yes, ow. Yes.
Put it in your mouth.
Yes, mistress, yes
Well?
What the hell did your mother do to you? - What?
This just reeks of unresolved childhood trauma.
It has nothing to do with my mother.
Bree, this is a preference.
It's a perversion.
For god's sake. You promised to be supportive.
What do you want me to say?
around his nipples, hooray?
I want you to say you'll try it. Just... just once.
Try what? Hurting you? You actually want me to hurt you?
So, I can feel pleasure, yes.
Fine.
So, was it good for you, too?
Mike wants babies.
What? - He wants to have kids.
He had that look men get that says,
"I'm ready to procreate,
point me to the nearest cervix".
And i take it this is a problem?
Oh, I can't have another baby.
I'm so grateful I had you,
I don't regret a minute of that.
But I... found it to be completely overwhelming.
Sometimes I even wonder how I got through it.
You and me both.
So, have you told Mike how you feel?
Oh, I can't tell him. This could be a deal-breaker.
Julie, I really love him. I don't want to lose him.
Maybe you're overreacting.
I bet he'd rather have you than a baby.
What if he doesn't?
Then that's something you need to know.
Susan shouldn't have been so worried.
Children were the last thing on Mike's mind.
He was too busy searching for answers
in all the wrong places.
You got lucky. Didn't hit anything major.
Noah's getting impatient.
You can tell Noah I'm getting closer.
That's her, isn't it? - Yeah.
Hard to believe
a kid from such a good family could get so messed up.
I met somebody who recognized her photo.
Thinks she rented a room on Pine Avenue.
I was checking out houses when...
Hey, Mike, it's me. Are you there? Pick up. Hello?
Ok, I know you're home. Your lights are on.
Look, I really need to talk to you about something.
You know what? I'll just gonna stop by.
I'm here. Ow!
Are you ok? - Yeah.
Yeah, I just, uh... stubbed my toe.
So, can I come over?
I really need to talk to you about something.
Actually I got a buddy over here right now, um...
Can you wait till dinner tomorrow?
It's... kind of important.
Um... Yeah, I guess I can wait.
Ok, see you at seven? - I'm counting the minutes.
You should take it easy for the next few days.
I can't cancel.
The last thing I need is for her to get suspicious.
Maybe it's my dementia,
but I still haven't found my purple wall clock.
Nobody in my family knows or cares
where your stupid clock is.
And by the way, would you tell your little criminals
to get their bikes out of the street.
Oh, I'll get it. - No. Don't you dare.
We'll move it when you say please.
Please.
Ok, Ly... Ly... Lynette... Let's not get crazy.
Even though it was Mrs. Mccluskey
who had officially declared war,
it was Lynette who decided to deliver the opening salvo.
You'll going to clean that up! - Think so?
Yes.
Yes, the war of Wisteria Lane
would indeed prove to be messy for everyone involved.
Pardon me? Pardon me?
We were wondering what the coil count is on this one.
Sorry.
What is this?
People keep coming and talking to me, asking me questions.
That is not my job.
Well, you don't have to be rude.
I am not a mattress salesperson.
Is there something wrong with being a mattress salesperson?
Is it beneath you or something?
Honestly? Yes. I'm a model.
You know what, your agent warned me that you were a diva.
And he was right.
You won't talk to the customers, you bitch about coffee,
and you wouldn't even chip in for Hazel's birthday cake.
I just met the woman today.
That didn't stop you from having a piece.
I'm sorry.
But I don't want someone around my store that's not a team player.
Oh, no. Wait. - You're fired, princess.
No...
I need to know if my policy covers it.
No, my car actually wasn't involved.
It was my neighbor's car... but the egg was mine.
Aha. Well, can I speak to your supervisor?
Honey? Can you come out here?
What?
Look what I found stashed in the boys' playhouse.
Please tell me that's not a purple wall clock.
Pack your bags, we're moving.
Discouraged over losing her job,
Gabrielle decided a makeover
would be the perfect cure for her depression.
It was after finding a moisturizer she couldn't afford
that it finally occurred to Gabrielle...
...perhaps it was her pride that needed a makeover.
Excuse me, Miss?
You forgot to give me my receipt.
Oh. Right.
Thank you. Come again.
Mrs. Solis?
Oh, god...
Hello, Yao Lin.
How are you? - Good. Very good.
I wanted to call you.
I felt terrible about how we left things.
I need lipstick. - Ok, but...
Now.
You must be loving this. Huh?
Having me serve you must be a dream come true.
Can't complain.
That's the difference between you and me,
Yao Lin, our dreams.
Close your eyes, please.
Thank you.
You see, I dreamed of
pulling myself up from nothing, and I did.
I dreamed about things I wanted, and I got them all.
A high powered career, a handsome husband,
So this is just a blip on the radar for me.
Because now I know what I'm capable of.
And if I did it once, I can do it again.
I'm never really down, Yao Lin.
Even when it looks like I am.
So, enjoy this moment, enjoy your dream.
'cause for you, it doesn't get any better than this.
There. Don't you look beautiful?
Right this way.
Everything ok? - This dress is just riding up.
If I walk any faster,
it'll be happy Valentine's Day for everyone.
Especially me.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry! Is... is everyone ok?
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
Oh, ma'am, your napkin. - Don't even think about it.
Oh... It's so wonderful, what you wrote. Thank you.
Ok, I'm not gonna be any type of company
until I get something off of my chest.
Do you remember the other day
when you said that you wanted to have kids?
Here's the thing.
I don't think I'm ready to have another baby.
I think we need to have a serious conversation.
Uh... sure.
I'm not going over there. - Yes, you are.
No. I can deal with the humiliation of
boring around returning everything the boys stole,
but please, don't make me apologize to that woman.
This is what it means to be a good neighbor.
Finding ways of getting along
instead of, you know, hurling an egg at them.
Why don't I have to apologize?
Why don't we just go,
"Now we're even", and start from scratch?
If the "pleasant human being" argument doesn't fly with you,
we'll try self-preservation.
What if she wakes up, the house is on fire.
You don't want her to call 911?
If our house catches fire,
I guarantee she's the one that started it.
Ok, my point is, the day will come when we need her help.
And I don't want her not to help us
just because of some silly feud.
Fine. I'll do it. - Wow. Thank you.
You know, whomever came up with model "love thy neighbor"
clearly live nowhere near Karen Mccluskey.
Yes, well, on Valentine's Day,
the only motto that really matters is, you know,
"love thy husband".
Really? I recall no such motto.
I understand why you would want to have kids,
but that chapter in my life is just closed.
I don't think I can go back there.
And so, you know, given the way I feel
and given the way I think you feel...
Oh, god. You're not taking this well.
Well. Oh, I was afraid of this.
What?
I gotta go.
What?
I'm sorry.
I don't believe this. You're leaving without even
trying to talk me into having your baby?
I mean. How do you know I wouldn't cave?
I always cave. I...
Mike?
Good night. - Night.
So, how does this... domination thing work?
So there's nothing to be afraid of.
Mostly, we'll just be constructing simple scenarios
and acting them out.
So, it's like we're in a little play.
Sort of.
And if things get too rough, we'll have a control word.
Ok. So what's our control word?
Well, lately I've been using "Philadelphia".
What's wrong?
It's that my Aunt Fern lives in philadelphia.
I don't want to be think about her,
while I'm spanking you with a leather strap.
Ok. Fine. You pick a control word.
Um... How about "Boise"?
"Boise"? - What's the matter with "Boise"?
We're gonna be doing psychological role-playing here,
Bree, and a funny word like "Boise" will ruin the mood.
We need something that sounds serious.
Hm. How about "Palestine"?
"Boise" will be just fine.
So, I guess we should, uh... get started.
What do you want me to do?
Handcuff me to the bed.
Bree, you are not gonna regret taking this journey with me.
This is gonna infuse our marriage with
more passion than you can imagine.
You just have to trust me.
I do.
Would you mind if I ran these through the dishwasher once?
Sure.
You can wait here.
You can go in to see him as soon as the doctor's finished.
Oh, ok. Thanks.
Can you believe that story?
Please. There is no way that gunshot wound was self-inflicted.
And he can't remember who stitched him up.
Well, the police are on their way to talk to him.
Let them sort it out.
Sorry about ruining dinner.
Oh, please, I'm just glad you're ok.
So, you shot yourself?
Pretty lame, huh?
Yeah, I was cleaning my automatic
and was too embarrassed to tell you.
Well, I could see why you would be.
I know it sounds crazy, I just...
I couldn't let myself ruin your Valentine's Day.
But I heard what you said at the restaurant.
About not wanting kids.
We don't have to talk about that right now.
No, Susan.
I just want to be with you above everything else.
If that means not being a dad...
I may be stupid enough to shoot myself,
but I'm not stupid enough to walk away from you.
You know that, right?
Yeah.
I'm gonna go outside and let you rest for a while.
Thanks... for being so understanding.
Mr. Delfino?
I'm officer Russell, this is officer Walters.
Uh, we'd like to ask you a few questions.
What do you want?
The boys have something they'd like to say to you.
I have some tea heating on the stove.
Perhaps you'd better come inside, boys.
What about you, Lynette? Do you have anything to say?
No. I'll just wait out here.
Suit yourself.
You boys want some peanut brittle?
Go ahead.
Don't get any crumbs on my floor. Move over.
Ok, go ahead. Make with the apology.
We're sorry.
That's it, huh? Didn't you know stealing is wrong?
How old are you anyway? - We're six.
And how old are you? - Five.
Boy, your mother just pops them out, doesn't she?
How old are you?
How old do you think? - 150.
Hurry up and eat your peanut brittle.
Who's that?
That's my little boy.
Where does he live?
He died when he was 12. - How come?
He got sick. He was a little terror like you three.
You would've liked him.
Now, you done with the peanut brittle?
Let's go.
Now, I wanna say something to you before you go.
What you did was wrong,
but it's nice you got a present
for your mom for Valentine's Day.
Nobody's ever gonna love you like your mother.
All right, let's go.
Get the hell out of my house.
In her heart, Lynette knew she would
probably never love her neighbor,
never realizing love was the one thing
she and her neighbor had in common.
Hey, Lynette.
What's wrong?
My kids have been on kind of a thieving jag.
Stealing stuff around the neighborhood.
I'm so sorry.
I know. They're being punished.
Probably for life.
But... I needed you to see something.
They said they stole it from Mike's garage.
From inside his workbench.
Your Mike.
Read the engraving.
Is that blood? - I don't know.
What... what does this mean?
I don't know.
It's impossible to grasp just how powerful love is.
It can sustain us through trying times...
It can force decent men to commit the darkest deeds.
Or compel ordinary women to search for hidden truths.
And long after we're gone,
love remains, burned into our memories.
We all search for love.
But some of us,
after we've found it,
wish we hadn't.
Episode-15
John, you're a toy. You and me, no future.
Once some things are said...
Remember what it's like to work a 60-hour week?
...You can't take them back.
You are never going to get somebody who cares as much about finding Deidre as I do.
You shot yourself? - Pretty lame, huh?
The damage is already done.
Mom!
You're not taking her away from me. - Get out.
I needed you to see something.
They said they stole it from Mike's garage.
Is that blood?
Bree Van de kamp believed in old-fashioned values.
Things like respect for god,
the importance of family,
and love of country.
In fact, Bree believed so strongly in her values,
it was always a shock whenever she was confronted
with those who didn't.
It's not mine. - You promised the cheating had stopped.
Rex, You promised.
Could we not yell at each other? I'm feeling really lousy today.
I want you out of the house.
Bree, look at me. It's not mine.
Well then, whose is it?
It didn't just magically appear in my laundry basket.
I'm not the only guy in this house
that uses that hamper.
No! - Sorry.
Andrew's still a child.
He's 16. It's not unheard of.
Honey, you have to talk to him. - And tell him what?
Tell him that we found his condom and that
he is forbidden from... You know.
I can absolutely tell him that we think he's too young,
but I don't think it's gonna do any good.
Well, then, the least we can do is to search his room,
and if we find any more of these, we'll confiscate them.
That will accomplish what?
If we take away his condoms maybe...
He's a teenage boy.
We could take away his penis,
he'd still try to have sex.
Well, we can't put it back in his room.
That would be like we're condoning pre-marital sex.
Bree, let me put this another way.
Do you want to become a grandmother?
Yes, Bree believed in old-fashioned values.
But she also believed
it was better to be safe than sorry.
Each new morning in suburbia brings with it
a new set of lies.
Little white lies, told not to hurt...
Morning, Mrs. Petchul, you look lovely today.
...But to make life more pleasant.
They tell these lies to protect themselves
and their reputations.
Oh, for god's sake, this is unbelievable.
This is the last time I do my banking online.
Of course, every now and then,
the day arrives when someone
finally decides to tell the truth.
He was shot? How could you not tell us about this?
He was embarrassed. He said it was an accident.
Oh, don't look at me like that. Accidents happen.
We know you want to trust Mike,
But he had a dead woman's jewelry in his garage.
Now did he? We don't know that for sure.
All we know is
that Lynette's kids turned up with it.
So what are you saying, that the twins murdered Martha?
Well, I wouldn't put it past them.
I'm saying that is about as likely as Mike having done it.
He's a good guy. I know him.
I mean, he's... He's mike.
Honestly, I don't think Mike did it either,
But if we don't call, we're guilty of withholding evidence.
Well, you know what? If he is innocent,
this should be a simple matter to clear up.
But... we will do whatever you want us to do.
Ok, call.
Shall I just dial 911?
It's not really an emergency.
There was a murder.
Well, not recently. And I prefer not to tie up the line.
Will you just call?
My mom will be home any minute.
She'll freak if she sees you here.
Oh, I just wanted to deliver this personally.
I'm having a party.
You know she doesn't want us to see each other.
Well, you gotta come. I... You're the reason I'm doing this.
I'll try to talk to my mom, ok?
But you really gotta go.
Hey, Mrs. Solis. - I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Yeah, I'm Justin, John's roommate.
I've been waiting forever for you to show up.
Really? Why? - I want to do you a favor.
What kind of favor?
John says that you can't exactly afford a gardener right now,
and I told him I'd be happy to do it. For free.
You want to mow my lawn for free?
Mow your lawn. Water your flowers. Trim your bushes.
I could do everything John did for you.
That's very generous of you, but I don't think so.
Why?
Because my husband is home quite a lot these days.
If any bush needs trimming, he takes care of it.
This is a beautiful yard.
I'm flattered, but no, thank you.
Mrs. Solis, please.
Did I mention why my husband's home a lot?
He's under house arrest.
He has a lot of anger toward the government right now,
and he's just dying to find someone to take it out on.
Hey, guys. This isn't a hockey rink.
Can you take it outside?
Hi, honey. How was your day?
I didn't get the V.P. gig.
Oh, Tom, I am so sorry.
It doesn't make sense to me.
I'm Peterson's "go-to guy".
So how does Tim Duggan, the biggest blowhard in the office,
I thought you liked Tim Duggan?
I do. I just... I don't know, I just,
Hey, boys, can you please take the Stanley Cup finals outside.
Did you tell Mr. Peterson that you wanted the job?
I have worked at that firm for 8 1/2 years.
Duggan's been there for less than two. I am not gonna beg.
I'm not saying to beg.
You just have to step up from time to time.
You have to see your opportunity and take it.
Nobody respects a shrinking violet.
There is more than one, you know, leadership style.
Mine is quiet but... Effective.
Take that racket outside!
Whatever works for you.
Susan!
Hey, sexy. Where you been?
I called you twice. You avoiding me?
Don't be silly. Why would I do that?
For two days? You must be pretty well stocked.
How about dinner tonight?
Dinner... Tonight? Um...
You ok?
Can you hold these a sec?
Up against the car!
So get this.
Zach Young's throwing a pool party Saturday night.
I'm surprised he didn't spritz them with aftershave.
What is wrong with nice invitations?
Mom, it's a pool party.
Why couldn't he have just passed out flyers in the quad.
'Cause he's genetically incapable of being cool.
So, uh... Are you going?
Uh... Maybe.
I mean, um, Lisa and Justin and some of the guys
thought it'd be fun to swim.
We can always bail if it's lame as we think it's going to be..
Oh, is, um, Lisa your friend with the pierced navel?
Yeah.
You've been spending a lot of time together lately. Haven't you?
I guess.
Oh, uh, Andrew, I'm gonna want you home by 11 on Saturday.
11? Mom, it's not even a school night!
Bree, a curfew isn't gonna do any good.
You may be able to abdicate
all your parental responsibility,
But I cannot.
What... What's going on here?
Was this have to do with the condom you left in my room?
As a matter of fact, it does. And just so we're clear,
if you get Lisa pregnant, you will marry her.
Andrew, this is not funny.
Mom, trust me. This is very funny.
Mostly because the condom wasn't mine.
You suck, you know that?
So obviously we need to talk.
I'm still a virgin, if that's what you want to know.
Well, good.
But why on earth would you need a condom?
Because I'm planning on having sex and not want to get pregnant.
Danielle, you are president of the abstinence club.
I wasn't planning on running for a second term.
Who were you planning on having sex with?
John.
John Rowland. I thought you broke up with him.
No. He broke up with me.
You want to know why, because I wouldn't do it.
If that's the type of boy he is, then good riddance.
Mom, every boy at my school is that type of boy.
And besides, it's different with John.
I love him.
Sweetheart, just because you give a boy sex
doesn't mean you'll get love in return.
So maybe I'm being stupid.
What's the big deal? It's just sex.
I am looking over for your happiness.
I understand what it's like to be young and feel urges.
But I waited until I got married. As did your father.
And it was so much better.
But daddy ended up cheating on you.
Yes. Well...
And ever since he moved back, you've been miserable.
Why would you say that?
The walls between our bedrooms are paper thin.
I hear more stuff than I probably should.
Look, mom, I love you a lot,
But you really are the last person ever
to give anyone advice about sex and happiness.
Have you seen these? Five more past due notices.
Don't worry, I'm handling it.
How are you handling it?
Can I please finish my sandwich?
Have you seen our account? We're broke.
We have the mortgage payment coming up...
we have property taxes, we have...
Gaby, it's gonna be ok.
No, it's not. We are seriously screwed.
And I am freaking out that you're not freaking out.
Look, things will turn around. - When?
I don't know when.
But we're lucky people. And we'll be lucky again.
What is that? - It's the lawn mower.
We got a new gardener today.
It won't cost us a cent. The kid's a friend of John's.
Carlos... - And he said he'd do the lawn for free.
Can you believe it? We are lucky people.
Hey, guys, good to see you again.
Don't look so glum. You're going to get a hit.
Oh, it's not that.
This is my "hating Tim Duggan" look.
Oh, Duggan connects.
Look at that job-stealing bastard run.
Duggan is really showing some of that glory-hounding,
Ass-kissing hustle that he is so well-known for.
I forgot how much fun you are when you're bitter.
screwing over unsung utility player, Tom Scavo.
Oh! Down goes Duggan.
Duggan goes down. That's gotta hurt.
Oh, Lord! Hound is tagged out, and now he's gonna
have to deal with some tough dirt stains, that Tim Duggan.
Tom...
No, I'm sure he's just grandstanding.
Oh, my god!
Holy crap!
It's only a pool party. Everyone is going to be there.
I said no.
What are you goning to do?
Keep a boy-free zone around me until I'm 18?
You can see boys, in a couple years, just not that boy.
Why do you hate Zach?
I don't hate Zach. I just think he's sort of crazy.
Mom, I've heard people call you "sort of crazy".
Well, I'm adorable crazy. And he's rampage crazy.
Susan Mayer? - Yeah?
I'm detective Copeland,
investigating the murder of Martha Huber.
I need to talk to you about Mike Delfino.
Do you remember seeing Mr. Delfino on the 7th of last month?
Is the 7th important?
We believe it was the night that Martha Huber was murdered.
She was last seen at the grocery store at nine.
She didn't show for a dentist appointment the next morning.
What day was that? - It was a sunday.
Oh! Oh, my god! Yes!
Yes! yes!
Yes, I... I was with Mike that night.
You're sure? - Yes. I was.
It was a big night, first relationship-wise.
It was the first time that we...
The first time you...? - Did it.
The first time they did it.
Julie! - It was.
How did you know? - I'm not clueless.
I found men's boxers in the clothes hamper.
Don't write that down.
This is good. You can let Mike go. He is innocent.
Assuming everything you're telling me is true.
It's true.
The next morning she made pancakes in the shape of little hearts.
Seriously, little hearts.
Oh, god!
Justin. What are you doing up here?
Uh... I finished the hedges.
Is there anything else Mr. Solis wants done?
I don't know. He's not here. He had a meeting with his lawyer.
So I guess that means we're all alone.
No. That means I'm all alone. You're leaving.
I'm not in a hurry.
Come on, maybe we could hang out for a while.
I don't think so.
Come on. If you just got to know me,
you'd see I can be lots of fun.
All my friends say so.
I'm not interested in becoming one of your friends.
Get out of my bedroom.
Come on, mrs. Solis. Be nice.
You shouldn't have done that.
Do you know how easy it would be
for me to tell my husband what you tried to do?
Not as easy as it'd be for me to tell him what happened between you and John.
I... I'm sorry, Mrs. Solis,
but you're gonna have to be nice to me,
at least once.
Mike!
Mike! Are you ok?
Uh... Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little bit embarrassed.
Must be the talk of the neighborhood.
No. Not really. No.
So guess what? I'm your alibi.
I told the police
that we were together the night Mrs. Huber was killed.
And that I could never forget that night.
You don't think I killed Mrs. Huber?
No! No, of course not.
I could never think you killed anybody,
even if I wasn't your alibi, which I am.
Ok. I'm, um, I'm gonna go take a shower.
Jail's kinda gross.
I'll call you later. Ok?
Sure. When?
Later. I just got some stuff I gotta take care of. Ok?
Ok.
Mrs. Van de kamp. - Hello, John.
I'm sorry to drop by unannounced. Do you have a moment?
Sure.
So... What can I do for you?
Well, I tell you, my daughter is planning on giving you her virginity
and I would consider it a personal favor if you wouldn't take it.
So what's the word on Tim?
He came through the triple bypass with flying colors.
Thank god.
Of course, it's not all coming up roses.
He's not gonna be able to come back
to work for four-and-a-half months.
What?
Company still needs to expand,
like me to step up, take the ball.
No. I already got it.
You should have seen me.
I walked straight into Peterson's office
You called your boss a fool? - I did.
That was risky in retrospect.
But still he gave me the job.
Oh, my god. That's great. - Honey, it's me.
I got the whole west coast.
Oh, my... What? What the whole west coast?
I thought you were going after an in-house position.
No. I'm setting up new offices from
Seattle to LA. I told you that.
No.
No, you didn't.
Ok. Well, so it's gonna be a little bit more travel, but...
More travel?
Tom, you're barely here half the time as it is.
Now you're gonna have, what, twice the workload?
Honey, please don't ruin this.
I'm sorry, but you should have consulted with me.
I did! You told me to stop being a shrinking violet.
And to step up.
I thought this was an in-house position.
Ok, I'm gonna go shower.
Look, wait. Wait. I know what this means to you.
No, you don't. No, you don't.
I am 41 years old.
If I don't make vice president now,
it's never gonna happen.
This is my career. It's important to me.
So was mine. But I'm here, aren't I?
I'm gonna take the job.
She said you broke up with her
because she refused to have sex.
Wow! um... Ok, here's the deal.
I said that. But it was just an excuse.
I mean, the truth is, I wasn't that into her.
Really?
She was always so proud of never having done it,
Well, she feels very passionately about you.
Don't get me wrong. She's nice.
But the truth is, there's someone else.
Oh, are you going steady?
Not exactly. We were seeing each other pretty regularly,
but this other lady... Girl, she sort of dumped me.
Oh, I see.
Look, I'll talk to Danielle
and don't worry, I'll let her down gently.
Um, actually, I would prefer if you didn't.
I know my daughter. She's very determined.
Unless you're really firm with her,
she's going to continue to think that there's hope.
Ok. I'll be firm.
Better still, be brutal.
Decided to indulge your sweet tooth?
I'll be dead inside a year.
I've got bigger things to worry about than my waistline.
So, who's the woman they think you killed?
Martha Huber. Local busybody.
I thought her murder was random.
Nothing random about her jewelry ending up in your garage.
Did you kill her?
No. Whoever set me up did a good job.
The cops are all over me.
You're getting close to something.
If I am close, I don't see it.
What i'm saying is people leave trails.
One of those trails will lead to Deidre.
Whoever set you up must know that.
Maybe, but I won't be much good to you locked up.
I'm rich, Mike. One of the best things about being rich
is the security of knowing you can buy your way out of any problem.
I'm not taking my money to the grave.
I'm gonna use it to save your ass.
Mrs. Solis? - Hello, Justin.
What are you doing here?
I am here to talk to your roommate.
John? I didn't think you guys talked any more.
Well, now we have something to talk about. You.
Me? - Yes.
I'm going yo tell him how you're trying to blackmail me into sleeping with you.
I wonder how he'll react. - Mrs. Solis...
You think he'll get violent?
You can't talk to John about that. - Oh, I can.
And I will, you little worthless piece of crap.
Listen, Mrs. Solis, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to blackmail you.
Then why did you?
I really needed to sleep with you.
Why? - Because...
I think I might be gay.
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
What's up? Oh, we went out for burgers,
and the boys knew you wouldn't be home till after, um, bedtime,
and so we decided to pop in and visit the new V.P.
Check it out. I finally got an office with a window. Huh?
Yeah. It's all about the window.
Hey, guys. Hey, who wants chair rides?
Me! Me! Me! - Out this way. Here we go.
Here we go, guys. Ready?
Checking out the new executive digs?
Oh, you know it.
Can I tell you a little secret? - Sure.
And I'm the one that convinced him to give it To tom.
Really? - Uh-huh.
Tom is such a workhorse
and he wanted it so badly.
Yeah, he certainly did.
Lynette realized it was in her best interest to lie to the boss's wife...
Well, it's great.
Obviously. Thank you.
...Provided she wasn't too convincing.
Of course, I mean,
I will... miss him being gone all the time.
He'll be bringing in more money,
but he is gonna miss the birthdays,
baseball games, first steps.
But that's the trade-off. Right?
I just hope one day Tom doesn't look back
and regret being gone so much.
Oh, I better get out there before they break something.
Of course. I will see you soon. - Ok.
So, have you been acting on these feelings?
I got a buddy. We get together.
Mess around. But it's no big deal.
It's just lately, I've been starting to care about him and...
and I don't know how to handle it.
And I thought if I sleep with somebody like you,
I'll know for sure and I can stop freaking out about this.
But why me? You're a good-looking kid.
Why don't you test-drive someone your own age?
Girls talk. If I start something with somebody
and it doesn't... work out,
Everyone at school will find out.
cause you have a husband and all.
Well, I guess that makes sense in a weird sort of way.
You know, my buddy and I have been
messing around for quite a while,
and this whole time I just kept telling myself
that it didn't really mean anything, you know?
Guess I've been kidding myself, huh?
We're all in denial about something.
But you're finally facing the truth,
and I think that's sort of brave.
Thanks. - I should probably go.
Uh... Just so you know,
I never would have told Mr. Solis about you and John.
I may be gay but I'm not a jerk.
Did you feel anything?
Not really.
You're definitely gay.
Hi. I'm sorry to bother you at night,
but I was hoping that maybe you could come to the station with me
just answer few more questions.
Now? Well, I'm sorry,
my daughter and I were gonna go see a movie tonight.
Mom? We can do it another night. I'll be fine.
Uh, let me get my purse. - Great.
Are you sure? - Yeah.
I'm sure I won't be late.
Bye. - Bye.
You said that Mike came to your house
around 10 p.m. on the night of the seventh.
Um, am I supposed to talk into the camera or...
No. Just talk to me.
Ok. Uh, yes. He came over around ten o'clock.
Do you know of any tension, uh,
between Mike and Martha Huber?
No.
Were you aware Mike was shot recently?
Yes, on Valentine's Day.
Do you know how that came about?
He dropped his gun, cleaning it.
Ms Mayer, with all due respect, I've been working around guns for years.
I've never seen one discharge when it hits the ground.
Someone has to pull the trigger.
I wouldn't know about that.
Were you aware there was a home invasion
on Pine Avenue the day before Valentine's?
No.
The intruder was shot in the stomach.
Where was Mike's wound?
The stomach.
Do you love him?
What?
What does that have to do with...?
Sometimes people do stupid things when they're in love.
I should know. I've been married four times.
Tell me the truth. He wasn't with you that night.
He asked you to lie for him. - No, he didn't.
He was with me. And Mike wouldn't kill anybody.
I'm sure of that.
Mike Delfino, convicted 1987,
did five-and-a-half years
for drug trafficing and manslaughter.
You want a coffe? I'm gonna go for a coffe.
Is she covering for her guy?
No. She's just a sucker.
I guess no one's in the pool yet. Are you gonna swim?
Please, I just spent an hour blowing out my hair.
Good luck, man.
I'll... I'll see you later. Ok?
Ok.
Hey, I got a surprise for you.
You wanna go somewhere and talk?
Yeah. We should talk.
Hi. You made it.
Andrew's here. I didn't think he'd come.
Yeah, he brought a lot of friends.
I don't care. You're here now. This is gonna be great.
Come on, man. Let's go.
Danielle! - Don't touch me!
Hope you can swim.
Can you possibly take it easy? - It's cool, man.
Look, he floats.
All right? Relax. It's a party.
You're the main party animal, right?
Am I right?
I guess.
All right! Well, then act like it.
Come on, give me a howl.
Come on. You're the host. Revel in it. Gimme a howl.
There you go.
You ok?
What do I care? He's nothing.
I could take care of him if I wanted to.
How do you mean?
I know where my mom kept her gun.
That's not funny, Zach.
If you think about it,
well, if you think about it, yeah, it kind of is.
Julie!
Hey! Danielle, are you ok?
I just want to go home. Can we go?
Sure.
Julie!
I'm taking Danielle home.
Are you coming back? - I don't think so.
So, how was the P.T.A. Meeting?
Long.
So, Peterson called me into his office today.
Really?
Yeah. He, uh, he changed his mind.
Yeah. It's, it's fine.
I'm glad, really.
I didn't want to work those long hours.
And you know how I hate flying.
It does horrible things to my back.
I would have ended up exactly like Tim Duggan ten years from now. So...
Yeah. Of course.
So it's... It's over.
You're going to make V.P. One of these days.
It's ok. Honest.
I am, uh... really glad that it worked out this way.
Oh, god. You scared me.
How'd it go?
It went just peachy.
And humiliating and shocking.
Susan... - How could you?
God, "Susan, do you trust me?"
"Of course I do".
Oh, I'm such an idiot! And you're such a liar.
Oh, and apparently a killer and a drug dealer.
That's just quite a personal ad you've got going there!
I came to Wisteria Lane... - Stop, Mike!
Just stop!
If you keep talking,
you're gonna work your way into my heart,
and I just don't want you anywhere near my heart.
Ever.
Julie?
Mommy needs a hug.
Julie?
Is Julie in there? Julie Mayer?
I don't know. It's pretty dead in there.
Julie Alexandra Mayer!
Oh, Julie! Zach, this is ridiculous.
You can't hold your breath for ever!
You might as well stay under
there and never come up for air,
'cause when you do,
I'm gonna choke the living daylights out of you!
Is my daughter under there?
I'm not... I'm not gay!
Oh... I... Ok. I... I'm sorry.
Uh, I'll just... I'm just gonna leave those right there.
I'm fine. It's good. You just, you know...
Did you see...? No! Goodbye.
Sell the house? Are you crazy?
Carlos, we can't afford to live here any more.
But If our lawyer gets
the justice department to unfreeze the bank accounts...
Then what? Huh?
Finish the sentence, Carlos.
We have tons of legal bills.
You've lost all your clients.
And even with our savings, we're screwed.
But...
It's our house.
I love this place too. It's just...
It's time for us to face the music.
I never thought I'd be poor at this stage of my life.
You know, Carlos, I've been broke a lot of times in my life.
But I've never been poor.
Because poor is just a state of mind.
And right now, you and I are just...
Without funds?
Exactly.
I guess we could get an apartment, start over.
Who knows? It might even be fun.
And once we're back on our feet,
we'll get a house as big as this one.
Bigger.
I get my wife this dog for her birthday.
Stray from the pound.
Cheapest gift I've ever gotten her.
She loves it. So I'm a genius, right?
Then I find out it's got this weird blood disease.
Now I'm laying out $600 a month for doggie medicine. Am I a genius?
Don't be cynical. You did something nice.
You made your wife happy.
Now, let's talk about what's gonna make you happy.
Yes, each new day in suburbia
brings with it a new set of lies.
The worst are the ones we tell
ourselves before we fall asleep.
We whisper them in the dark,
telling ourselves we're happy.
Or, that he's happy.
That we can change.
Or that he will change his mind.
We persuade ourselves we can live with our sins...
...Or that we can live without him.
Yes, each night before we fall asleep
we lie to ourselves,
in the desperate, desperate hope, that come morning,
it will all be true.
Episode-16
Are you having an affair with my husband?
Mistresses were confronted.
Very good to be back
What's that?
I'm on house arrest. It's a condition of my bail
How are you gonna work?
I can't. I can't do anything.
The tables were turned.
Good lord, that's Angela.
And secrets from the past...
I'm afraid you're mistaken. My wife's name was Mary alice.
...caught up with everyone.
I'm such an idiot! You're such a liar.
Oh, and apparently, a killer
Throughout even the most respectable of neighborhoods,
you can hear the sound of scandal.
Some scandals announce themselves with a shout.
Ida? Ida Greenberg, that is not your paper.
Some with a whisper.
Throw me a $20, and I'll hook you up with free porn.
And some with a bang.
Get the hell off my lawn!
And once in great while,
there comes a scandal so deliciously sordid,
its roar drowns out all other noise.
So your husband -- does he have any idea
how many men pay for the privilege of sleeping in this bed?
There's not a lot of sleeping going on.
Not if I'm doing my job right.
So, how do you wanna get started?
With these.
Maisy Gibbons, you're under arrest for solicitation.
What? - Please turn and place your hands on the bed.
I'm sorry I'm -- I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Now.
Hey! Get off me!
This is entrapment. You all are making a gigantic mistake.
Yeah, yeah. Hey, fellas, here's one for your memoirs.
No! No, don't you touch me! You... Get your hands off me!
Take it easy, Mrs Gibbons.
Yes, the scandalous arrest of Maisy Gibbons
would soon prove to be the shot heard round the world.
It is often said that good news travels fast.
But as every housewife knows,
bad news moves quite a bit faster.
Tish? You are not going to believe this.
Maisy Gibbons was arrested.
You cannot be serious! - Did you hear about Maisy?
I'd have killed to see that!
Stay put. I'll be right back.
Ladies, please calm down. This is just a precaution.
If you'll just take a flyer.
Hey, guys. What's going on?
There's been an outbreak of head lice.
Head lice?
concerning the situation,
including the recommended delousing combs.
Delousing. Do they have to make it sounds so disgusting.
Does anybody know where it started?
Barcliff maintains a strict no-blame policy.
Guys, over here.
I think parents have a right to know
who brought this into our school.
Please calm down, ma'am. Our position is that
there's nothing to be gained by pointing fingers.
To identify the child who initiated the outbreak
might result in him or her being subjected to ridicule.
I, um... Excuse me.
If you'll just take a flyer... - Stop scratching.
Stop it. Guys, let's go, ok?
Stop scratching. Stop, stop...
Hey. See you later. - Bye.
What the hell...?
Gabrielle! - What?
Gabrielle. We got a problem here.
I can't hear you.
I said, I think we got a problem. The water's backing up here.
What?
Is that sewage?
Yeah, that's sewage.
So, uh, Mike, the suspense is killing us.
Why don't you just tell us the bad news?
Well, your outtake pipe's completely corroded.
That's why it collapsed.
I'm going to have to tear it out and repipe the whole system.
And how much is this gonna cost?
I'll do the job for you at cost,
but you're still looking at 6, 7 grand, minimum.
Ok, we'll let you know.
Look, um... If money's an issue...
Oh, no. No, no, no. It's not the money.
It's just, uh, Carlos and I are trying to prioritize
some little things we need to do around the house.
All right and, uh, you don't consider
sewage backing up in the house a priority?
It's definitely on the short list.
I'm kind of surprised you called me
Why? - Well, um, ever since my arrest,
nobody around here seems to want to have much to do with me.
Innocent until proven guilty, my man.
Hope he's more innocent than you are.
Hey, it's Lynette.
I know you're down about this Mike thing,
but you gotta come to poker. It'll be worth it.
I got dirt on Maisy Gibbons.
Hey, Susan, it's me.
Look, I really wish you'd return my calls
We need to talk. I know I messed things...
You ok?
You know I can stay home if you want.
No, no, no. Now, I know how much
you were looking forward to this weekend with your dad.
I'm fine.
You don't look fine. - Well, a little sad.
Mike and I were just a fling.
Not even a full fling. Sort of a borderline fling.
Mom, anyone can see how much you loved him.
Well, I also loved junk food,
and I gave that up, and I survived
There's your father. Go have fun.
Last chance. You sure?
I'm sure. Now, go.
You'll find someone else, mom.
Someone great.
I know it.
What's wrong, Rex?
Didn't you enjoy your golf game with Dr. Wallace?
I didn't play. I'm still feeling sluggish.
Still? Did you talk to him about that?
Of course. He doesn't know why the medication isn't working,
and he wants me to come in for a checkup tomorrow.
I can see that Tish is making the rounds.
She must have some juicy new anecdote.
Yeah, get her over here. I could use a funny story today.
Tish! Tish!
Oh, I can tell by that look on your face you've got something good.
Now come on, don't be selfish.
Well, first off,
you're not friends with Maisy Gibbons, are you?
No. - Thank god, because this is too good.
Maisy was arrested.
While Harold was at work,
she was having sex with men in her house for money
Can you imagine?
No. I can't.
And that's not even the best part
word is she had a little black book
with all her clients' names
So, uh... you think that'll get out?
Of course. These things always do.
Nancy, wait up. I can't wait to tell you this.
Well, you heard your funny story, Rex.
Why aren't you laughing?
I go get it.
Hello? Hi, Tammy. Yeah...
Can we see one of the bugs?
Yeah, here. See?
It's this little white thing. Look...It looks like aw, jeez
It looks like a sesame seed
That's cool. - Yeah, well, there's lots more where that came from.
No, I'm so sorry. Uh, He must be so disappointed
But, look, we'll get all the boys together
once Topher's back on his feet.
Bye. - What'd Tammy want?
She's canceling Topher's birthday party on Sunday.
He's come down with the measles, so...
Measles, huh?
Yeah.
What?
Tammy Brennan spent a fortune
on Topher's party.
She'd call in specialists from Switzerland
before she'd let it be canceled.
Okay. Why would Tammy lie to us?
Because she saw Porter scratching his head at schools.
They all did, and now word's getting around.
Why is everything a conspiracy theory with you?
Lots of kids get lice. They're not that big a deal
Well, it is for the rich b-i-t-c-hs at Barcliff academy.
It's been one day, and they've been disinvited to a birthday party.
If rumors start flying,
these boys can kiss campouts and pool parties goodbye.
Yeah, not so cool now, huh?
It's all here. Appraisal,
title search, and escrow documents.
Sorry about changing my mind
because it's just not a good time to sell the house.
Zach went through a lot, he wants to finish high school before moving.
Forget it, it's part of the business.
I expect to get screwed over.
Now, where is your house key?
Oh, I must have left it at home. I'll bring it by tonight.
No one will be here.
Zach's away on a school trip,
and I'm going to Mount Pleasant on business today.
Just, uh, drop it by tomorrow. - Or I could just keep it.
What?
It's a joke Paul. I know your wife's dead and all,
but it's been six months. Lighten up.
Hello! - Felicia.
Oh. Hi, Felicia.
Edie, I found this in my sister's things.
It has your name on it.
Oh, my necklace!
Oh, you know, I lent this to Martha three months ago.
And she said that it went down the drain.
Oh, I miss how we used to steal things from one another.
So, Felicia, I heard they have a suspect
in your sister's murder.
Mike Delfino? - Oh, he didn't kill her.
They found her jewelry in his garage.
But his fingerprints weren't on any of it.
That just means he wore gloves.
So, he's smart enough to use gloves,
but he leaves her blood-spattered jewelry lying around
for anyone to find?
Please. Is that what you'd do if you killed someone?
I don't know what goes through the mind of a murderer.
I'm just saying I wouldn't trust him if I were you.
Edie, that is lovely.
Is it an antique? - Yeah. I think so.
I know a store you would love.
It specializes in antique jewelry.
It's in Salt Lake City.
Have you ever been to Salt Lake City?
No. I try to steer clear of Utah.
It's a little too conservative for me.
Too bad. Have you ever been, Paul?
No.
It's lovely. I used to live there when I was a nurse.
You should definitely go some time.
With no indoor plumbing,
Gabrielle was now forced to improvise
when it came to her personal hygiene,
wherever and whenever she had the opportunity.
Sorry. - That's ok.
I was just about to give a Maisy Gibbons update.
Guys, we should be ashamed of ourselves
for reveling in that woman's misery.
That being said, Edie, please continue.
I hear from a very reliable source
that Maisy's gonna cut a deal with the prosecution.
Apparently, she has some high-profile Johns
and the DA's looking for a second term.
I don't get it. I don't get who would pay Maisy for sex.
Obviously someone who's not getting it at home.
So, the upshot is, Maisy is going
to turn over her little black book
with all of her clients' names.
Really?
Can you imagine the fallout when this goes public?
Blood on the walls.
I'm all in. - I'll call.
Bree?
Uh... What just happened? - The stakes were raised.
Yes. Yes, they were.
I fold.
I can't believe how lucky you were today.
Luck had nothing to do with it.
I had crappy cards, I was bluffing the entire time.
Really? Wow. You're good.
That's the only nice thing I can say about my first husband.
He taught me how to bluff. - He played poker?
No. He was lousy in bed.
I had to fake a lot of orgasms.
You don't have to respond. - Thank you.
So, uh... Where was Susan today?
Uh... I'm not sure.
Wow. Tom must be great in bed.
Obviously, you have no idea how to bluff.
Ok, she's going through something
and I'm sure she'd prefer it to be private.
She's upset with Mike, isn't she?
Well, come on. I'm gonna find out sooner or later.
She's devastated about the break-up
and she hasn't left the house in days.
Well, why didn't you just tell me that?
Because it's personal
It's the kind of thing she would only tell her friends.
I'm Susan's friend.
Well, I don't hate her.
If you want me to share stuff with you
you're going to have to start being more supportive of Susan.
Ok. How?
What do friends do?
They call. They're sympathetic.
They ask about the pain the other person is going through
and then they listen.
What if you want to be supportive,
but you just can't stand listening to people bitch?
I know, it's very exciting.
Thank you.
You know, I really think you do deserve this award...
God, I have to go to the bathroom again.
Go to Bree's. - I've been to Bree's twice today.
Then go to Susan's. - I hate Susan's.
She has all these weird scented candles.
Her house reeks of apricot.
Hose.
How about Lynette's?
No, you don't understand.
I don't want to go to anybody's house anymore.
I'm tired of knocking on doors and making up excuses
as to why we haven't fixed our plumbing
Why are you yelling at me?
Because it's your fault.
My fault?
Yes. If you hadn't gotten yourself indicted,
we would have pipes right now.
I got indicted trying to make enough money to keep you happy.
In case you hadn't noticed, you're a little materialistic
Oh, I'm materialistic?
When the Johnsons bought their new 7-series,
you were the one who went right in
and traded in his car for something better
Who ended up driving it?
You know what? I don't have time to fight right now.
I have laundry to do.
Nurse Abigail?
Mrs. Scavo, right? The twins' mother?
Yeah. I just wanted to tell you
that the boys are now lice-free.
Good to hear.
They get a bath every night. Trust me.
It's the ugliest 15 minutes of the day.
I believe you.
I keep thinking that maybe it was the
petting zoo that I took them to last week.
That llama was really iffy.
Mrs. Scavo, it doesn't work that way.
Lice only spreads from human to human.
Even the cleanest kid in the world can get it
if he gets too close to the wrong kid.
Really? - Yes.
So don't be so hard on yourself. - I guess.
Still, I can't help but feel a little guilty.
After all, my kids started an entire lice outbreak.
Look, your, uh... your kids didn't start it.
They didn't?
No. I know for a fact that patient zero was another little boy.
This is his fourth time with this particular problem.
That's a load off my mind.
Well, thank you.
So which kid is it? - I can't tell you.
You know we have a no-blame policy.
We have to protect the children. You understand.
Of course.
No, I don't. You're gonna have to give me a name.
Mrs. Scavo... - Here's the thing.
Acting like parents won't assign blame
is like pretending they don't keep score at pee wee league games.
It's human nature.
If you don't give the moms someone to blame,
they'll pick a scapegoat.
I can't let my boys be the scapegoat.
Please don't put me in this position. - I'm begging you.
They've already been uninvited from a party.
A really big birthday party,
with a bouncy house, a hotdog stand and a clown.
I wish I could help you.
For god's sake, there's gonna be a magician!
Tammy Brennan went all out.
Tammy Brennan? Topher's mother?
Yes.
Well, isn't that interesting? Have a seat.
Meanwhile, at the Fairview county prison,
Maisy Gibbons was delighted to find out
she had a visitor.
But she was soon reminded,
one should always beware of visitors
bearing gift baskets.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Hello, Maisy.
Ta-da!
Stuff like this is why I love you.
So, what brings you here?
I need a favor.
I thought as much.
I heard that there's a little black book
with the name of your clients in it.
There is.
I was wondering if, perhaps,
you could remove Rex's name from that little book?
Wow. That's a big favor.
Those muffins'd better be really good.
I have some money that I've been putting aside for emergencies.
It can be all yours, if you just...
Keep my mouth shut?
Continue to be discreet.
Gosh, I don't know.
I don't think it's asking that much.
All you need to do is remove one little name.
But if I do it for you,
then I have to do it for all the other wives.
That wouldn't be fair, now, would it?
Maisy, please. I mean, we used to be good friends.
Where were you when Harold lost his job a year ago, huh?
Did you stop by to see if there was anything you could do?
Did you bring a basket of baked goods
when you knew we couldn't even pay our bills?
If you did, those displays of friendship
seem to have slipped my mind.
Maisy, I didn't mention it when you were
having financial troubles because...
I thought it would embarrass you.
Yes, I would've been embarrassed.
But it would have been a whole lot better than the silence.
I have $14,000 in that account. It can all be yours.
I'm not interested.
But you do get credit for one thing.
You came to visit me,
even if it was for an ulterior motive.
None of the other girls from the club bothered.
I've been abandoned.
Guess that's what happens when you become the town whore.
Oh, sweetie, they didn't abandon you
because you're a whore.
They abandoned you because you
weren't all that nice to begin with.
Who is it? - It's Edie.
Edie, not now. I'm kind of busy.
Or just come on in.
What are you doing?
I decided that my life is way too complicated.
And so I'm simplifying.
I am getting rid of the clutter.
I was on vacation. Made sense at the time.
Ok, not to be rude, but is there a reason you're here?
Look... I'm feeling badly about what you're going through with Mike.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna date him.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Well, don't get me wrong.
I still have every intention of sleeping with him.
Some mountains are just meant to be climbed.
I gotta learn to keep my doors locked.
How long have you been sitting here?
I don't know. Five minutes, give or take three hours?
That's it. Get up. Get dressed.
Why? - Because you're coming with me.
It's time to get wasted.
Happy hour started 45 minutes ago.
Why would I go anywhere with you?
That's what normal women do when they get depressed.
They put on short skirts, they go to bars with their girlfriends,
maybe have one too many and then make out with a strange man
in the back of a dark alley.
Come on. It'll be fun.
I swear. Come on.
Come on! - Why do you even care?
I never said I cared.
It's just...
I guess I know what it's like
to have your heart stomped on.
All right. Gimme a minute.
I'll go change my clothes.
And don't forget to do something with that skanky hair.
You're a little scary looking.
Ah! What about him?
Not my type.
Oh, look, I know the pickin's are slim,
but isn't there someone here you're attracted to?
I hate 'em all. Look at 'em just leering at us.
They're so damn cocky.
Like they know they have the upper hand.
What are you taliking about? We have the upper hand.
Without us, they have nothing.
Maybe 15 years ago. Not anymore.
Now we're just lonely and desperate.
And they know it. And they just sit there,
ready to pounce,
waiting for us to take any crumb
they're willing to throw our way.
I don't want crumbs. I want Mike.
Hi. Um, I'm gonna be spending the whole night with her,
so I'm gonna be needing a lot more of these.
I'm sorry. It's just so hard to find a guy like Mike.
I know in my heart he didn't kill Mrs. Huber.
Ok. Let's say Mike's a peach.
And he didn't kill Martha. Who did?
I don't know.
Obviously, a bad guy.
Somebody really awful. Somebody like...
Somebody like Paul Young.
Paul?
Are you serious? - I'm telling you, he's hiding something.
He clams up every time we try to
ask him about Mary Alice.
And then when we found out about Dana...
Who's Dana?
Paul and Mary Alice had a baby that died.
You're kidding.
Zach killed her. - Wholy crap. Who told you that?
Paul. He said it was an accident.
But I'm telling you, I think that's why Mary Alice
was being blackmailed.
Mary Alice was being blackmailed? - Yeah.
The girls and I found a threatening note in her stuff.
What the hell kind of street do we live on?
I don't know.
Come to think of it, the other day,
Paul was talking to Felicia
and he was working overtime
trying to make Mike sound guilty.
See? Shifting blame onto someone else.
That's classic criminal behavior.
Oh, I'm telling you, he's up to no good.
Zach and Paul are out of town.
Maybe we should sneak into their house and do some snooping.
I have a key.
Oh, my god. Yes, we should do that.
Come on, I was just kidding.
No, Eddie. This is our chance.
We should just go in for ten minutes.
Susan, that's breaking and entering.
Martha Huber was your best friend.
If we could find out who really killed her,
wouldn't that be worth the risk?
Have a nice evening. - Thank you.
Serena, hi. How are you?
I talked to Dr. Wallace today.
He still has no idea why the medication's not working.
He told me he's thinking of running more tests.
I told him I'm thinking about getting a second opinion.
Rex, this might sound silly,
but are people staring at us?
Yeah. What's going on?
Well, I could be wrong,
but I suspect that Maisy Gibbons' client list
has been released.
You think they're laughing at us?
No, I think they're laughing at you.
I think they feel sorry for me,
which is just as mortifying. - What are we gonna do?
We're gonna act like nothing is happening.
And then when we've finished eating,
we're going to walk out of here with all
the dignity that we can muster.
Please. Let's go now.
Oh, no, I refuse to give them this kind of satisfaction.
Everybody's staring. Bree, it's humiliating.
Well, you should've thought of that
before you left a personal check on Maisy Gibbons' nightstand.
All right. You stay here if you want to. I'm leaving.
Rex! If you walk out of this restaurant, I will scream.
Bree... - I will scream about your cruelty,
Then I will scream about your infidelity.
And then just to make sure it really hurts,
I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits.
You want to know what true humiliation is,
you just take one step.
So, what are you having? The veal looks good.
So what are we looking for exactly?
An embroidered pillow that says "I killed Martha Huber"?
I don't know. Just something... suspicious.
Mmm. Smells expensive.
Do you believe in evil, Edie?
Of course I believe in evil. I work in real estate.
I'm serious.
Something about this house that's just so cold and creepy.
You couldn't tell when Mary Alice was alive.
She just brought so much warmth and light.
Now there's something...
that I just taste it, can't you sense it?
The only thing I can sense is that
you've had too much to drink.
Something happened in this house,
something so awful we can't even imagine it.
Ow! Son of a bitch! - Are you ok?
I just stubbed my toe.
Oh, my god! Angela.
Angela, that's what Mary Alice used to call herself.
What are you talking about?
We heard it on this tape
that Bree stole from her therapist's office.
It's a long story. I'll tell you later.
We gotta pop this in.
What was that? - I think it's Paul.
You said he was gonna be gone.
Well, I guess I was wrong.
Hurry! - I gotta get the tape.
Hide!
Paul.
Eddie! God, you scared me.
I'm sorry.
I see that you, uh, made it back from Mount Pleasant.
Yes. What... what are you doing here?
I came by to bring you your key.
I was just about to leave you a note.
You're returning my key at 11.30 at night?
What the hell is going on here?
You're right.
We're too old to be playing games.
What?
My note was gonna tell you that I, um...
I... I wasn't kidding this afternoon.
I really would like to keep a key to your place,
to use if the mood strikes me.
You've been drinking.
Just enough to get up the courage
to tell you how I feel about you.
Ok, well, obviously you're uncomfortable about this.
So, I'm really sorry
if I embarrassed you.
Here... Here's your key.
I'll see you around.
Edie. Um, I'm not embarrassed.
If anything, I'm flattered.
Susan, Susan, talk to me.
Mike, it's not a good time.
I'm a little drunk and a little freaked out.
You haven't returned my messages.
We've broken up. I thought I made that pretty clear.
No, come on.
Can't we work this out?
You lied to me.
When? When did I lie to you?
The police showed me your rap sheet.
You killed a man.
You can believe I'm a some cold-blooded killer?
No. Of course I don't believe that.
But I also didn't believe Karl was gotta cheat on me.
I didn't believe Mary Alice would kill herself.
I mean, let's face it Mike, blind faith is not my friend.
I was gonna tell you.
But just there wasn't a right moment.
See, now that's a lie, too.
Because there were plenty of right moments.
Susan.
Everytime when we went out for pizza, you could've said,
"By the way, I once killed a man".
Or when you said,
"Let's go jogging", you could've said,
"By the way, I once killed a man".
Every time we went to the movies, and the hero shot the bad guy,
you could turn to me and say
"By the way, I did that once".
You didn't.
Do you want to hear what happened or not?
It doesn't matter.
Because I will never believe anything you say ever again.
Well, at the very least you can believe that.
Occupied!
Carlos, I have to go.
You'll have to wait.
Why should I have to wait? It's my port-a-potty.
What do you mean it's yours?
I'm the one who stole it.
Babe, I'm sorry. You're just gonna have to wait.
Thank you so much, Bree.
Seeing your tile has really helped me make my decision.
Next time I remodel, I am using limestone.
Gabrielle, is everything ok?
Sure. Why?
Well, it's just that you've been acting kind of oddly late.
In what way?
You keep coming up with excuses
to use everyone's bathroom.
And then two days ago Mr. Cawley looked into your back yard,
and saw you and Carlos doing your laundry in the Jacuzzi.
Well, uh... there's a simple explanation for that. I, um...
Are you and Carlos having some sort of money trouble?
Gaby, it's ok if you are.
Is that so?
Yes. And to tell you the truth, I'm a little insulted.
I am a good friend.
Why would you feel like you have to hide that from me?
I don't know.
Probably for the same reason you didn't tell me
Rex was one of Maisy's clients.
That is obviously different.
Why?
Because it happened to you?
Bree, this is how I see it.
Good friends support each other after they've been humiliated.
Great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place.
Well, then, good luck on your remodel.
And please tell Rex I said hello.
Hey, Tammy.
Lynette!
I see Topher's made a speedy recovery.
Can we go play?
Yeah, sure, boys. Have fun.
Let's go play in the bounce house.
All right, you caught me.
I lied.
But you should have some nerve crashing at
a six-year-old's birthday party.
Just so you know,
I got Topher a set of Bongo Drums.
I know you'll love them as much as he will.
Charlie, come on out of there.
I don't want you playing with those Scavo boys.
Mona, please!
I'm sure they're clean.
You are not ruining my party.
Porter. Preston.
Ok, out, out, out.
Come on. Porter. Preston. Let's go.
Not quite yet.
Boys, keep bouncing.
That's right, keep bouncing.
Oh, by the way,
I spoke to nurse Abigail.
I know who patient zero is.
All right, that's it,
kids. Get out.
Out, out, out! Go! Go!
How could you do that?
Look, this party meant everything to Topher.
I couldn't risk people not showing up.
He would be davastated.I had to do something.
And the best you could come up with
was letting my kids take the fall?
Hey, I hadn't said anything.
People were already suspicious.
Oh, please. - Yeah, it's true.
Let's face it - your boys aren't the cleanest kids on the planet.
That was not a smart thing to say. - Where are you going?
I'm going to tell the truth to every mother out there.
And then I'm gonna take back the bongos.
No, wait! Ok, all right.
Uh, look, I was wrong. I admit it.
I admit I'm really really sorry. - Too little, too late.
Ok. I'll... I'll tell everyone that I was wrong.
That your kids aren't the ones.
Please. I'm begging you.
Well, why are you standing there? Get to it.
Bree, hi.
What's up?
Well, um... I've been doing some thinking.
Rex and I have been members
of the Fairview country club for years
But lately it seems to have lost some of its exclusivity.
And so, I've decided not to renew our membership.
I'd rather see the money go to someone I care about.
Oh, Bree, I... I can't take that.
Gaby, this is the way I see it.
Good friends offer to help in a crisis.
Great friends don't take no for an answer.
We're gonna pay you back every cent. I promise.
Take your time.
Yes, everyone loves a scandal,
no matter how big or small.
After all, what could be more entertaining
than watching the downfall of the high and mighty?
What could be more amusing
than the public exposure of hypocritical sinners?
Yes, everyone loves a scandal.
And if for some reason you're not enjoying the latest one...
Well, the next one
is always around the corner.
Episode-17
The police showed me your rap sheet. You killed a man.
Want to hear what happened? - It doesn't matter.
Because I will never believe anything you say ever again.
Sometimes Unexpected visitors...
Do you think she's cheating on you? - I think so.
I'll take care of it. - Thank you, mama.
...lead to unexpected consequences.
Andrew, you almost killed another human being.
She's lived her life.
I have my whole life ahead of me
and now it might be screwed up.
In the coma ward at Sacred Heart hospital,
the dreams begin just after midnight.
The pitch black of night gives way to vivid images
that comfort the dreamer until the morning.
Gus, the custodian,
dreams of some day winning the lottery
and quitting his thankless job.
Howard, the security guard,
envisions a luxurious retirement in the tropics.
Ruth Ann, the night nurse,
fantasizes about leaving her husband.
But the most vivid dreams of all
belong to the patient in room 312.
Yes, Juanita Solis had been
dreaming steadily for five months.
Sometimes,
of the shocking secret she had uncovered.
Other times, she dreamt of the accident
that had put her in the hospital.
But her most common dream
was the one in which she finally told her son the truth.
And then one night,
Juanita solis decided it was time...
...to wake up.
Is anybody here?
I have to call my son!
Even though she knew she was about to die,
Juanita didn't care.
The truth was finally going to come out.
Tell my son his wife is cheating on him.
Oh, my god!
Sadly for Juanita, this was one dream
that would never come true.
We all honor heroes for different reasons.
Sometimes for their bravery,
sometimes for their daring,
sometimes for their goodness.
But mostly we honor heroes because,
at one point or another,
we all dream of being rescued.
Susan, I know you're in there. We have to talk.
This is crazy.
I know.
Everything the cop said is true. I did kill somebody.
But there's one thing they didn't tell you.
I killed for you, Susan.
Susan, if I can't have you,
no one else can.
Shut up.
Susan, are you home?
Susan? Your car's here. I know you're in there.
I was hoping we could talk for a minute.
Susan, maybe you should have waited till I left to do that.
I know you don't want to see me right now
but I owe you an explanation,
and it's all in there,
everything you ever wanted to know about my past,
my reasons for doing what I did.
It's all there.
Guys, come on. What are you doing?
You know, just bonding, discussing current events...
Seriously, if you'd just parked across the street
I could have let you go.
Why don't you just pretend like we did?
Get out of the car.
Get this.
Stop the car! Hey! Hey!
I can't believe it.
Two months from graduation and he's expelled.
We are just lucky that security guard did not press charges.
So what are we going to do?
Well, I'm glad that you asked.
What are these?
They're brochures for youth detention centers.
How long have you had these?
They've been in the drawer a few months.
I had a feeling we might needing them.
Bree... I don't know.
We have to admit that we need help.
If we can't get through to Andrew,
we need to find someone who can.
You really want to send our son away
to some prison camp?
Don't be so dramatic.
Some of these places actually look fun.
Look. Camp Hennessy.
"Teaches kids respect for authority and boundaries
in a summer camp atmosphere."
The perimeter is surrounded by an electrified fence.
You have to admit that's an efficient way
to teach respect for boundaries.
Ok, how about this one?
It's perfect for Andrew.
It's a ranch in Montana.
It has lots of fresh air and plenty of open spaces,
and daily classes on anger management.
I'm not comfortable with this.
All right, how about this one?
It's in the desert and it's very reasonable.
The barracks are a little bit bleak
but that recidivism rate is to die for.
Bree, I'm not doing it.
I'm not sending my son away.
It's easy for you, isn't it?
You're not the one he's rude to,
You're not the one he challenges every day.
You're not the one he hates.
I'll talk to him. All right?
I'll sit him down for a little old-fashioned heart-to-heart.
You talk to him all you want.
I'm gonna check out the place with the electrified fence.
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
of the midnight ride of Paul Revere
hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
of the north church tower
one if by land,
two if by sea
and I on the opposite shore will be.
Hi, I wanted to introduce myself to your mom.
I'm Lynette Scavo.
Hi, Lynette. I'm Alisa Stevens.
Oh, I'm sorry! I thought...
I read lips.
A lot of the time, signing is just easier.
I don't like to misunderstand, or to be misunderstood.
And I'm Lily. - Hi, nice to meet you.
Hi, mom!
That's my son, Matt.
My twins talk about Matt all the time.
We should set up a play date.
Sounds great.
Let's have dinner too. - I'd love to.
The British are coming! - Giddy-up! Giddy-up!
Even better, let's just keep it adults.
Babe, they blinked.
We got them by the short hairs.
Who? Who blinked?
The D.A. I just spoke with the lawyers.
They offered a plea bargain. - And that's good?
It means they know they got a weak case.
They don't think they can win.
It's over. - Oh, my god!
That means we can keep the house!
No, we still have to sell the house.
I gotta pay the lawyers.
But I thought you said they offered a plea bargain.
Yeah, but we're not gonna take that.
Put me down.
Honey, it would mean
me going to jail for eight months.
I think that's pretty reasonable,
considering you're guilty as sin.
You said you were fine with selling.
Before I knew we could trade
a couple of months in prison to keep it.
What?!
No, this is her daughter-in-law.
Is it the hospital? Is it mama?
Thank you. Yes.
Gabby?
I'm sorry, Carlos.
Some believe people are judged by the way they live life,
and others by the way they leave it.
I like the lexington mahogany with gold leaf.
It has a pink velvet interior and drapes,
plus it's hand-engraved so in case of a flood or earthquake,
they'll at least know which one is hers.
Don't you think that's a little over the top?
Only the best for mama.
These funeral homes make a fortune
trying to convince people to overspend.
What are you saying?
I'm saying your mother was a sensible woman.
She wouldn't be comfortable with bells and whistles.
Maybe this one. Wood veneer.
What? - You never liked mama.
It's awfully hard to like someone who actively hates your guts.
She always thought you married beneath you
and she let me know it.
She loved you.
She treated me like trash!
God rest her soul.
I'm putting my mother in the grave.
Now is not the time to pinch pennies.
Carlos, we're not exactly flush with cash right now.
Let her be true to her roots. She was born humble.
She was a queen.
So what did Mike say when he gave you the letter?
That it explains everything.
Does it?
I haven't read it.
Why the hell not?
I just can't.
You're a better woman than me.
I'd have ripped it open with my teeth.
Aren't you dying to know what he wrote?
Yes. But what if it's just a bunch of far-fetched stories?
Well, you should assume that it is.
Why?
Think about how good men are at lying on the spot.
God forbid you should give them time and a pen.
Edie, you mind stopping by the site?
I've blueprints of the master bath.
Oh, I'll see you in a few, Bill.
It's my new contractor. We're sort of dating.
Didn't you once say you never mix business with pleasure?
No, I said never mix pleasure with commitment.
Right.
So Susan, what are you gonna do with the letter?
And for Pete's sake, would you open it up already?
No. No, I won't.
I don't trust Mike any more and without trust...
No, no. I'm just gonna go in
and rip it up and throw it in the trash.
Why don't we rip it up now? - No, no, no.
That's ok. I don't wanna... You know, litter.
She is so opening that letter.
While Carlos was making arrangements to bury his mother,
Gabrielle was making sure
she'd be taking her secret to the grave.
Hi, I'm Gabrielle Solis.
You're nurse... Hisel?
Yes. Hi. Um... When you called and said you were coming down,
I collected all the personal things your husband brought in
during Juanita's stay with us.
I assume that's why you're stopping by?
Oh, that's so thoughtful of you but, actually, no.
No?
No, you see my husband and I
still don't have a clear account
as to how Juanita passed.
How?
Yes, did she die quietly, in her sleep...?
Um, yeah, that's usually how it happens.
I mean, I'm pretty sure that's how it happened.
Pretty sure?
I mean, I don't know exactly
because I wasn't with her at that time.
Was anyone with her?
An orderly, candy striper...
...anyone?
No. She was alone.
Thank you so much. That's all I needed to hear.
Oh, Mrs. Solis.
Oh, you can just toss that.
Great! Just great.
I think this is yours.
Yeah, I've been looking for this one. Thanks.
I don't suppose you have any idea where I found it?
Those little suckers are drawn to bare feet and car tires.
Since you're not limping or bleeding...
This is only temporary.
You're going to need to take this tire and get it fixed.
Thanks, I will. - Seriously, it's not safe.
You'll probably only get 20 or 30 miles out of it.
All right, I promise.
Hey, listen. I'm about to break for lunch.
How would you like to join me? - Lunch?
Yeah, lunch.
Are you asking me out on a date?
for a burrito and a can of soda,
but...Yeah, I guess I am.
Aren't you dating Edie?
We went out on a date. We're not dating.
So how about it?
I'm buying.
I just got out of this relationship with this guy, Mike.
It's kind of complicated.
Anyway, I'm just not even sure where I am right now, emotionally.
I'm all jumbled up.
I don't think I can leap right into something new,
relationship-wise, at the moment.
Again, just a burrito.
I'm sorry. - Ok, I understand.
Sounds like you need time to reflect and heal.
I do, I really do. - Ok.
I'll check back with you again tomorrow.
This is so... delicious.
I don't know how you find the time, with four kids.
Only for first-time guests.
Normally, you'd be having
chicken fingers and cartoon-shaped macaroni.
If that. - Hey, shut up.
Tom, you're in advertising, right?
I worked five years at Simon and Scott.
Well, I started at Simon and Scott.
I hated those guys.
We have to talk. - Yes...
Who do you know there now?
It's all over now.
They'll be talking shop for the rest of the night.
Alisa loves talking about Alisa.
Well, Lynette loves talking about Lynette too.
I don't believe that for a second.
You and your husband seem pretty solid.
We're going through some tough stuff.
We're... in counseling.
Oh, really? More steak?
It's her idea.
It's not the most pleasant way to spend an hour.
Basically, I look at the clock
and she blames me for everything.
I don't think you should be talking about Alisa with her...
...So...
It's ok, it's not like she can hear.
Maybe I will have some more of that, uh, potato stuff.
He actually said those things, with her sitting right there?
It was really nasty, and he wouldn't shut up, either.
I can't believe you said we'd play tennis.
That was before I knew he was a jerk. She was great.
Look what she taught me.
It means "I love you."
Yeah, that's great. What am I gonna do?
What do you mean? - Obviously she needs to be told.
No, no, no, she doesn't. This is between Dennis and Alisa.
How can I ignore this?
And I quote, "It's not like she can hear."
Lynette, you're starting to ramp up
into that whole meddling thing you do.
Excuse me? - Let me just handle it.
Let's avoid a big thing.
Are you saying I can't be tactful?
If he says something at tennis,
I will take him aside,
man to man, and say, "that's not cool."
Are you saying I'm not tactful?
Andrew, I need you to take out the trash.
Sure. - Now, not five hours from now.
I'm going, I'm going. God...
Um, I'm meeting Justin at the mall tonight
so I'm gonna need 40 bucks.
No.
What? - You no longer get an allowance.
Fine. I'm not taking out the trash.
Andrew!
What are you gonna do? Torture me?
Go ahead, I can take it.
What I want, what I have always wanted,
is for you to be happy.
And you're not, and I have no idea how to help you.
Well, you could start by getting out of the way.
I will not. We're gonna talk about this now.
I said, get out of the way.
The next time you touch your mother like that,
I'm going to throw you through this wall.
You understand me?
Oh, Edie, wait up. I wanna ask you something.
I can't stop. I gotta keep my heart rate up.
I was just wondering how you'd feel if I went out with Bill.
What? - Bill asked me out.
Bill? My Bill?
Well, see, that's the thing.
He doesn't think of himself as your Bill.
He said that date was just a one-time thing.
Which I know, because when he asked me out
I told him I thought you guys were involved.
So you haven't agreed to go out with him?
No, I wanted to check with you first.
Wow, that's nice of you.
So, can I? - No.
Edie! Edie, why can't I go out with him?
Because I saw him first.
That's a really third-grade thing to say.
You asked my permission, I said no.
That should be the end of it.
Well, you know.
Technically, I don't need your permission.
You know, I so much wanna like you,
but you just won't let me.
Edie...
Susan, you know...I try. I try to look past your flaws.
Your klutziness. That... that...
...faux vulnerability. Your hair.
He just wants to buy me a burrito.
Susan, please. Let me like you.
Ok. I won't go out with him.
I mean, obviously, you have feelings for him.
No, I don't. I really don't.
So what, then?
If you can't have him, nobody can?
See? Now you're thinking like a friend.
What a voice.
You have to hand it to the Catholics.
They do grief better than anyone.
How much did that horse and buggy set us back?
Do you mind? - Being poor? A little.
Eyes front, padre.
I can't believe Edie.
She doesn't have dibs on every man on the planet.
If I wanna go out with Bill, I should be able to.
I thought you weren't even into him. - Neither is she.
If she's not into him, why can't I not be into him?
I'm gonna mourn now.
What's going on?
Why are we slowing down? - Because we're almost there.
What is that?!
The family who owned it
couldn't afford the maintenance payment.
I got an amazing deal.
A crypt? You bought your mother a crypt?!
Keep quiet! You're making a scene.
Oh, that's it. I cannot be a part of this.
I can't do it. - Gabrielle!
Stop acting like a child!
Are we supposed to be following them?
I don't know. Maybe it's part of the ritual.
Go to hell, Carlos!
All right, people, we're going to follow the body.
This way, please. Come along!
This is too much.
The only reason I agreed to give up the house
because I thought I'd get a gorgeous little apartment.
Now I won't even get that.
What do you want me to do?
Take the plea. - What?
You did the crime. Why should I pay the price?
Just suck it up, be a man and do the time.
Gaby, you're being ridiculous. - Am I?
All I want is the same respect you gave your dead mother.
Gaby, please...!
At least she's gonna have a roof over her head.
Fifteen all.
Oh, was that in?
Nice try.
Alisa, you're deaf, not blind.
It was a close call.
That's telling him.
I'm waiting for my moment.
You think her tennis stinks?
You should try her cooking.
Fifteen thirty.
Sorry.
I should have mentioned that my tennis
is much better than my cooking.
That was fun. You play really well.
Thank you.
Give me a break. She serves underhand, for god's sake.
What's your problem? - Excuse me?
Hey, do you have any bottled water over there?
My electrolytes get all wacky when I sweat.
She's your wife.
How can you talk about her like that?
Let me tell you what St Alisa is saying
with that phony smile plastered on her face.
"Move your ass, Dennis."
"Nice love handles, Dennis."
"Try switching deodorant, Dennis."
Enough. If you've got issues with your wife,
tell her.
We're in counseling.
It's not working too well
if you have to unload on a perfect stranger, is it?
If you're unhappy in your marriage,
do something instead of just complaining.
Cause, frankly, I don't want to hear it.
Let's trade partners.
Sure. - Great!
Thanks.
I'll play with you.
You did not take this in.
This should hold,
but you've got to take it in.
Thank you. I know. I'm going to.
It's on the top of my list.
That was hard work.
Would you like a glass of water
and maybe an excuse to come in and talk to me?
Sounds great.
So... It's tomorrow.
I told you I'd check back in on that date.
Bill, um... I have my reasons.
Am I... hideous?
Oh, god, no!
No, you are just so incredibly not hideous.
Thank you... I think.
See, maybe it's the word "date" that's throwing me off.
Look, I just want to have some fun,
you know? Dinner, drinks...
No strings attached.
Ok, I'll go out with you.
Great. I know this little place
out of the way. You're gonna love it.
What are you doing?
Making an emergency list for you.
So you'll know who to call in case the roof leaks,
or the power goes out...
Why?
I'm taking the plea bargain.
So you can keep the house.
When I buried my mother, I did it with respect,
and I don't regret a single penny.
But I got us into the position we are in
and the moment I did,
I stopped respecting you.
And that's not right. - You're so brave.
It's not without strings.
I need you to promise
you're gonna be here when I get out.
That's a ridiculous thing to say.
I'm not going anywhere.
And I need you to promise
that you'll be faithful while I'm gone.
Yeah. Of course.
Gabrielle, I'm no fool.
You're a beautiful woman
and I understand you have needs.
But I'm a very jealous and possessive man.
And I need to hear you say it.
I promise.
Ok, then.
Tomorrow morning, we'll go and see the lawyers.
I love you.
I love you too.
And just so you know, I'm gonna hold you to that promise.
What's going on? Did grandma die?
Uh, no, she's fine. Listen, Andrew...
Sweetheart, it's been clear to us
for some time now that you've been unhappy.
All this acting out. - The pot smoking, the violence...
It just isn't you.
And we feel that you need to spend some quality time
thinking about the goals in your life
and what kind of person you want to be.
What the hell are you talking about?
There's this place called Camp Hennessey.
It's designed for teenagers like
yourself who've lost their way.
You gotta be kidding.
They emphasize discipline and responsibility,
two things you're sorely in need of.
You'll only be there more than a few weeks.
You can stop this now.
I'm not going to a stupid camp for juvenile delinquents.
We're ready.
Sorry, honey, you don't have a choice.
Get your hands off of me! - Take it easy!
Andrew, Andrew, it's no use fighting.
These gentlemen are going to help you get dress
and then they're going to drive you to the camp.
We can take it from here. - Wait, wait!
Mom, wait! Please, I'm sorry...
Honey, it's gonna be ok, I promise.
This was your idea. - Why, you...!
Stop it.
Honey, no matter what you say or do,
I will always love you.
Let's go. Come on.
What's that for?
For being here.
For standing by me through this.
You don't know what it means to me, Rex.
It's been a long time
since I felt like I had a real partner.
And it really helps,
especially on a horrible morning like this.
Hey, Alisa. Hey, Lily. How are you guys?
May I speak to you, please?
Oh, sure. Boys, here.
Stay right there.
Yes, mom.
So how are you? - Dennis left me.
What?
Dennis left me!
Why?!
You told him to, you moron!
I'm sorry? - You talked about our marriage.
It's none of your business. - Stop.
I can't understand you. You're gonna have to talk slower.
Dennis said you yelled at him for saying stuff behind my back.
Well, yeah.
And he said you told him our counseling wasn't working.
Yes, that's not exactly what I...
Where the hell do you come off
telling him we are stop to going to conseling?
I didn't mean... - Sure,
We have our share of problems, financial,
emotional, sexual.
But we were solving them.
Alisa, come here.
Are you sure you wanna be...
saying these things in front of your daughter?
Now you're telling me how to raise my daughter?!
Lily, we're coming back.
Listen, Alisa, I am so sorry if I caused a problem.
I just wanted to help.
Why? Why did you want to help?
Well, because... - Oh, because I was deaf?
No. Because your husband was being a total jerk.
And you've just gotta come in on your white horse
and come to the rescue.
Well, guess what? I didn't need to be rescued. Got that?
I didn't need to be rescued.
Bitch.
Uh, she said...
Yes, thank you. I know what she just said.
One minute we're making out in his truck, and next thing I know
we're at the hospital and the doctor's digging a bullet out of him.
It's just that when I started dating Mike,
he seemed like such a normal guy, you know?
They always do. You wanna get some nachos?
I mean obviously, I am not going to read the letter.
At some point, you've just gotta let it go, right?
Right.
You mind if we leave off the jalapenos?
I'm not so good with spicy things.
I don't mean to babble. It's just really complicated.
And there is so much about Mike you don't even know.
That would surprise me at this point.
Edie.
Your foreman said you were on a date with a hottie.
Evidently, someone needs lasik.
You tracked us down? - It wasn't hard.
I just followed the stench of betrayal.
We had an agreement, Susan. - No, we didn't.
You know I just said what you wanted to hear because you guilted me into it.
I was trying to protect our already fragile friendship.
Am I in the middle of something here? - Not any more.
You, I will hate forever.
And you are fired.
Edie!
You're firing me for going out with Susan?
Yes. And before you start whining
that dating her is punishment enough.
Save it.
I suppose I could tell her you threw yourself at me.
You were lonely, begged to have dinner.
I took pity on you.
Well, excuse me, but that kinda makes it sound like it was my fault.
You can't possibly blame me. I'm not the one who fired you.
Right. You just chose not to tell me
Edie would be insanely mad if I went out with you.
Slow down. You're driving too fast.
You know. This is between you and Edie.
I just got sucked into the drama.
Yeah. I bet you say that to yourself all the time.
What does that mean?
You didn't get sucked into the drama. You invited it in.
That's not true.
You've spent the last hour obsessing over your ex-boyfriend,
even though he's an ex-con who very possibly strangled your neighbor.
No, he didn't.
And Edie told you not to go out with me,
but did you listen? No.
Because you saw the potential for disaster
and you just couldn't resist getting in there.
Ok, Mr-let's-just-have-fun- because-I'm-the-charming-casual-contractor-man,
you chased me, so own it, my friend.
You didn't get that tire fixed, did you?
I was meaning to.
I guess I do invite the drama in.
Just a little.
Tom, am I a bad person?
No. Why would you say that?
I don't know. I guess I just have it in my head
that only bad people break up marriages
and offend the handicapped.
I did try to warn you. - You did.
Why do I do it?
This compulsion to stick my nose where it doesn't belong.
Honey, you were just looking out for your friend.
A lot of good it did her.
At least you tried. I admire you for that.
Oh, please.
Hey, I'm the guy who let Dennis bad-mouth his wife
because I was afraid of making a scene.
You knew it was wrong and you let him have it.
That's me. I'm never afraid to create a scene.
Hey, honey, look. My point is,
you have a strong sense of what is right
and you're not afraid to act on it.
And I admire you for that.
You know what I admire you for?
You find a way to compliment me when
you could say, "I told you so."
You just signed "I told you so," didn't you?
You'll never prove it.
Thanks for coming in, Mrs. Solis.
I believe you've met nurse Hisel?
Yes. Hello. Again.
Nurse Hisel became quite attached to your mother-in-law.
That's why I asked her to be here for this.
First of all, I want you to understand that
we consider our commitment to our patients a sacred trust.
Ok.
Having said that, it appears that
there may, and I stress may,
have been a breakdown in our chain of care.
I can assure you that we hold our staff to
the highest standards in the industry.
But we are only human after all.
Honey, are you ok?
Nurse Hisel, why don't you step out?
I'm so sorry.
We all share in your grief.
Apparently.
And we're hoping to alleviate any further pain your family may suffer
by offering some...
...monetary compensation.
Provided you and your husband waive any
future right to litigation, of course.
Monetary compensation?
You're trying to buy us off?
Let's not get tangled up in legalese.
We like to think of it as an extension of our caring.
Well, in that case, care away.
Mr. Hartley,
I have a hypothetical legal question for you.
I like to play the lottery and I...
Yes, I know what the odds are
but I just love those scratch-offs.
Say I were to win, I don't know,
a million, six hundred thousand dollars.
Would the government be able to take it like they took everything else?
That's what I thought. The bastards.
So what if we won the lottery after Carlos went to jail?
Could the government touch the money then? Hypothetically.
I see.
And we could keep the house.
Oh, no, I'm just at the grocery store,
wondering if I should buy a ticket.
Thanks a bunch, Mr. Hartley.
So what time should I bring Carlos
to the DA's office tomorrow?
Great.
We all honor heroes for different reasons.
Sometimes for their daring.
Sometimes for their bravery.
Sometimes for their goodness.
But mostly, we honor heroes
because at one point or another,
we all dream of being rescued.
Of course,
if the right hero doesn't come along,
sometimes, we just have to rescue ourselves.
Episode-18
Is anybody here?
There may have been a breakdown in our chain of care.
You trying to buy us off?
Sometimes if you're not careful...
There's this place called Camp Hennessey.
I'm not going to any stupid camp for juvenile delinquents.
You don't have a choice.
Past mistakes...
We pulled it out of Rockwater Lake.
I must have sold several hundred of these just like it.
I have a list of customers' names on file.
will come back to haunt you.
I won't tell anyone.
I'll keep your secret, dad.
There were many things
Gabrielle Solis knew for certain.
She knew red was her color.
She knew diamonds went with everything.
And she knew men were all the same.
But the one thing Gabrielle knew above all else...
she would never want children.
Unfortunately for Gabrielle,
her husband Carlos felt differently.
I'm so lucky to have you.
Ok, I'll bite.
Why are you so lucky?
Because...
I don't want to have kids, and you do.
Oh, that.
Most men would leave over something like that.
And you're still here.
I'm grateful. I know the sacrifice you're making.
There's still a part of me
that's hoping to change your mind.
Once you had a baby,
I think you would love it so much that...
Honey, it's not gonna happen.
You never know. - No, sometimes you do.
Well, it is a sacrifice.
But you're worth it.
Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew without a doubt
she didn't want to be a mother.
But what she couldn't know was
just how much her husband wanted to be a father,
or that he'd been tampering with
her birth control for months...
or that within one week's time...
she'd be pregnant.
Saturdays on Wisteria Lane belonged to the children,
and while most would spend the day practicing their sports...
and riding their bikes...
and jumping their ropes,
others were no longer engaged in child's play.
Indeed, some children were being forced
to grow up very quickly.
Sorry to bother you on the weekend.
We just have a few questions for you.
About what?
12 years ago,
your late wife purchased a toy chest.
Toy chest?
Yeah, it was about this big, had little dancing bears on it.
Gosh, I'm sorry.
The craftsman who makes these chests
keeps a list of customers.
Apparently, you purchased one in august 1992.
We'd like to know where that chest is now.
Wow, I, uh... I wish I could help you.
I don't recall any toy chest.
I remember.
It had little bears and balloons on it, right?
Yes, son, that's right.
We threw it away when I was little.
I was standing on it and it busted.
Remember, dad? - Vaguely.
I guess that's all, then.
Thank you both for your time.
Hey. What's the deal with this chest, anyway?
One just like you had washed up on Torch Lake.
Had a woman in it. - A woman?
She was all chopped up.
Obviously, we need to talk.
You lied to me. You said it was a man in the box.
No, I didn't lie.
The policeman said it was a woman's body.
Of course you were lying.
I told you a private detective had come to take you away from us.
I never said it was a man.
You didn't? - No.
I-I thought that... - No.
Stop. Please stop.
I know you're lying to me, ok? I know that you're lying.
For the last time,
someone came and tried to take you away from us.
Yes, a woman. A woman came.
Yes, she tried to steal you
from the only family that you'd ever really known.
And we couldn't let that happen, and we didn't.
And that...
...is the truth.
We can't cancel now. It's two days away.
Rex, I'm not going. That's all there is to it.
Counseling is part of the treatment at Camp Hennessey.
You knew that.
Nowhere in that brochure did it say
that we were expected to attend.
What's Andrew going to think if you don't show up?
Well, I am making him this care package.
I mean, he'll know that I'm thinking about him.
Why are you putting in lemon squares?
They told us not to send him sweets.
I don't understand why.
I guess they feel baked goods from mom
undercut the boot camp experience.
Fine, I won't send them,
but I think it's a stupid rule.
So are you going to this thing or not?
No. - Why?
Because the minute I get there, Andrew will start...
...attacking me for abandoning him.
And I don't want to hear it.
There's no reason to feel guilty, you know.
You did everything you could for him.
I don't feel guilty.
Ok.
Please, Christy.
There's no way that I can get another babysitter this late in the day.
Parker, knock it off. - No.
Because I'm having drinks with friends I used to work with,
and they never called, and if I blow them off,
that's it... I'm dead to them.
No, I can't call Patty Binks.
Because she steals things.
Damn it, Christy, you're 13 years old.
You got a lot of trips to the mall ahead of you.
Ok, ok, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I raised my voice.
I'm calm.
So I'm starting to think that this is about money.
So what is it that would make it worth your while?
A hundred! That's extortion.
There's no way in hell that I'm gonna...
Hello?
Hello?
Parker, I swear, I will spank you. Knock it off.
Hi, Mrs. Binks. Is Patty there? Thank you.
Hi, honey. I'm back.
Hey, sweetie.
This is Mr. Steinberg, the attorney from the hospital.
Oh, have we met?
Yes, Mrs. Solis. We've met.
Don't you remember?
It was after mama died.
Apparently the hospital was negligent
a check I was never told about.
Oh, that.
Mr. Steinberg... - I was just leaving.
What were you thinking?! - Wait, just let me explain...
No, why the hell didn't you tell me?!
Because I couldn't trust you to make the right decision.
The right decision was to use that money for my lawyers!
We could have fought the indictment,
and then I wouldn't have had to take the plea bargain!
If you didn't take the plea deal,
the government would have seized the settlement.
We could have fought that in court.
Exactly,and then you would have blown all the money on the lawyers.
Who cares?!
If there was a chance didn't have to go to jail.
You had Laotian convicts
sewing casual wear for two cents an hour.
Don't you think you deserve a time-out?
Eight months. Thanks to you,
I'm going away for eight months.
And when you get out,
we're going to have money to start over with thanks to me.
You know, once you calm down,
you're gonna realize I did the right thing,
and when that happens, I'd appreciate an apology.
Grandma's here.
Now, that is just perfect.
Stay put.
I am so sorry! - Hey, mom.
Oh, hey, Susie.
I goofed. - What happened?
Oh, you know me. No depth perception whatsoever.
I'm stunned they even issued me a license.
So, you're Susan's mom.
Yeah.
I'm Sophie Bremmer. And you are?
Mike Delfino.
You're Mike?! Oh, my god!
Susan's told me so much about you!
Well, don't just stand there. Give me a hug!
Mom. Uh... Mike and I aren't... together anymore.
Sorry.
I guess I just made this pretty awkward, huh?
Yeah, you... You really did.
So let's just call the insurance company.
Ok.
Well... It's nice meeting you anyway, Mike.
You too. I never would've guessed you were Susan's mom.
I know. I look too young.
I got pregnant when I was a tiny teenager.
Ok...
It was the first time I got drunk, ever.
Can you believe it? - Let's go.
Her father was a marine.
Afterwards, he gave me three of his medals.
Mom! - What?
Let's just go inside and call the insurance company.
Oh, right.
What are you smiling about?
I used to have all these questions about
how you got to be the way you are.
They were all just answered.
What's going on?
My babysitter cancelled.
Lynette, I'm so swamped today.
My house is a mess and I've got millions of errands to run.
Please hear me out. This is important.
Today, I have a chance to rejoin the human race
for a few hours.
There are actual adults waiting for me with Margaritas.
Look, I'm in a dress. I have make-up on.
If it were any other day.
Oh, for god's sakes, Bree, I'm wearing pantyhose.
Bring them in. - Thank you, thank you.
Ok, in you go.
Then the police showed me his mug shot.
No! - Yes.
Mike served time for selling drugs and manslaughter.
I can't believe it. - Well, it's true.
He has such nice manners. You know? - I know.
Susie, I don't want you worrying too much about this Mike thing.
The right man will come along. Just give it time.
I think I would have given up entirely
if it weren't for you and Morty.
Morty? - Yeah, you know.
It's the third time around for both of you
and you're really clicking.
Oh. It gives me hope.
What's wrong? - Nothing, nothing. Um...
I'm just... I'm tired.
You're not tired. You took a nap. What is it?
I left Morty. - What?! Why?
Because he shoved me.
Morty? No!
You think I'm lying? Fine!
Why would he shove you? - Because I confronted him.
About how much time he's spending
at that damned pancake restaurant.
If that's where he's really been.
Oh, you can't be serious. Morty?
You think men his age don't have needs?
You should see the waitresses he hires.
Every year, they get younger and younger.
Maybe you just feel that way because
every year you get older and older.
That's a horrible thing to say. - I'm sorry.
I'm not that old. - I said I was sorry.
People think we're sisters.
That's 'cause you tell them that.
One time. You've gotta let go of that.
Ok, look. I am just saying
that I don't think morty cheated on you.
Well, he did shove me.
And the least you can do is be supportive.
You're right. You're right.
He also threw a book at me. - Oh, come on!
I mean... he shouldn't have done that.
Huh. Thank you.
Porter, honey, those cookies are hot.
Wait a few minutes and I'll give you one when they're cool, ok?
You know, pictures are prettier
if you color inside the lines.
Well, art is subjective.
Porter! What did I tell you? - But I'm hungry.
Then I will fix you
a very nice bowl of peaches and cottage cheese.
Ew! Barf! - Don't be common, young man.
Come on. If you play around with those cookies one more time,
I'm gonna have to spank you.
We don't get spanked. - Really?
Mommy always says she's gonna but she never does.
Well, I am not your mommy.
And if you misbehave in my house,
you will get spanked.
So be good.
It was an accident. - Porter, I warned you.
I'm sorry. I'll be good.
Those cookies were made from scratch.
Your fate is sealed.
Come here.
No, no!
What's that?
It's called a post-nuptial agreement.
It's a legal document...
I know what a post-nup is.
What is it doing on my coffee table?
I can forgive that stunt
you pulled with the settlement check,
If I'm sure you'll really be around when I get out of jail.
And the post-nup changes the terms of the pre-nup, so...
So if you try and divorce me while I'm gone...
...you get nothing.
You don't trust me?
I'm afraid not. - Well, that's too bad.
Because I'm not signing that piece of paper.
You're a very beautiful woman, Gabrielle.
But... you're not very bright.
If you don't sign it,
I'll pull the plug on the settlement agreement, divorce you,
and then you get what amounts to
about 50% of our current savings,
which is basically nothing.
So what do you expect to happen right now, Carlos?
I'll sign the paper and jump right back into your arms?
It doesn't mean that I don't love you.
You know I think you're the perfect woman.
Oh, but I'm not. I have flaws.
Flaws?
I'll give you an example.
Remember the time when you were in jail
and you told me about your secret compartment
and you told me to burn the papers that I found in there?
Well, me being pretty and therefore stupid,
I forgot.
You didn't burn the papers.
Worse. I read them.
Ok, ok... - You have some nerve talking to me about trust
when you have a secret bank account in the Cayman Islands!
That was a safety net for both of us. - I'll bet.
Have you told anyone about this? - No, but I could.
Isn't that why the prosecution
didn't have a case against you?
They couldn't find the profits you made.
So if I were you, I wouldn't mention the words
divorce, trust, or post-nup ever again.
You don't wanna piss me off.
I know, baby. It hurts to lose.
Ante up.
Well, look at me!
Finally in on one of your legendary poker parties.
Susan's always telling me how much fun you have.
The rules are simple. We play for cash,
the dealer picks the game,
and unsubstantiated gossip is encouraged.
Bree, thanks again for watching my boys.
Are you sure they weren't too much to handle?
We had a wonderful time.
Although I think Porter had a little less fun.
Ok, I'll bet.
So, Sophie,
Susan says you're going to the Spa tomorrow.
Is it an all-day thing?
What do you mean, Porter had less fun?
I'll raise.
He misbehaved, so I had to punish him.
Yes, Susan is treating me to an entire day of...
When you say punishment, what exactly are we talking about?
Oh, I had to spank him.
Ok, I will re-raise.
You spanked my son?
Las Brisas Spa.
Yup, that's where we're going.
Lynette, is there a problem?
Tom and I don't believe in hitting our kids.
I thought you knew that.
Sorry, I didn't know.
It won't happen again.
Of course, I'm somewhat surprised you don't spank them.
Everybody knows they're a little bit...
out of control.
Wow, I am just dragging today.
Shall we put on another pot of coffee?
Yeah, I'll do it.
Yeah, you're right, Bree.
I've got a lot to learn about parenting.
I feel so blessed to be getting sage advice
from an impeccable mother like you.
Your kids turned out perfect, as long as you don't count Andrew.
Where is he, again?
Some kind of a boot camp for juvenile delinquents?
Ok, girls.
I never said I was perfect.
Honey, nobody's blaming you.
The hell I'm not.
Lynette...
If you will excuse me.
Lynette, will you go after her?
She spanked my son.
I'm not apologizing.
Usually, poker is more fun than this.
So help me, if you don't back me up on this, I will lose it.
Yes, Bree shouldn't have spanked Porter.
But it's not like she hurt him.
That is not the point.
You don't spank other people's children.
He was misbehaving. She had to do something.
But make no mistake, she definitely crossed the line.
Damn right.
She could've tried something else, like a time-out,
or she could've simply threatened to spank him.
Yeah, 'cause that works out so well when we do it.
It does work. It does work most of the time.
It used to work.
They're onto us.
My mom used to beat the hell out of my sisters and me,
and I won't do it.
I will not become my mother.
Fine.
But the boys are getting older and smarter.
And eventually, believe me,
we're screwed.
Exactly.
Excuse me, Zachary.
Would you mind helping me with these bags?
There's some banana bread in it for you if you do.
Uh, yeah, sure.
This is really good, Mrs. Tillman. Thanks a lot.
You're welcome, Zachary.
I've never actually been in Mrs. Huber's house before.
Obviously you haven't missed much.
This is the place where good taste goes to die.
So, I heard you and your father arguing the other day.
Everything all right at home? - Yeah.
We just have... problems, sometimes.
I bet you miss your mother.
I'm sure things were... different when she was alive.
Such a warm, loving woman.
You...
...knew my mother?
Yup. Years ago, in Utah.
We worked together.
I didn't know that. - It's true.
In fact...
...I'll tell you a secret.
I once met you when you were a little baby.
Really?
Your mother loved you so much, Zachary.
Of all the things I remember,
I remember that the most.
You wanna know what else I remember?
How lovely your original name was.
Dana?
Isn't this nice?
Just the two of us girls hanging out,
getting pretty.
Oh, thank you. - My pleasure.
So, I was thinking maybe you should call Morty.
You know, get started working things out?
Why would I want to work things out with a man who abuses me?
You don't have to gasp. My mother exaggerates.
She won't be happy till I have bruises.
Um, can we just focus? What I want to know is,
have you thought about
what's going to happen if you don't go back to Morty?
What do you mean?
Well, you don't have a place to live,
you don't like to work,
you didn't want to marry Morty
so he doesn't have to pay you alimony.
If you don't go back to this man
who allegedly shoved you once in five years,
what are your options?
I thought I could live with you.
What?!
Oh, god! Are you all right?!
Get away! - I'm so sorry.
I was startled.
Here, lean your head back.
I'm not saying permanently,
just a couple of years.
You broke my nose.
No, it's just banged a little.
Till I get back on my feet.
Can we talk about this later?
Should we call 911?
It's just a nosebleed. She's fine.
I thought you'd be excited by the idea.
It's not that I'm not excited.
I'm not stupid, Susan.
It's obvious you don't want me here.
No, that's not true! Mom, don't go!
Mom, come back!
You know, I need to...
We're good, right? - Just go.
Why aren't you dressed yet?
I wanted to wear Andrew's favorite color
and then I realized that...
...I don't know what it is.
Honey, I think the fact you decided to come
at all will make him happy.
Yours is blue.
Danielle loves pink.
And I have no idea what my own son's favorite color is.
I'm telling you, it doesn't matter.
How can you say that doesn't matter?
Of course it matters. - Bree...
That is what makes a good mother.
Someone who knows their child inside and out
so that if they get in trouble,
they know what to do.
I don't know him well enough.
You are a good mother.
Brown or green? I... just don't know.
I'm gonna wait in the car.
Whenever you're ready.
Green.
I'll go with the green. Everybody loves green.
I told you. I'm not signing this.
Oh, I think you are.
Because if you don't, I will divorce you.
Then I'll go to the police.
And tell them what?
There's a secret bank account
in the Cayman Islands that no longer exists?
You moved the money? - Of course I moved the money.
That was risky.
I mean, the feds are watching you right now.
I had to do something.
I couldn't just let you make a fool out of me.
Oh! stop, Carlos, stop it!
Put me down! - Ok.
Put me down!
Let me go!
Stop! You're hurting me, Carlos!
Sign it.
Sign it!
I know, baby.
It hurts to lose.
Mr. and Mrs. Van de Kamp?
Uh, yes. Is it our turn?
Well, uh, sort of. Andrew's waiting inside but, uh...
What's wrong?
Well, he said he won't go forward with the session if...
his mother's involved.
He only wants to talk to his dad.
We drove 200 miles to be here today.
This is unacceptable.
Yeah, I share your frustration.
All right. To hell with him, then. We're going home.
No. - I'm not gonna let him insult you like this.
He blames me for his being here.
He blames me for everything.
And he's probably right.
Any mistakes made were made by both of us.
One of us should go talk to him, see how he is.
I'm OK.
Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Right this way.
Mom! Mom!
I'm coming. What is it? Why aren't you guys brushing your teeth?
Perk, what happened?
Porter pushed me and it fell in.
He pushed me first. - Can I flush it?
No, no, I'll fish it out later.
You're off the hook tonight
but not you two, so start brushing.
Preston, did you not hear me?
I said start brushing your teeth.
What are you doing?
Don't you dare.
Do it! Do it!
Don't listen to them.
Back away from the toilet and no one gets hurt.
Do it! Do it!
I mean it this time. These are not just words.
Do it! Do it!
If you do this, so help me...
Hearing the hollowness of her own voice,
Lynette realized that it was time to get one step ahead.
Do it! Do it!
I will walk you over to Mrs. Van de Kamp's
and we all know what happens when she gets mad.
Now...
Go brush your teeth. I want 'em to sparkle. Go on.
Sorry you had to bring your kid back.
What happened this time?
A couple of months back,
I caught Tug going through my purse.
Oh, I hate when they do that.
Was he looking for weed or money?
Who knows at this point?
Anyway, I'd knocked a couple back and things got heated.
Pretty soon we're both screaming,
throwing stuff round the apartment.
Next thing you kown, lady upstairs calls the cops.
Oh, give me a break.
So, now I got some social worker
trying to tell me how to raise my boy.
Kids! boy, if I knew then what I know now,
I would've had that hysterectomy 20 years ago.
Uh, Bree... - Don't get up. I'll be quick.
Andrew, all any parent can do is try to provide their child
Education, love, a good clean, safe home.
I've given you those things and I'm through feeling guilty.
If you wanna piss your life away
and blame it on how horrible things are at home, go ahead.
But I want it stated for the record
that I'm a good mother. Do you hear me?
I am a good mother.
Bree...
Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay.
What?!
That's why he wanted me to come in first.
He thought I could take it better.
Well, he was right. I will be waiting in the car.
Mrs. Solis. What are you doing here?
Ok. - Are your roommates here?
No.
Are you ok? - Yeah.
What's this? - That? Uh...
Carlos just got a little rough. Made me sign some papers.
He hurt you?
What are you doing? - I'll take care of this.
You are not gonna do anything. - We can't let him get away with it.
Look, if you really wanna get back at him, then kiss me.
How's that gonna help? - Because...
one day when the time is right,
I'm gonna tell him how he drove me right into your arms.
And that's gonna kill him.
And tonight, just... whatever you do,
don't call me beautiful.
Oh, Morty, look who's here.
Hey, Millie. Hi, Morty.
Susie, what brings you here?
Mom. I brought her over.
What's she doing out there?
She says she won't come in until you go out and apologize to her.
For what? - For shoving her.
I only shoved her because she wouldn't stop hitting me.
Why was she hitting you?
I threw a... I threw a book at her.
Morty! - It was a paperback.
Well, even so! - At least I missed.
I mean, she... she hit me square in the gut.
Wanna see the bruise? - That's ok. That's ok.
It really hurt. - Yeah, I understand.
So...
Could you, uh, just go out and apologize?
No. - Why?
'cause I don't want her back. - Morty!
Look, I love her,
but the pancake shack is just starting to take off.
We're talking about opening another one.
That's practically a chain.
I don't have time for her hysterics.
I sympathize, I really do.
But you have to take her back. - Why?
Because she wants to move in with me.
I'd like to have a relationship again,
and at my age, with a kid,
if she moves into my house,
even for a couple of years, I'm doomed.
Wasn't there a plumber?
Your mother said you were in love with a plumber.
I am. I mean, I was.
It didn't work out. - I'm sorry.
If she moves in,
she will burn up all my oxygen and I need it.
Please, can't you give her another chance?
You guys are really good together, you know?
When you're... when, when, when there's no violence.
Well, we do have chemistry.
Absolutely.
And, you know, the sex was like... Wow!
I mean, there was this one time,
we were coming home on the interstate...
You don't have to sell me. Just go talk to her.
Now.
Ok.
That was a mighty big sigh.
I just keep thinking it's coming, and I can't stop it.
What's that?
The day my mother will need to move in with me
and I won't have a choice.
I know it's years away.
She's youthful and vibrant, thank god.
But time flies.
One day she won't be able to take care of herself anymore.
And I'll have to step up. - I suppose that's true.
I think it's nature's little joke,
that children ultimately end up parenting their parents.
Well, when that day comes, I'll be ready.
Honey, you'd better get out there.
Stop it! Aaagh!
What are you doing?
Look, I just wanted to apologize...
Lynette, don't.
The fact that you just crossed that street
means the world to me.
And if anyone here should apologize, it's me.
Thank you.
Looks like Tom's got the mob under control.
Wanna have some coffee, sit around,
bitch about our kids...?
I would love to. - Ok.
Children come into the world with their own agendas.
Some to brighten our days.
Some to test our patience.
Some to give us purpose.
Some to take care of us.
Yes, when they come,
children change everything.
Especially when they're not invited.
Episode-19
Grandma's here.
In life...
It's a post-nuptial agreement. - I'm not signing this.
Sign it! - Stop! You're hurting me!
Mrs. Solis, what are you doing here?
...You can't change what's already been done.
People leave trails. One of those trails will lead to Deirdre.
I'm not taking my money to the grave.
I'm gonna use it to save your ass.
...or who people really are.
Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay.
Every morning as she went to take out her trash,
Lynette Scavo would
indulge in a little daydream,
the details of which were always the same.
One day
her nasty neighbor Karen Mccluskey
would keel over and die,
and her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family
with two adorable twin daughters.
culminating in their daughters marrying her sons
at an elaborate wedding
the scavos wouldn't have to pay for.
Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydream.
But Mrs. Mccluskey always had a way
of pulling her back to reality.
Why are you stealing my garbage cans?
Garbage pickup was two days ago,
and these cans have been on the street ever since.
I just assumed you didn't want them anymore.
Oh, that's very cute.
That's great. Here, give them here.
It's bad enough we got to look at that god-awful color you painted the house.
We shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end.
You want to talk about good neighbor etiquette?
How about you hire a gardener to
take care of that jungle you call a lawn?
I am on a fixed income.
Oh. Well, perhaps you should consider moving somewhere less expensive,
like a nursing home. - Go to hell.
Run by Germans, hm?
And you know...
Mrs... Mrs. Mccluskey...!
Mrs. Mccluskey, are you all right?
I'll get the door.
Mrs. Mccluskey...!
For a brief moment,
Lynette was presented with an interesting choice of options.
And though she knew she'd hate herself in the morning,
Lynette chose to do the right thing.
Lynette, where are they taking me?
You're going to the hospital, Mrs. Mccluskey.
You're gonna be fine.
I don't wanna go alone. Come with me.
Oh, um, these are trained technicians,
and I've got a roast in the... freezer.
Please. I'm scared.
Yeah, I'll come with you. Ok, here I am.
Thank you.
If I die, I don't want it to be with strangers.
You're not going to die. - How can you be so sure?
Of course, Lynette didn't respond.
How could she tell her neighbor that some dreams
are just too beautiful to come true?
Life is a journey.
One that is much better traveled
with a companion by our side.
But sometimes, we lose our companions along the way.
And then the journey becomes unbearable.
Noah.
I didn't know you were a religious man.
What's with the rosary?
They found Deidre.
What?
Her body had been stuffed inside a toy chest.
Can you believe that?
A kid's toy chest.
She'd been dismembered.
Cops I.D.'d her from her dental records.
She's been dead 15 years.
All that time I was looking for her.
she was already gone.
I'm so sorry.
I have to bury my baby.
I came out here to...
You shouldn't be doing this now.
Let's get you home.
There's a cop I want you to talk to.
A cop?
His name is Sullivan.
I paid him to take the heat off you
for your neighbor's murder.
He'll get you the file on Deidre's case.
Apparently they have some leads.
I don't know. I think we may be making a huge mistake.
We made our decision, let's stick to it.
Let's say we leave him here three more weeks.
What's the worst that could happen?
Our son just told us that he might be gay.
There are 200 other boys in this camp.
I could explain to you what might
happen if we left him here.
But I am a lady and I don't use that kind of language.
You know, I bet we're worrying ourselves sick over nothing.
This is probably just a phase.
We'll get him into Christian counseling
so it won't become a lifestyle.
Whatever's going on with him,
he's still our son and we love him.
Why would you say that to me?
Because it's obvious
how freaked out you are by the whole gay thing.
I may be freaked out
but that doesn't change how I feel about him.
I'm just saying be cool.
I can be just as cool as you can. - All right.
It'll be nice to have you back.
Andrew...
I would love you even if you were a murderer.
Mommy, the line's not moving.
Oh, For Pete's Sake.
Mom. Mom.
What? - The kids are waiting.
Oh, honey, Hector here teaches
I give private lessons too. - I bet you do!
Mom. - What?
Could you please not flirt with the ice cream man?
Why not?
Do you need a reason beyond the
fact that he's the ice cream man?
It's called moving on with your life.
You just broke up with Morty two weeks ago.
Don't you think you can at least
pretend to mourn the relationship.
Oh, you are such a stick-in-the-mud.
We should be out there having fun.
I know what we can do tonight.
We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys!
Mom... - It'll be great!
I'll say I'm 42 and you can be 28.
What?!
Oh! You can pull it off!
Mrs. Mccluskey,
you're back from hospital already?
Turns out I O.D.'d a little bit on my arthritis medication.
One pill, I can open a jar.
Four pills, I'm face-down crawling for my life.
You'll find out about that soon enough.
Well, I'm glad to hear you're all right.
Here, my way of saying thank you for not
letting me die out there on the lawn.
Oh, Mrs. Mccluskey, you don't...
Keep that.
It's genuine Tiffany. It's been in my family for years.
I don't know what to say.
It's stunning, thank you.
I'd invite you in, but...
I wanna tell you what my doctor said.
Seems that arthritis is the least of my problems.
See, I had this skin tag,
or what I thought was a skin tag,
but it turns out it might be more serious.
What do you think you're doing?
Please, I can't sleep in the den anymore.
I need to sleep in a bed.
You might wanna try a motel,
because you're not coming back in here.
How many times have I got to say I'm sorry?
Obviously a few more.
I'm not proud of what I did.
I admit, I was way out of line.
You want back in this bed?
You know what to do.
I'm not tearing up the post-nup. - Why not?!
Because it's the one way I can ensure
you'll be here when I get out of jail.
Well, then have fun at the motel.
Fine. Tomorrow I'm canceling your credit cards.
What?
And I'm taking away your ATM as well.
What am I supposed to do for money?
Maybe once you see how good you've got it here,
you'll start treating me with a little respect.
You want my respect? Then tear up the post-nup.
Give me my pillow.
One more thing...
if you ever hurt me again, I will kill you.
If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you.
Boy, with all this passion,
isn't it a shame we're not having sex?
I feel trapped.
Want me to open a window?
No, I'm talking about my life.
Are we done making out?
No, no, keep going.
So what's up?
I'm unhappy. With Carlos and my marriage...
I feel like I don't have options, it's driving me crazy.
Every time something went south in my life,
I always had a plan b.
Now, I feel like I have nothing.
What about me? Can't I be your plan b?
Damn it, John. What is our new rule?
Stop pretending we have a future.
Thank you. - Can't you just walk out?
No. If I leave,
then I'll be broke and that's awful.
If I stay, he's in control and that's horrifying.
And he cut up all my credit cards,
which means I'm married to him and unable to shop.
Which is probably the worst of all possible worlds.
I'm not much fun today. I'm gonna go.
Wait.
What's this? - You deserve nice things.
And if Mr. Solis won't provide them, I will.
With your student credit card?
I own my own business.
You mow lawns. - I make good money.
I've 20 houses and
I'm this close to getting the country club.
I can't. - Yes, you can.
I'll pay it off.
If you want. But you don't have to.
Mrs. Solis... To take care of you...
...it's my dream.
Well, far be it from me to stand in the way
of a young man's dream.
Ok, Tom, I will swing by the dry-cleaners'
after I hit the market.
I don't know. Porter has a dentist appointment at 4 pm.
So the car might have to wait until tomorrow.
Ok, yeah, I love you too.
Bye-bye. - Hi, there.
I brought you some avocados.
I've a tree but I hate 'em.
Your family seems like the kind that would eat guacamole.
Oh, Mrs. Mccluskey, thank you. That is very nice.
So let's make up a batch.
Oh, um... Now's not a good time.
I'm on my way out, I have a ton of errands.
That's great, because my car's on the fritz
and I could hitch a ride. I need to drop by the pharmacy.
No, I can't.
I'm sorry, but I have a lot of things to do.
Maybe you could take me later. I could drop by tomorrow.
Mrs. Mccluskey, I'm not gonna have any time tomorrow.
Interesting you can't spend two minutes with me
but you have no trouble taking my Tiffany lamp.
Oh, for god's sakes!
Here. You should take this back. I...
I don't have a place for it.
That was my thank you for saving my life.
I know, and it was a beautiful gesture, really.
But I just...
Save it, Lynette.
I get the picture.
Oh, god!
Susie, this is Tim.
Sorry if we startled you.
Oh, uh... That's ok, I...
I just didn't expect to see anybody up at a quarter to one.
Oh, Susie, you should have come out tonight.
I met Tim here at the Islands Bar
and he introduced me to this crazy drink.
The dirty volcano!
Then we danced...
He dipped me.
Sophie's very... limber.
Uh, mom, could I just talk to you
in the family room for a minute?
Oh, sure. - Susan is your daughter?
Yup. - No, she can't be!
Yes! - No!
Yeah! - No!
Yeah! - No!
Yes... - Ok, we get it.
She looks young.
Oh, that man has magic fingers.
What are you doing?! I have a teenage daughter in the house.
You can't just bring strange men you meet in bars
here in the middle of the night!
We're just having a few laughs. What's the big deal?
I know you're trying to get over Morty
but this is not the way to do it.
Just go out there and tell him to go home.
You know how blue I've been. Why can't you be supportive?
I've been plenty supportive.
You haven't. You really haven't.
Now, Tim is my guest and he will go home when I say so.
If he's not gone in five minutes,
I'm gonna go out there and tell him exactly how old you really are.
Tim, it's time for me to go sleepy-bye.
Delfino.
Yeah.
You must be Sullivan.
The file on Noah's daughter.
Yeah, he said you had some leads.
Yeah, sure, we got some leads.
Is there a problem? - Gee, I don't know.
I'm handing a confidential police report
over to a killer and drug-dealer.
Why should that be a problem?
Thanks.
Is this what our justice system has come to?
Guys like you walking the streets
without a care in the world?
I did my time.
Not nearly enough, you piece of garbage.
I'm glad we had the chance to meet.
Because apparently I'm no longer
a murder suspect, thanks to you.
I don't want to seem ungrateful,
But just out of curiosity,
how much does it cost to buy off
a homicide detective these days?
Thanks again.
Hey, Delfino. One more thing.
Now this file was misplaced...
...Understand?
If even a whisper of this gets traced back to me,
there will be one less cop-killer on the street.
And for god's sakes, don't get any blood on the file.
Ma'am, I'm sorry, but your credit card has been declined.
What?
Oh, no, that's impossible. It's a new card.
Ma'am, I ran it three times and then I called the bank.
May I try another card?
Of course you may. Will you just give me a moment?
Hello? - It's me.
I've been trying to call you, but you turned your cell off.
Because I'm in a lovely restaurant having a lovely meal
that I can't pay for.
Well, did you order already? - I ate already.
Look, the credit card company called my mom.
I mean, they said there was unusual activity on my card.
I bought shoes! - Well, I didn't know that.
And then my mom started asking all these questions
so I just blurted out it was stolen and she canceled it.
Why would they call your parents? It's your account.
They co-sign for it.
Look, if you just explain to the waiter...
What?! That the credit card was canceled by my lover's mommy?
What other options do you have?
Unless you return the shoes and get the money back?
Return the shoes?!
I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical.
So, ma'am, what would you like to do about the bill?
Afternoon, I've got a package
for your neighbor, Karen Mccluskey.
Mind signing?
Well, isn't she home? She usually never goes anywhere.
No one answered.
All right.
Ok.
Thank you.
So let me get this straight.
You play tennis, you know wine,
and you speak Mandarin.
Does every other man in the world want you dead?
I'm not that impressive.
I pulled a gray hair out of my chest this morning.
I don't know, I'd watch your back.
You know, I've really enjoyed talking to you.
You, uh...
Well, you've made my day.
I was thinking, if you'd like to get together again...
Well, Sam, to tell you the truth,
I'm kind of in a relationship right now.
I just wanted to be honest. - That's perfectly ok, Tina.
By the way, this is on me.
Oh, no, you shouldn't. - Oh, please.
It's my pleasure.
This is gonna be a disaster. - It'll be fine.
Andrew! Honey, hurry up, dinner's ready!
It's like we're setting a trap for him.
It's for his own good. You'll see.
Smells good. What are we having?
I'm making home-made bratwurst with sweet and sour cabbage.
It's a recipe I found in an old german cookbook.
I'll get the door. Honey, why don't you pour the wine?
Isn't Danielle spending the night at Wendy's? - I believe she is.
Well, then, why did mom set the table for four places?
I asked, who's coming for dinner?
Andrew, you remember reverend Sikes, don't you?
Oh, come on.
Reverend, why don't you have a seat and I will get some refreshments.
So... Andrew... It's been a long time.
Yes. Yes, it has.
Would you like some water? I have flat or bubbly?
Oh, bubbly, please.
So...
Your mother tells me
you've started having some sexual desires for other boys.
I don't suppose I could get some of that?
No. I'm gonna need every drop.
And over the years, we've had so many young people come to our ministry
hating themselves for their unnatural desires.
And witnin a few months, they've found an inner peace and tranquility.
That is nothing short of miraculous.
All it takes is a little faith and a desire to change.
I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk about my sex life.
Well, that's too bad, this needs to be discussed.
Bree, please, let the boy speak.
Go on.
Well, I appreciate your offer to help, I do. But...
I don't hate myself.
So... I'm good.
Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager.
It's a very confusing time.
I'm not confused.
I... I know exactly who I am.
Well...
If you ever do want to talk, my door is always open.
Reverend, I don't mean to criticize but...
...It sounds like you're giving up.
We can't force him on a path of righteousness.
He himself has got to want to make the journey.
What do we do? Just stand by while he starts dating boys?
And by the way, the correct word is not "gay", it's "sodomy".
We're in the middle of dinner. - So?
Can you wait till dessert to call our son a sodomite?
How you can seat there and be so casual is beyond me.
For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea
the moment you suggested it.
At least I'm trying to be proactive.
Please, no need to get upset.
I'm upset because there's a problem no one seems to notice but me.
As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is,
it is our job to support him.
Your father is into S&M. - Bree!
He makes me beat him with a riding crop. I let him.
It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.
Excuse me.
What a fun night.
You know, we should probably do this again sometime.
Hey, good news!
I know why you've been so furious at me.
I haven't been furious at you. - Yes, you have.
And I don't blame you.
Men have been coming onto me left and right.
And I've been having so much fun and just enjoying life.
And what do I do? I throw it right in your face.
I'd hate me too. - Mom, I don't hate you.
Well, be that as it may,
from here on out, I'm including you in all the fun.
The fun. - Mm-hm. Your mother's come through.
What have you done?
You and I are going on a double date tonight.
What?! - Tim has a friend from the factory.
I thought the four of us could hang out,
have drinks, hors d'oeuvres...
Forget it. - Susie!
Mom, I'm sorry, I'm just not in the mood to hang out these days.
Susie, sweetie, please.
I can't cancel now.
Of course you can. Just call them up and tell them not to come over.
Tim. - Hi, Suz. This is my buddy, Lamont.
I brought peppermint schnapps.
I'm sure she's fine.
She never leaves her mail sitting out there.
I mean, how many times has she thrown ours away
because we didn't pick it up the second it came?
That would be five.
I don't know, Tom, I think something's happened to her.
Ok, so go check on her.
But if I'm wrong,
I'm sucked into
a two-hour conversation about bunions.
Don't go check. - Six months from now,
when they find her mummified corpse at the bottom of the basement stairs,
What do I tell the kids?
"Oh, yeah, I let Mrs. Mccluskey die."
Why would they care?
Like they'll miss the dry-cleaning
coupons she hands out on Halloween.
Tom! - Listen, honey, what can I say?
You're damned if you do and damned if you don't, so...
I don't know. Good luck with that.
Honey, I'm hating you a little bit right now.
Hi, honey! Look at my new shoes.
Aren't they gorgeous?
Honey, I'm trying to watch the game.
Sorry.
How'd you buy new shoes?
Shh! talk later, you're watching the game.
No, I wanna talk about it now.
You have no money, what's the story?
Oh, you've heard it before.
Girl meets boy, boy buys girl things,
girl leaves happy.
What did you do?
I forgot how generous men could be.
I also forgot I have options. A whole bunch of 'em.
What are you talking about?
I don't need your credit cards. Carlos.
I don't need your money.
But if our marriage is going to work,
I need your respect.
I'm not ripping up the post-nup.
Yes, you are.
Because if you don't,
I'm gonna put on my new shoes and walk out the door.
Are you threatening me?
No, i'm just pointing something out.
I'm a pretty girl.
And pretty girls are never lonely.
Stop! I'm really ticklish!
So, uh, children's books, right?
Don't, don't. That tickles!
I hope you know how lucky you are.
Not everyone gets to realize their bliss.
Yeah, it... It can be rewarding.
Why don't you join me?
No.
I'm really ticklish!
Come on! - What's wrong?
For god's sakes, she's ticklish!
How many times do you have to be told?
Oh... This is so much fun. Let's find another CD.
Mother, don't you think it's getting a little late?
Come on!
You haven't even finished your schnapps.
The perfect capper to the perfect evening.
So, goodnight. It's been lovely.
Lamont, good luck with all your inventions.
Well, it's only 11:30.
I wanna hit the clubs!
I know a great place just off the interstate. Come on.
Warm up the old war wagon. - Mom, hold it!
You are not getting into the car alone with those two.
You barely know them.
I have great instincts about people, I always have, Susie, you know that.
You've been married four times.
Yes, but twice to the same guy.
Mother... - Susie, please, you're embarrassing me.
I'm embarrassing you? - Yes. And I've had it!
All night long, I've been trying to
get you to stop being so crabby.
And you refuse to let me help.
Oh, and your idea of helping is letting Tim just grope you?
Hey, you shouldn't talk to your mother like that,
she's a fine lady...
Tim, could you just stay out of it?
Yeah, mind your own business.
What's your problem, pal?
Dude you were feelin' up her mother.
It pissed me off, too. C'mon, Susie, let's go back inside.
Let's go back inside? Lamont, give it up.
You're not getting any.
Why are you being this way?
I'm just trying to lighten things up.
Stop acting like tonight was about helping me.
You wanted to go out and have fun
And Lamont over there needed a date.
That's not true. - Yes, it is.
Ok, fine. It's true.
I wanted to get out and have fun. Why shouldn't I?
You know how depressed I've been
Over my break-up with Morty.
Yeah, I do.
That's what makes me crazy, the difference between you and I.
You could be heartbroken and you can just... move on.
And I...
Am just broken.
I know you're sad. - No, mom, I'm not sad.
And I'm not crabby.
I'm devastated. And you keep acting
like all I need is a couple of aspirin.
Morty was just one guy in a series of guys for you.
And Mike...
He was the one.
Why don't you get that?
Mrs. Mccluskey, are you all right?
How did you get in here?
Uh, Mr. Mullins had a spare.
Why didn't you open the door?
I was hoping you'd go away.
Have you been taking your arthritis medication? - I don't need to.
Sometimes the pain goes by itself.
Is that why you didn't open the door, because of your hands?
Mrs. Mccluskey, do you have anyone that could help you out?
A relative? A... Friend?
I'm fine.
Before you go...
Open these, would you, and put out the pills?
Don't get your hands all over them.
God knows what your kids pick up.
Last thing I need's a case of pink eye.
You're a piece of work, you know that?
This is crazy, why do they give you child-proof caps?
First thing tomorrow,
I'll take you to the pharmacy and get new bottles.
Don't do me any favors. You don't even like me.
I don't want you doing anything bacause you feel obligated.
Let me tell you something. Half of life is obligations.
You don't wanna go to
your husband's company christmas party but you do.
You don't wanna sell candy
so your kid's band can buy piccolos, but you do.
You attend your third cousin's wedding,
you Pick up the dry-cleaning.
That's life, it's obligations.
And you are now my obligation.
So tomorrow morning, we go to the pharmacy.
Gee, I'm touched by your outpouring of compassion.
We don't have to be friends.
But we're two human beings,
living on the same piece of earth.
We can at least try and help each other out once in a while.
And you know what?
I am going to take this.
Fine.
I'll see you tomorrow morning. - Pick me up at nine.
And don't be late.
Andrew, come here, I want you to see this.
Uh... what are you looking at?
I'm looking at your baby pictures.
Look at that one.
How old was I there? - Just four weeks old.
I never told you this,
but when I gave birth to you
There were... complications.
The umbilical cord wrapped around your neck
and you stopped breathing.
The room got very quiet.
And I knew you were in trouble.
So I turned to the doctor and I very calmly said
that he was not to worry about me,
That his job was to save your life.
When I say I would die for you.
That's not an expression.
I mean it.
I'm gonna go eat my sandwich.
Andrew, please, just go and talk to reverend Sykes.
Oh, for god's sakes. - He can counsel you.
It can help. - Mom, I don't need any help.
All right? I'm fine. Why do you keep going on about this?
Because if you don't change who you are
then you won't go to heaven.
You don't think I'll go to heaven?
No, I don't.
And I need you there. I would be so lonely without you.
I guess I'd better go talk to reverend Sykes.
Oh, Andrew!
Thank you so much! You don't know how much that means to me.
Oh! My gosh!
Are you ok?
Oh, yeah, I just, uh, fell down the stairs. I'm fine.
What's up? - Susan still loves you.
This is not a good time for this conversation.
She just misses you so much.
I just found out that someone I was very close to is dead.
so I just don't have time to think about Susan right now.
She's just very, very unhappy and if you could just...
I really don't.
I'm sorry.
I swear before almighty god
I won't reveal a word that's said here today.
Now, what's on your mind?
Well, here's the thing. I lied to my parents.
I'm not gay. - You're not.
Not really.
All I know is, I wanted to get the hell out of that camp.
So I lied to my parents.
I told them I was really worried that
I was having feelings for other guys.
They did exactly what I wanted them to.
Are you a heterosexual or aren't you?
I love vanilla ice cream, ok?
But, every now and then,
I'm probably gonna be in the mood for chocolate.
You know what I'm saying?
I do. But god would prefer you... stick to the vanilla.
I don't believe in god.
You don't? - No.
Sorry.
Your mother's gonna be devastated.
She's been praying so hard for you to change.
Well, that's the good news.
I am gonna change. Big time.
I I'm not sure I follow.
You know what my mom said to me last night?
She said she doesn't think I'm going to heaven.
Can you believe that?
I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
But the only way you can know
paradise is by repenting your sins.
When she said that to me,
it suddenly hit me how I was gonna get back at her.
From now on, I'm going to be so good, I'm...
I'm gonna eat my vegetables, I'm gonna get good grades,
Say "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am."
I'm gonna make her believe that god has delivered her...
this little miracle.
Until one day, when she least expects it...
I'm gonna do something so awful,
It is going to rock her world.
I mean, it is really going to destroy her.
And when that day comes,
trust me,
I'll know paradise.
Yes, life is a journey,
One that is much better traveled
with a companion by our side.
Of course, that companion can be just about anyone.
Mrs. Mccluskey!
We're gonna be late for the doctor!
A neighbor on the other side of the street
I'm coming, jeez! Hold your water!
There you go. No more post-nup.
or the man on the other side of the bed.
The companion can be a mother with good intentions...
Thank you for a wonderful service.
Thank you so much, Bree.
Or a child who's up to no good.
Very inspirational.
Still, despite our best intentions,
some of us will lose our companions along the way.
And then the journey becomes unbearable.
You see, human beings are designed for many things.
But loneliness isn't one of them.
Episode-20
Previously on Desperate Housewives
I want a child.
We made a deal. No kids.
Tampering with prescriptions...
File on Noah's daughter.
...uncovering evidence...
What are we looking for?
What was that?
...breaking and entering...
Bree is a lady.
A very beautiful, classy lady.
Remember, they tend to end up with doctors,
not pharmacists.
...and a whole lot of revenge.
Since she was a little girl,
Susan Mayer wanted to be a mother in the worst way.
Ok, I'm gonna get your bottle. You're so cute, yeah!
And from the first day
she brought Julie home from the hospital...
Oh! How did you...
She was.
Oh, my gosh!
Despite her desire to do well by her daughter...
...Susan suffered through countless failures.
So sorry!
Of course, it took Susan a few years to realize
that even the best of parents make mistakes now and then.
But now that Julie was a tenage girl,
Susan had started to realize...
...there was no room for error.
Julie, what is Zach doing out there?
I thought told you not to speak to him.
I'm not. That's why he's throwing gravel at my window.
Right, that's it. I'm gonna handle this once and for all.
Zach, what do you think you're...
Mrs. Mayer, I am so sorry.
You know one pebble wasn't working so I tried a whole handful.
I'll make it up to you.
How, will you give me your corneas?
Mom, lay back.
I just wanted to talk to Julie.
She hasn't been returning my phone calls.
Well, I'm here now. What do you want?
Come on, Julie. I just wanna see you again.
You know. Talk, hang out.
Maybe it would be better if we just cooled it for a while, ok?
Why?
You just threw rocks in her mother's face.
How's that for a start?
Thank you so much.
I've been trying to find a way to break up with him for weeks.
You finally gave me an excuse.
Yes, Susan had failed many times as a mother.
You did good, mom.
So she took her victories where she found them.
You're welcome.
Spring comes every year to Wisteria Lane.
It's the time when flowers start to bloom.
When butterflies emerge from their cocoons.
When bees begin to search for nectar.
Spring is also the time when a young man's fancy turns to...
obsession.
Hello, there.
Oh, my heavenly days!
Rex, look, it's George.
Nice to see you, Bree.
Dr. Van de Kamp.
George.
So, how's your health?
Not good. My cardiologist is an idiot.
The doctor upped his dosage twice
and it's still not helping.
I'm sure it'll all work itself out.
It's funny running into you both.
in Mount Pleasant Friday night.
Would you like to go? - I would love to! Rex?
A whole evening of bonsai trees?
Wouldn't it just be easier to shoot me?
Probably.
Well, why don't we just go by ourselves, then?
Actually, Bree, we have that thing, Friday night.
What? We don't have a thing.
I think your husband's trying to say
he doesn't want you going out with me.
Rex, are you still jealous?
No.
It's true that we dated during the separation
but George and I are just friends now, aren't we?
Strictly Platonic.
But if you feel threatened...
I don't feel threatened.
Good. Then it's a date.
Are you going to make a purchase today?
Do you know, I have finally convinced Rex to buy his first orchid.
Make sure you study up. I hate people who own precious flowers
and don't know how to take care of them.
You know what I hate? Weeds.
They just pop up and you have to work so hard to get rid of them.
I find, with the right chemicals,
you can get rid of almost anything.
See you Friday. - Bye.
Mrs. Solis, what a surprise.
We haven't seen you in here in quite some time.
My husband and I went through a down-sizing phase
but we snapped out of it.
Life is good.
Oh, and this would make it so much better!
Excellent.
Slip inside, see how that feels.
I'd love to have this in my driveway by Saturday.
I'm having a big barbecue.
I want everyone to see it.
How exciting. What's the occasion?
I'm throwing my husband a going-away party.
Really? Where's he going?
How long is he going to be gone?
Eight months.
Six with good behavior.
Isn't the leather interior wonderful? - It is.
It is. It's just the smell's a little intense.
It was imported from Italy. It's 100% Italian calf.
I'm so sorry! It just hit me out of nowhere.
It's so weird. Smells have been making me nauseous lately.
Boobs tender? Achy back? - Yeah.
Has it been going around? - Only for centuries.
I went through it all when i was carrying my eldest.
The truth is, you're never gonna fit
a child safety seat in the back of that tinny spyder anyway.
The four-doors are much roomier.
Wha... wait, uh... I'm sorry, you...
You think I'm pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant.
Oh, you have all the symptoms, I just assumed.
Well, you assumed wrong. - I'm sorry.
I'm on the pill, for god's sakes! - Ok.
You know, and another thing, I don't want a four-door.
I want a sexy little convertible.
And I wanna buy one, right now. - I'll start the paperwork.
Well, not this one. I vomited in this one.
Right. We'll find you a fresh one.
Lynette!
You forgot your Halpern file.
Oh, my god. Lynette.
If there was one person Lynette never expected to see again,
it was Annabel Foster.
Eight years earlier, Annabel had begged Tom to marry her.
But he told her he wasn't the marrying kind.
Then one day,
Tom happened to meet a rising young executive
by the name of Lynette Lindquist.
And after a few torrid weeks,
Tom decided perhaps he was the marrying kind after all,
causing an embittered Annabel to move back to Chicago.
permanently.
Or so Lynette had hoped.
You look fantastic!
Thank you! And you!
You're here, in the office.
Tom's office.
Yeah, going on 3 months now.
Didn't Tom tell you?
It-- must have slipped his mind.
Ah, forget to tell your wife
you work with the old girlfriend, huh?
I guess that makes me your dirty little secret.
Well, I'll-- go back to work.
See you later. - Can't wait.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Your file. Here.
Hey, Paul. What's up?
Something's been nagging me, Edie.
I want to talk to you about it.
Ok. - That night I found you in my house.
Why were you really there?
You know why.
I came by to drop off your key.
Some things were moved around my living room.
What were you looking for?
What are you talking about?
Do I have to call the police?
Do whatever you want.
Suit yourself.
Ok. Ok! Susan made me do it.
She had this fixation on why Mary Alice killed herself,
and she keeps blathering about blackmail notes and dead babies.
Oh, and she got really hot in the butt
when she found the name "Angela"
written on one of your videotapes.
Did she find what she was looking for?
No. You came home
before she had a chance to watch the video.
I see.
She sort of thinks you're evil.
Thank you, Edie.
What was that all about?
Susan Mayer's obsession with Mary alice
almost got me arrested.
Now Paul's after her.
If I liked her better, I'd warn but...
You know.
Susan.
Well... Talk to you girls later.
Still avoiding me, huh?
No. No.
What do you want?
I heard that you and Edie broke into Paul Young's house.
Who told you that? - Edie.
Well... Yeah, we did. Um...
We were just looking...
It doesn't matter, it was dumb.
Listen, I want you to stay away from that guy.
I was planning on doing that anyway.
Good.
Mike.
I know why I was planning on staying away from him.
Why do you want me to stay away from him?
I just know he's a bad guy.
So please, don't mess with him.
I won't.
I promise.
So, I've been thinking about the pharmacist.
George. What about him?
I don't think you should go out with him.
Please, don't be this way, he's the only friend I have
who's interested in cultural things.
Bree, I'm worried because
he is obviously still in love with you.
No, he just wants to be friends. He told me so.
Well, what else would a man in love say?
He's desperate to spend time with you.
He does not seem desperate to me.
I saw the way his hands trembled
when you touched his shoulder.
They did?
When we first started dating, the same thing happened to me.
I don't remember that.
Listen, continuing to see him
would just give him false hope.
Well, I certainly don't want to hurt him.
Again. - No, you don't.
I even think it would be a good idea to switch pharmacies.
Really?
Well, ok.
You know what I'm gonna miss most about him?
George always has a way of making me feel good about myself.
Yeah, he's a terrific guy.
Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me?
No.
But, come on, we've been married 18 years.
Yes, we have.
And you still don't know when I need you to lie.
Excuse me, this home pregnancy test, is it a good one?
I guess.
Ok, um...
Do you have a rest room? - It's for employees only.
Oh, it's right over there, mrs. Solis. Help yourself.
Thank you.
What did I tell you about being rude to customers?
You'll stick a smile on your face or I'll keep you in back
stucking shelves where no one has to look at you.
Bree, what a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?
Didn't we just fill Dr. Van de Kamp's prescription last week?
George, as it turns out,
I won't be able to go with you to the bonsai expo.
Why not?
It would be a mistake for us
to spend too much time together.
Dr. Van de Kamp said something about me.
What was it?
It doesn't matter. - Please, tell me.
He said you're still in love with me.
That's stupid.
I'm not in love with you. I'm not.
The truth is, I'm in love with Ginger.
Ginger? The stock girl?
Yes. It's very serious.
Oh! Why didn't you tell me?!
Well, we're taking it slow, but she is definitely the one.
Oh, my goodness, this changes everything.
listen, a friend of mine is having a barbecue for her husband on Saturday.
And I think you should come. - Really?
Yes, and bring Ginger.
Ginger? I don't know if she can make it.
You have to bring Ginger
because if Rex sees the two of you together,
Then he'll relax.
Ok.
Son of a bitch!
You are out of toilet paper.
Bree, I'll call you later.
Lynette!
Hey, honey!
Are you home? - Three months?
God, you... scared the hell out of me.
Were you ever gonna tell me?
I wanted to, but I kept putting it off.
I knew how you'd react.
Congratulations, you read me like a book.
Why would you hire that woman?
Well, technically, Peterson found her.
I just vouched for her.
Tom...
Come on, honey, I'm just helping her out.
It's the least I can do.
Look, she was devastated when I left her for you.
I felt bad.
Do you still have feelings for her?
All right, I'm not talking to you.
Come on, you can tell me. You still care about her, don't you?
Just a teeny tiny little bit?
I was just trying to be a good guy. That's all.
Well, you can't work with her.
What do you want me to do? Quit?
Talk to Peterson, maybe he can get her transferred.
Weren't you guys planning on starting something up in Belize?
Honey, you're crazy. - No, I'm serious.
If she stays, I will haunt your office.
I'll bring your lunch every day.
I'll bring the kids to visit,
I will change diapers on your desk.
Every birthday cake in the break room,
every retirement party,
I will be there, watching her.
Well, I'd better get you a parking space,
'cause she's staying.
Don't you think it spices up the room?
I was just leaving you a gift to apologize for,
you know, throwing gravel in your face.
Well, you didn't have to do that. - I kinda did.
See, I want us to be friends. - Yeah, well...
That's not gonna happen. - Why not?
Aside from you blinding me?
You know, several weeks ago, you freaked out in my house.
You screamed, you threw furniture around...
Ok, I realize that I was out of line that night.
But I was upset.
And we have to get over that, for Julie's sake.
For Julie's sake?
How do you think it makes her feel
that her mother and boyfriend can't get along?
Julie does not think of you as her boyfriend.
In fact, I don't think she wants anything to do with you.
She said that? - Yeah.
I don't believe you. - Believe whatever you want.
Well, if she did,
it's because you tell her stuff about me that's not true!
Zach! Come here!
Right now!
Please. Don't ruin this for me.
How do you know Mary Alice?
Who? - Mary Alice Young.
She lives next door to me in Fairview.
She's standing right here in this picture with you.
That's Angela Forrest,
we worked together at the rehab center 15 years ago.
Don't be dense. Don't you think I know my own neighbor?
Does this Mary Alice have children?
A teenager. A boy.
What?
Angela and I worked together
with a very disturbed young woman
who gave birth to a baby boy.
About a year later,
Angela and her husband disappeared.
Not long after that, I heard that the child was missing too.
People said it was just a coincidence.
But in my heart, I always hoped
she had given him a proper home.
Are you saying she stole the baby?
Don't look shocked, Martha.
It makes your face look fat.
The biological mother was a drug addict.
If Angela really is your neighbor, which I doubt,
then that child was very lucky.
Lynette, if you're looking for Tom,
he's out with a client.
No. I actually wanted to see you.
You know, that's really funny,
I was thinking the same thing.
I've been here all this time.
We should go out, for lunch, just the two of us.
Yeah. I'll check my book.
So, Annabel...
...Do you have feelings for Tom?
What? - You heard me.
Ok, you wanna talk about this?
Let's talk.
Yes, Tom and I were in love.
But he married you.
I'm not looking to break up a happy couple.
Anyway, that's rather more your speed, isn't it?
Morning, ladies.
Just coming in for a little more fuel.
Yup. One man's sludge is another man's liquid gold.
Well, back to the trenches.
Watch your step. Tom and I are a team.
Our marriage is rock solid.
Nothing you do could ever break that up.
Then why are you down here right now, warning me?
Gabrielle! What brings you down here?
Oh, sweet mother of god, what have you done this time?
You're pregnant? - Yes.
And it's impossible, I'm on the pill.
Which I know you probably think is a sin,
but it works.
It's a 99.9% effective sin.
Maybe it's in that one tenth of a percent that god resides.
Couldn't wait to throw that in, could you?
God is screwing with me.
He doesn't like the way I live my life
so he's punishing me.
Have you done something that would warrant being punished?
The gardener?
I thought that was over.
No, it was, and then...
You just had to be there.
That's my point is,
I'd be an awful mother.
I'm selfish and self-centered...
The only person more self-centered than me is Carlos.
He's so self-centered,
he doesn't know how self-centered I am.
We'd be terrible parents.
Gabrielle, I'd like to help,
but I'm not sure exactly what it is you want.
It's just, I wanna know who to be angry at.
Here's thought, don't be angry.
Be thankful. Children are a gift, are they not?
I don't have time for this crap.
I have a party to plan.
Thanks.
Edie
Wow. Things are really coming along.
Yeah. Slowly and expensively.
It'll be worth it.
You're doing an amazing job.
So look, you're basically... a predator
and I need some advice.
And I know Tom loves me,
but I don't trust this woman.
I think there's an agenda there.
I don't know. Maybe I'm being paranoid.
No, no. You did the right thing coming to me.
There are two ways to approach this.
First, I have to ask,
what kind of shape is this woman in?
Fantastic shape, she's gorgeous.
Ok. Now there's really only one way to approach this.
You're gonna have to act fast. - I'm listening.
It's pretty simple.
When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in.
I make her my best friend.
I thought you said you didn't have any female friends.
I don't.
And I've never felt threatened by another woman either.
But the point is...
Keep your friends close... - Keep your enemies closer.
Tom. We're having a dinner party.
I'm thinking of inviting Annabel.
We're not moving.
Susan knows something. Edie said...
I don't care what Edie said!
I'm not leaving Julie!
You wanna risk our lives, our future,
over some... schoolyard crush?
It's more than that. Julie loves me.
Then why does she refuse to see you?
Mrs. Mayer lies to her.
If it wasn't for that, she would be with me.
Are you sure?
Julie's a very special girl. - I know.
She could have just about any boy she wanted.
I think you're a wonderful kid. I do,
but... you're not that special, Zach.
Not really.
She kissed me. - Lately?
Let's just pack our bags and get out of here.
Leave this whole mess behind and start over.
And there will be other girls, I promise.
No!
If Susan goes to the police, it's over.
They'll take me away.
They will take you away.
Don't you get that?
If Julie doesn't love me anymore,
then it doesn't matter.
None of it matters.
Oh, Mcgruder had absolutely no idea what was going on.
During the entire shoot facial campaign,
he was practically holding Benson's hand!
After the way Burnham screwed him over,
I'd be nervous too!
My god, it was awful!
Excuse me, I need to get in here so I can clear the plates.
Honey, you want some help? - I'm good.
Oh... Looks like we got company.
Hey, guys. Isn't it time for bed?
Oh, they never get to see you.
Let 'em stay up for a while.
Ok, come here. I want you to meet someone.
This is Miss Foster.
She's an old, old friend of your daddy's.
What you got there? - A picture we painted.
Let me have a look at that.
It's all of us with mommy and daddy.
We're really happy.
Oh, that is so adorable.
When did you do this?
Today. Mom told us to.
I just told them to paint something nice.
The sentiment's theirs.
But you told us to.
Hold on, grown-ups are talking.
Well, this is really neat.
Hey, how would you boys like to paint my portrait one day?
Sure, you're pretty.
Ok, great.
So like your dad said, it's time for bed.
I'll take 'em back upstairs.
Come on, guys.
Thank you.
I must say, your home is warm and inviting,
your children are absolutely precious.
This whole evening was practically
a commercial for the perfect family.
You think?
You couldn't have planned it any better.
And I mean that.
Good.
Hello, Susan. - Paul...
I understand you and Edie went snooping through my house.
It's ok, I'm not mad.
So, what do you want to know about Angela?
It was Mary Alice's birth name.
She was named after her aunt Angela.
When she was a teenager, they fell out
so she changed her name to Mary Alice.
This was before we were married,
so forgive me if I'm hazy on the details.
That's it? That's the explanation?
Ridiculously simple, isn't it?
She changed her name because she got in a fight with her aunt?
That doesn't seem like something Mary Alice would do.
Neither did suicide,
but we both know she did it.
So, can we finally put this behind us?
Or do you need to break into my home for anything else?
No. Um... I'm good, thanks.
Though, if you wouldn't mind,
I'd like to see that videotape I found.
The one marked Angela.
It would be nice to see Mary Alice when she was young.
I'm afraid that box of tapes was thrown out with the trash.
Ok, then.
Susan, I'm serious when I say
I hope you'll leave my family alone now.
This endless suspicion of yours has become very tiring.
I couldn't agree more.
Oh, that's my cell. Sorry.
My god, it's Peterson. Excuse me.
Peterson? - Hello?
So, that was quite a show you put on tonight.
Show?
The boys paintings,
all these references to how happy we are?
What's wrong with subtly reminding Annabel
you're happily married?
It wasn't subtle.
And it's an insult to me.
I did not mean it that way.
Are you so insecure
that you have to pull that crap?
Keep your voice down!
It doesn't matter if she has feelings for me
as long as I'm not interested.
Have I ever, ever given you any reason to doubt me?
Anyone is capable of anything.
The first time we ever met, you were cheating.
With you! Cheating with you!
It's a pattern of behavior.
Give me a break!
Well, what am I supposed to do?
You hire your old girlfriend
and you don't tell me about it for three months?
I could have told you from day one,
you would still jump down my throat.
Annabel is ancient history.
She's in the next room.
How long do we have to be married, Lynette
how long until you actually trust me?
I trust you.
How many times have you said,
"If you ever touch another woman,
I'll take the boys out and walk out here
and you'll never see us again"?
That's just... something wives say to their husbands.
Not all wives.
God, Lynette, you're just so convinced
that I'm gonna be unfaithful!
It makes me sick, the distrust, the paranoia...
You know, it seems you're not going to be happy
until you drive me out of this marriage
to prove yourself right!
Ok, wait. Forget I said that.
It's too late.
You said it.
Well, then just consider it something
that husbands say to their wives.
Well, Peterson's on cloud nine.
He discovered some inside scoop on the Metro account.
The bad news is, we're gonna have to re-do the entire presentation.
Tonight? - They need it first thing in the morning.
Peterson says we might be pulling an all-nighter.
I can't drive, I've been drinking.
I'll drive. Come on.
Thanks. - Don't worry, Lynette.
I'll deliver him back to you as soon as I can.
Please do!
Honey, take over for a minute.
I'm giving a speech.
Just make sure they stay pink like that, ok?
Are you ok?
Oh! Yeah, I just didn't realize
how disgusting meat could be.
Everyone, I just wanted to say
it means a lot to me that all of you came.
And as you know, in a few days,
Lucky for me, breakfast is included.
Oh, god - The bottom line is,
I'm going away to jail, and when a man goes away to jail,
which I hope none of you here ever have to do,
he sees who his real friends are.
So thanks.
Cheers!
Excuse you.
Stay put until I need you.
Don't talk to anybody
and for god's sake, don't get drunk.
You know I was supposed to go to my cousin's wedding.
It's not a wedding, it's a commitment ceremony.
Now sit down and...
...try to... fit in.
I got you a hotdog.
No, thanks, I'm full.
They have a croquet set.
Wanna go hit some balls?
No.
That's fine. I can just sit here.
Zach.
I don't wanna be your girlfriend
or I don't want to hang out with you.
I want you to leave me alone, ok?
Ok.
In that moment,
while looking at the pills
that had been so obviously tampered with,
Gabrielle's nausea was suddenly
replaced by an even stronger sensation.
Rage.
What are you doing?
I'm so sorry. That was an accident.
Answer my question. What are you doing here?
I was invited. - By who?
You know what? Dr. Van de Kemp,
I don't believe I have to answer to you.
You see, I think you do.
What's going on here?
He crashed the party.
This guy clearly is not taking no for an answer.
It's ok. George has a girlfriend.
You brought her, didn't you?
He doesn't have a girlfriend. - I do so.
She's right over there.
That's his girlfriend?
See? We were worried for nothing.
So, any time you want to apologize...
Oh, come on, Rex. You owe George some sort of gesture.
Oh, what the hell.
Rex, have you lost your mind?!
To be fair, I only pushed him.
Carlos! You son of a bitch!
I am pregnant and it's all your fault.
Wow. This is turning into one helluva a party.
Are you ok?
I think I can honestly say,
no, I'm not.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks.
But you know what they say about kids?
That you can't imagine having them
until you do,
And then you can't imagine life without them?
It's true.
All I'm saying is, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.
I don't know who the father is.
What?
So you and John have still been...?
Yeah.
Gaby!
I know, Susan,
I don't know what I'm gonna do!
Oh, my...! Look, my kitchen!
Oh, it's a big fire!
Turns out, someone left the gas on
with candles burning.
That's not possible. We don't burn candles during the day.
Uh, well, I did have
a French vanilla candle burning earlier, but...
I'm almost positive I blew it out.
You're almost positive?
Yes! I did!
I did, I... I think.
You're lucky the fire was contained.
The damage could have been far more extensive.
You've gotta be more careful from now on.
Don't worry. We will be.
Bree, hi. - Hi.
You left the party so quickly,
I didn't have a chance to apologize to you for what Rex did.
George, I'm so sorry he humiliated you
in front of all those people.
I don't know what got into him.
Isn't it obvious? He hates me.
No, he doesn't hate you, he doesn't even know you.
You don't really even know him.
I know this much.
He's not gonna let us be friends.
Well, that's not his choice to make.
What if he asks you not to see me any more?
What if he orders you not to?
Well, I decide who I need in my life,
and I've decided that I need you.
And that's all there is to it.
He could make it awfully difficult
for you to spend time with me.
Well, who says he has to know how I spend my free time?
I'm having trouble with the family across the street.
I think one of them may have set a fire in my house.
And I don't know why,
but I fel like it's got something to
do with my friend who killed herself.
I called the police, but they didn't take me seriously.
This family's got a secret, a bad secret.
I think I'm in over my head.
I need you to find out everything there is to know
about Paul Young and his family.
Do you think you can help me?
As a matter of fact,
I know I can.
Spring comes every year to Wisteria Lane.
But not everyone remembers to stop
and smell the flowers.
Some are too busy worrying about the future.
Or mistakes they've made in the past.
Others are preoccupied with not getting caught.
It's a window!
Or thinking of ways to catch someone else.
Still, there will always be a few
who remember to take a moment
and appreciate what spring has given them.
Just as there will always be those
who prefer to sit in the dark,
brooding over everything they've lost.
Episode-21
I left Morty.
Susan's mother made quite an impression.
Bree made a secret commitment.
He's not gonna let us be friends.
Well, who says he has to know how I spend my free time?
Gabrielle made a discovery.
I am pregnant and it's all your fault.
Tom made a mistake.
You hire your old girlfriend
and don't tell me about it for three months?
And Susan made an appointment...
Do you think you can help me?
with trouble.
I know I can.
When she was younger,
Sophie Bremmer was a hopeless romantic.
She was also hopelessly naive,
which is how she came to be married four times.
The first time to a man who liked to gamble.
The second time to a man who liked to drink.
The third time to a man who liked other men.
And the fourth time
to the same man she married the second time.
Yes, Sophie was tired of having her heart broken.
So she decided she would never get married again.
And then one night...
Sophie! ...
She had a visitor.
Sophie!
Morty, what are you doing?
I-I-I need to talk to Sophie.
Now? Are you drunk?
Uh... Just a little.
H-how are you, Susie?
I've got... I've got to speak to uh... to Sophie.
It's 1 o'clock in the morning and she is sleeping.
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
What? - Well, I thought I could be happy.
The restaurant is starting to make money.
I just bought a new jet ski.
My cholesterol is down.
But none of it's any fun without her.
Oh, Morty. I just don't think it's going to happen.
She's moved on. Why don't you just sit down?
I'm gonna call you a cab.
Sophie. - Your doctor told you not to drink.
Well, there are times when you need uh...
when you need liquid courage.
Did this ring belong to Dolores?
You gave her your dead wife's ring?
It's a three-carat diamond.
She shouldn't care if it's used.
So what... what do you say, Soph?
All right. - Really?
Really? - Yeah.
But no... You've got to do it officially. You know...
Yeah. Oh um... Here.
Sophie, would you do me the honor of marrying me?
Sophie Bremmer was still
a hopeless romantic.
On one condition.
Tomorrow we trade this in for a ring of my own.
And I want a bigger diamond than Dolores got.
But she was no longer naive.
Marriage is a simple concept.
Basically, it's a contract betwen two people
that binds them together for life
in the hopes that they can live happily ever after.
Sadly, some contracts... are made to be broken.
I did not mess with your birth control. - Really?
Really.
Look. It's been pulled apart and put back together.
It's probably a manufacturing defect.
You can still see the glue marks.
I'm telling you, I didn't do it.
Don't insult me, Carlos.
You've been whining about wanting a baby for months.
Who else would it have been?
I don't...
Oh, no. - What?
Mama. - Oh, Please.
It's possible.
You buy that stuff in bulk, six months at a time, right?
Yeah. So?
Before the accident,
I told her how much I wanted to have a child.
She said that she would take care of it.
I just thought that she would talk to you.
Baby, I am so sorry.
That bitch.
I can't believe her.
I loved her but even I had issues sometimes.
She could be very controlling.
Reaching out from the grave to screw with me.
God, she's good.
Where are you going?
I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on.
I want to be standing on your mother's grave when it hits.
I'm gonna be home late tonight.
Peterson wants to take us out for drinks.
Oh, that's fine. Uh...
I wanted to talk to you about something.
What?
Oh, that's your car pool.
You gotta go. Never mind.
Lynette, what is it? - It's nothing.
Ok.
It's just...
We haven't had sex in ten days.
The longest we've ever gone before is nine.
Didn't we do it last Thursday?
We started to but then... you fell asleep.
Is this why you're so worried?
We can do it tonight if you want to.
Whatever. - No, I've got ten days pent up in me.
We are doing it tonight.
You have nothing to worry about, ok?
Oh, crap. I forgot my briefcase.
Can you just tell them I'll be right there?
Sure.
Hey, Lynette.
So is Tom almost ready?
Yeah, he's just getting his briefcase.
Sorry.
It's ok.
I got it. I got it.
Thank you for having me.
I'm gonna miss you both so much.
Us too. The house will feel just empty without you.
Can't you guys stay a little longer? - No, no, no.
They wanna get their new life started.
We don't wanna hold these crazy kids back.
Bye, Morty.
Uh... Listen, I hope it's ok
but your mom told me some of the stuff
that you've been going through,
you know, with the plumber guy across the street.
She did, huh? - Yeah. Um...
Don't give up on him.
I mean, if I'd given up,
I wouldn't be here now with this lovely lady.
Did she tell you
that he served time in prison for manslaughter?
No, she left that part out.
I don't suppose she told you he was a drug dealer.
I don't recall that.
Will you stop? You don't know the whole story.
Mother... - I went over there and I told him how much you love him.
What? What were you thinking?
What did he say? - Yeah, what did he say?
I think I walked in on him at a very bad time.
Someone close to him had just died.
Oh, god. Really?
He could use a shoulder to cry on.
Can I have one more hug? Please. I can't stand it.
Oh, George. You have got to taste this.
A little messy but... - I can't wait.
Mm. Is that fennel seed? It's fantastic.
I don't know, but anything that good has got to be sinful.
Isn't this fun trying different dishes
and opening up to new experiences?
Rex just hates these cooks tours.
He likes to stay at home
with a plate of spaghetti and a mug of root beer.
So how about this Marinara Sauce?
I think it's the best I've ever had.
I had one better but that was in Italy.
You've been to Italy?
Rex and I took a vacation there
right before the kids were born.
We had so much fun in those first few years.
Guess it was just easier to be happy back then.
I don't know why I just said that. No more wine for me.
Maybe we should go to Italy.
What? - Wouldn't that be a hoot?
All those museums and cathedrals and fantastic trattorias.
We could just make pigs of ourselves.
I can't go on a trip with you, George.
Why not?
I'm married. People would talk.
Right. I'm sorry. It was a bad idea.
Don't worry about it.
Here. I want you to try one of these clams.
I bet they're as good as the Marinara Sauce.
You are absolutely right.
If it's that good, it's just got to be sinful.
Ok, boys. It's 7:00.
It's time for bed. Excuse me. Let's go.
Why do we have to go to bed so early?
I told you, honey.
Daddy and I have a special meeting tonight.
Go on.
I love you.
Whoa. All right. This is the tenth day.
Honey, give me a second to let the office wear off.
Ok. - Ok, I'm in.
What are you thinking?
I was wondering what that smell was.
It's probably baby drool.
Now you have easier access.
Incoming!
What? - Well, that smell really soaked through, huh?
Yes. It soaked through a little.
That is the nature of baby throw-up.
Do you want me to wear a hazmat suit?
No, I just like it when you're all clean
and in your sexy clothes.
I don't own anything clean and sexy.
Everything is either covered in baby spit
or chunks of melted crayon.
Ok, I'm sorry.
You make me feel like I just got off the shrimp boat.
Honey, I said I'm sorry.
It's just that guys sometimes like it when women,
you know, put a little effort into things.
Ok. Um...
Can we just go back to the kissing thing? Can we try that.
Fine.
Ok. Off. - Oh, the baby's up!
Mom!
Mom!
Susan Mayer hired you? - I know. Huh.
She decided to stop poking around in your life
and call me of all people.
Lucky for you, I've got the biggest ad in the phone book.
What am I going to do? - Run.
Pack up your kid and get out of town. - That's tricky.
My son doesn't want to move.
He can be pretty insistent.
I can throw her off the scent for a while.
Fine.
All right then.
Tell me exactly what it is you want this woman to believe.
She was born Angela,
but when she was a teenager
she changed her name to Mary Alice.
Now, on her application, it says
that she was named after a relative
that she no longer speaks to.
Now, here's her birth certificate
and her Utah petition for a legal name change.
What about Dana?
There was a record of another child.
A girl. Dana Marie Young,
died at 18 months, apparently from some kind of fall.
It was all true. Everything he said.
How could I have been so wrong?
I'm gonna need a check. - Oh. Of course.
Actually, before you go,
I need you to check into someone else's background.
There's this plumber I know.
Hey. Did you get my messages?
Yeah, I didn't want to call you back
'cause I wanted to talk to you in person.
I have some potentially upsetting news.
Come on, Mrs. Solis.
You can tell me. I can handle it.
I'm pregnant and it might be yours.
I could barely afford my new dirt bike.
How am I gonna handle child support?
We don't know for sure if it's yours, so relax.
I didn't come hrer to watch you freak out. - Why did you come here?
I want to make sure you let me protect you.
From who?
Carlos, your parents.
John, something like this can ruin your life.
That's why you have to keep quiet about our affair.
There's no point in this catastrophe taking both of us down.
Thank you. - Forget about it.
I should have worn a condom. - Yeah.
That would have been helpful.
You hired a private investigator?
I can't trust Mike
and I want to find out what really happened.
From a source that doesn't have an agenda.
Now open it up.
Ok. You ready?
Go.
Stop! - What?
Ok. If you find out something that's really bad,
just try to put a positive spin on it.
Ok.
I have some good news and some bad news.
Give me the bad news first.
The guy Mike killed... was a cop.
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god.
Ok. Give me the good news.
There is none. - What?
You told me to spin it!
I did the best i could.
Oh, forget it. Just let me look at it myself.
I can't believe it. - What is it?
I know her.
What's going on here?
You two just won't stop, will you?
Deidre's dead.
It doesn't matter who killed her.
Just let it go. - It's not that easy, Kendra.
Why? My sister hated you. Both of you.
She said so. - That was the drugs talking.
Right, right. The drugs.
Deidre humiliated this family
and she threw our love back in our faces.
She knew it and she couldn't have cared less.
Are you done? - No.
I want to know what you're planning.
We're just talking. - I don't believe you.
Then don't ask.
Of course I don't want a new cardiologist
but Lee's been conducting tests for weeks.
He should have been able to know what's wrong by now.
Honey, we socialize with them.
What am I going to say to Helen?
All I know is, I've never felt worse,
and I've got to do something.
Um... I uh... I have to talk to Edie.
Um... Bree, we're gonna be late.
Oh, it'll just take a second. I need to um... get a recipe.
Edie. Hi. - Hi.
I saw you at Fredo's yesterday.
Yeah, I saw you, too.
Naughty, naughty.
I beg your pardon? - The guy.
The one you were spoon-feeding.
Not bad. A little petit for my taste,
but then again I'm not the one sleeping with him.
This is exactly what I was afraid of.
George and I are just friends.
Hey, I'm not judging you. I get it.
Rex was sticking it to that hooker housewife.
It's payback time.
You have got the wrong idea.
That man is my pharmacist.
You could have an affair with anyone. You choosed a pharmacist?
You are such a republican.
I am not having an affair.
George and I, we just talk.
He's a very good listener
and I share my hopes and dreams with him,
and my innermost thoughts.
That's all there is to it and you have to believe me.
Ok. I believe you. - thank you.
I'm glad we cleared this up.
I know it must have looked strange
and I didn't want you to think
that I was cheating on my husband.
But you sort of are.
Excuse me? - Well, come on, bree.
You're telling him your innermost thoughts?
Your hopes? Your dreams?
Sex aside,
sounds like you're pretty intimate with a guy that's not your husband.
Well, I mean, everybody needs someone to talk to.
What's wrong with talking to Rex?
We are not at home. Please leave a message.
Hello, Zach?
It's Felicia Tillman.
I do so enjoy our little visits
and I haven't seen you for a few days.
I hope everything's all right.
Zach's not feeling well.
Oh. Paul.
And I don't think it's appropriate that he spends so much time at your house.
Made us some cocoa. How are you feeling?
I've felt awful for two days now.
Think I should see a doctor?
It's probably just a touch of the flu.
We'll keep an eye on it.
It's this house, Zach. I feel it too.
It isn't healthy for us to stay here.
I told you. I'm not moving.
It would be for your own good.
You can't keep doing the kinds of things you're doing.
Susan Mayer's kitchen, for example.
People are going to catch on.
Wouldn't it be great to start over somewhere in the country?
You could meet some new friends. Maybe even meet a new girl.
How about I let you sleep on it?
We'll talk about moving tomorrow.
The lack of passion in her marriage
had become an unpleasant reality for Lynette.
Then one day it occurred to her,
The best way to fight reality...
was with a little fantasy.
Of course, all the fantasy
in the world won't do you any good...
if no one shows up to enjoy it.
I feel bad about putting you out like this, Tom.
You're not putting anybody out.
You've been flying all day.
Why stay in some hotel?
I just hope you don't mind sleeping on the sofa.
Yeah. Sofa should be fine.
Hey, honey. Why don't you just...
let the maid get that?
Not funny, Tom.
Oh, by the way. Gary's showering.
He asked if you could bring him a clean towel
and your riding crop.
Come on!
No, I'm glad that you find my humiliation so entertaining.
Honey, you were wearing a French maid's costume.
I mean, come on. What were you thinking?
I was thinking that our marriage was in trouble
and one of us should try and save it.
Whoa. Since when is our marriage in trouble?
Ok, so we haven't had sex for a few days.
Big deal. It happens.
That's Annabel. How ironic.
How is Aannabel relevant to this conversation?
Because she now comes to this house
every morning to remind you of what I'm not...
what?
She's the fantasy, Tom.
The hot woman that you work with every day
with her manicured nails and her designer outfits.
I am the reality.
The wife who never wears makeup
and whose clothes smell like a hamper.
Ok, this may be the stupidest thing you've ever said.
I used to be the fantasy.
There was a time when I didn't need a maid's outfit
because I knew I was enough for you.
Even wearing a smelly t-shirt.
And clearly, that's no longer the case.
Ok, honey, I don't know what to say.
If there's a way for me to fix this,
I will do it.
Just tell me and I will do it.
No, there's nothing to fix.
We've changed. That's all I'm saying.
You ready?
You should go. You don't want to keep Annabel waiting.
Be careful with that. You'll give the baby heartburn.
I can't get it hot enough.
My hormones are killing my taste buds.
You've been paying more attention to your food
than you have to me lately.
I plan on getting really fat as a tribute to your mother.
John, what are you doing here?
I've been doing some serious thinking about the baby.
Really? Why?
Because there's a good chance that it's mine.
And if it is, I want to do the right thing.
No... Nobody expects you to do the right thing.
That's why I'm going directly to Mr. Solis.
What? Are you crazy? He would kill us both.
He and I need to hash this out. Man to man.
It's what's best for the baby. - John!
Are you gonna go get him or am I?
Ok. You win.
Wait right here.
Uh... Don't get out. - why?
Because I was going to get in.
Yeah. You see, pregnant women have very strong urges.
All right.
I'm gonna freshen up and I'll be right back.
Ok. - You sit.
Sit. I'm turning on some music.
Um... Carlos is unavailable at the moment.
You're lying. - John, what are you doing?
Mr. Solis... open up! - Stop it!
What are you... John!
Mrs. Solis, get out of the way...- What are you doing?
Oh, my god!
Oh, god, it burns. - I'm sorry. It's just salsa.
It feels like acid. - I've been finding it so bland.
Mr. Solis! Mr. Solis! Come out here.
I need to talk to you! - John, shut up!
John, shut the hell up. Listen to me.
You are never gonna be the father of this baby.
No matter what the paternity tests say,
it's Carlos' child.
How can you say that?
Because Carlos can provide, John.
He will give this baby everything.
Piano lessons and summer camp and the best colleges.
He can raise this child the way a child deserves to be raised.
You can't.
This isn't about money.
This is about what's best for the baby.
If you want what's best for the baby, then you will help me.
Help me make sure this kid does not grow up poor like I did.
What's taking you...
Oh, hey, John.
What are you doing here?
Um... He...
Justin was thinks the hydrangeas need replacing.
He wanted me to come by for a second opinion.
Youre friend's a good kid, but he's not half the gardener you were.
You should come back and work for us.
You're practically family.
Thanks, Mr. Solis.
Zach? Are you here?
I have to do this, dear.
I know you'll forgive me.
Are the boys asleep? - Tucked in tight.
And Penny? - Sound asleep.
Ok, when this thing goes off, meet me in the bedroom.
What are you... What is this...
Uh-uh. Wait till it goes off.
All right. I'm coming in.
Oh, my god!
You want fantasy? I give you fantasy.
Come to me, woman, and prepare to be boarded.
Please, will you make it fast?
These things are just chafing.
I uh... I kinda like it.
Good. Kill the lights.
No. - Please.
Not turning off the lights. - Please.
No, no, no.
It's open.
Oh, Paul, it's you. I'm so glad.
I have some papers I want you to look at.
Where's my son? - Upstairs.
Sleeping off those tranquilizers you gave him.
I don't know what you think you're doing
but I'm taking my son and going.
I am not my sister, Paul.
You do not want to screw with me.
Martha kept a journal.
Every drab event of her drab life
meticulously documented.
Including her discovery that you and your wife
stole a baby.
A baby named Dana.
I'm sorry if the copies are hard to read.
I hid the originals in a safe place.
It seemed like a reasonable precaution,
since you murdered Martha and all.
Would you like a cookie?
Suit yourself.
Now, I have a little proposition for you.
These are the fantasies of a bored, lonely woman.
They prove nothing.
The only reason the police haven't caught you yet
is because they have no reason to suspect you.
But once they found out
that Martha was blackmailing Ange, sorry, Mary Alice...
What is it you want? - The same thing you want.
For you to leave town, change your name,
and start your life over again somewhere far away from here.
If you're so sure, why don't you just turn me in?
Because Zach would never forgive me.
And it's important that we be on good terms,
seeing as how he's going to be living with me now.
What? - Your bags are packed.
You're about to become a fugitive.
Is that the life you want for your son?
The two of you spending every night in a different town?
No. You're a better father than that.
I can't just leave him.
You stole him so that he could have a better life.
That was a noble act, Paul. Truly.
And it's time for you to be noble again.
Can I at least say goodbye?
Did you allow me to say goodbye to Martha?
Oh, hi. I'm looking for Kendra Taylor.
I'm sorry. You're gonna have to leave.
Oh, you don't understand.
See, I can't just drive away.
Please get back in the car. - Look um... Bob.
Let me try to explain. - In the car.
See, the thing is, this is maybe my last chance
to find out if I can be with the man I love.
Ma'am... - And, Bob,
I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me.
So I'm gonna walk up to that house
and you're gonna let me.
And you know why?
Because behind that badge
and that just big, you-could-crush-me-like-a-fly chest,
there's a heart.
A heart that believes in love.
Just get in the damn car.
It's not my fault you don't have love in your life.
Susan? - Hi, Kendra.
And despite the evidence that's been all laid out in front of me,
I just can't help thinking there's more to the story.
Does it sound stupid? - No, no, of course not.
Unfortunately, you've got the whole story right here.
But Mike's lawyer pleaded self-defense,
if that's the case.
Delfino sold black-tar heroin to my daughter.
He killed the cop that tried to bust him,
got convicted and did his time.
End of story... - Dad...
She deserves to hear the truth, however awful.
I'm sorry, Miss Mayer. I really am.
I appreciate you talking to me.
What the hell was that?
If she knew the truth,
she'd go running back to him.
She might talk him out of doing his job.
I can't risk that.
Just don't have the time.
Quick. Drive around the corner. We need to talk.
What do you think? Rex, I chose green
so it will work whether Gabrielle has a boy or a girl.
That's great.
What's the matter? You've been mopey all day.
I'm sorry. I'm just worried about the test results.
If I don't find out what's wrong with me soon, I'll lose my mind.
Oh, honey. - You must get tired of me complaining.
No. No, not at all.
I think that we should talk about it.
In fact, I think maybe we don't talk enough.
I guess.
Why don't we start doing things together again as a couple?
I think that as soon as you're well enough, we should go on a vacation.
Take a trip. Go somewhere fun.
Remember our trip to Italy? - Sort of.
Sort of?
You don't remember the glorious food and the gorgeous scenery and...
What I remember is sweating like a pig
and wishing we hadn't spent all our savings.
So where would you like to go?
It doesn't matter. You decide.
Mike wasn't a drug dealer.
what? - Deidre was.
Mike, he kicked the habit early on.
But Deidre couldn't or didn't want to. I don't know.
Anyway, she spiraled out of control
and was in and out of jail.
One day an undercover cop caught her using.
He forced her to trade sex for freedom.
Look, Mike found out about it
and he tried to put a stop to it.
He busted in on the two of them.
He... the cop pulled a gun on him
and Mike fought him off,
But they both went over the balcony.
Mike was the only one that got back up.
It was self-defense?
Yeah.
Mike went to jail trying to save my sister.
But he couldn't.
I knew he was good.
I just knew it.
Thank you.
The vow is simple, really.
Those who take it promise to stay together
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health.
To honor and to cherish.
For saking all others.
Until death do us part.
Yes, the vow is simple.
Finding someone worthy of such a promise is the hard part.
But if we can,
that's when we begin to live happily ever after.
Episode-22
Previously on Desperate Housewives
My electronic monitoring device.
I'm on house arrest. It's a condition of my bail.
Investigations began.
I need you to check into someone else's background.
There's this plumber I know.
Boundaries were pushed.
Bree you are not going to regret taking this journey with me.
And the news... - Peterson called me into his office.
...to worse. - I'm pregnant and it might be yours.
Edie Brit's favorite moment of every day
was her arrival at the construction site of her new home,
because she knew what was about to happen.
Her sudden appearance was always sure to generate a few appreciative glances,
a few lascivious looks,
and some downright ogling.
Sadly for Edie, the one man she wanted most to notice her...
...paid her no attention at all.
Yes, Edie needed attention to feel good about herself.
And she was determined to get it.
Cyrus, you're so sweet.
So anyhow, I was wondering if maybe...
I could uh... take you out to dinner some time.
Oh, honey, you are so far out of your league
that you are playing a completely different sport.
Hey, Edie. What's up?
Nice ensemble. You busy? - No, not really.
Good. I bought fresh donuts for my construction workers
and as you can see, I bought a few too many.
So I thought you and I could...
Susan. - Hey there, Edie.
What... what are you... - Mike and I got back together.
Super. - I knew you'd be happy for us.
So what's going on? - Edie was about to...
Free donuts. Want them or not?
How sweet. Thanks.
Why don't you go put these on a plate?
And save me one with sprinkles.
I cannot believe you are still coming onto him.
You said you were finished. You thought he was a murderer.
And that was your cue to come and flirt?
You wasted your time and your donuts.
Not if you choke on them.
Thanks, Edie. The donuts look great. - Pleasure.
See you.
I'm gonna run home
and get some milk to go with those donuts.
Hey. It's a shame you've got to keep running back and forth.
I can't have donuts and juice, it's unnatural.
No, I mean, we should move in together.
Come on. What do you say? - Oh! um... I say um... Ooh!
Hold that thought. Edie! Edie! Stop!
Hang on. - What now?
I was just rude back there, gloating and everything.
I apologize.
Thank you, Susan. That's very big of you.
Mike and I are moving in together. Seeya!
Yes, Edie Britt needed the attention of men
to feel good about herself.
Hey, Cyrus. You have lunch plans?
No.
And even she was amazed at how far
she was willing to go to get it.
Ellsberg Hotel, half an hour.
Welcome to the majors.
Mr. and Mrs. Edwin Mullins
were finally leaving Wisteria Lane.
In the past year, their street had played host to arson,
violence, blackmail, and murder.
Fearing they too would be infected by this moral decay,
the Mullins felt it was time to say goodbye.
Strangely enough, none of their neighbors
seemed to notice they were moving out.
Hey. I thought you might be thirsty.
No, I'm good.
So how's your roommate doing?
He's hanging in there.
Yeah. Well, I had to tell him some news
that was a little bit upsetting for him.
No kidding. - Excuse me?
Where do you get off telling John
he's not good enough to raise a child?
That kid could be his. - It's a complicated situation.
Seems pretty simple to me.
You're an unfeeling bitch.
Why did you hit the lawn boy?
If you saw what he did to our begonias,
you'd slap him too.
I can't tell from this.
What are you doing here? What's this?
You told me Duggan's coming back to work today.
I thought I'd do something special for him.
Uh-huh, and this wouldn't have anthing to do
with you checking up on me and Annabel?
What?
Yesterday you brought pictures of the kids.
The day before that you brought me soup.
It's got to stop.
I don't care about you working with Annabel.
I told you that. This is for Duggan. He had a heart attack.
I don't care about Annabel. - Hey, Lynette.
Ah. Speak of the devil.
And I mean that.
You're becoming a regular fixture around here, aren't you?
Oh, yeah. I wanted to do something nice for Duggan.
I suppose filling his bloodstream
with butter fat might be considered nice.
Actually, it's fruit juice sweetened. Can I cut you...
a piece?
Ok, listen up. I just spoke with Tim Duggan's wife.
It looks like he's not going to be returning to work after all.
He had a relapse last night,
which unfortunately puts us in a very tight spot.
but we're gonna work together as a team
and do what we need to do.
Jerry, take the Hollister account,
Suzanne, Paradise Springs,
And, Annabel, I wana you to take the lead on the Traveler's hotel chain.
You leave for Hawaii in three days.
I can't handle travelers by myself.
Especially not if they're moving into print.
Well, choose someone to take with you.
I choose... Tom.
Let's see.
I've beaten you at bridge and mahjong and hearts.
This is your last chance to redeem yourself.
Stop it. You're gonna make me laugh.
Ok. Ok, I'll be good.
Miss it, miss it, miss it. - Bree.
Come on. I'm allowed to psych you out.
Ok. Time's up. Take your best shot.
I'm not ready yet.
Hurry up. There are people waiting. - One more minute.
Come on, take your... - Don't do that!
George...
Do you have an erection?
I'm sorry.
What on earth? - You were blowing on my ear.
I was teasing you. - Exactly.
You have got to get rid of it. There are children present.
How? - I don't know!
Think of something unpleasant. - Like what?
Like famine or disease or hoboes.
Whatever. Just hurry.
You can't be mad about it.
It's not something men can control.
I kept this friendship going
because I thought Rex's dislike of you was paranoid.
But you had feelings for me all along.
God, this is just such a betrayal.
Come on, Bree.
The only thing I'm guilty of is loving you in silence.
Well, you shouldn't be doing that.
In case you've forgotten, I'm married.
To a selfish 2-faced liar
who betrayed you with a hooker.
I told you that in confidence.
How dare you throw it back in my face?
So you're ending our friendship, after everything I've done for you?
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing. It didn't mean anything.
George. I do love you. As a friend.
I wish you could love me the same way back,
but since you can't...
Goodbye.
Later that day,
Edie Britt witnessed something disturbing.
Something she was determined to put a stop to.
Is Susan coming? - She said she might be late.
They've started moving Mike's things to her house.
Already? Wow. Good for her.
Yeah. It's nice to see Susan so happy again.
Yeah, I'm happy for Susan.
But don't you think she and Mike are moving a little fast?
I mean, two days ago she thought he was a murderer
and now she's moving in with him?
But she found out it was in self-defense.
I think they've cleared everything up. - Good point.
Mike's a decent guy. - Yeah, that's true.
Of course, there was the gunshot wound...
That's right. Did he ever explain that?
No. And I know guns,
and that wound was not self-inflicted.
And then what about Mrs. Huber's bloodstained jewelry?
Yeah. That didn't walk into Mike's garage by itself.
Maybe this is a mistake.
You know, if there's one thing I've learned,
men can't be trusted.
Hold it. Are you saying that we should put a stop to this?
I guess it wouldn't hurt to sit her down and share our concerns.
Yeah, we could do that. - Yeah.
Edie, do you want to be a part of it?
Normally I prefer not to get involved.
But...
If there's any way that I could help Susan...
We need to talk. - Ok.
When I was packing up your stuff in your bedroom
I found a box of bullets.
Look, I feel really bad about Deidre
and I know that you must want to find out who killed her
but if we are going to move in together,
we can't have this stuff hanging over us.
You've got to get rid of it. All of it.
The file, the map, the gun. Especially the gun.
Leave this to the police. They're the professionals.
What can I say? Um...
It seems like a reasonable request.
Really? Well, that was easy.
Maybe after lunch we could talk about your leather beanbag chair.
"I realize now that I've treated you badly."
"I'm the one who needs to get help, not you."
"So I have to go away."
"In the meantime, Mrs. Tillman will look out for you."
I don't consider it a burden. You know you're welcome here.
"I've left you some things."
"I hope you can take comfort in them."
"I got you a new mitt."
"Work on your curve ball while I'm gone."
"I love you. Dad."
I don't understand. Why wouldn't he come see me?
Why just run away?
Your father's been very troubled.
Dear, I'm sure he did what he felt was best for you.
And he wants me to take comfort in this junk?
I hate baseball. You'd think he'd know that.
Zach...
Susan's coming. - Ok.
Ok, guys. Interventions are never pretty.
So stay strong 'cause she's probably gonna cry.
Bonjour.
Oh, hi. I didn't know that the cooking lesson
was gonna be a group activity.
Well, the more the merrier, right?
As long as no one makes fun of my lousy crepes.
How come I'm the only one wearing an apron?
I know it seems like we're ganging up on you
but you were moving so fast
we thought a sort of intervention was necessary.
I know it's tough to hear. None of us wanted to do this.
I appreciate what you guys are trying to do. I really do. Um...
I'm not gonna change my mind.
In my life, I've been hurt a lot.
Karl and uh...
Well, it's just taught me to be cynical
and expect the absolute worst from people.
I don't want to live like that any more,
and when Mike asked me to move in with him,
I was just happy, you know, just ridiculously happy.
I mean, I still am. And I want to go with that feeling.
I love him and... I love him.
So I'm gonna expect the best from Mike
and I know that he is gonna deliver that in return.
Ok? - Honey.
This is the worst intervention I have ever been to.
This is fun. It's forever since we had lunch.
Well, as happy as I am to see you,
I actually have an agenda.
I ran into someone last week who said you guys are looking to hire.
Is that true? - Yeah.
Are you thinking of coming back? Because say the word...
No, not me. I was actually thinking more about Tom.
Tom.
Yeah, he's been thinking about making a move for a while.
He kind of feels like he's done everything he can where he is now.
Well, Tom's certainly solid.
He's more than solid. Tom's ideas are spectacular.
He's passionate about his work.
His visual instincts are off the chart.
Is he as good as you?
He's apples, I'm oranges.
We excel in different areas.
Trust me, you should give Tom a look.
I don't need apples.
I need someone like you.
Cutthroat. Ruthless.
Oh. Geez, Nat. You make me sound like some kind of shark.
Oh. Ok.
You know, actually...
If that's the kind of exec you're looking for...
You got a shark for me?
Yes. A very pretty shark.
So here's what I'm thinking.
I'm gonna see if Dr. Morrison at the Lipstone clinic
can come in and consult.
You want to bring someone else in?
Your body isn't responding to the medication the way it should.
The tests we've run have all come back negative so I...
I just want to be on the safe side.
Will you excuse me? I need to take this.
I don't know why,
but I have this overwhelming feeling
that you're gonna be just fine. I really do.
Lee Craig has the biggest ego of any doctor I know.
If he wants to consult with someone,
that means he's stumped.
Which means I'm screwed. - Don't say that.
Damn it, Bree, do you understand what's going on here?
I could die.
So could I. - What?
I could walk across the street tomorrow and be hit by a car.
What in god's name is your point?
All I'm saying is that we're both gonna die eventually.
In the time that we have left,
whether it's two days or two decades,
I think we should be nice to each other.
You're right.
Um... Miss Tillman.
Paul Young's been missing for a last couple of days.
Have you seen him?
Why ask me?
I saw him leave a box on your doorstep.
And I've also seen Zach over here.
If I did know where Mr. Young was, why would I tell you?
Look, the police think I killed your sister
and I'm sure you do too.
But I swear I had nothing to do with it.
And you think Paul Young did.
Well... No, that's not what I was saying.
You gotta admit, it's a neat theory.
Care for a snack?
So it's not such a stretch.
I wonder if Paul avenged his wife's death
by killing Martha for blackmailing them.
But perhaps I'm alone in that.
You're not. - Aren't you sweet? Tea?
Thanks.
Does this journal say anything about why
your sister was blackmailing the Youngs?
Not specifically.
But I got the definite impression that it involved a murder,
and now here you are saying your friend was murdered.
Any reason you haven't shown these to the police?
Are you in favor of the death penalty?
Yeah.
So am I. We had it in utah.
Not in this state, though.
A shame, don't you agree?
Yeah, I do.
I like you so much, Mr. Delfino.
Do you know where Paul Young is?
I'm afraid not.
But I know where he'll be on Thursday night.
That afternoon, while retrieving her mail,
Gabrielle was surprised to finally learn
the truth behind her pregnancy.
Very surprised.
Babe, you want to go online and check out strollers?
What's going on?
I just want to say goodbye, because I'm leaving you.
What?
See, our health insurance sent us a letter,
because someone ordered a year's worth of my birth control pills.
Apparently our policy doesn't cover drugs bought by that kilo.
I told you it was mama.
The prescription was dated. Carlos
And Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed.
You did this. Not your mother.
At least be man enough to own up to it. She would have been.
Stop!
Pregnant, caveman. Remember?
Where are you going? - Away.
I'm going to jail. I'll be gone tomorrow.
I know. That's why I only packed one bag.
What about the baby, Gabrielle? Huh?
What about my baby?
Oh, your baby? - Fine. Our baby.
We're a family now. This baby needs its mother and its father.
Oh, Carlos. Who ever said you were the father?
Hey. What the hell are you doing?
Damn felon!
All units, code D 16-30.
Suspect is in violation of house arrest.
Heading west on Park boulevard.
This is unit 14. We're on our way.
Looks like the FEDs have a runner. - Let's go.
Is John here?
If I say no are you going to slap me again?
He's working. Why?
I just left my husband.
Hang on.
Think just because you mow my lawn, you can bang my wife?
What's going on?
Tom, I have had the craziest day.
This morning the guys from Mitchell and Kerns
call me and offer me a job.
Are you gonna take it? - I told Peterson about it.
He just upped their offer. He just made me vice president!
Of what? - Tom! The firm!
He gave me Duggan's old job! Isn't that wild?!
I gotta go tell Scotty. I'll see you later.
Tom, I was just coming to find you.
What the hell, Dan? I mean, what the hell?
She got another job offer. I couldn't afford to lose her. Not now.
Well, guess what. You lose me. 'cause I quit.
Tom, don't overreact. - No.
The first time you passed me by
I took it like a good soldier.
But since Duggan had a heart attack,
I have already been doing the job.
I have been doing it and then you just hand it to Annabel?
Ok. You made your point.
You know, You make crappy decisions on a daily baises,
Dan, I gotta tell you.
But this one, this is the stupidest.
Hey, watch yourself.
You have been running this company into the ground since you got here.
Well, I see it, I'm getting out easy.
All right. Scavo
Why she got the nod instead of you?
It was Lynette.
What? - She went to my wife and begged her
She said that if you start traveling more,
it's gonna hurt your family.
She did that?
Now I feel like a chump for trying to help you guys out.
I guess it was another one of my crappy decisions.
Have your desk cleaned out by tonight.
You gonna tell us what you got against this kid?
It's between him and me. And my wife.
Is that what this is about? You doing his wife?
No. I'm gay.
You're gay? - What?
I'm gay.
This is not happening again.
What do you mean, again?
I want a lawyer.
George.
Hi. What are you doing here?
You live on the other side of town.
My friend had an operation. I'm buying her some things.
That's very nice of you.
Wait. Bree. I have to tell you something.
Well?
You need to tell Rex to be more discreet
when it comes to discussing your love life.
I'm sorry? - I don't want to say anything more.
You just really need to tell him that.
Wait a minute. What in the world are you talking about?
I was at the hospital visiting my friend who had had this operation.
I overheard two doctors
talking about Rex's fondness for s&m.
You heard that?
Apparently he told them he has a box of toys
and he gets you to do very inappropriate things.
I see.
This is clearly none of my business
and I would have never brought this up
But to hear those two men laughing about you...
I just thought you should know.
Thank you for telling me
but I think I gotta go.
Hey, I got some more boxes.
That's your answer to everything these days.
What do you think we should do for dinner?
Oh, I can't. I just got an emergency phone call.
Busted water main. - Ok.
I'll keep it warm for you.
I'm afraid I'm gonna be too late for dinner.
I wasn't talking about dinner.
Need some help? - Uh... No.
No, I got it. Um...
I got it.
So if you have a plumbing emergency,
shouldn't you get going?
Oh, They're already got somebody on it, I'm just part of the relief crew.
Oh. Well, I'll just get back to work.
Mom, stalking? Are we really doing this?
You just made a huge deal to your friends about how much you trust him now.
That was before I found Mrs. Huber's journal in his truck.
So what's in it?
It's not about what's in it,
it's about the fact that he had it at all.
I would bet you anything he's not going on a plumbing job
and we're gonna find out.
Mom... If you don't trust him,
why are you moving in with him?
I don't have time to explain adult relationships to you.
Oh, duck down.
I think you lost him. - He's six cars up.
We have to stay back or he'll see us.
Ok, great, but we can't see him either.
I got tell you mom, you're not great at this.
Yeah? When your father was cheating on me
I used to follow him all the time.
I know my stuff.
There he is.
What's Mike doing? Who's that he's pulling up to?
I don't know but I'm gonna find out.
Wait here.
And lock the doors.
What the hell are you up to? Oh, my god.
Bye.
Was that your wife?
If it was my wife, would I be here with you?
It wasn't Mike, was it? - No.
No, it wasn't.
They're charging you with a hate crime?
Do you remember when our cable guy was beaten up?
That was me.
I thought you were cheating with him.
With our gay cable guy?
I didn't know he was gay.
I didn't know Justin was either.
Now the cops think I'm some kind of serial gay basher.
Well, you sort of are. - You provoked me!
You were pretending to have an affair just to punish me.
Well, obviously.
So now I need you to lie again.
I need you to tell the cops you were having an affair
and that I just beat up the wrong guy.
Guys.
I am not lying for you, Carlos.
Gabby, if this charge sticks,
I get sent away for eight years.
Am I supposed to be impressed?
Because of your stunt with my birth control pills,
I've lost my freedom for the next 18 years.
Gabby, please don't do this.
Gabby, don't walk away!
Gabby!
Ok, next time I won't bring my daughter
to stalk my boyfriend.
It was a slight error in judgment.
Honey, please don't give me the silent treatment.
I'm not.
Did you say you read this?
Part of it. Why?
Mrs. Huber was blackmailing Zach's mom.
Zach?
What are you doing up?
I couldn't sleep so I was just... sitting here.
Thinking.
About what?
Do you really want to know?
Bree, I'm not feeling too hot right now so just tell me.
What's up?
I was thinking that the biggest mistake of my entire life
was agreeing to marry you.
Let me guess. I've done something wrong.
Forcing me to share in your depraved pastime wasn't bad enough,
you had to share my humiliation with your co-workers?
What? - Rex.
Everybody is talking about our sex life.
Every sordid little detail,
right down to that box of perversions you keep in the closet.
I never said anything to anyone.
I swear to god.
You're a liar. - Who told you this?
Doesn't matter.
It does matter. Because I never said anything.
How do people know? Because we both know that I wouldn't say anything.
Why would I tell people about what we do in bed?
I don't know, Rex.
Maybe you were bragging.
Or maybe you just subconsciously wanted to hurt me.
Well, congratulations. You did it.
I am officially destroyed.
I didn't say anything. - I don't believe you.
Rex? What? What is it?
I think I'm having a heart attack.
No, you're not.
Bree, you're gonna have to take me to the hospital.
All right. You go downstairs
and um... I will be... I'll be right there.
Daddy? What are you doing?
I'm waiting for your mother
to take me to the emergency room.
What's wrong? - I'm having a heart attack.
Oh, my god. Where is she?
That's a good question.
Daddy says he's having a heart attack.
I know. I'm going to take him to the hospital.
Well, when?
When I finish making the bed.
What?
I never leave the house with an unmade bed. You know that.
But daddy needs to go to the hospital.
There. Now we can go.
Nothing is forever.
And the time comes when we all must say goodbye
to the world we knew.
Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.
Goodbye to those we thought would never abandon us.
And when these changes finally do occur,
when the familiar has departed,
and the unfamiliar has taken its place,
all any of us can really do
is to say hello...
and welcome.
Episode-23
There is a motive to every mystery...
Your body isn't responding to
the medication the way it should.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
...Evidence of every crime...
They're charging you with a hate crime?
I thought you were cheating with him.
With our gay cable guy?
I didn't know he was gay.
I didn't know Justin was either.
...And an answer to every question.
Gabby, the woman killed herself.
Something must have been going on.
All you have to do is take a closer look.
It had a woman in it. She was all chopped up.
And eventually, every secret...
Do you know where Paul Young is?
I know where he'll be on Thursday night.
...will be revealed.
Mary Alice was being blackmailed?
0h, Mary Alice, what did you do?
My name is Mary Alice Young.
And before I died, my life was filled
with love, laughter, friendship,
And sadly, secrets.
The secrets had begun 15 years earlier
when my name was Angela Forrest,
and I was living a life of quiet desperation.
I'd felt it every morning
as I made breakfast for my husband.
If you could stop by the market today? That would be great.
I'm out of shaving cream.
And during the errands I ran in the afternoons...
So Friday's double couple day.
You'll save a bunch if you come on Fridays.
...Even at my work every evening...
What a lovely calendar. Was this taken around here?
No, that's way out in Fairview. I have family there.
Isn't it?
Here, Angela. You can file this.
...To me, each day was gray and meaningless.
And then one night, suddenly...
Hey, Angela. ...
There was color.
Deidre? What are you doing here?
I need some money.
Deidre. Here.
You're using again, aren't you? - No.
I've just got to get some food for my baby.
Some other stuff.
If the baby's hungry, we can go to the market and I'll buy food.
I can shop for my own baby, ok?
Quiet. I can't think.
See this watch? It's worth a lot.
I'll give it to you for 50 bucks.
She's not giving you money. - Do you mind?
Angela, you're the only one at Rehab
who treated me like a person.
Please. Please don't stop now.
I'm sorry.
I'll sell you my baby.
What? - I heard you talking, I know you can't have your own.
It's been killing you. - It's time that you left.
I'm thinking about Dana.
You'll give him a good home.
Ok? He'll be better off.
Shh! Quiet!
Honey.
How much money do you keep in the house?
She has a ten-month-old baby. Where is it?
I don't know. If we'd seen a kid
we certainly wouldn't have left it siting in the middle of a crack house.
If anything happens to that child, I will have your badge.
Just let me do my job, huh?
We'll post an officer at the Junkie's bedside,
If she wakes up we'll let her tell us where she left her kid.
I really do hope you folks will be happy here in Fairview.
Thank you.
And we were.
Wave bye, zach.
Wave bye-bye.
We were as happy as any family could be.
until one night three years later...
When there was a knock at our door.
And I was desperate once again.
It was 5:00 in the morning on Wisteria Lane
when the phone calls started.
Of course, each of them knew something was wrong
from that first ring.
Hello?
After all, It's one of the unwritten rule of suburbia...
Hello?
Don't call the neighbors in the middle of the night
unless the news is bad.
Hello?
And so they came,
with their uncombed hair
And their unmade faces.
They came because
after all these years...
Bree.
...They were no longer just neighbors.
What are you... doing here?
We heard Rex had a heart attack.
How is he?
Um... He's stable.
But they have to put in a pacemaker,
so they're gonna need to operate.
How did you guys know? - Danielle called.
So how are you doing?
We were having a fight when he...
got the heart attack and...
I'm feeling guilty 'cause I should
have gotten him here sooner and...
Honey, the doctors here are great.
He's so young. He's gonna bounce right back.
I'm sure You have nothing to worry about.
You know what? I am so happy
that you guys came here. I really am.
But I am trying really hard to be strong,
so if you keep comforting me...
You're gonna lose it?
Then we won't comfort.
Thank you.
We'll just talk about non-crisis things.
Oh, I know. I found Mrs. Huber's journal
in some of Mike's stuff.
I think she knew Mary Alice's secret
and was blackmailing her.
Yep, that'll do it.
Zachary, come back here, please.
Your father told you he would be gone for a while.
And he said you should let me look after you.
I will be fine by myself. I am not a child.
I know you're not a child,
but I think we should discuss this.
I'm fine. Really.
Why should you fend for yourself
when you can just come home with me?
Let me shoulder the burden. It would really be my pleasure.
Stop! What kind of freak are you? Just leave me alone. Alright.
You are not my mother.
I told you that I am fine.
Now stop acting like my mother and go home.
I wish it were that easy, Zachary,
for your sake,
but it's not.
Your father's not coming back.
He said that he was. - He lied.
I wanted to spare you this,
but your father and I discussed it
And he decided
that he shouldn't come back.
Get your bag and let's go home.
I'm gonna make you some pudding.
What did you do to my dad?
Tell me!
Mrs. Applewhite?
Yes?
Hi. I'm Eddie Britt.
The realtor who helped you buy this house.
Oh! of course. Hi.
Hi. I've been so curious to meet you.
Really? Why?
It's just that I've never sold
a house over the phone before.
You were awfullly brave buying a place site unseen.
Not really.
We could tell from the advertisement it was just what we were looking for.
This is my son, Matthew.
It's nice to meet you, ma'am.
Please, call me Edie.
Ma'am is for middle-aged women.
Like her.
You can call her ma'am any time you want.
So are you two finding everything ok?
Because we didn't do our realtor's walkthrough.
Everything is fine.
Oh, honey. Escrow's closed.
Now I can show you where to put the buckets when the rain comes.
Edie, the house is fine.
But how lovely of you to stop by.
Here is my card.
Call any time you want.
Bye.
People are very friendly in this neighborhood.
Yes. Yes, they are.
Mike, hi, sweetie. I hope the job's going well.
Um... So... I hope you're not mad
but I found Mrs. Huber's journal in your truck
and well, I couldn't exactly not read it, so I did,
and I know all about the blackmail,
so call me, we'll talk.
Love you. Bye.
I haven't heard back and I was getting a little concerned.
The girls and I were talking
and we think maybe Paul Young killed Mrs. Huber
and if he did
maybe he killed your old girlfriend too.
So we should really talk about this,
so call me. I love you. Bye.
I thought the whole point of having a cell phone
was so someone could reach you when they needed to talk.
How can we move forward as a couple if you won't communicate with me?
Mike, I need you to call me back. I mean it.
Love you. Bye.
I'm so sorry for that last phone call.
Um... Let's just say it was the worry talking.
I just really need to talk to you...
Can you hang on? I got another call.
Hello. - Hey, it's me.
Oh, my god! where have you been?
The reception's pretty lousy up here but I got your messages.
I'm really sorry for that last message.
I was just uh... - Stressed out?
Yes, let's call it stressed out.
So how did you get Martha Huber's journal?
Oh, her sister, Mrs. Tillman, gave it to me.
She was helping me with my search.
I just really think we need to give it to the police.
Yeah, absolutely. - Really?
Sure. Yeah. As soon as I get through with this job,
we'll make an appointment with that detective. Copeland.
Great. That's great.
All right. So I'll... see you in a few hours.
Ok. Hurry, though.
I just have a feeling Paul young is in the middle of all of this.
Well, let's not rush to judgment.
What are you doing here? - I'm here to testify for you, Carlos.
Can you take those off? There's no way I'm dressing him.
Gabby, thank god you're doing this.
Beating up a second gay guy looks bad.
Yes, well, Carlos, in some circles,
beating people up at all is frowned upon.
So why did you change your mind?
Well, I'm about to be the mother of your child,
which means a lot of responsibility
and little time for myself.
So if I'm gonna get you out of this mess,
you have to reciprocate.
Ok.
When the baby cries in the middle of night,
you're going to get up, without saying one word.
Doctor's appointments, you're driving.
I'm not putting a car seat in my maserati.
And you will also be on bottle duty.
That means washing, sterilizing and filling.
That way I'll have some semblance of a life
and maybe I won't hate you so much.
All right. There we go.
So we're good?
See you in court. - Hey, gabby.
Aren't we breastfeeding?
Oh, honey, if you can swing that one, more power to you.
Can I buy my own pizza?
You can, honey, if you can pay for it.
That is 19, 19, 19-zip. Bring it.
Just stay here with Penny for a second, ok?
Tom.
Yes! In your face. That is 20-zip. Game. Out.
Tom. What are you doin'?
I'm playing air hockey, what's it look like?
Kevin, you're up.
Well, it's the middle of the day. Shouldn't you be at work?
Mm, no. I quit.
You did not. - Yes.
Yesterday. Told Peterson he could stick it.
Boom! You're not bringing it, Kevin. Bring it.
Could you talk to me for a second? I don't understand.
What? You asked Peterson's wife to
What don't you understand?
Ok.
Ok. Could we go home and talk about this, please?
No, we can't. Serve it up, meat.
You're just gonna stay here and play games all day?
No, I'm going to go and get some ice cream
and then I'm gonna go to the lake,
maybe rent a boat, do whatever I feel like.
God! - Got you!
Tom...
Go home, Lynette. Go home
before I say something I regret. Go home.
All right. You.
You score this next point, you get your bike back.
What are you thinking about?
Oh. Uh... I was just um...
thinking that I need to start spring-cleaning.
You haven't done that yet? - No,
and I need to clean out our rain gutters
and beneath the refrigerator,
and I can't tell you how long it's been
since I replaced the shelf liners so...
You'll finish off with our wedding silver.
How did you know that?
All those years, you didn't think I was paying attention.
But I was.
Do you know why I save it for last?
No.
Because it makes me think of my aunt Fern.
On the day we got married, I told her how happy I was.
She told me that even during bad times
to always remember that the best was yet to come.
So as I polish it,
I think about you and the kids and our life.
And how right she was.
They're gonna operate on me. - I know.
I wanna say some stuff. I mean, just in case...
Rex, you don't have to say anything.
I'm sorry for everything I did.
The moving out, the infidelity, the sex stuff.
It doesn't matter.
From here on in, can we just say that we're even?
Ok. - Thanks.
And for the record,
you are gonna come through this operation just fine.
How can you be so sure?
Because I told you... the best is yet to come.
So I'll see you Sunday. Don't forget to feed Bongo.
Thanks. I'll go do that now.
Go on in the car, sweetie.
I have to talk to your mom real quick.
So you're gonna go live in sin with the plumber slash ex-con?
It's funny you should mention sin.
I think adultery still falls in that category.
I don't like the idea of this guy being around Julie 24/7.
He's a good person.
Mike's cool, dad.
He cares about us a lot and I like having him around.
So don't mess this up.
You heard the girl.
He's still a plumber.
You be a good boy, Bongo.
Or you're gonna go to bed hungry.
Hi, Miss Mayer.
Will you sit down, please?
I'm just gonna go get some water. - I'd rather you didn't.
Don't answer it.
I know you're in there, Susan.
I can see you.
If you don't want to talk to me, fine.
At least have the courtesy to hide.
All right, but don't let her in.
Edie, what a pleasant surprise.
Right. Is Mike home?
Uh... No. He's on a big plumbing job. What's up?
Can I come in? - Why?
I'm warning all the neighbors.
Felicia Tillman was attacked.
She was? - At the Young house.
They just took her away in an ambulance. I'm totally freaked out.
My guys haven't shown up at the job site yet.
I'm over there all alone.
So do you think maybe I could just come in and hang out for a while?
Stick it up my... What?!
Just get the hell out of here.
God, you are such a bitch.
Why?
I asked Mrs. Tillman to tell me
the truth about my father. She did.
What did she say?
Mr. Delfino took my dad away to kill him.
Now I'm gonna kill Mr. Delfino.
You honor,
this whole mess is just a result of my loneliness.
My marriage is a bit strained.
After Carlos was convicted...
No one's been convicted yet, Mrs. Solis.
This is just a grand jury hearing.
Oh, no, I'm talking about his other crime.
Oh. Right.
Go ahead.
Anyways, he was placed under house arrest
and he being the jealous man that he is,
got a little crazy every time I left the house.
He knows how men look at me and...
Well, I didn't exactly ease his mind.
I... falsely led him to believe I was having an affair.
Before Carlos' house arrest,
he was always working and he was never with me.
I thought that
maybe if he believed I was having an affair...
he would realize he loved me.
I know it sounds stupid. I do. I just...
Is there a point to this?
My point is that
Carlos is an angry, jealous Neanderthal.
But he's not a gay-basher.
All right. I've heard enough. Counsel, approach.
I gotta be honest. I don't think we have a hate crime here.
Just so you know, you beat up the wrong guy.
Didn't you think it was strange
that you had the only lawn on Wisteria Lane
that needed to be mowed three times a week?
You are so dead.
You are so dead. - Order!
No! Carlos!
He's doing it again!
For god's sake, somebody stop him!
Stop it!
We will have order! - I'll kill you!
I am going to kill you! - Order!
Please be seated. We will have order.
I'm not trying to justify anything
I don't know how you knew Martha Huber but she ruined lives.
For fun. She destroyed my family.
This isn't about her. - I don't understand.
Walk.
Remember when we first tested you,
your potassium level was a bit high?
Yes. You made me stop eating bananas.
But as we've continued testing, it's kept climbing.
We've now run an entire battery of tests
and your kidney function is fine.
It has to be something you're ingesting.
Let me see.
These numbers can't be right.
Who prepares your meals?
Bree.
I understand you've been having some marital problems.
Wait a minute. - Was there also an incident at a salad bar?
She gave you onions when she knew you were allergic.
That was an accident.
You're getting this potassium from somewhere.
Get out. - Rex...
I mean it.
Get out.
Leave the chart.
I want to read it.
So did you have a fun day?
As a matter of fact, I did.
I probably had the most fun that I have had in a long time.
You know, I didn't tell you to quit.
No. No, no, no.
But you made damn sure
that I'd go nowhere for the next 20 years.
I don't know what to say.
I hear "please forgive me" is popular.
Yes, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.
I didn't want to hurt you.
But I was trying to protect our family.
we never would have seen you.
You would have been travelling all...
Lynette, you're right.
You're right. You're right.
So this is gonna all work out.
What does that mean?
It means that I can use the break.
Yeah.
I think it would be good for you to take some time off.
No, not some time. Full-time.
I'm gonna be a stay-at-home dad.
What the heck? You earn the living for a while.
Tom, that's... crazy.
Why? Why is it crazy?
You and I both know that you're better at the ad game.
And you tell me all the time how hard it is to be a mom.
Well, yes, it is hard. But I love it, too.
I've been doing it for six years
And I haven't complained... The entire time.
Fair enough. Fair enough.
But be honest.
Secretly, you miss the ad game, don't you?
You miss the pressure and the
deadlines and the power lunches.
Or am I wrong?
Maybe you want to sort dirty socks the rest of your life.
We should talk about this seriously
before we make any rash decisions.
I already made the decision. You're going back to work.
Can I at least get you something to eat, Zach?
Maybe a soda. Thanks.
I gotta say, I think you're making a mistake.
Mike couldn't kill anybody.
I mean, this could just be a misunderstanding.
This is not a misunderstanding.
I know you're upset,
but is this what you think your mother would want you doing?
Probably not. - Exactly.
Because she raised you right.
Look, you have been through a lot. You've lost your mom.
You're still carrying around the guilt of
what happened to your baby sister.
I never had a baby sister. - Honey, I know about Dana.
How stupid are you? I'm Dana.
My mother was some junkie.
They stole me and changed my name.
They have been lying to me
my entire life. Everyone lies to me!
My mother, my father, Mrs. Tillman, even Julie.
Do you understand how much that hurts?
Look, Zach.
I know you're upset. Let's just sit down and talk.
Why? So you can lie to me also?
No more talking.
Hello? - Bree, it's Dr. Craig.
I'm at the hospital and I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Rex passed away ten minutes ago.
But his operation is not until tomorrow.
I know. He just didn't make it.
I'm so sorry. We did everything we could.
Bree? - Yes. Of course you did.
Thank you very much for calling.
This is a long way to go to do what you could have done in my back yard.
You're kind of taking your time. Walking a lot.
You sure you know what you're doing?
You ever actually had to kill anyone for real before?
Yeah.
But since you're so tired of walking,
let's just do this here.
I don't expect any favors from you, obviously.
But could you at least do me the
courtesy of telling me why we're here?
You knew Deidre.
And I know what you did to her.
She was just a sad girl with a lot of problems.
She did some terrible, crazy, selfish stuff.
But you tell me what she ever
could have done to deserve death
at the hands of somebody like you.
It's complicated.
It's so... complicated.
And just like that, my husband began sharing my secrets.
You want some carrot, Zachary?
Secrets I had died to protect.
There you go.
We have to get that fence up in the
back yard before the pool's finished.
I know. - I'm serious.
You know kids are drawn to water.
Hello, Angela.
You did a good job covering your tracks.
I had to spend a lot of my father's money hunting you down.
Congratulations. You found us.
You know, I never told the police what happened.
You didn't?
They would have put Dana in foster care.
Or worse, given him to my father.
So I kept our little secret.
Well, we appreciate that.
Anyway, I guess you can see I've gotten myself cleaned up.
Yes, you look lovely.
I'm not the same person you knew back then, Angela.
I'm in a good place now.
You can't have him.
Just because I didn't go to the police before,
doesn't mean I can't do it now.
Zach is our son. - His name is Dana.
If you think I'm giving my baby
to some junkie, you're crazy.
He's not your baby. - Just calm down.
You were always so high and mighty,
looking down on us poor degenerates,
Pretending you wanted to help when all
you really wanted was to feel superior.
You self-righteous bitch. - You're still using.
Go to hell. What are you doing?
Let me see your arm. - I said I'm clean!
Just take it easy. - Where do you think you're going?
I'm getting my son and taking him home.
Paul, stop her. - Please. Come on.
Sit down! - Get your hands off me!
We raised him! we're his parents!
Come on.
Paul!
Don't worry. I'll give him a good home.
Oh, Mary Alice. What did you do?
Mommy?
It's ok, Zach.
Mommy needs to borrow your toy chest.
You go back to sleep, ok?
What are we gonna do?
You said they were pouring the
Concrete for the pool tomorrow?
You can't be serious. - They'll never find her.
We can put her in this. - She won't fit.
Then we'll have to make her fit.
What are you doing? - Checking for track marks.
Deidre had a baby?
Let's get this over with.
It's an odd thing to look back on the world,
to watch those I left behind,
each, in her own way, so brave, so determined,
and so very desperate.
Desperate to venture out,
but afraid of what she'll miss when she goes.
Desperate to get everything she wants,
Even when she's not exactly sure of what that is.
Desperate for life to be perfect again,
although she realizes it never really was.
Desperate for a better future,
if she can find a way to escape her past.
I not only watch, I cheer them on,
these amazing women.
I hope so much they'll find what they're looking for.
But I know not all of them will.
Sadly...
That's just not the way life works.
Not everyone gets a happy ending.